Relationship question

so what you are asking is if it is ok to break up with your woman because you got in shape and she is still all gnarly?

Yes... and that's why Little Debbie and I stopped seeing each other.......




.......total *kitten*, by the way.

Yep. Most of us have chosen a lifestyle. Having someone in your life that "doesn't get it" or even resents it doesn't fit. Would you maintain a relationship with a drug addict if you weren't one?

Let's not forget to mention the resentment they have for you because you're strong and fit... yet they keep complaining about the same 20# they're gaining/losing.

Totally loved this. So true.

I guess it depends on how long you've been together. If she is resentful and b*tching and you aren't totally blowing her off for the gym all the time then she just might not be ready to take the commitment. If she's not into fitness, but supports you for the most part, then you need another reason to get rid of her.

For us, I had trouble staying on track because my husband refused to get on board with my fitness. I figured if he was happy with me, I'd stay fat. But then he left for basic training and I knew he'd be getting fit and I wasn't able to keep up with him so I started working out and losing weight. Now that we're both on the same page, it is going a lot easier than last time because we have a common goal. I wouldn't leave him over it but this is much better.

It is hard enough to do this with someone on your side... when you are in a relationship with someone who is unsupportive or jealous of you, it just makes it that much harder.

And if you're someone who doesn't have kids, but wants kids, it makes it hard if you want to raise your kids to be healthy and fit and to make good solid choices when your partner is not on board.

Food for thought.

Is her health affecting yours?

What about your fitness is she not understanding?

How does she feel about your fitness journey?

Why does it matter if shes NOT on your fitness level?

Do you think maybe she just needs a little motivation to get on board?

My recent ex got jealous that I made working out and cooking healthy home-cooked meals a priority (finally got serious about this whole thing!) and he fought me with it the whole time ..... moaning about not spending time with him when I got home from work because I selfishly had chosen the gym and buying fast food at every opportunity.
He wanted to be the "successful" one of the relationship haha If you're not on the same team and supportive of each others goals it is more than alright to end it! Walk away find someone who is willing to be there and help you to succeed (plus it makes everything more fun if there is some healthy competition )!

Anyone ever ended a relationship because the other person just didn't get your fitness obsession and/or gave you crap about how much time you spend working out or your focus on eating right?

:flowerforyou:

My ex-husband and I (stop laughing, it was the drugs he started doing not the weight situation that ended things lol), went through this. Even when we met I was a big girl and he was very big into body building. We did fine with it because we respected each other. If he got home before me he would cook what worked for him and I would either have that or fend for myself if it were something I didn't like, if I got home first I would cook for him since it was very important to him. I never nagged or gave him a hard time about his eating habits or hours in the gym and he was very good about not lecturing me or trying to change me. He was always very helpful when I would do the yo-yo thing as so many of us have done. That being said I have a hard time dating in this crazy single world now because I am a big girl (for now). While I understand why, it's hard not to get upset with the guys that won't bother to even look at me past my size.

I think you have to ask yourself if this is a person that you'd like to spend your life with or maybe just a habit. Do you like her enough to accept her the way she is- in shape or not...You look fairly young. I will tell you that after you get older, looks don't matter as much and neither does some extra weight. Eventually, your kids will grow up and sex drive dwindles a bit and you better have some things in common and be able to like each other and be able to carry on conversations.Wrinkles will pop up, gravity takes its toll, men lose hair, etc... I'm not saying that just because you get older and are married that you should let yourself go. You still need to work on being attractive and be attracted to your significant other. Hopefully after years of being together, you see deeper qualities than just weight or looks. What I am saying is that as you reach middle age years- you just want to be healthy and have energy to get up and go to work and take care of you family. When couples are content and kids come, you tend to fall into a comfort zone and you lose focus on being healthy. Okay so now that I have probably freaked you out with all of this mother talk- I'd just say go with your heart. What you feel in your heart is nothing anyone can tell you. You will know if she's the right one. I knew from the beginning. It is good to listen to people who have been where you're headed though...That's what I always tell my kids.

BTW- this comes from a 43 year old woman, who has been content for say the past fifteen years and has gotten out of shape. I married my wonderful husband at 20 years old (married for almost 23 years now), we have a 19 year old daughter and a 22 year old son, two grandchildren and we are empty-nesters now for two years. I wouldn't change a thing about my life. I am thankful we jived and both worked hard to keep our marriage strong, even after getting married so young. Practically everyone that I know has been divorced. I'm proud to say that I am not one of those statistics. I am VERY attracted to my handsome husband after all these years. We both got a bit chubby and are now working on this together, trying to make a lifestyle of being healthy. We go to the gym together and LOVE spending every moment together that we can. My weight goal is to lose 45 more pounds by Christmas and I will be close to my actual goal. We just got home from the gym. We did 50 minutes on the treadmill. My husband started this at the beginning of summer and I wasn't on board with it. I love food and I love to cook. After I saw my husband lose weight, it inspired me to get healthy and here I am. I have lost 17 pounds this month be eating no junk food, no pop, cutting my calories and working out. You may just inspire your girlfriend before it's over...I wish you the best...GOOD LUCK.

No

I have never ended a relationship for this reason, but that's because I wasn't with anyone since I've started my transformation. I have actually decided against dating certain people because they would give me grief about my calorie counting and obssession with exercising 6 days a week. I have a schedule, and anyone who wants to be with me, will have to respect that schedule. This is why I would like to find someone who is also health conscious and would exercise with me! That would be ideal lol.

As for ending a relationship because of this. I would say if you feel you would want to, it would end regardless. I think for people like us, we need that support here and outside of MFP.

Wanting to be healthier and changing some habits is one thing, an obsession is another. I'd wonder where it came from.

I've never been attracted to the body-builder type because that's simply not me - we'd have little in common.

I already support my bf in his efforts to become healthier but I'd find it weird if he started spending 3 hours in the gym every day and suddenly wanted to get all ripped. Bleh. Not my style. I'd rather we go for bike rides or hikes together.

That said, I doubt it would be the end of things. Unless he expected me to spend 3 hours in the gym every day and adopt those habits also.

All that said, living a healthy lifestyle is important to me. Choosing to be healthy the vast majority of the time is an expectation of mine, so I couldn't work with a couch potato either.