I'd rather stay home than let them see how fat I am

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ItsFinallyHappening
ItsFinallyHappening Posts: 65 Member
in Motivation and Support
Why is it easier for me to decline invites than attend and let them see how much weight I've gained? Today I will attend a party where I will see people I haven't seen in a couple of years. They are nice enough people - friends of friends.

My natural instinct is to decline the invite. I'd rather not go than have to show up at 298 lbs. I look like crap and feel like crap.

I'm ONLY attending because my husband wants to and his social life has deteriorated significantly as I keep declining invites and hole myself up with a good book while eating non stop. I feel bad for him so I am forcing myself to put on a smile (and some big *kitten* clothes) and attend. I am dreading it, I feel like I have nothing to say to them.

Ok, here I go, lets get on with the day, get it started and get it over with. Hopefully it wont be as bad as I am imaging it. I don't think everyone will drop their plates, have their mouths drop open in horror as I waddle in the door. I've always been overweight, but not 298.
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Replies

  • ColoradoRobin
    ColoradoRobin Posts: 510 Member
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    Try to not worry about what other people think. If they are good people, they will soon stop noticing your weight, and just accept you as you. I know it's tough to just give over worrying about it, but self confidence will make you more attractive at any weight. You deserve to have a great social life and be with your friends! Trust in yourself and don't let your doubts limit your ability to live your life!
  • jzammetti
    jzammetti Posts: 1,956 Member
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    Take today's outing as your "before" photo - when you get to your goal make sure you go see those people again - it will be an amazing confidence boost!
  • 126siany
    126siany Posts: 1,386 Member
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    I think almost everyone here can relate to feeling this way at one time or another. So you're definitely not alone in that.

    Good for you that you decided to go! It's almost never as bad as we imagine it. Most people are far too busy worrying about themselves to worry about us. Just keep them talking about themselves and they'll be thrilled to see you! And your husband is pleased to have you on his arm!:flowerforyou:
  • randysbombshellgirl
    randysbombshellgirl Posts: 338 Member
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    We can all relate to what you are feeling. A journey of a thousand miles begins with one step. It may seem overwhelming. right now but look to Mfp for inspiration you will find ut. Today just hold your head up high and enjoy your time with hubby.
  • ItsFinallyHappening
    ItsFinallyHappening Posts: 65 Member
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    Thank you everyone! I'm grateful for the encouraging words. I'm wiping the tears away and going to go get this over with. I'm sure you are all right - it won't be as bad as I think.
  • ItsFinallyHappening
    ItsFinallyHappening Posts: 65 Member
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    Take today's outing as your "before" photo - when you get to your goal make sure you go see those people again - it will be an amazing confidence boost!

    GREAT IDEA!!
  • Raylea00
    Raylea00 Posts: 37
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    I definitely agree with ColoradoRobin, accept yourself. I have definitely been in your situation before, so I understand. My fear has always been is someone saying, "why is he with her". But I have realized we all, skinny or fluffy, have insecurities. So as long as you walk with your head held high, maintain a great personality and exude confidence, those people will look less at your size and more at the kind of person you really are. Those who judge by size are not worth wasting energy on anyways. Look at today as the last time these people will see you where you are today and can witness the beginning of your journey. Keep your chin up! :)
  • sherisse69
    sherisse69 Posts: 795 Member
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    Hey! I have been there so many times over the years. I feel your pain. My best advise, is to really try and put yourself out there. I learned, time and time again, my FRIENDS - THE TRUE ONES - were always just happy to see me, looking to have a great night. No judgement. It is soley in our heads that everyone is judging us constantly. Go out, have fun, and try not to stress. Staying home in our own "self pity and embarrassment (my thoughts in my head)" only leads to more destructive behaviour.

    Add me if you like. We can support and motivate each other, and try to talk each other out of stressful mind games that we play on ourselves, when the need is there!

    Best of luck! Keep smiling - and get your butt to the PARTY! :D
  • Sarah_Wins
    Sarah_Wins Posts: 936 Member
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    I completely get this. I've spent most of my adult life avoiding social situations, and now that I'm out of my cocoon, I feel like I've missed out on so much!!

    Once you get a few more lbs off, you'll notice a difference in your attitude and confidence, and it will only skyrocket from there. Use it as another form of motivation!
  • Irish_eyes75
    Irish_eyes75 Posts: 475
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    I can totally relate to this. I am already dreading Christmas and that's months away and I'll probably (hopefully) be down 30lbs by then.
  • GuruOnAMountain
    GuruOnAMountain Posts: 489 Member
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    *raises hand* I've been there, too. I've been there trying on outfits in front of the mirror, every one of them making me look huge and just not wanting to go but life is too short. You are on this site making changes to your body and your lifestyle and so you might be 298 at this moment but it is only temporary and you WONT be there this time next year, or even next month.

    So go, have fun, spend time with your other half and smile knowing that this is the last party you'll ever go to at that weight. :)
  • autumnk921
    autumnk921 Posts: 1,376 Member
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    I am so glad to see this topic....I am the same way. I avoid phone calls from old friends b/c I know they want to meet up or go out & I am so ashamed of the way I look now that I would rather stay in the house...I am wasting my life away I know, but I know once I lose this weight I will start getting out again. But there are times when I HAVE TO GET OUT for different reasons & once I get out there I am usually fine & don't stress, it's just while I am home that I try to get out of going anywhere but once I get there (if ever) it's not so bad!! :happy:

    Enough of my pity party...Sorry, just had to get that off my chest. To the OP - I really DO think that you should get out there with your husband & have a great time. He loves you just the way you are & that is really what matters. IMHO.

    So get out there & have fun mingling & like one person above said - take a photo & that can be your motivation & the next time you see them you will be a slimmer & more confident you!!!:flowerforyou:

    ETA: Even though the comments aren't meant for me, just reading them makes me feel better about trying to get out more & I am sure it helps the OP as well!!! :)
  • McMehu
    McMehu Posts: 103 Member
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    I'm sorry!
    I felt the same way this summer. I was invited to a wedding of a friend I havent seen in a few years and I gained like 40 pounds...I considered skipping. I spent like 2 whole days in stores looking for something slimming. When I went there people said they didnt recognize me and that I looked "different".

    Grr.
  • Restybaby2012
    Restybaby2012 Posts: 568 Member
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    First off..........what other people think about us is none of our business. They'll always find something about one another that they dont like and usually the one who isnt present is the one that gets talked about

    ........and none of us is so almighty important in the grand scheme of things that we should think for even one minute that "they're all" talking about us or whispering about us. Most times others dont even notice.


    go
    have fun
    .............and remember this day and how crappy you feel and let THAT be the motivation you need to fix the issue
  • jroselive2012
    jroselive2012 Posts: 129
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    Take today's outing as your "before" photo - when you get to your goal make sure you go see those people again - it will be an amazing confidence boost!

    ^^^^good idea
  • julimonster
    julimonster Posts: 243 Member
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    We can all relate to what you are feeling. A journey of a thousand miles begins with one step. It may seem overwhelming. right now but look to Mfp for inspiration you will find ut. Today just hold your head up high and enjoy your time with hubby.

    Exactly, if today is the day you begin then hats off to you, and welcome!
  • jlzslp1
    jlzslp1 Posts: 4
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    I am supposed to go with my husband to an event tonight that I was dreading, and these are people I have never met, much less ones I knew when I was thinner! I'm inspired by your attitude, and will stand a little straighter when I go tonight. Thank you!
  • AlphamaleBAMF
    AlphamaleBAMF Posts: 373 Member
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    My natural instinct is to decline the invite. I'd rather not go than have to show up at 298 lbs. I look like crap and feel like crap.

    I used to be like that.
  • MrsBlobs
    MrsBlobs Posts: 310 Member
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    I've been there and it becomes a very negative cycle - you feel bad, so withdraw which makes you feel worse, eat to comfort and then continue to feel worse, the weight piles on...and round and round it goes.

    As well as seeing today as your before, see it as breaking the cycle!
  • ccadroz93
    ccadroz93 Posts: 136 Member
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    You are the only person that can change what you are eating and what you are doing. You joined MFP 8 months ago....what have you been doing? Its always difficult to get going at first, but beating yourself up on the message boards doesn't help you any; it sounds more like you are looking for attention. Make a decision and get moving! You CAN do it! The alternative is living like you are living now which doesn't sound like much fun......

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