Need advice on a work issue please

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2

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  • perfectingpatti
    perfectingpatti Posts: 1,037 Member
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    You don't trust yourself. What happens if you quit, find another job, and discover feelings for another boss? Everywhere you go, there you are.

    Stop making eye contact unless he's discussing work with you. Avoid him when you can. When you find yourself thinking of him or these feelings, start thinking of something else.
  • sjmgde
    sjmgde Posts: 381 Member
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    Been thre done that but not with a coworker and its a bad recipe in the making. I do not knwo wha thte rght answer is but trust your gut
  • tismyhardbody
    tismyhardbody Posts: 100 Member
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    Also, to add, i think the whole "its speculation" comment is way off.
    A woman KNOWS when there is attraction, either mutual or he finds you attractive.
    I can tell within 5 seconds of meeting somebody if they are attracted to me, or if we have mutual attraction.
  • ellebish
    ellebish Posts: 50 Member
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    I agree with "great jobs & co-workers are hard to come by", if you know nothing is going to materialize then it will pass. It is a little workplace crush, nothing more.

    Don't quit, especially if you love your job!
  • wolverine66
    wolverine66 Posts: 3,779 Member
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    Wait it out. Unless he makes a pass at you.

    Do you know for sure he has feelings for you? Has he said "Hey, I think you're hot and I want to bang you on my desk!" or is it something that you're assuming? I wouldn't go so far as to quit my job unless he makes a pass at you. Chances are good it's just a feeling that's going to pass.

    A little personal but are you having issues with your SO at home? And by this I mean is there something that's making you unhappy which is making you look at another man in a different light? Maybe seeing qualities in him that you can't see in your SO any more?

    If your boss makes a pass at you, you do *not* quit your job. The proper procedure if your boss makes a pass at you is to contact HR.

    There you go - bait him into making a pass at you. After that, report it to HR. He gets fired and you get to keep your job. Done and done.




    this is a joke of the Joke Broadcast System. If this were a serious thought, it would be followed by ridiculous amounts of irate posts chastising me. This is only a joke.
  • rugbyphreak
    rugbyphreak Posts: 509 Member
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    find an imperfection in your boss and just focus on that over and over. if you only slightly dislike his shoes now, focus on them constantly and soon you'll hate them and it will, or at least should, take your feelings away pretty fast.
  • vvanm
    vvanm Posts: 157
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    People who follow their feelings are in and out of relationships quickly. Your crush can last for a couple of years, but your brain should tell you that you are looking through "rose colored glasses", and your SO relationship is commited and real. Also, there's the little issue of VOWS to consider where his marriage is concerned. Don't cause devastation to another woman, or their children. If you are getting vibes from him, set the boundary and never, ever put yourself in the position where you are working alone with him. Keep in mind some guys are always trolling for vulnerable women. Don't be that girl.
  • tnjackso1
    tnjackso1 Posts: 312 Member
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    Play with fire and you will get burned... Deal with the issue of why you are even entertaining such thoughts if you are happy. If you don't deal with it now no matter what you decide your issues will still be there. It may not be the boss next time but a different co-worker.

    Sometimes the issues we fail to deal with creat an image in our minds and covers of the behaviors of others to the point we are wearing rose mary shades and whatever and whomever can just come across as attentive, sweet, and handsome...but o baby, take off those shades and they will be the biggest jerk, nasty, and most unattractive person you've laid your eyes on..

    You owe it to yourself and the person your in a relationship with to deal with your issues now!
  • motown_groove
    motown_groove Posts: 30 Member
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    Did you look at each other the same way before you lost 25lb? Or is this the new figure that's attracting his eye, and his attention attracting your eye??
  • Bentley2718
    Bentley2718 Posts: 1,690 Member
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    Also, to add, i think the whole "its speculation" comment is way off.
    A woman KNOWS when there is attraction, either mutual or he finds you attractive.
    I can tell within 5 seconds of meeting somebody if they are attracted to me, or if we have mutual attraction.

    Unless you are a mind reader, you are likely to be wrong at least some of the time. Yes, there are certain signs, there is also a very, very powerful thing called wishful thinking. Sorry honey.
  • rbn_held
    rbn_held Posts: 682 Member
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    Thanks for all the advice. And no, he has never made a pass or been even inappropriate but I have been around enough to know when someone is flirting (not that flirting means feelings but if you didn't have some kind of feelings you wouldn't flirt) People can say flirting is not cheating but on some level I think it is because if you were not attracted to that person there wouldn't be any flirting. Maybe I will just wait it out and see what happens with time and in the mean time try not to spend too much time around him.
  • PantalaNagaPampa
    PantalaNagaPampa Posts: 1,031 Member
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    Also, to add, i think the whole "its speculation" comment is way off.
    A woman KNOWS when there is attraction, either mutual or he finds you attractive.
    I can tell within 5 seconds of meeting somebody if they are attracted to me, or if we have mutual attraction.

    Unless you are a mind reader, you are likely to be wrong at least some of the time. Yes, there are certain signs, there is also a very, very powerful thing called wishful thinking. Sorry honey.
    She is right., not everyone can tell in 5 seconds if there is mutual attraction

    Don't get me wrong, I knew in like 5 seconds that mellisant wanted me, but that is not true for everyone.. just sayin...
  • Espressocycle
    Espressocycle Posts: 2,245 Member
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    I've had office crushes before. Just deal with it.
  • iLoveMyPitbull1225
    iLoveMyPitbull1225 Posts: 1,690 Member
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    Yeah I would probably look for a new job....if it feels wrong it probably is wrong... you dont want it to get out of hand. I think you have the right intentions, but if you do not take some sort of action the feelings and guilt are not going to just go away. it will likely escalate . If it got to the point where he hit on you, it would be terribly uncomfortable. I would just try to get out as soon as possible and save myself the hassle. I am sure you're SO would agree.
  • SyntonicGarden
    SyntonicGarden Posts: 944 Member
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    1) Don't *kitten* where you eat, especially if you're both involved. It could be that you're just more confident or that your boss IS just really friendly and well, you don't want to sabotage a decent job and an innocent friendship with your boss. If he's having marriage problems, that's his deal, not yours. And definitely don't discuss any problems you're having in your relationship with him.

    2) Consider reevaluating your current relationship to see why it is that your mind is elsewhere. Have you grown apart? Are you left with embers where there were once flames? What are you doing to kindle it / reignite it?

    Often when the mind wanders, it's because we think there's something better than what we're too bored / lazy / tired / frustrated to fix. And sometimes, what we perceived as being "better" simply isn't.
  • tismyhardbody
    tismyhardbody Posts: 100 Member
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    Also, to add, i think the whole "its speculation" comment is way off.
    A woman KNOWS when there is attraction, either mutual or he finds you attractive.
    I can tell within 5 seconds of meeting somebody if they are attracted to me, or if we have mutual attraction.

    Unless you are a mind reader, you are likely to be wrong at least some of the time. Yes, there are certain signs, there is also a very, very powerful thing called wishful thinking. Sorry honey.

    LOL good try
  • JustJennie1
    JustJennie1 Posts: 3,843 Member
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    Also, to add, i think the whole "its speculation" comment is way off.
    A woman KNOWS when there is attraction, either mutual or he finds you attractive.
    I can tell within 5 seconds of meeting somebody if they are attracted to me, or if we have mutual attraction.

    Unless you are a mind reader, you are likely to be wrong at least some of the time. Yes, there are certain signs, there is also a very, very powerful thing called wishful thinking. Sorry honey.

    I completely agree.

    I need a bit longer than 5 seconds to see whether or not I find someone attractive let alone if the feeling is mutual.
  • girly13662
    girly13662 Posts: 2
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    I don't know if anyone is aware of this but there is a serious unemployment issue going on and nobody can afford to lose their job, so unless you already have something lined up, I say like the others don't *kitten* where you eat. It's not worth it.
    When I first started here at my job 5 years ago I was single and made a promise to NEVER date anyone here. Why? For the simple reason that if I did date someone here, and if it didn't go well, guess what...I have to see that person still every day. No thanks.
    My advice is to stay where you are, and just come in, do your job and go home.
  • reteed
    reteed Posts: 22 Member
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    Okay, you've been there for four years. Long time to work with people day in and day out. Are the feelings you're describing from a possible infidelity or from a sense of caring for that person and their family? I know that I "care" for my coworkers very much. We share stories of our children, pets, SO's, etc. After a death or a really bad happening in their lives, I will be first to offer a hug and a pat on the back. Do I want to take it any further? No. It's just a human response from me to offer comfort. Do we hug every day? No. But I still have those feelings of "care" for them.

    Also, has he made the comment that you have beautiful eyes and what you heard was nudge, nudge, wink, wink. When all he really was saying was that you have beautiful eyes.

    Good Luck. But most importantly, don't let it go any further than the two of you just enjoying your jobs and a good friendship.
  • Dub_D
    Dub_D Posts: 1,760 Member
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    Better yet, quit, break up with your boyfriend, date your old boss and then break up with him too!

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