Need help convincing wife to join in weight loss/fitness
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Your wife just may not be ready yet, I have the same issues with my husband. My biggest downfall is when he eats something I really like and know I shouldn't have. I often cave in to this and my weight suffers for it. Whatever you do, don't rub in your successes. She will join you when she is ready to commit. I know that's not what you want to hear but I have to agree, it's like getting a smoker to quit before they are ready. Not Happening! Good luck on your health and fitness journey.0
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I agree with everyone else, esp coming from the other side. When someone else is pushing you to lose weight/get healthy, it makes you feel lousy, like there's something wrong with you or that you are inadequate. And then you just get angry and pissed off with them. It's a lose-lose situation.0
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Her decision. She'll get on board when she's ready, not because you're ready for her to jump on board.
The more you rub it in her face (unintentional, I'm sure) about how much you've lost, the longer it will take
her to joining you on YOUR journey.0 -
Unfortunately there is nothing you can do to get her on board until she decides she wants it badly enough. I went through the same thing with my ex, I tried everything - cooked, bought him workout videos, etc....He just had no interest and it made me feel worse and worse that I couldn't get him on board. We ended up breaking up because losing weight gave me the confidence I needed to get out of a bad relationship and never look back.
Keep doing what you are doing for yourself. It's great that you are so committed and you should be acknowledged for your accomplishments. It's not easy and every little bit counts. Take care of yourself and do what you need to do for yourself. If and when she is ready to get on board, she will
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Thanks for all the feedback, although it wasn't what I was hoping for... but I guess that's all part of the game of changing lifestyles.
Good comments about not revealing my losses, I hadn't thought about what it may have been making her feel.
I'll just keep on leading by example, and hope that she'll decide to join in someday.
And I'll definitely have to chat with her about her trying to be more supportive, or at a minimum not poo-pooing my progress.0 -
Calorie counting and food logging is not for everyone. Many of my friends go to weight watchers meetings or slimming world. I think they are a con when this site offers you the same support if not more for free but they all swear by it, and who am i to judge. Starting a weight loss journey when your over weight its very daunting as most here will know. She will do it when she is ready. In the mean time the better you do the more you will inspire her to take the 1st steps.
You can lead a horse to water but, you cannot make it drink. Show her the tools and when she is ready she will use them 0 -
I don't think there is any way to get her to exercise per say but I do believe you can help make the change.
Be the best husband you can be to her.
Pay her compliments frequently and appreciate every little things she does. Say thank you a lot.
Tell her she's beautiful and encourage her to pretty herself. Make yourself as handsome as you can for her.
Instead of trying to get her to workout; get her going on a walk with you or out somewhere and both dress up a little.
Continue your active lifestyle with discipline, this will make it look easy but never endorse your workouts to her. Her exercises are different and she needs to find them herself. Plus if you rant about your workouts she might feel worse about herself and you'll undo your progress.
I'm no expert but that my best shot at tips for you.0 -
There is no way you can convince her, and if anything trying to do so will just irritate her further.
The most I would do, if anything at all, is sit down and tell her that you really want her to join you on this life style change and you'll do whatever you can to help her if she chooses to do so.0 -
The best thing you can do is to continue with what you are doing for yourself, setting an example WITHOUT being showy about it. No "see, honey, I can do it and you could too" or anything.
Offer to share some of whatever healthy food you are eating, or make a meal for the two of you that is healthy that she will like. Again, NOT saying, "Why don't I make us a nice healthy meal so you can see how nice it is." Something like, "I want to make dinner tonight, so you can put your feet up and relax. You deserve a break," would be better.
If you keep telling her she should join you, no good will come of that.0 -
When she sees other women taking notice of you, chances are she will get jealous. Jealousy is a mean motivator.
Just my thoughts on the matter.0 -
Small steps - if you go out biking, ask if she wants to come with - make it an opportunity for a "together" activity, NOT simply a "workout". You will probably have to choose between doing a 'lighter' activity that you both can do, or a workout that you would do on your own. Same with food - Make dinner for both of you (if you don't already) of yummy healthy recipes. But don't lecture if she is resistant, or wants to eat something else. Small steps over time can lead to a big lifestyle change, but like anything else it will probably involve compromise and time.0
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If the horse is blind you must bring the water to its lips.0
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Don't.
When she gets ready she will...you did! Just continue to love on her even the more!!!0 -
I completely agree with everybody else.
When I first started changing my eating and exercise habits my boyfriend was supportive and had interested in doing the same (similar to your wife) but couldn't seem to figure out where to start at, so he just ate whatever he wanted and didn't change anything.
About two or so weeks after I began dropping weight fairly quickly he took interest and we began going to the gym together on weekends and supporting eachother. This motivated him a lot. He then found a friend to go to the gym with during the week, while I work out during the week separately (we work opposite shifts).
It was COMPLETELY his choice. I didn't want to go through all of these changes alone, but I certainly didn't push him into changing with me.
The best advice I can give you is give your wife a starting point. Show her how easy it is (using MFP, working out together, etc.) and see if she shows interest. If not, let it go and maybe she will come around eventually. 0 -
Ok I am with the *don't* people...however...
Try making her dinner. Your way...with her in mind (no mushrooms if she hates them, for instance).
And ask for her support...like going with you on a walk because you would rather not go alone.
Don't try to make her get healthy, ask for her help so you can get in better shape - for her.
I did this with my husband for a while, and then all of a sudden he jumped on board. Lost 40 pounds before me. LOL So wrong. But he was surprised to find out he liked it...and I tricked him cuz I said I desperately wanted help to look better for him. 0 -
She's not ready yet. When she is, she will jump on board, but until then, there is little you can do that you aren't already doing. Maybe it would be better to not mention your loss, though. Just let her see it for herself. Some people are motivated to do things when it's THEIR idea rather than someone else's. I speak from experience. Hubby and I have rarely been healthy at the same time. It's usually one or the other of us trying at any given time. When I'm ready, I do it, and when he's ready, he does it. This time, we are doing it together, but only because we just both happened to be ready at the same time. It's nice, but in the real world, it doesn't always work out that way. Good luck!0
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Hi there.
The more you try the more she'll rebel against it. I joined myfitnesspal to support my client who uses this to track her food and exercise daily. I am a health coach and have my Master's of Public Health in Health Promotion. I am trained in behavior change theory and practice, AKA moving people from the exact stage your wife is in to slowly but surely deciding for herself that pursuing a healthy lifestyle is what she wants. It has to come from her. She has to be ready, willing and able to do it. Maybe what you're doing doesn't interest her, maybe she doubts her physical capabilities, maybe she's willing but doesn't know where to start because its overwhelming. These are huge barriers for people. And that is where I can help specifically. I help people uncover what exactly it is that is keeping them from change.
The posts from this group are dead on. You can't push her into it.
I can help with smoking cessation, stress management, physical activity, nutrition etc.,
The issue is getting her to take that first step. If you'd like to give me call I can help use some specific techniques that will help to get her thinking about it without you sounding pushy. Send me note if you are interested. I always do free consultations. I believe thinking about starting a healthy lifestyle shouldn't cost a dime.0 -
My husband just does not want to lose weight or work out, or anything healthy for that matter. I have asked for years. I am tired of asking.0
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The best thing you can do is to continue with what you are doing for yourself, setting an example WITHOUT being showy about it. No "see, honey, I can do it and you could too" or anything.
Offer to share some of whatever healthy food you are eating, or make a meal for the two of you that is healthy that she will like. Again, NOT saying, "Why don't I make us a nice healthy meal so you can see how nice it is." Something like, "I want to make dinner tonight, so you can put your feet up and relax. You deserve a break," would be better.
If you keep telling her she should join you, no good will come of that.
This. If you are making dinner, you get to choose what to make, so choose something healthy. But as soon as you turn it into a "look see how good I am and how bad you are" contest, you lose.0 -
Don't say anymore about it. People hate being reminded about their own downfalls. When she is ready and willing, that's when she'll do it.Hi all,
Just wondering if anyone has any suggestions on how I can get my wife to join me on my weight loss and fitness lifestyle adjustment.
I started mine in May 2012, and I was hoping to lead by example and that she would join in once she started seeing my results. Unluckily, my loss and fitness lifestyle change has added animosity (hostility) towards me for doing something about my weight. She gets annoyed when I'm logging my food intake and my exercising. She rolls her eyes anytime I bring up how much I've lost ("Lost 2 pounds this week...", etc) She says that she wants to do something, but that's about as far as it goes.
Any suggestions?
Old saying "A person convinced against their will, is of the same opinion still."
A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 28+ years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition0 -
This article is pretty helpful with this topic. Bascially you can't make her go, she has to go when she's ready (I have the same problem with my spouse)
http://www.heandsheeatclean.com/2012/07/winning-over-your-significant-other.html0 -
I agree with all others DONT.
Keep doing what your doing. My husband started before me and I was like Nope aint doing it. After a couple of months I saw him getting fitter and I was like I need to do something. He never tried to get me to lose with him, but he did always offer for me to workout with him. He would say that he has more fun with me or that he likes having me around. He was very sweet. Finally one day I decided to try to lose and went with him. We had so much fun that now those are like our date night out! I would suggest offering to include her, but never for her to lose weight. Women take offense to suggestions that they need to lose weight.
Good Luck!0 -
Since I have been losing weight my mom has been the same way towards me as your wife with you. The reason for the hostility is because deep down she does want to be healthier but doesn't want to sacrifice her current lifestyle and eating habits.
I have learned that you have to want it for yourself bad enough to do something about it. I wish I could say that there was something that you could say or do for your wife to make her motivated but the truth is, if she isn't motivated by your success so far then I don't think you will be able to convince her!
I wish you the best of luck with your dilema and congrats to you on your new healthy lifestyle!0 -
Hi all,
Just wondering if anyone has any suggestions on how I can get my wife to join me on my weight loss and fitness lifestyle adjustment.
Don't.
It's like trying to get smokers to quit. If they want to, they'll do it. It's a personal journey people have to decide to take on their own. Like they say."You can lead a horse to water but you can't make it drink."
Making someone lose weight or do something they really don't want to do is ill advised and just about impossible. Forget it, concentrate on yourself. If she decides she wants to do something, like really wants to do something. Then let her find her own way and take her own weight loss journey.
I love this!!! My husband is the same way he wants me to do great but he complains about his own body weight but he won't push himself to do better. No matter how much I try to encourage him.. It has to be a want and willing to put in the work for urself !0 -
I'm getting the same animosity from the OH, not about my weight loss journey as i dont bring it up in convo, nor do i EVER mention that she could do with losing a pound or two herself, but the fact that i do quite a bit of cycling is what really grips her ****.
I do my best to minimize the impact it has on family life, i will get up early to cycle to work whenever i can (mainly weather permitting) and i go with a few friends for around 3-4hrs on a Sunday morning, again i try to get out early so i'm back at a reasonable time. Recently as the weather has been ever so slightly drier i am biking to work more often, but the only drawback of this is i am back home approx 45mins later than if i drove to work, then she has a go at me because i cycle to work and get home a little later than normal! And if i do manage to get a few rides to work in the week she will then have a go at me for wanting to get out on a Sunday morning ride with some friends. She has absolutely no interest in getting fit or healthy herself and i think she wants me to join her in the morgue in a couple of years. :mad:0 -
Just leave her alone and don't tell her anything about your weight loss.........sometimes those who are unhappy with they way they are and just can't bring themselves to change, will do everything and anything to those who are doing.......its her body and as much as you love her, she has to do it for herself when she is ready........:bigsmile:0
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I agree with everyone who says "don't". Also spare her all the details on what your doing and your accomplishments. Let your results speak for themselves, and eventually she'll come around. When that happens, don't bombard her with all this fitness & diet info. Support her & answer her questions.
Some things that worked on others were taking on more food/cooking responsibilities around the house - weight loss starts in the kitchen. Take charge and make a couple of tasty & health meals once or twice a week. She'll appreciate your efforts and it'll start the process for her0 -
Best you can do is lead by example, but unfortunately there is nothing you can do to get her to join you if she is not ready for it... Trust me I know to well, my wife and family tried for a decade to get me to wake up and realize what I was doing to myself and how important it was to get my health figured out... Every time they came at me I pushed back twice as hard cause I didn't have a problem, they did... Well 10 years went by and the light finally came on and now (except for my wife) some of those same family members are heading right down the road they tried to get me off of... and they have seen the amount of work it has taken for me to regain control of my life and yet they still don't get it... But I know to well I can not change their ways...... Best of Luck....0
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I think you have heard the same advice over and over again. I am just concerned about the pure animosity she has towards you about this. I'd be concerned that there was some deep-seeded thing in there that is really bothering her and she hasn't communicated it.
I have lost a few pounds, so far, and my husband hasn't changed his ways at all. I don't ride him about it because I know it won't do any good. I sat around for years saying that I needed to lose weight but knew the discipline, time, and commitment it would take (I've lost it before so I REALLY knew). One day, something clicked and I just went at it full force. Although my husband doesn't participate in any exercise or counting calories, he is very supportive of me doing it. I do hope that my example will make that *thing* click in his head and make him want to do it too. Either way, he isn't trying to sabotage my efforts. He compliments me all the time. I guess this is why I am looking at your situation more than just the surface level animosity because, as your wife, she should want you to be the best you can be.0 -
You've already received some great advice, but i'm going to chip in a little I have the same problem, except my husband is encouraging of what i'm doing, but resistant to coming along for the ride with me lol. He thinks he can become healthy by not eating all day long, then binging late at night on unhealthy food. I have tried to speak to him, and even suggested i make him breakfast and lunch similar to what i'm having (we already share the same dinner). It's in one ear and out the other. I've just forgot about trying to get him to do anything, and focusing on myself and my journey. Sounds like you should do the same
Oh and i should mention that the only reason i'd like him to come along and do it with me is because i'd enjoy his company, input, and frankly the late night binging is hard on my resolve.0
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