Boyfriend Pains (men please read)

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ashesfromfire
ashesfromfire Posts: 867 Member
in Health and Weight Loss
So I've been working hard to get in shape, get all sexy and healthy again, but one of my biggest obstetrical has been my partner, I started at about 5'5" and 240 (still hard to admit) while he is somewhere in the range of 6'1" and 170lbs. (tall skinny guy) He expressed concerned for the amount of weight I gained, he wants me to be healthy and I understand that. He's also admitted to thinking I looked better at a lesser weight (both of these things he has put very gently, not rude or demeaning) However, he's given me zero support on my actual weight loss journey. He gives me a hard time about checking calories or eating less than I used to (like any one human really needs to eat half a pizza in one sitting!). He keeps telling me to eat what tastes good and not care about what it is or how many calories. I've been trying to get him interested in working out with me and he's continually shot me down. Tonight I suggested we train for a 5k together. Our college is hosting one a little less than two months from now and I thought it would be a good push for the both of us. Man oh man did he shoot me down fast! However, his reasoning was that it would make him realize how "weak and pathetic" he is (two qualities that I do not think apply to him at all). I tried to explain that doing it would be a great way to get strong and in shape and he continued to shut me down - even saying he wouldnt like to be there to cheer me on if I did it alone. What gives?! Men of the MFP world, what's going on in his head?

Edit: We've been together almost 4 years. When we started dating i was about 180, dropped down to 160, and hav worked up to the awful starting weight of 20. When i dropped the 20 the first time he was very supportive. I dont know what makes this different. ALSO I know he doesn't think he's too skinny, He wants to lose at least ten pounds (which is a small feet in the eyes of the 80 total I'm trying to drop
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Replies

  • Pedal_Pusher
    Pedal_Pusher Posts: 1,166 Member
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    What a dlck.....
  • ashesfromfire
    ashesfromfire Posts: 867 Member
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    What a dlck.....

    hahahahaha well he's usually not, but in this case he really is being very usupportive
  • zeedo_odeez
    zeedo_odeez Posts: 10
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    What gives?! Men of the MFP world, what's going on in his head?

    He already answered this for you.
    Man oh man did he shoot me down fast! However, his reasoning was that it would make him realize how "weak and pathetic" he is

    He's insecure about how weak and skinny he feels. For guys being too skinny is as bad (or worse) than being too fat when it comes to self image.
  • wingchunrick
    wingchunrick Posts: 267 Member
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    He's insecure because you're becoming attractive to other men. Don't let him stop you in your journey.
  • MellowGa
    MellowGa Posts: 1,258 Member
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    time for you to dump him and move on
  • stoocake
    stoocake Posts: 1
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    Sorry to hear about that. I love working out with my girlfriend and it's a great way to spend time together. Hopefully you can talk him round.
  • taunto
    taunto Posts: 6,420 Member
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    There are certain things that every couple shouldn't do. For him, he doesn't want to workout with you. As for the comments about him bringing in yummy foods, believe it or not in his mind you can eat whatever you want just less. There are people out there (lucky wankers I say!) who can eat couple of spoons of icecream and then walk away.... mortals like me (and perhaps you too?) can't do it but in his mind dieting is literally that simple and he doesn't get the concept. As to whats the solution, thats your call since you know him better than I do
  • hiddenaudacity
    hiddenaudacity Posts: 122 Member
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    Sorry to hear about that. I love working out with my girlfriend and it's a great way to spend time together. Hopefully you can talk him round.
    Love this!!! ^^
  • Cr01502
    Cr01502 Posts: 3,614 Member
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    It's hard. The truth is it sounds like your boyfriend is just one of those people who is pretty content with the body he has and isn't really looking to make changes. I would just keep doing what your doing and not worry about whether or not you two are on the same page as far as fitness goes. A lot of my family and friends eat crap food and don't exercise. Do I approve? Nope but I can't do a lot to change it. People can only find a lifestyle that suits them in their own way and it doesn't do any good to bother them about it (in fact in my experience it usually makes it worse).

    However, that said I would explain to him that although he can eat whatever he wants and be happy with his body you can't. And he needs to not be obstructive in your journey towards self inprovement.

    This is my opinion anyway.
  • EvgeniZyntx
    EvgeniZyntx Posts: 24,208 Member
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    Time to have a frank talk with him - if he can't be supportive of these types of life choices you need to decide if he will be supportive of more important things - oh, wait - isn't your lifestyle and body not one of the most important things?

    Talk, talk, talk. If you can't ...
  • Missklara
    Missklara Posts: 283 Member
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    I'm not a guy but...
    My suggestion isn't to dump him ofc. I think you should go for it! Alone. If he wants you to eat healthier and work out, do it, but do it without including him too much into all that. Ii don't see why you two should work out together. Do it alone or find some girl friend to do it with :)
    and don't talk about calories in front of him if it gets on his nerves. I don't see any big problem in that.
    Good luck! :)
  • kingofcrunk
    kingofcrunk Posts: 372 Member
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    You know him better than all of us. If he loves you and cares for you then there must be a reason that he doesn't want to support you in this. You have to work out what that reason is and try to persuade him that it doesn't matter or work out a way to get round it! Good luck in working it out :)
  • RubyRubixcube
    RubyRubixcube Posts: 258 Member
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    yeah my bf had the same issues with being a skinny weakling... which given his line of work he is certainly not weak... but he is quite svelte.. Since I've moved in an been cooking, food shopping and packing lunches he's gained close to 10kg and he's alot happier and confident... almost ready to start lifting and getting muscly
  • beautsarah
    beautsarah Posts: 151 Member
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    I know you said Men, but....

    I have to agree he seems sorta insecure. It was easy to complain about it, and when you actually started doing something about it he realized that it will be come a reality he might lose you. I honestly feel like you should talk to him, and make it clear that you need people who are supportive, and those who aren't can get lost, him included. If you had a spouse who was a recovering alcoholic you wouldn't be dangling liquor in front of them (dramatic I know). You deserve a man who wants you to be at your best, and who makes you better. And someone who you can make better. I was in a similar situation so I sympathize with you, but you have to decide what is important. I wish you the best in your weight loss journey you can do it!
  • geekyjock76
    geekyjock76 Posts: 2,720 Member
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    This is why dating a woman who is truly serious about fitness and leading a healthy lifestyle is number 1 in terms of compatibility for me. I've dated a few non-active women before and it's too much drama and too many excuses. I don't want to hear someone state day after day that they'll start working out or eating better tomorrow - I want to see them take initiative and do it.
  • Stuz359
    Stuz359 Posts: 81
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    The truth is that he is scared of losing the status quo. I've seen it a few times in relationships, and it's not always the guy. When one of the two goes and does something positive, whether it be going back to college/uni, losing weight or even something like stopping smoking, the partner seems to act like a ****. They are afraid of losing control, probably subconsciously as well so they are not even aware of it.

    Sit down and talk to him about it, let him know how you feel, explain the reasons that you want to get healthy. At the moment, he is just seeing you change, and it scares him.
  • BrianSharpe
    BrianSharpe Posts: 9,248 Member
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    If he's such a jerk now just imagine what it will be like when you're married with kids.
  • zoombaby
    zoombaby Posts: 14 Member
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    "Dump him and move on" they are 4 years together common people get serious with the "advice's"

    For sure he's insecure about himself, no question about it other then that he actually might be lazy, or ignorant or both other then that its very hard to say anything more about the guy you describe from your point of view. Anyway, I say you should talk to him and tell him how stuff goes. Tell him what you feel and what you think about he's not supportive, also mention how much he mean to you (or not whatever it is), and specially don't tell him you asked advice on some random forum.

    From my experience, people usually broke down after one of the partners go a different road then "usual" and other partner doesn't follow, no mater woman or male.

    You need to decide weather or not that guy is good for you, and how much you would want to invest of your time and effort to keep you guys together. Relationships are usually broken by two people, not only one no matter what others tell you so talk to the guy!
  • tadpole242
    tadpole242 Posts: 507 Member
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    The bigger question is, why do you want him to change to suit you?
  • trudyblender
    trudyblender Posts: 24 Member
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    There are certain things that every couple shouldn't do. For him, he doesn't want to workout with you. As for the comments about him bringing in yummy foods, believe it or not in his mind you can eat whatever you want just less. There are people out there (lucky wankers I say!) who can eat couple of spoons of icecream and then walk away.... mortals like me (and perhaps you too?) can't do it but in his mind dieting is literally that simple and he doesn't get the concept. As to whats the solution, thats your call since you know him better than I do

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