Why do my parents not support me being healthy?

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  • BeautyFromPain
    BeautyFromPain Posts: 4,952 Member
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    KFC (if it's mini fillets) isn't as bad as some things if you're taking in protein - pretty hideous for salt though.

    What i'd do in that situation is get plenty of salad things. They buy KFC, you say "Can I just have a couple of mini-fillets please? I'll put it with some salad"

    That way you're still eating with them, but at the same time kinda watching what you eat.

    This is all about balance - not just in your own diet, but in general. Working out how to live around other people who don't want to diet is just one of those little challenges we all have to overcome.

    Thankfully i'm the cook in our household so there's never a problem when i'm the one making it ;)

    Umm I live in australia...
    kentucky fried chicken
    one of the worst fast food restaurants
  • BmoreGinger
    BmoreGinger Posts: 18
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    Let me start by saying I am SO SORRY your parents are being so unsupportive. Good for you for going on this journey even without the support most people have...

    Unfortunately, our parents are still people. People have baggage and issues beyond what we know as their children. And people suck sometimes and do/say crappy things. This is a crappy moment for your parents. It stings because it's your mom and dad and no one expect anything but awesomeness from their parental units... but that's just not how it works sometimes. :-/

    You keep doing what you're doing and take care of YOU. We ALL know that eating healthy doesn't just make the weight melt off. It takes time, so that comment about "why eat healthy if you're still heavy" is insane. YOU ARE DOING RIGHT BY YOU.

    I hope this helps. Again, I am sorry you're parents are being *kitten*.
  • PNJB796
    PNJB796 Posts: 72 Member
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    Not being a religious zealot, I am still minded to respond "Forgive them, for they know not what they do!"

    Be grateful you have the wisdom to recognise the hazards and the wish to take action in your own right.

    I am pleased that your self-esteem cannot be driven by their lack of knowledge or understanding.

    Stay tuned to your own desires and current thinking, and a swan from a duckling will emerge, I am sure!
  • BeautyFromPain
    BeautyFromPain Posts: 4,952 Member
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    Let me start by saying I am SO SORRY your parents are being so unsupportive. Good for you for going on this journey even without the support most people have...

    Unfortunately, our parents are still people. People have baggage and issues beyond what we know as their children. And people suck sometimes and do/say crappy things. This is a crappy moment for your parents. It stings because it's your mom and dad and no one expect anything but awesomeness from their parental units... but that's just not how it works sometimes. :-/

    You keep doing what you're doing and take care of YOU. We ALL know that eating healthy doesn't just make the weight melt off. It takes time, so that comment about "why eat healthy if you're still heavy" is insane. YOU ARE DOING RIGHT BY YOU.

    I hope this helps. Again, I am sorry you're parents are being *kitten*.

    Only problem is.. this is how they have been my whole life.
    Calling me every name under the moon, plus everything is always my fault.
  • openairhealth
    openairhealth Posts: 10
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    sometimes being around someone trying to be healthy can make members of a family feel crap because deep down they know what they are eating is crap and they don't want to face it... it's much easier to be rude then really think about your actions and accept that, "yes, perhaps my diet isn't the best."

    i don't think they should ever tell you to stop eating... i think it just shows they are defensive about their diet but that's okay. it's human nature.,. just persist but don't make them feel bad for eating unhealthy.

    if it is a money issue, i can understand it because healthy shopping can appear expensive to the untrained eye. so haha give them a break but don't give yourself one. keep going! <3
  • jenbenefit
    jenbenefit Posts: 75 Member
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    I can so relate to this, my grandparenta don't sound quite as bad but alot of it is just plain ignorance. So sorry to hear you're having a hard time though!

    Like last night, they have meat pie and chips and moaned that I didnt want any because "meat is goof for you"....
    Or when I load my plate up -on SALAD - "Youll never lose weight with those big portions"

    So I really do feel your pain it's sooo fustrating! Just remember you are doing this for you. And it's not about what you look like now, remember what you are going to look like if you put the time and effort into this and prove them wrong.

    I can't remember who wrote about it reflecting their own insecurities but I think that's true as well, they know they should be eating what you are, but for whatever reason feel like they can't.

    Just stay strong, girl. Add me if you like :)
  • BeautyFromPain
    BeautyFromPain Posts: 4,952 Member
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    sometimes being around someone trying to be healthy can make members of a family feel crap because deep down they know what they are eating is crap and they don't want to face it... it's much easier to be rude then really think about your actions and accept that, "yes, perhaps my diet isn't the best."

    i don't think they should ever tell you to stop eating... i think it just shows they are defensive about their diet but that's okay. it's human nature.,. just persist but don't make them feel bad for eating unhealthy.

    if it is a money issue, i can understand it because healthy shopping can appear expensive to the untrained eye. so haha give them a break but don't give yourself one. keep going! <3

    That's the thing - they have healthy food lying around the house, but still they get take out almost every night :S
  • BeautyFromPain
    BeautyFromPain Posts: 4,952 Member
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    Because they are not as educated about healthy eating as you are.
    How about trying to get them as educated?
    Are they overweight?
    Tell them you are worried about them and their health, and could they consider your ideas on eating.

    Its difficult to go against your parents when you live at home, and all this advice about moving out, some of it is just unrealistic.

    If you cannot get out of the situation, then Ana's idea of cooking for the family is a good one. This way they will see that it isnt just a fad.

    Good luck, Im sure if you try one parent at a time and be reasonable about it, they will talk to you.

    I have tried talking to them about it, trust me...
    Plus, I don't know how it's a fad since this has been the past 18 months :S
  • Velum_cado
    Velum_cado Posts: 1,608 Member
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    They see you making a change that they can't/don't want to make and it's hard for them to deal with. Maybe it's jealousy, maybe they think you see yourself as better than them, who knows. You know your parents better than I do... I think if I were in your situation, I'd explain that I'm an adult trying to make healthy choices for myself. I don't think I'm better than them, just doing my best to get healthy.

    I used to be a fast food addict, so I know I can't let myself even consider those bad habits. But I also know how hard it can be to overcome. :\
  • BeautyFromPain
    BeautyFromPain Posts: 4,952 Member
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    They see you making a change that they can't/don't want to make and it's hard for them to deal with. Maybe it's jealousy, maybe they think you see yourself as better than them, who knows. You know your parents better than I do... I think if I were in your situation, I'd explain that I'm an adult trying to make healthy choices for myself. I don't think I'm better than them, just doing my best to get healthy.

    I used to be a fast food addict, so I know I can't let myself even consider those bad habits. But I also know how hard it can be to overcome. :\

    That's the problem though,
    I used to have McDonald's 4-5 times a day, every day and I get feelings with certain foods where if I have just one thing I won't be able to stop.
  • pkw58
    pkw58 Posts: 2,038 Member
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    I am really sorry your family has this sort of reaction. Fast food is an issue even here on MFP - people post about including it in their plans and if you post on the diet and nutrition forum that fast food is something you can't handle they just keep asking you why. I loved it too, it is just a slippery slope for me and I am staying off slippery slopes for at least another year till I give my body at this weight time to adjust and add a good exercise lifestyle at this weight.

    I think controlling what we eat is the hardest life lesson I had to learn, and at 53 I am finally owning up to it. Anyone who does it younger than me I am in awe of and I congratulate. Sometimes leading by example is hard, and your family may learn a lesson that saves their lives by your example, so keep it up the good work on you!
  • Antlady69
    Antlady69 Posts: 204 Member
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    Only problem is.. this is how they have been my whole life.
    Calling me every name under the moon, plus everything is always my fault.

    Sounds like they're projecting their unhappiness onto you. I don't have any suggestions on how to solve your problem, it's just sad to see your parents being so un-supportive and so un-loving towards you. They seem to be having deeper problems, things they've been hiding from you, but that doesn't alleviate your situation.

    The one thing I know is that you need to try to stay calm when they start yelling at you (which is EXTREMELY difficult, I know). Keep repeating that you want to become healthy, and that it's a long way but you're determined to go it, and ask them for their support. Actually ask them: "Please support me, I need your help." Keep doing it every time they abuse you. It hopefully will make them think about and change their behaviour in the end.

    Best of luck!
  • Antlady69
    Antlady69 Posts: 204 Member
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    Hey, maybe you can "Ask A Therapist" for advice? Literally. And it's free, too:

    http://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/
  • annabell48
    annabell48 Posts: 42
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    The reason your parents are acting like this is due to the fact that you are forcing them to see that they are not eating healthy and (my guess and I could be wrong) overweight and they are threatened by the fact that you are making healthier choices and losing weight. It's their issues not yours. Keep doing what is right for you, and if that's continuing eating healthy and working out, than so be it.
  • karendepace
    karendepace Posts: 3
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    It sounds like you have an answer (excuse) for everyone's suggestion, so I won't make another one for you. Either accept your parents for who they are or distance yourself from them as much as possible.
  • Laoch_Cailin
    Laoch_Cailin Posts: 414 Member
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    It sounds like you have an answer (excuse) for everyone's suggestion, so I won't make another one for you. Either accept your parents for who they are or distance yourself from them as much as possible.

    ^^ This
  • BeautyFromPain
    BeautyFromPain Posts: 4,952 Member
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    It sounds like you have an answer (excuse) for everyone's suggestion, so I won't make another one for you. Either accept your parents for who they are or distance yourself from them as much as possible.

    Wait... so you just expect me to love them whilst they call me a selfish rude *****, fat, a mistake, and tell me everything in the world is my fault...? Yeah, right. By the way, I dare you to try to have a civilised conversation with them. It's not possible.
  • Dave198lbs
    Dave198lbs Posts: 8,810 Member
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    It sounds like you have an answer (excuse) for everyone's suggestion, so I won't make another one for you. Either accept your parents for who they are or distance yourself from them as much as possible.

    What do you mean by the first part?

    you have a very common malady. dont be offended...many people have it. Its called pleasefeelsorryforme

    often associated with dontdisagreewithmeiamwhining syndrome.

    take some control and get on with it
  • BeautyFromPain
    BeautyFromPain Posts: 4,952 Member
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    It sounds like you have an answer (excuse) for everyone's suggestion, so I won't make another one for you. Either accept your parents for who they are or distance yourself from them as much as possible.

    What do you mean by the first part?

    you have a very common malady. dont be offended...many people have it. Its called pleasefeelsorryforme

    often associated with dontdisagreewithmeiamwhining syndrome.

    take some control and get on with it

    Well, how about you just get over yourself because I was simply asking a question and trying to figure out what to do.
  • PercivalHackworth
    PercivalHackworth Posts: 1,437 Member
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    If all the tries fail to make them understand, then maybe you need your own in dependance.
    Nothing wrong with them, now who's the one who doesn't believe he's right in what he's doing ? :)

    Good thing is you know for yourself what being healthy for yourself means, as for the rest, well...
    It is better to conquer yourself than to win a thousand battles. Then the victory is yours. It cannot be taken from you, not by angels or by demons, heaven or hell.

    Buddha

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