Lost the weight...more lonely than ever

Don't really know where to post this, but I feel like I need to tell someone.
I've been at my target weight for quite awhile now, and being as big as I was I figured I would have gotten some more attention with my new figure and confidence. However, I've been single for such a long time, and I just don't know what to do anymore. I've tried talking to women at work, bars, online dating, whatever, and yet I haven't been on a date in 9 months.

I'm just getting really lonely. I feel great physically and I am confident, but I still can't find someone to even get coffee with. It's wearing on me mentally and I don't know where to go or what to do.

I understand you dude. Its a part of the process. Do what you can to focus on you. Focus on your career, life goals, and the right woman will come along. Trust me, you definitely dont wanna end up with just anyone and then you are unhappy. Spend time finding yourself and figure out what you like. Go to those type of locations and mingle. But most of all, focus on you. You are young and take the time to get yourself established and work on being patient. Online dating can be very interesting, I actually found my wife online. But it takes patience my friend and knowing what you want. Keep your head up though.

I know how you feel. I found that keep on felling good about yourself and that one luck lady will come. It sucks because it takes forever to found that right person but she will come.

Don't do that - you'll just come across as desperate.

I think this is an unnecessary complication. He need not come across as "desperate" (although note that the OP actually is desperate, as stated) if he follows common sense tips: don't ask the same woman multiple times, don't ask multiple women in front of each other. If the third woman says yes, don't breathe a sigh of relief and say "Good, you were the third I asked today and I was about to meet my goal!"

There are some key corollaries to the this approach I suggested once you consider the above: if you've already asked the women you know who you are interested in, and they have declined, you need to meet new women. If you still struggle to meet your goal, you need to meet new women at a faster pace. This is where some of the good ideas that other posters have suggested come into play: get new hobbies, find new places, etc.

Maybe 3 isn't the right number, maybe it's 2, or .5. Just as we set calorie goals for weight loss rather than just winging it, setting goals can be useful. It is easy to say "but I've asked so many girls" and come to find out, the number of times you've actually asked is quite small. Often, we think we are trying quite hard but when quantified we find we are not actually trying very hard. Of course, ymmv.

It will happen when you least expect it.

This is a sophism. Unless you are especially autistic, you should be able to pick up on signals which indicate when it is likely or unlikely. The most likely time for it to happen will be the time when you suspect it is most likely. That is not to say that it will definitely happen then; low probability events do happen.

Ultimately, this type of thinking leads to low effort. After all, when are you less likely to expect finding someone than when you aren't investing any effort into finding someone? I think that folks' confidence in this line of thinking is sort of like "a watched pot never boils" -- if you are consciously focused on finding a mate, it may seem to be taking a long time. But unlike the boiling teapot, the time and effort you put into this task can markedly improve your chances, and there's no guarantee that anything will happen at all if you do nothing.

If it's wearing on you mentally, maybe you need to work on your inner man? Suck it up, dude! That doesn't mean be a jerk to people, but just don't be a whiner. Women don't like that - and they can smell that a mile away!

Just get out there and keep yourself bussy doing the things that you love or finding new adventures. I'm sure that it won't take too long before you hit it off with some girl that is into the same things that you are...unless that you are into something like bikini waxing sumo wrestlers.

It will happen when you least expect it.

This is a sophism. Unless you are especially autistic, you should be able to pick up on signals which indicate when it is likely or unlikely. The most likely time for it to happen will be the time when you suspect it is most likely. That is not to say that it will definitely happen then; low probability events do happen.

Ultimately, this type of thinking leads to low effort. After all, when are you less likely to expect finding someone than when you aren't investing any effort into finding someone? I think that folks' confidence in this line of thinking is sort of like "a watched pot never boils" -- if you are consciously focused on finding a mate, it may seem to be taking a long time. But unlike the boiling teapot, the time and effort you put into this task can markedly improve your chances, and there's no guarantee that anything will happen at all if you do nothing.

You are the only person in this thread who makes sense. Thank you for being rational and actually offering practical advice to the world.

Dont know why!! Snooped at your pics your hot lol !

Don't really know where to post this, but I feel like I need to tell someone.
I've been at my target weight for quite awhile now, and being as big as I was I figured I would have gotten some more attention with my new figure and confidence. However, I've been single for such a long time, and I just don't know what to do anymore. I've tried talking to women at work, bars, online dating, whatever, and yet I haven't been on a date in 9 months.

I'm just getting really lonely. I feel great physically and I am confident, but I still can't find someone to even get coffee with. It's wearing on me mentally and I don't know where to go or what to do.

Oh wow you look like a hottie & to be honest, if only I live there, I would definitely wouldn't think twice in getting to know you.

Anyway like the others here have said, don't equate losing weight to instantly winning a date. Those two are absolutely not related. First of all, think of the other worthwhile things you now have such as improved health, endurance, strength etc. Second is that do other things that makes you happy & as we all know, cheerful people attract more attention. I also agree with the one who said that it should raise a concern if suddenly you're getting attention from women after you lost the weight since that would mean they're only interested in you physically & once you gain weight, they will leave you at that.

Love can wait. I think you're still young, please enjoy your youth & singleness and take advantage of everything while you can. Remember life is too short & we only live once.

maybe your problem is that you are thinking to much about it. us girls feel the pressure you have so relax and just have fun. when you are not looking is when everything happens