Taking things personally.

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2456

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  • Pipsg1rl
    Pipsg1rl Posts: 1,414 Member
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    I'll say this as nicely as possible.


    Quit being such a girl and go workout.

    "As nicely as possible" appears to not be nice at all. The words "quit being such a girl" are rarely spoken positively. It is not exclusively girlish to have the OP's reaction to her husband's words; it is also very poor of anyone to assign so much negativity to being a girl (as if having emotions and feelings is somehow bad or wrong).

    To the OP: the best solution to this is to simply communicate to your husband how you feel. Though he did not explicitly say "you have gotten fatter", it's certainly within your rights (and sanity) to tell him that his words made you feel uncomfortable around him. If he insists that he was not calling you fat, you have him at his word that he was not calling you fat, and honestly, all any of us can do is take people at their word; guessing or assuming or postulating what goes on in another's mind is useless and a waste of energy.

    It also might be a good idea to examine what prompted this reaction from you: did you dislike him telling you what to do/how to eat? Would you rather that he not make comments on your physique unless asked? Consider also whether or not you might be able to change your own mindset on this matter (since your mind and body are the only things within your control). Try not to internalize another person's opinion of you (even someone as important to you as your husband undoubtedly is). Do your own thing, work toward your own goals, and remain blissfully oblivious to outside opinion or influence. Good luck! :flowerforyou:

    i like you. what a positive and well thought out answer.
  • odusgolp
    odusgolp Posts: 10,477 Member
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    How does one look "rounder?"




    Don't answer that... I don't really want to know. /sigh

    Is this correcting my grammar? I should have said "more round than usual", although I'm pretty sure he used the term "rounder". Thank you, though. Usually I am the grammar police...

    No, actually, nothing to do with your grammar.
  • Feed_the_Bears
    Feed_the_Bears Posts: 275 Member
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    Maybe its watter puffing maybe its muscle loss, whatever, the end is the same. Get back into your routine and you'll be feeling great and loving yourself in no time. ... Since the dawn of time women have been reading too much into their husbands' comments. He's your husband and loves you and only wants the same things you want for yourself :-) so do it.

    My fiance told me I need to learn to harness the power of my big *kitten* like Cartman. If I let him live, you can forgive your husband and keep loving yourself :-)
  • GeekGirl23
    GeekGirl23 Posts: 517 Member
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    Don't take it personally. Deep down your husband is probably generally concerned for you knowing you want to lose wgt and noticing a difference that is unfavorable. He probably should have approched it different but that's something guys learn with age I think... to be more tactfull then aproaching that subject with a woman.

    It's hard to believe 2 lbs would make such a difference though.. but girl stay strong and let it roll off your back.
  • _the_feniks_
    _the_feniks_ Posts: 3,443 Member
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    Tell your husband to get his bony @$$ in the gym and lift some weights. Looks to me like HE is the one who could use the exercise.
  • taunto
    taunto Posts: 6,420 Member
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    oh ladies ladies ladies.

    It if weren't for the sex I'd so be gay so I don't have to put up with the crazy
  • sullykat
    sullykat Posts: 461 Member
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    Honestly, I effing hate it when my husband critiques my physique (he's one to talk...:huh:), and I have gotten into arguments with him about what is appropriate and inappropriate to say to me about my weight; but if he said this to me, I don't think I would take too much offense. It sounds like he was really happy for you, with what you achieved prior to vacation. If my husband said this to me after a vacation, I dont think I would be hurt by it, I would use it as motivation to get back to looking like that and go further. You were on vacation, it's bound to happen.
  • flobeedoodle
    flobeedoodle Posts: 176 Member
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    I'll say this as nicely as possible.


    Quit being such a girl and go workout.

    "As nicely as possible" appears to not be nice at all. The words "quit being such a girl" are rarely spoken positively. It is not exclusively girlish to have the OP's reaction to her husband's words; it is also very poor of anyone to assign so much negativity to being a girl (as if having emotions and feelings is somehow bad or wrong).

    Thank you for this. I am very gratified to see some of the pervasive misogyny addressed.
  • saragato
    saragato Posts: 1,154
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    How does one look "rounder?"




    Don't answer that... I don't really want to know. /sigh

    Is this correcting my grammar? I should have said "more round than usual", although I'm pretty sure he used the term "rounder". Thank you, though. Usually I am the grammar police...

    They weren't correcting your grammar, it was a question of how can you physically look more round to someone. Usually people say "you look a bit bigger", but the fact he used the word round made it seem like an odd thing to say.

    Personally, if that's all he said I wouldn't take it as badly. If he knew you were aiming to lose and be healthy then if you fall off the wagon chances are he's going to say something, a lot of guys will. Unless he outright refuses intimacy with you or claims you're no longer attractive, then he still loves you just the same, he only made a statement.

    However if it bothers you that much, talk to him about it. You're not going to get anywhere bemoaning the comment to strangers who might actually make the situation worse. If he made the problem, you go to him about the problem.
  • Jules2Be
    Jules2Be Posts: 2,267 Member
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    Tell your husband to get his bony @$$ in the gym and lift some weights. Looks to me like HE is the one who could use the exercise.

    oomph.
  • DontStopB_Leakin
    DontStopB_Leakin Posts: 3,863 Member
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    Tell your husband to get his bony @$$ in the gym and lift some weights. Looks to me like HE is the one who could use the exercise.

    Oh hai.

    Marry me? Kthx.
  • elijhasmomma
    elijhasmomma Posts: 270 Member
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    How does one look "rounder?"




    Don't answer that... I don't really want to know. /sigh

    Is this correcting my grammar? I should have said "more round than usual", although I'm pretty sure he used the term "rounder". Thank you, though. Usually I am the grammar police...


    i seriously think she just mean, how does your body or "person" look rounder...
  • runningfromzombies
    runningfromzombies Posts: 386 Member
    Options
    I'll say this as nicely as possible.


    Quit being such a girl and go workout.

    "As nicely as possible" appears to not be nice at all. The words "quit being such a girl" are rarely spoken positively. It is not exclusively girlish to have the OP's reaction to her husband's words; it is also very poor of anyone to assign so much negativity to being a girl (as if having emotions and feelings is somehow bad or wrong).

    To the OP: the best solution to this is to simply communicate to your husband how you feel. Though he did not explicitly say "you have gotten fatter", it's certainly within your rights (and sanity) to tell him that his words made you feel uncomfortable around him. If he insists that he was not calling you fat, you have him at his word that he was not calling you fat, and honestly, all any of us can do is take people at their word; guessing or assuming or postulating what goes on in another's mind is useless and a waste of energy.

    It also might be a good idea to examine what prompted this reaction from you: did you dislike him telling you what to do/how to eat? Would you rather that he not make comments on your physique unless asked? Consider also whether or not you might be able to change your own mindset on this matter (since your mind and body are the only things within your control). Try not to internalize another person's opinion of you (even someone as important to you as your husband undoubtedly is). Do your own thing, work toward your own goals, and remain blissfully oblivious to outside opinion or influence. Good luck! :flowerforyou:

    i like you. what a positive and well thought out answer.

    Thank you! :smile: That's very kind.

    I'll say this as nicely as possible.


    Quit being such a girl and go workout.


    "As nicely as possible" appears to not be nice at all. The words "quit being such a girl" are rarely spoken positively. It is not exclusively girlish to have the OP's reaction to her husband's words; it is also very poor of anyone to assign so much negativity to being a girl (as if having emotions and feelings is somehow bad or wrong).


    Thank you for this. I am very gratified to see some of the pervasive misogyny addressed.

    You're very welcome. I live to address the pervasive misogyny. :laugh:
  • j_wilson2012
    j_wilson2012 Posts: 293
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    oh ladies ladies ladies.

    It if weren't for the sex I'd so be gay so I don't have to put up with the crazy

    Millions of men's thoughts exactly!!! :drinker:
  • bleacheblonde
    bleacheblonde Posts: 333
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    I probably would have been offended too, but that's because I already pretty much hate my body so whenever anybody else points something like that out, it really hurts. So you're not just "being a girl"...what a stupid thing to say. I guess I find it hard to believe that a noticeable roundness could occur in just 3 weeks, but who knows.
  • MoveTheMountain
    MoveTheMountain Posts: 764
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    First off, I find it unlikely that you really were any more 'round' than you were previously. So, for some reason his perceptions are off. Perceptions are fueled by what's going on in your brain. Conclusion: he's a ****, and you should tell him so.
  • zyxst
    zyxst Posts: 9,135 Member
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    Pick one:

    1. Accept that your husband will be honest with you, even if it means sometimes hurting your feelings.

    2. Ask him to not talk to you about weight/appearance/etc.

    Either choice is fine. Just be honest with yourself about which one you really want.

    I pick honesty.
  • odusgolp
    odusgolp Posts: 10,477 Member
    Options
    How does one look "rounder?"




    Don't answer that... I don't really want to know. /sigh

    Is this correcting my grammar? I should have said "more round than usual", although I'm pretty sure he used the term "rounder". Thank you, though. Usually I am the grammar police...


    i seriously think she just mean, how does your body or "person" look rounder...

    Correct... I have never thought "round" when looking at a a person (not to mention, a clearly thin woman such as yourself), and find the comment simply... odd.


    And for the record, if I came home from holiday and my SO said... "Eat some extra cheese, honey?", "You look rounder", or "You must not have exercised over there..." I'd have taken a ridge hand right to the trachea, thrown him in my car, and dropped him off at the gym demanding he not come home until he looked like SideSteel or Brett.

    And then I would have gotten on MFP to discuss it will all of you, b/c that's how I roll... HOLLA!

    But that's just me.
  • meggawatt
    meggawatt Posts: 145 Member
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    I bet that was a hard to swallow. However, I wish my husband would've said something to encourage me to be more healthy - I honestly couldn't see it. Gotta give him some credit, your husband tried to say it gently. I would take it as motivation and encouragement.
  • j_wilson2012
    j_wilson2012 Posts: 293
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    "like a SAWWWNA up in here"

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