i feel like being confident is selfish... :S

We have identical pasts and I have had to come to terms with the same feelings. It takes time and the realization that you deserve happiness. One day, one step at a time.

Definitely

I have had the worst self esteem for years, due to being emotionally and physically abused for most of my life.
I have decided screw this, I wanna be happy. I wanna be happy with myself and why shouldn't I be, I'm the only me in the world.

But I feel like being confident is selfish... :S how do I get past this feeling?

I understand having issues with self-esteem due to years of abuse. But I'm having difficulty understanding what you mean about confidence being selfish. Could you elaborate a bit or possibly give an example?

I can understand the low self-esteem issues because of your life history; but I don't understand the leap to believing that being confident is selfish. That's a non sequitur if I've ever heard one. Please explain.

Thanks for explaining!

Maybe think of it this way. If you've flown on a plane before, they always tell you to put your own oxygen mask on first so you can then safely assist others in your party. Perhaps that seems like a silly example, but it's a good one!

If you don't take care of yourself, you really can't do anything as effectively as you'd like to. If you aren't healthy in body, mind and spirit, you're always keeping a bit of yourself back, even from the people with whom you feel the closest.

When you look at it that way, you begin to feel that taking care of yourself is a responsibility and actually aids you in helping and supporting those around you.

That is an excellent point. I would also add that those who put down or abuse others do it from a place of low self esteem. Finding ways to build your confidence and happiness is the best way to help yourself and everyone around you. It's the opposite of selfish.

This thread hits home for me. Im actually unconfident in being confident. When it comes to what I know or anything "inside"(emotions, knowledge) I am easily confident, when it comes to my body image or anything along those lines I try to be confident but it seems Im being "fake confident". I pick apart everything about my looks, I have too many freckles, my hair never looks silky enough, my teeth are never white enough, I have jello on my legs, my hips are too wide, I have rolls on my tummy, and the list goes on and on and on and on. I am not sure how anybody else feels, and NO BASHING me please, but I think God can help take away a lot of that, I just have a hard time giving it to him.....

I absolutely understand what you're saying. I've often said that I felt so selfish because I was trying to improve myself. My advice would be - BE SELFISH. You're doing this for you and, when it comes down to it, only you. In this case I'd say it is perfectly fine to be selfish and it's okay to let yourself feel like that.

Just keep growing. Selfish/self-centeredness would have to do with you not caring about anyone else, not reciprocating compliments, not paying things forward, only living and doing for yourself, not putting others first, etc. It has nothing to do with feeling good about your health and your progress. In fact the better you feel and the more confident you are, the more people you are going to draw in to what you are doing. Walk tall and be proud of who you are and what you are doing and invest in other people.

It has a lot to do with entitlement, when you are constantly pushed down it takes its toll and keeps you in "your place". Repetition in this form will cause a feeling of safety by not standing or speaking out.
I'm guessing you get that uneasy feeling every time someone compliments you and want to almost diminish your efforts as if it where nothing.
Being confident is a right, it is not selfish. Unfortunately it doesn't just pop up out of nowhere, sitting around and just going on day by day will not make you confident.
Have you ever heard the saying, "fake it till you make it". Well thats what you've got to do, take some time and write out your goals and imagine how you want to see yourself and act. And then do it, force yourself to act confidently bit by bit. At first it will feel unnatural but the more you act the way you WANT to be the more in alignment you will find yourself feeling, emotionally.

I'd suggest you read the book "7 habits of highly effective people" (dated but the old style I feel helps with the loss of morals in this day of age) as well as "psycho-cybernetics" by Bob Proctor which goes in depth into the psychology behind the way our thoughts and self-image influences the way our sub-conscious brain steers us towards certain goals, good and bad.

Hope that helps, can always msg me if wanna discuss methods