Why do my parents not support me being healthy?

you know I have problems with my family as well. they complain about how much weight i have gained and i need to lose it(which i agree). my issue is that when i go their houses for dinner or the weekend, its always WAY unhealthy food, especially since they have to go out to eat instead of eating something at home. its very frustrating. i will be doing so well with my diet and exercise program, and then i get derailed by going to their houses

Hi
I know you have alot of advice here, mine might not be the greatest but its from my experience. I love my parents, I wish I could be with them more than I am now, but once I was old enough to leave I left the house. My mother is a sweet lady and I would live with her any day as long as my dad did not live with her. I love him to pieces but its hard to love with him... He is very controlling and when I was younger he called me name and was very verbally abusive . We got beat every once in a while but we were not beat every day of our lives. just lived in fear.
I love my dad with all my heart, I understand that he has had his own demons and has been abused but there comes a point in ones life when you are an adult and you make adult decisions. My dad is responsible for his actions. My mom should not put up with the way he talks to her but that's her decision. I choose not to. Thank God I grew up and was able to get out. I go back and visit them when I can even stayed there for a few weeks with my kids when I needed to. But after a few weeks my dad seems to think he can talk to me like a kid again. And I have to remind him that he has no right to speak to me that way. I let him know how it is, if he cant take it. Adios. Ill see u next time.
You know my father is a good man but for whatever reason he does not know how to communicate. All his anger and all his stressed he takes our on his loved ones instead of talking and showing love.
I do not know your situation, but if you can leave your home, if you can, please do. Does not mean cut them off. Cause I would never suggest that. But their relationship is toxic. Sometimes you need distance from some people. obviously you can not live with them in peace. ( I have to say I can not say never, you may be able to live in peace, ANything is possible) Its just my experience and everyone is different. Like I said I can be with my dad for a bit, but after a while he reverts back to how he was when I was kid.
If you can go to therapist, psychologist. There should be someone you can speak to that will listen.
God bless you

I do hope things work out, I do hope you and your parents can learn to communicate and that they will be supportive. No one should be talked to the way you are spoken to. Draw strength from your circumstances and be the better person. Children can and do teach their parents. I am a parent and I realize daily that my children teach me about myself and help me be a better person. I learn from them, they do not even know it.

poor you.

Now that that is out of the way... What are you going to do with YOUR life? It isn't their life. Do the right thing and stick to your guns. Invest in a good pair of ear buds to tune them right out. You sound young enough to still be in school. Study hard, get a scholarship and get on with your great life.

It sounds like you have an answer (excuse) for everyone's suggestion, so I won't make another one for you. Either accept your parents for who they are or distance yourself from them as much as possible.

What do you mean by the first part?

you have a very common malady. dont be offended...many people have it. Its called pleasefeelsorryforme

often associated with dontdisagreewithmeiamwhining syndrome.

take some control and get on with it

Well, how about you just get over yourself because I was simply asking a question and trying to figure out what to do.

Normally I would say this is harsh. However, I live with my husband's family right below me. They are judgmental, critical and what I would consider a family of lower life forms. Sounds harsh doesn't it? But you can't have conversations with them, they don't want to live in a clean environment or eat healthy. They whine, make excuses and basically wallow in their own self pity. And they scream and blame the world for everything.

So you see, I do understand. Okay I don't live right with them and I can hide in my own upstairs apartment. But thing is. You know it sucks and yes you do have the right to vent and get it out of you. But I hear you victimizing yourself. That is the problem. YOU need to take control of your own destiny. You're starting to by eating healthier, but it's more than that. You asked about something you obviously know the answer to. You know what you should do. But you feel helpless.

I hear you contradicting everyone who is trying to give you advice, and that means that no matter what, you aren't going to do anything about it. You'll just go on, taking it and whining about it. Never stepping up to stop it or change it.

My only advise is that first thing is you need to stop the cycle of victimization. Complaining doesn't cure the problem and thinking that the world is out to get you will keep you weak forever.

Please understand. But I know you probably won't. I hope one day you will find the truth inside of yourself. Because no one can do this but you.

I think it makes them angry because they know they should change their own bad diet. Also they might see it as a rejection of their values or the way they brought you up.

Let me start by saying I am SO SORRY your parents are being so unsupportive. Good for you for going on this journey even without the support most people have...

Unfortunately, our parents are still people. People have baggage and issues beyond what we know as their children. And people suck sometimes and do/say crappy things. This is a crappy moment for your parents. It stings because it's your mom and dad and no one expect anything but awesomeness from their parental units... but that's just not how it works sometimes. :-/

You keep doing what you're doing and take care of YOU. We ALL know that eating healthy doesn't just make the weight melt off. It takes time, so that comment about "why eat healthy if you're still heavy" is insane. YOU ARE DOING RIGHT BY YOU.

I hope this helps. Again, I am sorry you're parents are being *kitten*.

Only problem is.. this is how they have been my whole life.
Calling me every name under the moon, plus everything is always my fault. I think that answers your first question they sound like the exact opposite of my mother and inlaws. I've always had their support in everything and your situation sounds horrible to me.

I'm sorry for your parents' behaviors, but if this is the way they've always treated you, it's illogical to expect them to be different with food. I can't relate to abusive parents. I suggest you stand your ground respectfully. Adding bad behavior to bad behavior never solves anything; it just escalates it. I don't know how old you are or your finances, but I would suggest saving to move out as soon as possible. Best wishes.

Because they want you to be as miserable as they are. Misery enjoys company.

A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 28+ years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition

That's terrible Maybe they know they're not living a healthy lifestyle and they're jealous you've taken the steps to help your own life because they don't have the will to do it themselves? I don't know. But lean on us here...we're all here for you.

I found a couple links to stories on That Other Site that might actually help a little. Hope they help:

http://www.sparkpeople.com/resource/motivation_articles.asp?id=1325

http://www.sparkpeople.com/resource/nutrition_articles.asp?id=371

I'm sorry you have to endure their negative comments. Perhaps they lash out at you because you remind them of their lack of dedication to live a healthy life.

I found what worked with my mom was simply writing down the calories of the food. If I were you, I'd go print out nutrition menu's and show your mom how many calories a simple meal from a fast food restaurant puts together and actually show her the quantity you're allowed to eat and make her see the difference. It's a matter of they really have no understanding. I had a similar (yet less confrontational meeting of minds) with my family at first when they said "but it's healthy" and then I put each item down one by one and pointed out the exact calorie counts. My mom was sorta stunned on seeing it. Sometimes there is a lack of knowledge out there. People really think that these meals aren't that bad. Heck, I told my mom the number of calories for my day and pointed out the calories in a sweet potato and she definitely was surprised. She watches me measure everything out and I even made her a cheat cheat for her fruit and cottage cheese salads. We sorta discovered she doesn't eat enough at times which is funny. Knowledge is power....put together something and make them see what you are doing and then you may get some different results.

you have a very common malady. dont be offended...many people have it. Its called pleasefeelsorryforme

i prefer to think of it as "this is a social forum, and I want to connect with people who can relate to what I'm going through"
I would have phrased it more sarcastically to keep with the tone, but I'm actually serious.