Boyfriend Pains (men please read)
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I agree with this person. And perhaps those who are saying he may be a bit insecure about his own skinniness. He sounds like a really great guy who may be unaware as to how best he can show his support and the extent to which you want his support. Sitting down and having an open, honest conversation about what you want him to do may be a good idea. Sometimes boys don't get hints; they need to be told EXACTLY what you want them to do
Silly boys. Sounds like you found yourself a keeper, though! 0 -
"Dump him and move on" they are 4 years together common people get serious with the "advice's"
For sure he's insecure about himself, no question about it other then that he actually might be lazy, or ignorant or both other then that its very hard to say anything more about the guy you describe from your point of view. Anyway, I say you should talk to him and tell him how stuff goes. Tell him what you feel and what you think about he's not supportive, also mention how much he mean to you (or not whatever it is), and specially don't tell him you asked advice on some random forum.
From my experience, people usually broke down after one of the partners go a different road then "usual" and other partner doesn't follow, no mater woman or male.
You need to decide weather or not that guy is good for you, and how much you would want to invest of your time and effort to keep you guys together. Relationships are usually broken by two people, not only one no matter what others tell you so talk to the guy!0 -
This guy has good advice!
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Sounds like a tough situation and I'm sorry that he seems uninterested. I'm in a similar scenario with my wife, just the roles are reversed. I'm trying to get more fit and she isn't although she's the one that's gotten more out of shape than I have. One thing I've learned over the 13 years we've been married is that we're not likely to change each other.
My advice to you would be to keep doing what you're doing with your exercise and do it for you. You may just have to lead by example. However, if you continue to push the issue with him, he's more than likely just going to build up a resentment and that's not a good thing. Just back off pushing him and do what you need to do for yourself. He may come around he may not.0 -
What gives?! Men of the MFP world, what's going on in his head?
He already answered this for you.Man oh man did he shoot me down fast! However, his reasoning was that it would make him realize how "weak and pathetic" he is
He's insecure about how weak and skinny he feels. For guys being too skinny is as bad (or worse) than being too fat when it comes to self image.
^^^^This. AND that deep down he's afraid that you'll out perform him. Lots of guys feel that way, but won't admit it.0 -
The bigger question is, why do you want him to change to suit you?
^^THIS.
Why should he cater to your desire for him to work out with you? Why should he go and do something (run 5k) that he has expressed desire not to do - the reason is irrelevant. When you met him and for the past 4 years you have been happy with him the way he is and he was happy with you the way you are/were so why do you wish to force him to change? You can not make someone change to suit you. He is not an *kitten* because he won't change, he is who he always was.However, if you continue to push the issue with him, he's more than likely just going to build up a resentment and that's not a good thing. Just back off pushing him and do what you need to do for yourself. He may come around he may not.
THIS also^^
If you find that you can't possibly continue to love him just because he is happy with the way he looks or is not yet ready (and may not ever be) to change then dump him but honestly.. 4 years is a long time to throw away a relationship over something so trivial as him not wanting to work out with you. I mean it's not like he is holding you down and force feeding you.
I would ask him not to comment on your food inspections and tell him that in return you will stop bugging him about working out. <== problem solved.0 -
The bigger question is, why do you want him to change to suit you?
^^THIS.
Why should he cater to your desire for him to work out with you? Why should he go and do something (run 5k) that he has expressed desire not to do - the reason is irrelevant. When you met him and for the past 4 years you have been happy with him the way he is and he was happy with you the way you are/were so why do you wish to force him to change? You can not make someone change to suit you. He is not an *kitten* because he won't change, he is who he always was.However, if you continue to push the issue with him, he's more than likely just going to build up a resentment and that's not a good thing. Just back off pushing him and do what you need to do for yourself. He may come around he may not.
THIS also^^
If you find that you can't possibly continue to love him just because he is happy with the way he looks or is not yet ready (and may not ever be) to change then dump him but honestly.. 4 years is a long time to throw away a relationship over something so trivial as him not wanting to work out with you. I mean it's not like he is holding you down and force feeding you.
I would ask him not to comment on your food inspections and tell him that in return you will stop bugging him about working out. <== problem solved.
It's normal for us to want people in our lives to be passionate about the same things as us, but ^^^this is pretty good advice in my opinion.0 -
So I've been working hard to get in shape, get all sexy and healthy again, but one of my biggest obstetrical has been my partner, I started at about 5'5" and 240 (still hard to admit) while he is somewhere in the range of 6'1" and 170lbs. (tall skinny guy) He expressed concerned for the amount of weight I gained, he wants me to be healthy and I understand that. He's also admitted to thinking I looked better at a lesser weight (both of these things he has put very gently, not rude or demeaning) However, he's given me zero support on my actual weight loss journey. He gives me a hard time about checking calories or eating less than I used to (like any one human really needs to eat half a pizza in one sitting!). He keeps telling me to eat what tastes good and not care about what it is or how many calories. I've been trying to get him interested in working out with me and he's continually shot me down. Tonight I suggested we train for a 5k together. Our college is hosting one a little less than two months from now and I thought it would be a good push for the both of us. Man oh man did he shoot me down fast! However, his reasoning was that it would make him realize how "weak and pathetic" he is (two qualities that I do not think apply to him at all). I tried to explain that doing it would be a great way to get strong and in shape and he continued to shut me down - even saying he wouldnt like to be there to cheer me on if I did it alone. What gives?! Men of the MFP world, what's going on in his head?
Edit: We've been together almost 4 years. When we started dating i was about 180, dropped down to 160, and hav worked up to the awful starting weight of 20. When i dropped the 20 the first time he was very supportive. I dont know what makes this different. ALSO I know he doesn't think he's too skinny, He wants to lose at least ten pounds (which is a small feet in the eyes of the 80 total I'm trying to drop
I'm going to hazard a guess that if you get serious about this he probably realized you'll leave his *kitten* in the dust... and get tired of his douche baggedness. It sounds like he wants you to be skinny, but doesn't want it bad enough to risk you looking better and deciding you can do better than him.0 -
The bigger question is, why do you want him to change to suit you?
I don't. Unless the change you are referring to is me wanting him to go from unsupportive to being supportive - which hopefully is a self explanatory desire. Suggesting we do the run together was just another attempt to get him involved, let him see how hard im working0 -
My fiance started the same way. "What, you're not gonna eat Checkers with me?" ARE YOU SERIOUS?
I told him that if he wants me to continue to try to look fine as hell, he needs to realize that I'm not going to eat fast food with him. I don't expect him to work out with me (he's 6' 5" and honestly I think he's UNDERweight). I have made or bought seperate meals for us because he doesn't need to adhere to my eating habits.. But we did actually find something to do together, finally. We bought bicycles. It's not much (and definitely not the majority of my working out) but it's something.
Have you actually talked to him about being supportive?0 -
(From a gal) ...It sounds like he's insecure about loosing you when you reach your goal and start getting attention from the other men.0
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Talk to him, there's no way we are going to know.0
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I'm not a guy but...
My suggestion isn't to dump him ofc. I think you should go for it! Alone. If he wants you to eat healthier and work out, do it, but do it without including him too much into all that. Ii don't see why you two should work out together. Do it alone or find some girl friend to do it with
and don't talk about calories in front of him if it gets on his nerves. I don't see any big problem in that.
Good luck!
I have been with my boyfriend for a similar amount of time. If he wasn't supportive of my choices I would certainly consider ending things. Luckily we both use MFP even though I have twice as much to lose as he does. When we first got together I was a happy 140lb and since then I've gained 60lb. Even though I'm not happy with my body, he loves me no matter what (and he tells me often). It is disgusting to me that any man would tell his other half that he prefers them skinnier, regardless of how nicely he puts it.
There is no way that you should be happy with working out or watching calories in secret. It undermines everything that a loving relationship should be. I hope you don't listen to advice like this and either talk your boyfriend round or end it with him.
Do not settle for an unsupportive partner. Think about what he will be like if you become pregnant? Women's bodies change and us girls hold weight and water differently to men. Don't let anyone get in the way of your happiness!
Good luck!0 -
I get know support from my better half like you but I am going to do this for me! She thinks I'm fine the way I am but its me that wants to change, so forget what's going on in you other halfs head and do it for yourself.
There is a lot of support on here! When he see how great you doing and look he may change his mind?0 -
Sounds like he's insecure about himself and afraid to make his own changes. He's comfortable with you how you are but knows that you want to make a change to yourself but he's afraid to come out and say it directly.
Control the things you can such as the pizza example. Have one or two slices, whatever you're comfortable with and then say you're full and push it away.
It's tough when there's a lack of support from your loved ones but at some point you have to decide if it's about you or him as individuals or or the two of you as a couple.0 -
Time to use the delete button and re-boot. Good luck with your journey, but there is one piece of baggage you should put in lost property.
:drinker:0 -
This. I'm married 14 years with kids.If he's such a jerk now just imagine what it will be like when you're married with kids.
Find a guy who enjoys doing physical exercises with you in his free time. Find a guy who loves to bike, hike, run, ski, and try new things. I knew my husband didn't like to do these things when I married him. I love him for many more qualities than less. But if I want to do these things, I do it alone. I don't share anymore because it puts him on the defense. I realized its my journey not his. It's a lonely path. Hopefully this helps you. Good luck to you.:flowerforyou:0 -
"Dump him and move on" they are 4 years together common people get serious with the "advice's"
For sure he's insecure about himself, no question about it other then that he actually might be lazy, or ignorant or both other then that its very hard to say anything more about the guy you describe from your point of view. Anyway, I say you should talk to him and tell him how stuff goes. Tell him what you feel and what you think about he's not supportive, also mention how much he mean to you (or not whatever it is), and specially don't tell him you asked advice on some random forum.
From my experience, people usually broke down after one of the partners go a different road then "usual" and other partner doesn't follow, no mater woman or male.
You need to decide weather or not that guy is good for you, and how much you would want to invest of your time and effort to keep you guys together. Relationships are usually broken by two people, not only one no matter what others tell you so talk to the guy!
THIS!0 -
What a dlck.....
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"Dump him and move on" they are 4 years together common people get serious with the "advice's"
For sure he's insecure about himself, no question about it other then that he actually might be lazy, or ignorant or both other then that its very hard to say anything more about the guy you describe from your point of view. Anyway, I say you should talk to him and tell him how stuff goes. Tell him what you feel and what you think about he's not supportive, also mention how much he mean to you (or not whatever it is), and specially don't tell him you asked advice on some random forum.
From my experience, people usually broke down after one of the partners go a different road then "usual" and other partner doesn't follow, no mater woman or male.
You need to decide weather or not that guy is good for you, and how much you would want to invest of your time and effort to keep you guys together. Relationships are usually broken by two people, not only one no matter what others tell you so talk to the guy!
^^^^ The most reasonable man I think I've ever heard. Enough said.0
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