"just don't get THAT ripped"....
T34418l3angel
Posts: 474 Member
Ok so the main reason I decided I need to get fit, or at least the pushing point was that I had found out my husband was talking *kitten* about my weight and how "fat" I've gotten. It really hurt but I decided I would get fit not because he thought I should but for me, to make myself feel better and more accomplished. I've been using mfp for about a month and a half and am loving the way my body is starting to look, I'm counting calories, doing different work outs (insanity, cardio, trx, deadlifts, squats, boxing, to name a few) and I'm loving it. Not only do I have more energy and feel healthy but I get a little "me" time away from my kids for once since they are now in school (kindergarten and first grade). I finally have gotten to where I forgave my husband for his idiotness (he seemed to have regretted it). then today when he picked me up from the gym he tells me that I shouldn't lift so heavy because it's not good for my muscles (not true and I know it). Then I think back to when he showed me deadlifts and he had made a stupid remark when I lifted 145 (instead of the 55 he said was the max I should do) "sure if you want to look like hulk. Then today he sends me a text with the picture below saying "just don't get that ripped". It's really pissing me off because first I was too fat (according to him), now I can't get to muscular.... I cant win. I'm not trying to bash my husband in any way, we have a great marriage but this is the only issue that he seems to constantly have foot in mouth syndrome about. ok rant over.
This is the pic he text:
This is the pic he text:
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Replies
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Bump!!0
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Bump for advice!!!0
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He probably has a case of buyers remorse. Now that he showed you the gym and nudged you in that direction he may be afraid you will be hanging with the jocks and looking for greener pastures.
He may be in need of some reassurance.0 -
mmm not sure what to say... my first thought is "*kitten*" he shouldn't put you down for a) being bigger in the first place and then b) for doing something about it. but then my next thought is that men don't seem to have a connection from their brain to their mouth so he might not have meant it as mean as it sounded. you could just ignore him we both know the chances of you looking like the picture he sent you is unlikely unless your planning on your weightlifting taking over your life... so there wont be a problem in the long run anyway... may be you need to say to him that he needs to either support you in getting healthy or to not say anything until your looking fab in the little black dress and you can tell him that you told him you knew what you were doing in the first place!!! well done and keep going0
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more importantly whys he looking for pictures like that lol :laugh:0
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Maybe you should tell him to worry about his own body and you are perfectly capable of handling how you look and what you do with yours.
He sounds like he's worried, first he badmouths you about being fat, now that you are dedicated I think he's worried you are looking hot and you are attracting a lot of male attention.
Honestly I think your hubby needs to keep his comments to himself, he's not helping..0 -
more importantly whys he looking for pictures like that lol :laugh:
Lol I know right!!0 -
To be fair...
The wife has said similar to me.
I did tell her I used to be quite a muscular person and reasonably lean... But recently she came out in front of her friend with "If he gets really big i'd have to file for divorce" - referring to muscular guys.
Her explanation was that she married me for who I was at the time and supposedly likes my more cuddly frame over where I wanted to get back to, which was lean again...
It happens to everyone. Best way to explain it is find someone who you like the look of, find out their program and then show your husband and say "If I lift this much and control my calories, I won't look too far different to this" to put his mind at rest.
However his total lack of tact and apparent pig-headedness might not accept that anyway.0 -
Maybe you should tell him to worry about his own body and you are perfectly capable of handling how you look and what you do with yours.
He sounds like he's worried, first he badmouths you about being fat, now that you are dedicated I think he's worried you are looking hot and you are attracting a lot of male attention.
Honestly I think your hubby needs to keep his comments to himself, he's not helping..
Yea my reply to his text was that if I decide to look like the dude from 300 then that's my problem not his. Lol. Obviously that's not my goal but his comments are just so idiotic and hurtful.0 -
your husband doesnt seem real helpful.....i agree its probably hes scared youill leave.
Side not those ladies in that photo are AMAZING looking i dont care what anyone says wow0 -
your husband doesnt seem real helpful.....i agree its probably hes scared youill leave.
Side not those ladies in that photo are AMAZING looking i dont care what anyone says wow
I totally agree those girls are HOT! But he says they look "manly".
Honestly I don't think it's jealousy and if it is it's retarded because when we first got together I was a Bartender in Vegas, in good shape and my uniform was nothing but a little dress, he's in the military and was gone allot and was never jealous then, now that we live in a little city in Oklahoma and i don't dress in such skimpy outfits it seems unlikely that the jealousy would start now.0 -
Yeah, sounds like a great marriage0
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Yeah, sounds like a great marriage
yea, because having ONE problem constitutes divorce *rolls eyes*.0 -
Yeah, sounds like a great marriage
yea, because having ONE problem constitutes divorce *rolls eyes*.
One problem, if it's big enough, can be.
He's insulting you and controlling you. These are common signs of an abusive relationship. If it hurts your feelings you really need to be honest and have a talk with him.0 -
Lets not go overboard here stating an abusive relationship etc - we don't know the ins/outs and we have no right to make assumptions.
All I can say is try to alleviate his fears by showing him an example of how you want to look vs what exercises it takes to get there. If he doesn't listen at that point, it's time to crack out the "It's my goddamn body and i'll do what I want with it" statement - because he's obviously too pig-headed to listen.0 -
Im not sure what you are asking but I can assure you you won't suddenly wake up one day extremely muscular.
In b4 "omg what a *kitten* you should get a divorce" etc etc etc0 -
I understand the concern in that aspect but he isn't abusive at all. I will have a talk with him about it though. honestly I think it's because the fact he is in the military he doesn't want to get deployed and come back to a woman that is completely different, I get that, but I also feel that he could definitely say it in a better way and be more supportive of the progress that I'm making.Yeah, sounds like a great marriage
yea, because having ONE problem constitutes divorce *rolls eyes*.
One problem, if it's big enoUgh, can be.
He's insulting you and controlling you. These are common signs of an abusive relationship. If it hurts your feelings you really need to be honest and have a talk with him.0 -
It's like he wants you to lose weight, but not "too much" that other guys might notice you more.... ohhhh men..0
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Lets not go overboard here stating an abusive relationship etc - we don't know the ins/outs and we have no right to make assumptions.
All I can say is try to alleviate his fears by showing him an example of how you want to look vs what exercises it takes to get there. If he doesn't listen at that point, it's time to crack out the "It's my goddamn body and i'll do what I want with it" statement - because he's obviously too pig-headed to listen.
Thank you! I'm gonna look for some pictures of my goal body to show him and if that don't change his mind from thinking I'm gonna turn out "manly" then I'm definitely using the "it's my goddamn body..." bit! Lol0 -
My husband does the same. Not the fat comment, he says he likes me how I am. I want to lose a few more lbs and gain back my lost muscle mass. he always says, don't get muscular it looks gross. I think muscular women are hot. I just have to find a balance.0
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If you stay natural (no steriods) you will not get that ripped as a female. I'm probably about as ripped as I'll ever get and I've been lifting (all natural) for about 30 years now. I lift heavy, but my goal is to look good so I don't brag about how much I lift, besides it is intimidating to other girls. It just does not matter. The bottom line is girls who lift all natural are not going to have abs like that one girl, but the one hanging looks pretty natural.0
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Tell him to kiss your buff toned *kitten*!
My hubby is the same way. He's said stuff like "don't get too buff where you could kick my *kitten*" or before when I reminded him I was getting closer to the weight I was when we got married he replied with "Yea, but it's all in different places now."
Men can be jerks and very unsupportive when you're doing better than them. You just keep at it and make sure you're doing this for yourself.0 -
Im not sure what you are asking but I can assure you you won't suddenly wake up one day extremely muscular.
In b4 "omg what a *kitten* you should get a divorce" etc etc etc
Too late.0 -
I don't think it is buyer's remorse. I'm wondering if he just wants you to lose weight but still hold onto some nice curves for him. Some people don't like a lot of muscle showing like in the picture you posted. I, personally, don't like men "that ripped" either. I've requested that my husband not get too obsessive about his working out because I don't want him to look too thin (from too much running only) or too crazy steroid-looking ripped. Just not my style, but it doesn't mean it's bad or ugly.
Anyway, if that had transpired between my husband and I... 1) I'd have smacked him for even finding a photo like that LOL. 2) We'd sit down (or I'd slide this into a comfortable conversation) and talk about it honestly. I'd tell him he really hurt my feelings by calling me fat/overweight/whatever, and there are better ways to tell someone to lose weight. Then I'd move on so he doesn't think I'm harping and ask him why he seems so worried about me becoming "too ripped"? You could also show him some artcles proving that weight lifting doesn't necessarily lead to girls looking like 'the Hulk' LOL. I used to think that too, until my husband told me to do strenth training with light weights for a month or so and if he was right (that I would just get leaner) then I'd see. And he was right!0 -
It's like he wants you to lose weight, but not "too much" that other guys might notice you more.... ohhhh men..
Haha my bf says this.0 -
As you said, you are doing this for you. Tell him to stfu about your fitness because in the long run it is your body. Of course he is your husband and you want him to find you attractive, but he needs to take a moment and realize how hurtful he can be with his words. It's not the same situation at all, but my ex used to call me fat all the time, and then when I started building muscle he told me I look like a lesbian. Now, I also have no problem with lesbians and several of my good friends are, but it was really annoying that he couldn't be pleased. In the end, I dodn't give a rat's *kitten* what he said about my body any more. I knew where I needed to be, and I'm still working on my goal.
Your husband loves you. Let him love you and your fit body.0 -
This is something I hear almost every day. My significant other is so scared I am going to "get all jacked".
Just do your thing and do what makes you happy.
Tell him you really need him to tell you how he feels about you and your body rather than people outside of the relationship.
I won't call him unsupportive, or a jerk. Because he's probably just a bit clueless0 -
Doesn't sound like it's too great if he's constantly criticizing your body, your behavior and your choices..[/b][/quote]"we have a great marriage...." :huh:
Why worry so much about what he says? To do it for you is one thing, to do it for another will not make YOU happy, like now, all he is doing is criticizing. If you truly were doing it for you it wouldn't matter much what his thoughts were, it's your body, not his!:noway:
I agree, a controlling partner is a sign of bigger things to come, nothing to "roll your eyes" about. It's as if you brought up his behavior and are now trying to defend that same behavior by recanting that's he's a great guy and the marriage is all that and a bag of chips..Yeah, sounds like a great marriage
yea, because having ONE problem constitutes divorce *rolls eyes*.
One problem, if it's big enough, can be.
He's insulting you and controlling you. These are common signs of an abusive relationship. If it hurts your feelings you really need to be honest and have a talk with him.
Perhaps I missed something but I don't recall seeing the poster several quotes up even bringing up divorce, in fact no one has.0 -
I'm sorry but I have a real problem with this. I can understand leaving someone who spends ALL their time in a gym and is more obsessed with their looks than spending time with you but because they are to ripped erks me. My husband has had a range of almost 100 pounds (to skinny to a ton of muscle to a little cubby back to nice and fit and cut). NEVER could I imagine leaving him because of how he looked. Yes, I'm sure if he became 500 pounds I probably would, but I'm thinking more along the lines of something drastic would have to happen and a person is not the same person when they gain 200-300 pounds. He's only seen a range of 30 pounds on me but I feel the way I carry my weight that was a pretty big deal. NOT ONCE did he say I need to lose weight, NOT ONCE did he try to stop me from losing weight (other than he craved ice cream so he bought it but he never pushed it on me). You need to have a serious talk about what and why that bothers him.0
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I'm sorry you are getting these comments from your husband. I doubt he understands how hurtful they are to you. Have you tried telling him?
Whenever one person in a relationship decides to make a major life change, it causes stress to the other person. Even though you aren't expecting him to do what you're doing, you are changing. When one person changes, the other is forced to as well, albeit in different ways. Most people don't like change, period. They really don't like change that they didn't personally initiate.
This may be as simple as that. He's stressed and has no idea how to talk about it as an adult, so he makes little digs instead.
Try engaging him in an honest discussion of how your changes are impacting him and where he fears it's all headed. You might be able to resolve a lot of issues that way.0
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