Your funniest quote.

khara2012
khara2012 Posts: 1,051 Member
edited November 12 in Chit-Chat
They say you are what you eat, but I don't remember eating a SEXY BEAST!!
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Replies

  • turbofuzz77
    turbofuzz77 Posts: 98 Member
    Falling when drunk....I didnt fall, the floor just needed a hug.
  • turbofuzz77
    turbofuzz77 Posts: 98 Member
    A house is just a place to keep your stuff while you go out and get more stuff.
    George Carlin
  • khara2012
    khara2012 Posts: 1,051 Member
    Love that one. How about this:

    Men say women are always smothering them. I say, if you can still hear them talking, you're not pushing hard enough on the pillow!
  • gbbhey
    gbbhey Posts: 188
    after my roommate gives me a hard time for coming home late: "Sorry for partying!"
  • turbofuzz77
    turbofuzz77 Posts: 98 Member
    Khara, that was a great one!! Top this....TV has proved that people will look at anything rather than each other.
    Ann Landers :tongue:
  • khara2012
    khara2012 Posts: 1,051 Member
    Awww...that's sad! How about this:

    Caffeine makes me do stupid things FASTER and with MORE ENTHUSIASM!
  • khara2012
    khara2012 Posts: 1,051 Member
    If your roommate is giving you a hard time for coming home late, how about:

    My momma always told me if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all. I think tonight is gonna' be a very quiet night!
  • turbofuzz77
    turbofuzz77 Posts: 98 Member
    If you were my homework i'd do you everyday in every possible way. :wink:
  • khara2012
    khara2012 Posts: 1,051 Member
    That is AWESOME!! Love it...
  • turbofuzz77
    turbofuzz77 Posts: 98 Member
    That is AWESOME!! Love it...

    lol :wink: :tongue:
  • turbofuzz77
    turbofuzz77 Posts: 98 Member
    I saw six men kicking and punching the mother-in-law. My neighbor said ‘Are you going to help?’ I said, ‘No, Six should be enough.
    Les Dawson
  • katamus
    katamus Posts: 2,363 Member
    They say money doesn't buy happiness.. But have you ever seen someone frown while riding a jet ski? :wink:
  • turbofuzz77
    turbofuzz77 Posts: 98 Member
    You have to stay in shape. My grandmother, she started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She’s 97 today and we don’t know where the hell she is.
    E. DeGeners
  • jensauce
    jensauce Posts: 150 Member
    opinions are like @ssholes...everyone's got one and they all stink.

    (not my personal opinion, but it's funny)
  • BondBomb
    BondBomb Posts: 1,781 Member
    The quickest way to a mans heart is to saw through his breastplate.
  • jensauce
    jensauce Posts: 150 Member
    The quickest way to a mans heart is to saw through his breastplate.

    ahahaha! that is so morbid =p
  • taunto
    taunto Posts: 6,420 Member
    If you were my homework i'd do you everyday in every possible way. :wink:

    If you were my homework, i'd be ignoring you and surfing internet for porn instead
  • BeautyFromPain
    BeautyFromPain Posts: 4,952 Member
    Your opinion, much like a penis is fine for you to hold and it's fine for you to be proud of but it's certainly not acceptable to shove down random stranger's throats.

    credits to g00dm0rning in the "help diet soda ate my baby" thread
  • john44111
    john44111 Posts: 11 Member
    I am camping in North Eastern Ohio tonight.. so.. of course like every time I go camping I forget something. This time it was electrical tape.. and I needed it bad.

    so I punch Walmart into the gps. (12 miles) Ugh.

    So My kids and I drive there and.. weirdest thing.. there is literally 5 Amish people to every, well people like me. (I wont say normal)

    YEah.. so we are walking around and apparently I butt-dialed my wife (stuck at home with a 4year old) and she listened the whole time as I said to my kids.

    "Well we are going into the electrical section. If I see any Amish in there I am TOTALLY going to be like; Ah HA, I KNEW it! I caught you!"

    surely enough there was an Amish guy in the aisle but he was looking at padlocks. NEXT TIME!
  • roohill
    roohill Posts: 87 Member
    When people say " He's a nice person, once you get to know him." They might as well say.. " He's a ******** , but you'll get use to it.


    Fill in the profanity as you wish. I don't know the board rules, so I wasn't bold enough to play guess the profanity wheel of fortune game where you leave a few letters.
  • draco706
    draco706 Posts: 174 Member
    Support traditional values...organize a neighborhood witch-hunt
  • robpett2001
    robpett2001 Posts: 320 Member
    Always remember, you are special and unique. Just like everybody else.
  • alfpalmer
    alfpalmer Posts: 150 Member
    I would tell you to go to hell, but I work there and I don't want to see you every day.
  • larrys2112
    larrys2112 Posts: 35 Member
    You can't fix stupid, even with duct tape!!
  • wolfpack77
    wolfpack77 Posts: 655
    You can pick your friends, but you cant pick your friends nose.
  • katrinkap
    katrinkap Posts: 443 Member
    "does a bear **** in the woods?" Larry the Cable Guy

    "i'm sorry but if you were right i would agree with you..." Robin Williams

    "I was madder then a fat guy with short arms trying to wipe his own *kitten*...." Larry the Cable Guy
  • jboccio90
    jboccio90 Posts: 644 Member
    "Look lady, I don't come down to where you work and slap the d!ck out of your mouth."
  • magj0y
    magj0y Posts: 1,911 Member
    "You're as old as the b00bies you feel" Then again, most of my guy friends have a penchant for younger women. Except one guy... but he likes chicks in their mid-30s.
  • imchicbad
    imchicbad Posts: 1,650 Member
    "KICK ROCKS" thats my all time line :bigsmile: :bigsmile: :bigsmile: :bigsmile: :bigsmile: :bigsmile: :bigsmile: :bigsmile: :bigsmile:
  • khara2012
    khara2012 Posts: 1,051 Member
    You can pick your friends, but you cant pick your friends nose.

    Sooooo funny!
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