unsupportive mate

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Replies

  • Kinu_M
    Kinu_M Posts: 31
    im not married but the guy im currently dating just doesnt undersetand why i wont eat certain things or i wont have more...now mind you he is much larger then me and has no clue that ive started dieting.... im afraid that if i tell him he will feel like im changing or that im not the same? idk we are all on this journey for a reason and your mate should be your #1 fan but i think that walking it off was the best idea...but his is a place of support and you should be able to get things off your chest without neggitive feed back from others.....good luck and keep up the good work
  • rmwinters
    rmwinters Posts: 288 Member
    He's probably lonely now that you pay more attention to yourself. Maybe a special date night? Good luck 2ya.
    PS you must text a lot.
  • mockchoc
    mockchoc Posts: 6,573 Member
    I don't get any support at home either but I got a nice compliment when I flashed myself in my new two sizes smaller lacey panties a couple of days ago. Nice change :)

    Best for us to not mention it all too often I think. Mine sighs when I even get on the scales.
  • cherylhirons
    cherylhirons Posts: 37 Member
    tex jen,....I hear ya,thats why I only have one guy friend on here & if he flirts he's out!(fact) ,....well, I talked to him explained my side in 3 short to the point sentences,and added that my feelings were hurt.He was shocked that he had hurt my feelings,but the apology seemed ok,..anyway,my plan is to turn to my girls & my mfp folks 4 support from now on,...and never give up! thanx everybody 4 sharing yur stories,.....i'm not alone in this!

    Using the word hurt is key!
  • azalais7
    azalais7 Posts: 187 Member
    tex jen,....I hear ya,thats why I only have one guy friend on here & if he flirts he's out!(fact) ,....well, I talked to him explained my side in 3 short to the point sentences,and added that my feelings were hurt.He was shocked that he had hurt my feelings,but the apology seemed ok,..anyway,my plan is to turn to my girls & my mfp folks 4 support from now on,...and never give up! thanx everybody 4 sharing yur stories,.....i'm not alone in this!

    Sounds like a good conversation. I can only say what others have said, that this is probably a combination of two things. First, he may have his own insecurities and feel as if your excited comments about the progress you've been making are somehow a criticism of him for not doing the same. Second, as someone else noted above, at least when we first get into this, we can get a bit one-track-mind. I've had to watch this in conversations across the board, so that I'm not constantly going on about what I've been doing diet and exercise-wise. It's natural to feel the urge to do so, because it's taking up a lot of our mental space. But I can totally see how it might get redundant to others.

    So, share major milestones with your hubby, but on a daily basis come here with like-minded folks who are going through the same thing.
  • chubbygirl253
    chubbygirl253 Posts: 1,309 Member
    my fiance acts interested and cheers me on a lot. He's a sweetheart and my biggest cheerleader. I think he's sincere but you never really know. If he ever lets on that he's sick of hearing about all my progress reports I'll just try to hold in my excitement. It's so hard when you're doing great you wanna shout it from the mountain tops.

    on the other hand, my twin sister who has always been slimmer and taller than me has gotten pretty chunky. I'm still fatter but she is green with envy over my success so far. I work out 3 hours a day/ 6 days a wk and I stick to my diet plan but instead of being proud of my 30-lb loss she gives me nothing but attitude, eye rolls, and snaps at me for no reason. She tried starting a diet right around the same time I did but it didn't last long. Couple weeks tops. I'm pretty sure she won't do anything different until she sees me getting smaller than her and that will get her butt in gear. She just doesn't wanna be the fatter twin. But i've been the fat twin for over 20 years so she can do whatever she wants but I'm not getting off track! It hurts that she can't be supportive but in the end I'm doing this for me and no one else so she can suck it.
  • almart007
    almart007 Posts: 71 Member
    I'm working on becoming more fit for myself. It'd be nice if my wife would give me a compliment every now and then but after 33 yrs of marriage I know my wife isn't the type to compliment me so I'm doing this for myself and if one day my wife notices that I changed that's all right the thing is I know I'm losing weight and starting to feel better. Sometimes change can cause our mates to react in a different way then we think they would.
  • paintlisapurple
    paintlisapurple Posts: 982 Member
    Yep I hear ya. I try to connect with my husband that way sometimes too. Just tonight as a matter of fact I was looking at peoples' before and after pics for inspiration. (I've lost 20lbs total so far 10 here and 10 previous to starting on m.f.p.) All he said was "yeah your boobs are smaller."
    UGH.
    Some Men!!!!
    :grumble:
  • laurenz2501
    laurenz2501 Posts: 839 Member
    First off i just wanna say that you sound like an awesome, strong chick. it seems like a lot of people on this site are having that problem and i don't understand it. i know some people are attracted to bigger people and others are attracted to small/thin people, and when the significant other changes it completely alters the relationship because it's "not the person they fell in love with in the first place". BUT on the other hand, why wouldn't you want your mate to get healthy/fit, when in turn it makes them a much happier person? I personally know I'm 100x happier when I exercise and eat right. I mean no one wants a miserable slob on the couch, come on! Do you think maybe it's him feeling insecure? Could he stand to exercise more and get in shape himself, so he feels that you're one-upping him? That's a shame that he made you cry and it makes me mad and sad for you. My answer is this: don't stop what you're doing, but you already know that. I'm sure he has some sense of pride in what you're doing, but maybe feels "less than". Just don't let it stop you. We only get one shot so just keep pushing on and don't mention anything fitness related to him. And yeah, do it for ONLY YOU first.
  • Agator82
    Agator82 Posts: 249 Member
    Sometimes spouses and friends just get tired of listening to what they view as an obsession. That's why the support and discussion here is so helpful. My spouse still offers me things he knows I won't take, although he is very happy to eat well (we always have) and with my progress. I do buy a few things for him that I don't often eat, mainly bagels, cheese and icecream. I have a very good friend who I don't even mention MFP, weight loss, exercise or label reading to anymore. So come here for support and make small changes in the meal plans and wait for him to notice!

    Ditto this (except swap the gender references on the pronouns). I am thankful that the people around me have not thrown me out a window!

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