Husband wants me to wear sexier clothes but I just can't

I'm sorry, I disagree with everyone here.

If you don't do it, he'll go somewhere else? REALLY?


We all go through phases in life, different stages, different times....if every time we were in a slump we thought....well, if i don't get out of this and FAST, he's going to find a happier person with less drama. REALLY? Whatever happened to through thick and thin, until death do us part.

Nobody should make ANYONE feel guilty and as if he will leave because it's something THEY didn't do.

When you love someone, you go through the ups and the DOWNS with them....you don't move on to someone else who isn't going through a down at that particular moment.

I'm sorry, I disagree with everyone here.

If you don't do it, he'll go somewhere else? REALLY?
Is he a total *kitten*?

We all go through phases in life, different stages, different times....if every time we were in a slump we thought....well, if i don't get out of this and FAST, he's going to find a happier person with less drama. REALLY? Whatever happened to through thick and thin, until death do us part.

Nobody should make ANYONE feel guilty and as if he will leave because it's something THEY didn't do.

IF a man leaves over something like this, or finds it elsewhere....point blank, he's a total DOUCHE. When you love someone, you go through the ups and the DOWNS with them....you don't move on to someone else who isn't going through a down at that particular moment.

I agree with this.

A lot of things about this thread make me angry, because I think every self respecting partner should be on these ladies' teams.
First: "if you don't take care of your man someone else will;" Fine, let them. He's a *kitten*. Second, if he doesn't take care of you, TONS OF PEOPLE WILL JUMP AT THE CHANCE TO. Trust me. Don't let this guy apply some elitist Eurocentric mysoginistic beauty standard to you, and certainly don't internalize it. Seriously. People don't look or act how tv makes them out. Make a profile on okcupid or some other silly dating site and seriously, the new beaus will come crooning at your profile, I guarantee it! Even if you don't want to date them, just prove something to yourself- you're desirable no matter your size, age, or lingerie. Third, maybe you should ask yourself what this partner has done to take care of you recently, because lowering your self esteem sounds like a pretty handy tool to keep you subordinate. No one can make you feel bad about yourself, and when they do don't wallow in it. Meditate on it, if he doesn't like you after you obviously care so much about him, screw him, don't let that make you feel bad about you.

Even if a relationship is a give and take about getting out of your comfort zone-- low self esteem isn't a comfort zone thing. It borders on emotional abuse. Don't take it! Communicate how you feel when he asks you these things, tell him you worry about him not desiring you, and if that's what he wants you to feel, bail.

Even if this sounds "hysterical" (I'm a big angry bra burner by nature and sometimes I get on these message boards and read these women hating on themselves and want to hold them in my big feminist arms) seriously imagine if you received this in an email from your daughter (if you don't have one, take a minute to imagine what she'd be like aka amazing) and how you'd feel about her partner after reading a thing like this.

I'm sorry, I disagree with everyone here.

If you don't do it, he'll go somewhere else? REALLY?
Is he a total *kitten*?

We all go through phases in life, different stages, different times....if every time we were in a slump we thought....well, if i don't get out of this and FAST, he's going to find a happier person with less drama. REALLY? Whatever happened to through thick and thin, until death do us part.

Nobody should make ANYONE feel guilty and as if he will leave because it's something THEY didn't do.

IF a man leaves over something like this, or finds it elsewhere....point blank, he's a total DOUCHE. When you love someone, you go through the ups and the DOWNS with them....you don't move on to someone else who isn't going through a down at that particular moment.

I agree with this.

I know he's disappointed in me, he doesn't like heavy women and he makes that very clear to me all the time. I'm not trying to lose weight for him I'm doing it for me, and he doesn't make it easy, let me tell you. He's glad I'm working out and trying but since there haven't been lots of results I can tell he's very disappointed in me.

If this is actually how he feels and not just your perception of how he feels, then I can't tell you what I really think about this without bashing the crap out of him. Sorry.

If you husband can't accept and love you the way you are then he doesn't deseve you at all. Wear what you're comfortable wearing and don't change yourself for the amusment of someone else.

And should he just accept that his wife won't try something to make him happy? There are two people in a relationship, surely the man deserves to be happy too...Is it really that tough to put on lingerie in your own bedroom, he's not asking for whips and chains and 3somes with models! Besides, he is obviously attracted to you or he wouldn't even be asking you to dress up for him in the first place! Compromise, it doesn't have to be a thong or some fishnet bodystocking...just a little tasteful black lace would probably do the trick!

ETA: The man just wants a little something hot from his wife...it's totally normal. I guarantee if you do it he'll be a bit more supportive of you losing weight in the hope that you'll do it again

Yeah but he is saying "I dont like the way you look, im disappointed in you now go put on some lingerie" So you can see why she isnt running to Victoria Secret for him. Now if he said "you're losing so much weight you look so hot and you really turn me on. Let's go buy something sexy" Don't you think he wouldve gotten what he wanted?

Well, from what I've read I'd say the situation is this (I'm sure people will, if they choose, take this to mean the guy is a douche, or that I'm a douche for writing this, but it's human nature at the end of the day, and in fact to me I can see the positive reason behind all this which is that he wants to stay with her):

He clearly loves you and wants to stay with you, otherwise he wouldn't care to make the comments. When he is making the comments about make-up and being a hippy, when he is wanting you to wear sexy underwear (which seems to contradict with him wanting you to lose weight) and when he is appearing to be disappointed with lack of progress, this all stems from the same point.

He knows he is with you for the rest of his life, and he is perhaps disappointed that you have let yourself go. He WANTS to find you more attractive, so he WANTS you to put the effort in and lose weight. When you don't eat right and don't lose, or even put weight back on - that is just you saying to him that you don't care enough to make the effort. The same goes for make-up and dressing up; he wants you to make an effort FOR him. You seem like you've got comfortable and don't want to impress him any more. Asking you to wear sexy underwear is just him trying to give you another chance to show that you care about him.

My gf, before coming to mine or before I go over always gets make up on and dresses nice etc, and I appreciate the hell out of that. Not because she wouldn't be hot without it, but because it shows that she still cares what I think. There's nothing worse than that point in a relationship where you just don't give a crap about if the other one still finds you attractive, because "hell, they're stuck with me now - we're married - I've got them locked in".

Clearly weight loss is destined to fail if you're just doing it for someone else, it has to be for yourself, but perhaps you should evaluate why you don't care about dressing up/makeup and how that may leak over into the rest of your appearance including weight. Maybe there's something in there as to why you have been stalling?

I really want to add that this genuinely isn't a criticism. I don't judge anyone for how they feel about themselves or others because it's not usually something you can help. Often you don't even notice.