My boyfriend isn't supportive

losin_it049
losin_it049 Posts: 47
in Health and Weight Loss
My boyfriend seems to go out of his way to discourage me. He does most of the cooking and makes sure he makes things that he knows i shouldn't be eating. If I say I will make myself something else he gets upset. Whenever I get ready to go for a walk he tells me he wants to go with me but he is not ready to go then that we will go later but of course he is never ready to go. But yet he oogles over all the woman with the nice bodies. It makes me mad but if I argue back we would be fighting all the time. Through the week I work so at least I can do my own lunches and walk during my lunch break. I also walk to work if I can sneak out before he wakes up. It is very frustrating but I am determined to do this with or without his support.
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Replies

  • CrystalDreams
    CrystalDreams Posts: 418 Member
    Hes is probably insecure and afraid that when you lose weight you're going to leave him because you will be one of the "skinny hot girls" and you will have new self esteem. Or he is a jerkwad.
  • relucas81
    relucas81 Posts: 76
    Seems like the most important weight you need to lose is HIM
  • LoyalAngel16
    LoyalAngel16 Posts: 186 Member
    Maybe he is afraid of you losing weight and losing you. Try to sit down with him and talk to him. Let him know that him not supporting you is hurting you.
  • Keightisgr8
    Keightisgr8 Posts: 121 Member
    Seems like the most important weight you need to lose is HIM

    ^ This so hard.
  • 126siany
    126siany Posts: 1,386 Member
    I was going to say that the idea of you losing weight scares him. Many men are terrified that once a woman drops the excess weight, she'll leave him.

    But then I saw that you said you have to "sneak out" to exercise. That sent up HUGE red flags that you are in some sort of abusive relationship (whether or not you realize that's the case).

    Why are you in this relationship? What else has he already taken away from you?
  • DL717
    DL717 Posts: 31
    To be blunt. If you have to "sneak out" to do anything, regardless if it's exercising, you have bigger issues in your relationship than him not being supportive. I've heard that sometimes significant others will get insecure about the relationship with the person that is losing weight. Sometimes they think you're doing it to improve your looks, and possibly leave them. But this sounds more like a control issue, with him. That being said, I am not a professional in any relationship/therapy field. Just giving you an opinion, based on my life experiences. Good luck with everything!
  • Lesa_Sass
    Lesa_Sass Posts: 2,213 Member
    Well, I am sure you knew you were going to get a hundred of these when you posted this but I say make him an ex and find someone new that will not only support you, but show you respect as well.

    I have been happily married for 11 years and with him for 14. We get along so well because we are so supportive of each other and spend a great deal of time together doing things like going for along walk, bike ride or a canoe trip down the river for fun.

    Anyone that would be mad at you for wanting to make your own choices is a control freak and you will be better off with out them.

    I promise you that in 10 years you will wished you had listened instead of trying to figure out how to leave a controlling a hole with 2 kids and a dog.

    There ARE men out there that want a woman like you, you just have to LOVE YOURSELF ENOUGH to go out there and find him.
  • cheerforsteelers
    cheerforsteelers Posts: 686 Member
    Sounds like a jerk. I would get rid of that one so fast.
  • tundeke
    tundeke Posts: 80
    Dump him. Do you really need a selfish git in your life?
  • _Wits_
    _Wits_ Posts: 1,286 Member
    If he really wants to go for walks with you, he'll get ready. If he isn't ready in 5 mins, go without him...he'll eventually catch the hint after you say "Ok buh bye" and go on your own.

    As far as the food part, what kind of things is he cooking? It's my personal opinion that no food is off limits unless you have a health reason to avoid it. Make it very clear things you can have now and then and what kind of foods you want to have a majority of the time. Eat something else and he gets mad? SO WHAT?! He's just being a baby and wanting to get his way. Keep at it, he'll either give in and realize how serious you are or you'll be quite sure that he's just doesn't respect your decision to get healthy.

    Either way, you have to have a serious talk with him. You may have to do it more than once...not sure how long you've been together and how the rest of your relationship is but just these actions aren't enough to say "Oh you'd be better without him". Seems there is something more to it.

    Good luck!
  • Lesa_Sass
    Lesa_Sass Posts: 2,213 Member
    Holy cow, you are 49 years old! I assumed you were a teenager by your post.

    You are a grown up, empower yourself and tell the jerkface to hit the road. After all, isnt that grandbaby enough to wanna be fit and play with? Yeah, you do exactly what you would want one of your children to do........simple as that.
  • postrockandcats
    postrockandcats Posts: 1,145 Member
    I was going to say that maybe he is feeling nervous about you loosing weight, but then you said you have to sneak out to work out. I don't know a thing about your relationship, but if you have to sneak around to do something, then there's something not right about the situation. If this isn't a good mental situation, the physical won't matter. Evaluate where you are and if this man is worth it. You are important, too.
  • BarbBlue
    BarbBlue Posts: 251
    I think he is insecure and is afraid if you lose weight, you will leave him. Have a conversation with him. See if that is the case or if he is just being a jerk.
  • Dsnyfrk921
    Dsnyfrk921 Posts: 64 Member
    Hes is probably insecure and afraid that when you lose weight you're going to leave him because you will be one of the "skinny hot girls" and you will have new self esteem. Or he is a jerkwad.

    This!! lol
  • AmandaInGA
    AmandaInGA Posts: 122 Member
    he seems very passive aggressive to me.. If I were you, I would start cooking for myself and when YOU are ready to go for a walk, then go. If he says he wants to go with you but he is not ready, then start without him and tell him he can catch up to you when he is finally ready to go (don't count on this)... also, once you finally start asserting yourself like this, he will not be happy at all.. but what is more important to you, a man that clearly doesn't support your decision to get healthier and extend your life, or getting healthier so you can do so many other things and lead a healthy life? I think his main problem is, he doesn't want you to get healthier and more fit because once you do, you may realize that you can do so much better than him.

    think about it.
  • Dave198lbs
    Dave198lbs Posts: 8,810 Member
    . Have a conversation with him.
  • vzucco
    vzucco Posts: 229
    Why would any person tolerate that kind of behavior from a partner? You deserve better!
  • laurenw1992
    laurenw1992 Posts: 62
    I know my boyfriend worries if i lose a lot of weight i'll have guys lining up to be with me. Perhaps he's worried you're trying to lose weight for someone else, as if you're having an affair. Men get paranoid even if they won't admit it!

    It might be worth sitting him down and talking to him, get him to tell you whats bothering him. He might have a reasonable explanation for his behavior.

    Even if it turns out he doesn't support you just because, you don't need him to be there. If you're determined enough to do it yourself, then I say go for it!
  • penniemh
    penniemh Posts: 124 Member
    Well, I am sure you knew you were going to get a hundred of these when you posted this but I say make him an ex and find someone new that will not only support you, but show you respect as well.

    I have been happily married for 11 years and with him for 14. We get along so well because we are so supportive of each other and spend a great deal of time together doing things like going for along walk, bike ride or a canoe trip down the river for fun.

    Anyone that would be mad at you for wanting to make your own choices is a control freak and you will be better off with out them.

    I promise you that in 10 years you will wished you had listened instead of trying to figure out how to leave a controlling a hole with 2 kids and a dog.

    There ARE men out there that want a woman like you, you just have to LOVE YOURSELF ENOUGH to go out there and find him.

    I agree, the guy is a control freak, Lose Him. (I also agree he is probably abusive in some manner as well)
  • dansls1
    dansls1 Posts: 309 Member
    I'm going to take it a step further than most here - I guess you do not have a good relationship with yourself, putting YOU as #1. You need to dump him and learn to be who you are, then find someone who likes you and wants to be with that person, not keep you as something they want.
  • Newf77
    Newf77 Posts: 802 Member
    He does most of the cooking and makes sure he makes things that he knows i shouldn't be eating.
    Does he really know that they are things that you should not be eatting. Sometimes people only know how to cook certain types of foods and are reluctant to try other styles. How about either makeing it a couple time and help out in the kitchen or offer to cook for the both of you a couple times a week.

    Whenever I get ready to go for a walk he tells me he wants to go with me but he is not ready to go.
    Try setting a time, tell him that you are going for a walk at 6pm/after dinner, do not pester him about it or remind him. when the time comes you get-up and go. Do not make a big issue about it, if he his not ready you say I will be back in 30 minutes and go.

    But yet he oogles over all the woman with the nice bodies. He is a living breathing male, sorry some of us have learned to be more discret about it.

    Take a step back, is there a physical activity he likes besides sex? Try and find things you can do together.
  • kiakaha48
    kiakaha48 Posts: 3
    yes dump he he is not worth it. If he is doing this to you imagine what else he might be doing so you don't reach your goal.
  • penniemh
    penniemh Posts: 124 Member
    A PS: when we start getting healthy those around us tend to "feel guilty" about their own unhealthy habits as well, so they "project" their garbage on to us...but still, Lose Him.
  • JeffInBuckeyeNation
    JeffInBuckeyeNation Posts: 91 Member
    I don't mean to sound rude....but get a new boyfriend.

    The most important aspect of a good relationship is mutual respect. He should want you to lose weight because YOU want to lose weight. If he can't support you in something you think is important, then he's not respecting you.
  • BigDaddy1952
    BigDaddy1952 Posts: 1 Member
    Sounds like the easiest way for you to lose a couple of hundred pounds of unneeded weight is to change the locks and put his things out on the porch :-)
  • dmpizza
    dmpizza Posts: 3,321 Member
    He sounds like a control freak that is more interested in things going his way, then things going right.
    From people I know, he will not learn, it will only get worse.

    Sorry for the bad news.
    Best of luck to you.
  • RobynMWilson
    RobynMWilson Posts: 1,540 Member
    I was going to say that the idea of you losing weight scares him. Many men are terrified that once a woman drops the excess weight, she'll leave him.

    But then I saw that you said you have to "sneak out" to exercise. That sent up HUGE red flags that you are in some sort of abusive relationship (whether or not you realize that's the case).

    Why are you in this relationship? What else has he already taken away from you?

    ^^ this is exactly what I was thinking. My ex husband never worked out with me and was insecure about me getting fit but he never once tried to sabotage me and never made me feel like I had to sneak around to work out. We had our problems but he never tried to passively control me.
  • itsjilly
    itsjilly Posts: 40
    Your losing Weight for you!

    So if he isn't supportive, then don't worry about it! Boyfriends come and go, your the only you that you have.

    f my husband wasn't supportive it would be his loss. Losing weight is important to me, and if he doesn't want to participate, then he can sit on the couch eat chips and get fat and be lonely.

    If your BF makes food that you can't eat, just make yourself something else. If he gets mad, its his problem!
  • emilypurplefrog
    emilypurplefrog Posts: 92 Member
    I'm sorry but you shouldn't have to sneak out to get exercise. I think you need to sit him down and talk to him and if the pattern continues after that I suggest leaving him. Break through your fears and cook, even if he gets upset. He needs to see that you are serious about this and maybe if he does he will jump on board eventually. But you can't become a healthy person physically and mentally with someone following you around and trying to manipulate your actions.
  • jendraka
    jendraka Posts: 117 Member
    He seems insecure. I agree with others here that he's probably afraid that as soon as you get in shape that you'll discover you can land better than him and keeping you down insures you stay with him. At least that's probably the logic he's working with. Not the best logic, but insecurity doesn't breed the most logical of thinking. The question is, is this something he knows he is doing or not? You can try to talk to him about it and see if things change. If they don't then you need to reevaluate your relationship itself to see if control is a factor elsewhere. Better to know now.

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