Husband wants me to wear sexier clothes but I just can't

Hi. I understand how you feel. I would suggest a compromise. There are silk pj's that button down and have long sleeves with silk shorts. That way, you aren't showing so much skin, but the fabric is super sexy. That's what I wear. Mine are from Victoria's Secret, but I know lots of places make that style. Maybe buy a fun color and unbutton the top a little. Hopefully your husband will realize you are making an effort, but he also needs to understand your feelings too. Good luck!

If you husband can't accept and love you the way you are then he doesn't deseve you at all. Wear what you're comfortable wearing and don't change yourself for the amusment of someone else.

I totally agree

If you wont do it, someone else will.... #foodforthought

Wow

Yeah, all the women agreeing with this must be really insecure and with TOTAL douche bags, and probably have a whole set of issues themselves. I see divorce in their near future. Sorry, I know how badly it sucks to be insecure, but to be with a total douche is your own doing. We no longer live in the age of living to please our men.

I dye my hair green (Go Pack!) my boyfriend HATES when I dye my hair pretty colors. He teases me a little about it, but nothing mean. I know that he truly does hate it though. I do it to make ME happy. He can take his little opinions elsewhere because I do what I do for ME and if he can't handle that, then he can go somewhere else. If he wanted a woman with silky, long brown hair like I used to have, he could go find her. Know why he doesn't? Because hair is superficial. Did he stop putting out the instant I came back to bed with green hair? NOPE. Not at all.

He also had a problem with my piercings. I kept them anyway. Did he stop putting out for that? NOPE.

Did he EVER stop loving me for any of the above? NOPE. Surely not. He realizes that I am my own woman and I'll make the decisions on my appearance. I'm confident that he's not going to go out and find someone else who has all the assets he desires. I am the center of his adoration, green hair and all.

Really, saying a man will leave a woman for not wearing sexy clothes is as superficial as any of the things I've placed above on this list.

OP, if you aren't comfortable, don't wear them. If you feel secure in your relationship, then he should understand and not push you into doing something you don't want to do. I stopped wearing sexy clothes when I gained all my weight. They simply didn't fit anymore. Three entire drawers of them, actually. Did my man stop loving me? NOPE. If he's a real MAN and he LOVES you, then he's not going to find someone else. If he does, then you totally deserve better than that.

I truly feel sorry for all these women who hold the quoted section to be a truth. And the men that agree with that, well, you're douche bags as well and will hopefully find a good woman and let her go over something stupid and then regret it the rest of your life.

I think long term relationships are somehow out of these "If you don't do it someone else will" crowd's comprehension. At least a GOOD one.

First off congratulation to you for the amount of weight loss you have achieved. You first have to think about you and how you feel. Talk it over with your husband and get him to compromise by being supportive with you in this step you are taking and take "baby steps" to find that "sexy" side of yourself. You do not have to go full blown ourtrageous with sexy attire just take on a feminine look with maybe a new hair style, feminine tops, and like other mentinoned post sexy but not skimpy lingerie. Search online and you will be surprised that their are truly beatuiful heavy woman . Just rememeber we are all created different and we all are not blessed with a super model figure - LOVE THE BODY you have and take care of it and most of all BE HAPPY WITH YOURSELF.

I am sorry, but you are making this all about your husband. It is not him. It is all about you. I do my body building, weigh control, and exercise for ME! Not for anyone else. You need to decide why you are doing MFP and weight control....is for someone else?? Or, is it for YOU?? You need to make this all about you.....not anyone else.

Why not indulge him, this time. Go ahead and get some lingerie. There can be some nice things for larger women. Even if you feel a bit uncomfortable, plan a night where you wear it. Make it about him. Most husbands will find their wife sexy and hot even if the body isn't yet ideal. It can actually make you feel more attractive to see his reactions to you.

And then why not use this as an incentive for those days when you just don't want to stick to the plan. Kind of like "is this donut worth postponing how much he'll love seeing the new me."

Honestly, maybe you should be the one to go somewhere else. Sometimes the best thing to make you feel sexy and to motivate you to want to do more for yourself is to get out there and find someone who appreciates you. Not only will this boost your self esteem, motivate you to want to do more for yourself, but it will also make your husband realize that he has someone special that deserves to be treated well and made to feel beautiful. Trust me, there are guys out there that find every kind of woman beautiful. And I'm not necessarily saying go have an affair. But there are plenty of chat rooms online where you can flirt and it's fun and can really be a real confidence booster. Plus if your husband wants to spice things up a bit, chat rooms are great places to practice dirty talk, talk about sexual fantasies and realize that every woman is some man's ideal woman. But if this were me, the last thing I would want to do is reward him with sexy lingerie for being a jerk and telling you he's not into your body.

You are talking about two extremes.... wear skimpy barely there clothes or wear big baggy tshirts? Thier is a middle point... wear fitted clothers that compliment your shape! You don't have to be showing loads of flesh to be 'dressed up'

Also maybe your husband feels a little insecure... maybe he thinks the reason you don't do yourself up is because you aren't interested in him that much anymore? Just talk to him about it all, ask him that he be a little more empathetic. You could go shopping with him and get him to point out what he thinks would look good on you?

I'm sorry, I disagree with everyone here.

If you don't do it, he'll go somewhere else? REALLY?
Is he a total *kitten*?

We all go through phases in life, different stages, different times....if every time we were in a slump we thought....well, if i don't get out of this and FAST, he's going to find a happier person with less drama. REALLY? Whatever happened to through thick and thin, until death do us part.

Nobody should make ANYONE feel guilty and as if he will leave because it's something THEY didn't do.

IF a man leaves over something like this, or finds it elsewhere....point blank, he's a total DOUCHE. When you love someone, you go through the ups and the DOWNS with them....you don't move on to someone else who isn't going through a down at that particular moment.

^ this.

In a relationship, there is a certain compromise, but it has limits. First off; you need to be happy with YOU - forget about what he wants for a while. You need to be happy and comfortable with yourself in order to be happy and comfortable with him.

Perhaps you can talk with him about how you feel. If he makes insensitive comments about your weight, tell him that it hurts you and is making you feel less sexy and badly about yourself. Then maybe you both can come to an understanding.

If not, then it's still you that has to be happy with you, not him.

Also about the ""if you don';t do it he'll go elsewhere" comment:

Only insecure, desperate *kitten* do that, dear.

He doesn't like the way you look and calls you a hippie? If you guys were only dating, I'd tell you to dump him!! Obviously marriage is a bit more complicated than that, but maybe you should think about your future and if you can really be happy with this guy.

But anyway, ignoring all that, why don't you just buy something sexy and take pictures of yourself in it, and send him the pictures? It takes a lot less courage to do so. Tell him you're not ready yet to show him in person, he WILL appreciate the effort. The fact that he WANTS you to try on some sexy stuff means he IS attracted to you, even at your current size.

My thoughts are that he should be supportive of you. He should help motivate you. I know it is difficult for you and maybe for him as well, but two people who love each other should try hard to stick together and work it out. Have you tried to do things for yourself to help yourself feel sexy? For example: get your nails done, get your hair done, maybe try out professionally done makeup (doesn't have to be a lot), look for pieces of clothing that you love and that will flatter your body. Look in the mirror and pick out things that you love about yourself. Don't rip yourself apart. You have to start by loving yourself...even if it's just one thing at a time.

First of all women are more about feelings and as your husband, should be lifting you up and doing things to make you feel special. If you don't feel special you won't feel sexy. If he really wanted the sexy nighties on you--why doesn't he go shopping and buy you one???? He should look at your clothes-see what size you are- and get off his behind and go shopping!

If you husband can't accept and love you the way you are then he doesn't deseve you at all. Wear what you're comfortable wearing and don't change yourself for the amusment of someone else.

And should he just accept that his wife won't try something to make him happy? There are two people in a relationship, surely the man deserves to be happy too...Is it really that tough to put on lingerie in your own bedroom, he's not asking for whips and chains and 3somes with models! Besides, he is obviously attracted to you or he wouldn't even be asking you to dress up for him in the first place! Compromise, it doesn't have to be a thong or some fishnet bodystocking...just a little tasteful black lace would probably do the trick!


ETA: The man just wants a little something hot from his wife...it's totally normal. I guarantee if you do it he'll be a bit more supportive of you losing weight in the hope that you'll do it again

This is about the BEST response. You really need to give it a try. If he is asking you to do it, then he MUST see the change in your weight loss already. Start simple. Put on some lipstick, put your hair up, and get a black lacey nightgown. Doesn't have to reveal anything...just above the knees and sexy looking. I bet that would make him feel that you are willing to try.

I'd suggest counseling for both of you. You shouldn't hate your body so much. He shouldn't constantly remind you of your weight.

This.

Awww....don't sweat it babe. His girlfriend will. Don't put undue pressure on yourself.

Yes, because pressuring a woman into doing something she's uncomfortable with is DEFINITELY the best option. Way to be a flaming *kitten*.

Please note, the OP never said she had a problem having sex, she's just uncomfortable putting on something sexy and strutting her stuff, which frankly, is a really nerve-wracking thing to do.

There are compromises in this scenario. It's not "wear lingerie or get cheated on" and suggesting that those are the only options is short sighted, chauvinistic, and narrow sighted. The OP needs to chat with her husband about her concerns, his feelings on the subject, and how they can meet each other halfway. Communication is the basis of any good relationship.