Lost the weight...more lonely than ever
Dahllywood
Posts: 642 Member
Don't really know where to post this, but I feel like I need to tell someone.
I've been at my target weight for quite awhile now, and being as big as I was I figured I would have gotten some more attention with my new figure and confidence. However, I've been single for such a long time, and I just don't know what to do anymore. I've tried talking to women at work, bars, online dating, whatever, and yet I haven't been on a date in 9 months.
I'm just getting really lonely. I feel great physically and I am confident, but I still can't find someone to even get coffee with. It's wearing on me mentally and I don't know where to go or what to do.
I've been at my target weight for quite awhile now, and being as big as I was I figured I would have gotten some more attention with my new figure and confidence. However, I've been single for such a long time, and I just don't know what to do anymore. I've tried talking to women at work, bars, online dating, whatever, and yet I haven't been on a date in 9 months.
I'm just getting really lonely. I feel great physically and I am confident, but I still can't find someone to even get coffee with. It's wearing on me mentally and I don't know where to go or what to do.
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Replies
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keep positive! dont let it get you down, its all about divine timing! it will happen when you least expect it
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That sounds completely frustrating, and I really feel for you.
The thing is, it's not just losing the weight that would help you get a date. If that's what motivated you to lose the weight in the first place, then good for you. But now that you've reached your target and you're not getting the effect you thought you would get, I would suggest that you go past that goal and now look for a different one to reach.
Weight loss does not really equate to finding someone; in fact, if it did, I would be very concerned. After all, if a person goes out with you just because you're now thinner, it would be just as easy for her to stop if you begin gaining weight again (and that's natural!).
So enjoy your singlehood first, Dahllywood. My mother calls it "single blessedness", and as a married woman, I can assure you that there are many good things to singlehood that perhaps you're just not seeing yet. Go out with groups of people, travel if you have the money, paint or sing or dance or cook, and generally just do whatever it is that makes you happy. If you are hinging all your happiness on being with someone then it would be a very difficult basis for a relationship to start with. If you're whole, if you're happy, then you will naturally attract people to your side. If they don't come, then it would still be fine -- you're still happy. It would be a win-win situation.
Good luck and God bless.0 -
It will come when you aren't looking for it or least expect it. Don't force it. Wait for the magic. Don't laugh--it's true!0
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You're young, and cute (heck, I'D date you but I'm old enough to be your grandma..) and you've got a lot of life ahead of you. Don't worry about it or obsess over it. She'll find you when you're not even looking! :flowerforyou:0
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You're a good looking young man and I'm sure you'll find someone. Maybe you can find a group of people with interests similar to yours in order to meet new people, even if it's not dating. Keep your chin up...I didn't meet my husband til the ripe old age of 28 and dated very little before that.0
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Keep flashing that lovely smile of yours, be a great friend to people and it will happen.
Congratulations on reaching your goal.0 -
You're so cute! I don't even know how you aren't getting dates. Just keep at it. There are several different dating sites to try if you want to switch it up. Besides that, hang out with your friends and try not to worry over things so much. It really is great to have someone to share your life with and very hard to wait, but don't worry about it too much. You're young. Things will happen eventually.
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I agree with another poster. Once you stop looking so hard and be happy doing your own thing something will come along. That's how it has always happened for me. Also, don't be afraid to go out on a limb and ask someone out for coffee. It will all come in time. Best of luck to you! I hate to hear that you are lonely and sad. I wouldnt wish that on my worst enemy.0
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Thanks everyone. I'm trying and like some of you said maybe that's the thing, that I just need to let it happen. Easier said than done I believe. I'm not saying that I'm depressed, I am enjoying life and love doing things, but more often than not I find myself wanting to experience things with someone else, other than friends. And that's something that I haven't had the pleasure of in awhile.0
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Hang in there! It will happen....
Do you have any female friends who might give you tips? I always find talking to my guy friends really helpful b/c they know me and how I behave and react so can really give me honest advice about dating, relationships etc....0 -
Heya
A number of your profile pics are with pretty girls! If they're just friends, have you thought about asking one of them out on a date? 0 -
Trust me it is super super super hard to just do that sit by and wait thing. But that, love finds you when you least expect it thing..it's SOOO true. I met my boyfriend playing online video games. No freakin joke. Was not expecting it. I hadn't even pegged him as the "one" until one night all our friends that played the game with us left the skype conversation and it was just me and him left, so we started chatting and we really hit it off and found out we had a ton in common and it just went from there.
I had been on all the dating websites, done all sorts of stuff, nothing worked. Who would have known an online game would have been the spot to find him? If someone told me you will find him playing a video game I would have laughed my butt off.
So keep your chin up, don't let it get you too down, just know when it happens, it's gonna be freakin amazing and totally worth the wait. I can honestly say meeting my boyfriend was an amazing thing because we get along so well and click together so well, it's great! (we've been dating six months and have yet to even have a fight..that's how well we get along and can read each other)0 -
That sounds completely frustrating, and I really feel for you.
The thing is, it's not just losing the weight that would help you get a date. If that's what motivated you to lose the weight in the first place, then good for you. But now that you've reached your target and you're not getting the effect you thought you would get, I would suggest that you go past that goal and now look for a different one to reach.
Weight loss does not really equate to finding someone; in fact, if it did, I would be very concerned. After all, if a person goes out with you just because you're now thinner, it would be just as easy for her to stop if you begin gaining weight again (and that's natural!).
So enjoy your singlehood first, Dahllywood. My mother calls it "single blessedness", and as a married woman, I can assure you that there are many good things to singlehood that perhaps you're just not seeing yet. Go out with groups of people, travel if you have the money, paint or sing or dance or cook, and generally just do whatever it is that makes you happy. If you are hinging all your happiness on being with someone then it would be a very difficult basis for a relationship to start with. If you're whole, if you're happy, then you will naturally attract people to your side. If they don't come, then it would still be fine -- you're still happy. It would be a win-win situation.
Good luck and God bless.
This! I agree with this completely! When your happy with just yourself, you'll attract others to you.0 -
Hang in there. When you stop looking it will happen. I know it sounds cliche but it's true. I think when you stop looking you behave more natural and comfortable and that is attractive. Furthermore, you are adorable and you look great. Take your time and try some meet-ups. Best of luck. If you need a big sister I'm your gal.0
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It will come when you aren't looking for it or least expect it. Don't force it. Wait for the magic. Don't laugh--it's true!
^^^ This is how it happened for me. Pursue other interests in your life and go about as if dating doesn't matter - be open to it, but don't try too hard. Out of nowhere, someone pretty cool may just pop into your life...Good luck! :smooched:0 -
It will come when you aren't looking for it or least expect it. Don't force it. Wait for the magic. Don't laugh--it's true!
I completely agree with this! When I was younger, I tried to force things. Guys were interested in me, until they got to know me. It was a huge bummer, and I felt like people only liked me for my looks. Finally, my aunt gave me "He's Just Not That Into You" and it got me to settle down and just let things take their natural course. I always believed in Love, and I knew it would happen when it was meant to. Not to long after that, I met my husband. We clicked right away and have really never been apart since. About a week after we met he visited a friend in Hawaii, but didn't have a good time there because he just wanted to be with me. We've been married for 4 years, together for 5.
So, just be patient. I know that's hard. But, everything happens when it's meant to.0 -
I think you are trying too hard. Maybe throwing off a vibe that is a bit needy. Fill your life up with people and activity and stop thinking about it. the day it stops bothering you I bet you meet her. BTW, weight never stopped me from meeting women. I used to get alot of "why is she with him" looks. It's really all about confidence and playfulness and other intangibles. Hope that helps.0
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*hug* You're adorable. Love will find you, don't worry.
ETA: I don't mean sit and wait for it to fall in your lap, just that there's someone out there for everyone. Not really advice, more like encouragement.0 -
Try meetup.com. You can join groups with people that have similar interests.0
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That sounds completely frustrating, and I really feel for you.
The thing is, it's not just losing the weight that would help you get a date. If that's what motivated you to lose the weight in the first place, then good for you. But now that you've reached your target and you're not getting the effect you thought you would get, I would suggest that you go past that goal and now look for a different one to reach.
Weight loss does not really equate to finding someone; in fact, if it did, I would be very concerned. After all, if a person goes out with you just because you're now thinner, it would be just as easy for her to stop if you begin gaining weight again (and that's natural!).
So enjoy your singlehood first, Dahllywood. My mother calls it "single blessedness", and as a married woman, I can assure you that there are many good things to singlehood that perhaps you're just not seeing yet. Go out with groups of people, travel if you have the money, paint or sing or dance or cook, and generally just do whatever it is that makes you happy. If you are hinging all your happiness on being with someone then it would be a very difficult basis for a relationship to start with. If you're whole, if you're happy, then you will naturally attract people to your side. If they don't come, then it would still be fine -- you're still happy. It would be a win-win situation.
Good luck and God bless.
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Absolutely love your response.0 -
Without sounding condescending, it should be about your personality and not your looks. Though personally, I reckon you look pretty cute If you're into this kind of thing, maybe try 'playing the scene' - not my thing at all, but you might find one person who you go on a date with/do more with who you'd actually quite like to spend some more time with, and vice versa. Just take the leap, good luck, and well done on reaching your goal. 0
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Keep flashing that lovely smile of yours, be a great friend to people and it will happen.
Congratulations on reaching your goal.
I agree. Really, being a friend first is key. I honestly thought I would never find the right person then one day it happened. I was 33 years old and she was 26 when we got married; we have been together as husband and wife now for 19 years and have never grown tired of one another. When dealing with relationships, it appears that sometimes we stress over being single... When we do we give off a sense of desparation... When that happens, we become less appealing; if we are settled in who we are, then we are more likely to be appealing to our objects of affection; best wishes and congrats on the weight loss.0 -
I understand your dilemma:/ It really sucks having to wait for someone to walk into your life and feeling alone until they do. And I'm right there with ya (kind of, I haven't lost all the weight yet). But even when I feel like I'm forever alone, I try to go out and do what I want to do. I guess what I mean is, you've gotta do what you like and have fun instead of just waiting around to find someone (not that I, myself, manage to follow this all the time). Have fun doing what you're doing and try to stop searching. Searching drives you crazy. Do what you like (preferably with friends or maybe you'll make new friends) and be happy and maybe someone will come into your life.
For example, I was on this trip with a bunch of people and there was this guy I liked on the trip. He was playing basketball with a bunch of other guys, and I felt really awkward and nervous because I really wanted to shoot hoops but none of my other friends were into that. I didn't want to go out alone or for him to think I was weird, but I finally decided "Screw it. I wanna go shoot some hoops." Getting my first three-pointer was way more fun than just waiting around for him to notice me. Whether he noticed me or not, I still don't know, but what mattered was that I had a good time, and I eventually got over him). Plus, when I want to do something now, I'm less anxious about doing it.
I hope that's a good example. Analogies aren't my strong suit. Good luck whatever you do. We're all just trying to be happy.0 -
I share you pain man! If I knew what the answer was I'd be using it myself.0
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Buy a bike. You can ride her anytime you want. She will not complain (unless you break something), she always want's more. Looks great clean, or dirty, and in general will always be there when you need her.
Then you can meet some crazy cool biking chicks to boot.
Mountain, road, doesn't matter. Just keep spinning.0 -
When you stop looking, you will find your perfect someone when you least expect it. I did. :flowerforyou:0
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Hmmm. I was gonna be the bad guy, and state what was obvious to me... But, maybe I'm wrong, so I digress.
If you are confident, happy in who you are, on the right path,healthy and doing what you love... you should have no problem finding "who ever" you are going to meet. It will come...
Just make sure what you're looking for, is what you really want. Good luck 0 -
Don't concentrate so hard on finding a date or a mate. Cultivate hobbies. Horseback ride, rock climb, hang glide, take cooking classes, take sushi making classes -- find something you genuinely like to do -- and do it! It will put you around people with similar interests. Hang out. Make friends. Hang out with your friends. Continue cultivating your hobbies. Take a genuine interest in yourself, and other people will begin to as well.0
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don't stress. just keep hanging out with friends and introduce yourself to people at places you're interested in. my brother met his wife at a karaoke bar. i met my bf of 10 years at a starbucks while hanging out with mutual friends/coworkers. you never know when you'll meet someone so try internet dating, hiking groups, dance lessons (they ALWAYS need more guys), theatre groups always need volunteers and you meet tons of girls there--anything that you'll be around new people and you can learn something new together.0
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your doing fine dont get down about it. Lift your head high and keep smiling 0
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