Lose the weight, lose the partner?

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  • small_ninja
    small_ninja Posts: 365 Member
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    I think the less confident you are in yourself, the more likely you are to settle. Maybe her weight affected her self-confidence and she settled for this guy thinking that she wouldn't have many other options, meaning the relationship isn't quite right. Now that she's gained a bit more self-worth and is realising there ARE other options out there, perhaps she's realised she's settled and wants to change that. I don't see any shame in that.
  • small_ninja
    small_ninja Posts: 365 Member
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    I think both parties deserve to be WANTED not settled for.

    While it is sad that a relationship may be ending, I don't think it's wise to analyze one small (and probably biased) piece of data and make a judgement. Who knows what data was left out.

    Nailed it.
  • Ralphrabbit
    Ralphrabbit Posts: 351 Member
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    The grass may be greener but it will still need mowing!!
    Invest in a relationship & keep working at it..........
  • skinnylove00
    skinnylove00 Posts: 662 Member
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    ew, it's gross how everyone here sees being thinner as being more valuable as a person.
  • ahsats
    ahsats Posts: 75 Member
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    ew, it's gross how everyone here sees being thinner as being more valuable as a person.

    I'm the most fat positive feminist ever and I don't see that anywhere.
  • onedayillbeamilf
    onedayillbeamilf Posts: 966 Member
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    I would hope that if I land me a great guy that's in it for the long haul and treats me and my daughter well, that I would grow more confident as I lose and use that confidence to improve our sex life.
  • CruzZ8
    CruzZ8 Posts: 71
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    This is something that I have actually been thinking of for a while. I've noticed that many times, when people lose significant amounts of weight, they tend to break up with the person that they are with (especially if the person is also overweight). I think that when someone loses such a great amount of weight, they want to do things that they have never done before or simply want to try new things...and sometimes the person that you are with doesn't want those things, or can't, or doesn't crave adventure. We tend to want to be with people who want similar things because that makes us happy. I think that if people change, they also change the things they want to do and the type of people that they want to be with.

    I am not saying that it is wrong or right, but I do think that tremendous weightloss can really change a person
  • crimsoncat
    crimsoncat Posts: 457 Member
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    ew, it's gross how everyone here sees being thinner as being more valuable as a person.

    I'm the most fat positive feminist ever and I don't see that anywhere.

    Second this. I have only seen this expressed by one or two people who had known psychological issues. Since there are other opinions out and about, I wouldn't worry too much about this.
  • 126siany
    126siany Posts: 1,386 Member
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    ew, it's gross how everyone here sees being thinner as being more valuable as a person.

    I don't see where you're getting that?:huh:
  • miadhail
    miadhail Posts: 383 Member
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    My fiance has been with me for over 2 years now and loves everything about me , every inch/pound of fat. He simply supports me in my weight loss although he feels that I don't really need to, at least it won't make him love me more since he already does. Why would I leave a man at my best when he has been there at my worst. I don't understand Jane Doe, it's like she kept him because she thought there'd be no one else. I totally disapprove of her whole thread and shall in no way justify everything she feels. Poor guy..
  • myscheer
    myscheer Posts: 30
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    I believe it is possibe. and I mean no offense to anyone in what i say but i think if you lose weight and feel more comfortable. people are always looking for better than what they have.
    i have been with my man on and off for 3 years and finally stable with one another but he loved me at 115kgs and loves me now at 90kgs. but my previous boyfriend didnt. he broke up with me once i gained 10kgs. and i mean it can work both ways i think, we were together for 4 years and if u love someone and if they gain you can leave them then same goes for losing weight.
    it all depends, other factors could come into it too... its a very hard topic! and to all the overweight people and i am one of them. appearance does matter, no matter how much we hide it. you walk past a goodlooking fit man and he will judge you 9 times out of 10 on your look/the size of you and what u wear... its life, very hard topic but weightloss can change a person physcially and mentally. :)
  • Yanicka1
    Yanicka1 Posts: 4,564 Member
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    Relationships are complicated. I don't understand making a post knocking this woman and paraphrasing her situation for a bunch of strangers to comment on.

    Maybe she's a crummy woman, maybe she's a saint trying to hold something together that's broken for awhile. Post about your own situations and relationship.

    This.... you have not walked in her shoes. It is very unkind of you to post this.
  • EDesq
    EDesq Posts: 1,527 Member
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    YES, people are an "easily disposable commodity" in today's world. There are MANY reasons why, two being, (1) Insecurities, (2) Co-Dependency. When a relationship is built on either of these, when the basis is removed the Relationship becomes disposable. Say, if a co-dependent person is that way because he/she views themself as fat, unlovable...and the other co-dependent needs to be "loved" and dependent upon and put on a pedistole... Guess what happens when EITHER one of them LOSES their NEGATIVE perspective. I guarantee that over 60% of today's relationships are Co-dependent in some way. AND when the co-dependency no longer exist for one of them the relationship, out of necessity MUST end. The EX-Fat Chick NO longer views herself negatively and wants to test her wings. I say let her test her wings...she'll either Fly or Nose dive to the ground, either way it is her decision.

    I have learned through experience, don't mess in someone else's relationship, it may NOT be all that you see>>>Good or Bad!
  • misskittyvyxen
    misskittyvyxen Posts: 7
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    End of the day - her life, her choice, potentially her mistake, as it is with most people's lives.

    Do I like that she has done this?
    Not particularly

    Am I shocked to hear people do this?
    Hell no! People are '*kitten* coated *kitten* with *kitten* filling.' (1)

    Would I do this?
    Maybe, but my reason wouldn't be attention from other males - it would be based on the willingness of my partner to keep up with my lifestyle. I have left partners for this before, and I will do it again. 'Don't go for 2nd best' (2)

    Quotes
    (1) - Dr Cox, Scrubs
    (2) - Madonna, Express Yourself
  • vblair77
    vblair77 Posts: 180 Member
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    Wow...this exact scenario is one of my biggest fears with losing weight. I've been with my husband for 11 years...and in the beginning we weren't AS overweight as we are now (I was pretty overweight but an easy 60lbs less than I am now and he is more than 100 lbs heavier now than back then). Anyway, I don't think I'm a shallow person...but I've caught myself wondering IF we'll stay together when one or both of us loses weight (most likely it'll be me because he really is just happy with himself as he is). I love him so much, but if things like him worrying about my fidelity or trust issues come up, I don't know if we'll survive it. I've tried losing weight before...lost 30lbs once a couple years ago. But I let these thoughts control me and went back to how I was. Its a scary thought though.
  • Sirxx99
    Sirxx99 Posts: 43
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    Well for me... fighting started around the 50lb mark also she tried to sabotage my weight loss.... Then at around 75lbs down what seemed like daily accusations of I was cheating even though I was home straight after work and never went out.... Then around 100 lbs our 9 year marriage ended. She said because I didnt wear my wedding ring that wouldnt even fit my thumb anymore. Then I realized Thank god that is over.... I gained a some back then got back on track and here I am thinner and stonger than ever... She is still a royal pain in my *kitten* but I am a better person and am glad she decided to leave me.

    My kids told me she left because I didnt do the dishes. LOL
  • dakotababy
    dakotababy Posts: 2,406 Member
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    I have to agree. I am even noticing how this could happen. I have been proactive in my health. I eat healthy and work out. My boyfriend does not. I feel a tear between us because of this. I talk about working out and healthy eating and he wants nothing to do with it.


    I don't think for me it is necessarily a problem with attractiveness, but it is the differences we now have.

    It is actual fact that people associate with others that are "similar" in attractiveness.
  • crimsoncat
    crimsoncat Posts: 457 Member
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    My kids told me she left because I didnt do the dishes. LOL

    Case in point that "what we say is the problem is not always the real issue".

    I'm sorry to hear about your bad experience. I'm glad life is better now.
  • Rae6503
    Rae6503 Posts: 6,294 Member
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    This is a fabulous idea. "Honey! Come here a second....."
  • Peteshaped
    Peteshaped Posts: 37 Member
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    A relationship is right or it is wrong. It doesn't even need to stay as one thing or the other, our paths meander, cross, merge and divide. If we are lucky we'll meet someone who has a similar path to us and who we can both want similar things at similar times in our lives. Since things change, staying to force something wrong to "work" can be a negative thing. If you're fundamentally not getting your needs met (either side), then why forgo something which means a huge amount to you for the sake of pleasing a forum full of people?

    It comes down to choice. If we let life happen to us, and do not choose to do the things, or to follow the path which we think will make us happiest, then we only have ourselves to blame for living an unhappy life.

    I don't think it's really very fair to judge without all the facts someone else who took a positive (in that they changed their situation, probably in a very personally painful and disruptive way) choice to alter the direction of their lives.

    It takes guts to stand up and change direction, and no, it isn't always the right thing to do. It's not until after the decision is made that you can really determine that though. As the quote goes:

    "never regret anything because
    at one point it was exactly
    what you wanted."

    /Pete
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