My boyfriend isn't supportive

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  • beekuzz
    beekuzz Posts: 428 Member
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    Lose him first! I married someone unsupportive. BIG MISTAKE. Supportive behavior doesn't grow, it gets worse. Been there, done that and I'd never do it again. Many will give him excuses about being insecure, blah, blah, blah. It's all the same result in the end.

    Good luck.
  • AVinmill
    AVinmill Posts: 88 Member
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    I didn't read all the commends but I love how so many of you automatically default to "just dump him". No wonder the divorce rate is so high, 1 small problem and lets end the relationship. Talking and working out your problems, what a concept. haha morons.
  • ParaSempreAmor11
    ParaSempreAmor11 Posts: 105 Member
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    seems like you guys have more problems in the relationship then just him not being supportive he seems VERY controlling and wants everything his way which is not giving you any type of freedom and if you have to sneak out to work out then just a no hes treating you like a little kid and not letting you do anything to be honest i dont think you should be with him if hes that controlling i mean he doesnt even let you go for a walk... WOW... i would of left him a long time ago by him just being controlling and now hes not being supportive trying to sabotage your weight loss, hes a waste of your time .
  • DangerDiv
    DangerDiv Posts: 62
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    hey, i was in an abusive relationship a long time ago and it started with him controlling me. it looks like he's doing some similar things. more than worried about weight loss, I'd start coming up with a plan to get away from him before things get really really reallllllly bad. <3
  • stagknight
    stagknight Posts: 130 Member
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    The time for talking to this guy is over. Show him the door, this behaviour is not a small problem it is a huge time to end it problem.
  • EricNCSU
    EricNCSU Posts: 699 Member
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    And why is he your boyfriend? Ditch him... NOW.

    Trust me from mans perspective, if he doesn't support you 100%, there's no way he loves you.

    @AVinmill - this is not ONE small problem. This is a breakdown of the very structure of their relationship, in fact their relationship is entirely non-existent so YES she should "just dump him"....
  • beekuzz
    beekuzz Posts: 428 Member
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    Anyone notice the OP 'deactivated' her account(I assume this means deleted)? I'll say that some of the posts were not terribly supportive. I would agree that perhaps the guy mighty be a little controlling, but we do not know the whole story and so dump him is probably a little overboard. Someone commented that she did not ask a question and so maybe she was looking for some encouragement. Additionally, picking on her for having this problem at Herman's age also seemed a bit out of line (certainly not encouraging).

    What was the right thing to say? I am not 100% sure, but I think she may have appreciated more people suggesting how to handle her relational interactions and encouraging her on how to fight through these temptations. I guess I say this to dwell upon for the future. This is a great community with a lot of great people, but sometimes we, myself included, get too absorbed in giving our opinion and miss the help the individuals are looking for.

    Oh, wow. This is a lesson to all of us. I promise to learn to be more supportive.
  • epmck11
    epmck11 Posts: 159 Member
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    If you need to "sneak out" just to walk to work, you need to dump him. You're a 49 year old woman! Take some control over your life. This post really just made me sad that you even have to bring it up here instead of just taking the action yourself to do it.

    If you don't want to dump him yet, at least stand up for yourself:

    - When going for walks, say "No, I'm not going to wait for you to get ready because you take forever and then we don't go, I'm going now."

    - When he makes something for dinner that you can't eat, say "You know damn well I can't eat that, why'd you even make it?" If he makes you feel bad for it, repeat that he knew you wouldn't be able to eat it so he wasted his time making it.

    Just stand up for yourself. Why are you letting him control you? It's sad.
  • ChrisIn757
    ChrisIn757 Posts: 159 Member
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    Seems like the most important weight you need to lose is HIM


    agreed
  • AVinmill
    AVinmill Posts: 88 Member
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    And why is he your boyfriend? Ditch him... NOW.

    Trust me from mans perspective, if he doesn't support you 100%, there's no way he loves you.

    @AVinmill - this is not ONE small problem. This is a breakdown of the very structure of their relationship, in fact their relationship is entirely non-existent so YES she should "just dump him"....

    Oh sure, because you can tell what the entire structure of their relationship is from 5 lines on an internet forum. There is no mention anywhere in that post that says that her boyfriend is even aware that she is trying to watch what she eats. It is highly unlikely that you know anything about either one of them. Buch of armchair psychologists.
  • Lesa_Sass
    Lesa_Sass Posts: 2,213 Member
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    Anyone notice the OP 'deactivated' her account(I assume this means deleted)? I'll say that some of the posts were not terribly supportive. I would agree that perhaps the guy mighty be a little controlling, but we do not know the whole story and so dump him is probably a little overboard. Someone commented that she did not ask a question and so maybe she was looking for some encouragement. Additionally, picking on her for having this problem at Herman's age also seemed a bit out of line (certainly not encouraging).

    What was the right thing to say? I am not 100% sure, but I think she may have appreciated more people suggesting how to handle her relational interactions and encouraging her on how to fight through these temptations. I guess I say this to dwell upon for the future. This is a great community with a lot of great people, but sometimes we, myself included, get too absorbed in giving our opinion and miss the help the individuals are looking for.


    Sorry dear, this is the internet, not group therapy. I am not going to cosign anyones bull crap or be supportive of it, period. My money is on the fact she is scared he would see this thread, or already did, and that is why she deactivated her account.

    When you come to the internet to ask a question about a relationship problem, it is a good idea to understand there is going to be a good range of responses. The thing is, 95 percent of these posts say the same thing, if she can not handle that, that is totally on her.
  • RainHoward
    RainHoward Posts: 1,599 Member
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    And why is he your boyfriend? Ditch him... NOW.

    Trust me from mans perspective, if he doesn't support you 100%, there's no way he loves you.

    @AVinmill - this is not ONE small problem. This is a breakdown of the very structure of their relationship, in fact their relationship is entirely non-existent so YES she should "just dump him"....

    Oh sure, because you can tell what the entire structure of their relationship is from 5 lines on an internet forum. There is no mention anywhere in that post that says that her boyfriend is even aware that she is trying to watch what she eats. It is highly unlikely that you know anything about either one of them. Buch of armchair psychologists.

    It's amazing anyone on here has a weight problem with all the jumping to conclusions so many do. Hope they log the calories burned.
  • moonlightturk
    moonlightturk Posts: 398
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    Ditch the loser.
  • wildcelticrose
    wildcelticrose Posts: 40 Member
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    Yes, he probably is afraid that once you lose the weight you will dump him. (oooh, poor baby)

    The main issue I see here is that he is controlling and manipulating you.

    This sets off many red flags for abusive relationships.

    If you're seriously committed to this guy, then I would recommend getting into some counseling fast (and I mean HE has to go as well or no deal).

    If not, I agree with the previous posters who day to get rid of him; continuing on this way is only going to hurt you.
  • Ddmck1
    Ddmck1 Posts: 89 Member
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    Maybe your desire to lose weight and get healthy is communicating to him that you are unhappy with your life (mainly him). Change is scary for people sometimes maybe you should find ways to remind him that he is one of the permanent things.

    Another thought is misery loves company. If he wants to eat junk food and not exercise he doesn't want you there doing it because it will make him feel guilty... I have some people in my life like that
  • ravenchick
    ravenchick Posts: 345 Member
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    The OP deleted her account...
  • AzhureSnow
    AzhureSnow Posts: 289 Member
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    Seems like the most important weight you need to lose is HIM

    This, definitely this a lot. He's an insecure jerk who is just going to weigh you down in life.
  • AnninStPaul
    AnninStPaul Posts: 1,372 Member
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    GET OUT.
  • maksjo199
    maksjo199 Posts: 13
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    OMGOMGOMG!

    I CAN SOOOOOOOOO RELATE!

    I had a boyfriend who was like this after me losing 54 lbs a while back. He like fattie boombalatties so he'd sneak fatteneing ingredients in our meals without my knowledge....great guy he was too. Maybe yours is the same. I'm sorry but you need to leave him before it gets physical
  • Erindipitous
    Erindipitous Posts: 1,234 Member
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    Lose him.

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