HUMILIATED!!!!!!

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  • EnchantedEvening
    EnchantedEvening Posts: 671 Member
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    let me see. he took you out to a yummy sushi dinner then shopping right after, then made the remark.

    HE IS YOUR DEAD WEIGHT. LOSE HIM.
    That's a bit extreme. It didn't sound like he was teasing her. It sounds like it was an honest mistake. I'm sure he felt really bad afterward.
  • opuntia
    opuntia Posts: 860 Member
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    But he knows you, he sees you, and he loves you, so it's not that he thinks your size is unbelievably big. It's just a number out of context to him. He has nothing to associate it with. I bet if you'd smiled and said 'Yep, that's my size!' he'd then readjust in his mind.

    I wouldn't see this as humiliating. It would be awful if it were the other way round - imagine if a guy hadn't yet seen his girlfriend, but knew she was a size 20, and actually assumed that size 20 was smaller. And then met her and said he didn't realise girls came in such big sizes. That would be awful. But in your case, it's just about a number. He's clearly fine with what you actually look like. Numbers don't mean anything. It's you, the person, that matters.
  • head_in_rainbows
    head_in_rainbows Posts: 290 Member
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    Men are really crap with estimating womens weight and clothes sizes. They have different measurement than we do and are totally confused by our. I have to say that I am not good in estimating men that way eaither. I recently met my friends that live abroad and I have not seen for a year and one of them told me that he was on diet for a while and lost a lot of weight because in winter he hit 100 kg. I was shocked and sdaid soemthing like "100! Wow!" and they both told me trhat for a guy hitting 100 kg is not difficoult and that the other of them is 95 kg now. He is not slim and do cerry few extra kgs but he is nothing out of norm so i was surprised.
  • TennesseeSodaholic
    TennesseeSodaholic Posts: 129 Member
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    I think we get our ideas about what is 'big' when we are very young. I can remember in jr. high school I thought that a size 16 was for obese people. I would be so happy to fit into a 16 now.

    I know we thought the same way about age. I can remember in jr. high school thinking that 30 was old. I sure as heck don't believe that today!

    Your bf obviously had an impression of a size 20 being much bigger than what you really are. I'm sure he thought that there was no way you could be near that size, which is why he went ahead and said what he said.
  • ToughTulip
    ToughTulip Posts: 1,118 Member
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    Dear Men,

    I am sorry so many women think you are stupid.
    Keep being honest and giving us giving us accidental reality checks when we need them

    xoxoxo
    Sunshine
  • ashesfromfire
    ashesfromfire Posts: 867 Member
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    I'm wondering what happened to the "Yes I AM fat" 'don't sugar coat it' attitude.

    you're the second person to make that comment and I'll give you the same reply - there is a difference between knowing and accepting i'm fat (which he does with a grace that I deeply appreciate) and there is being surprise that it's possible for people to exist that are as fat as me.
  • mariiyah
    mariiyah Posts: 136 Member
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    men can be really insensitive & such j*rks at times :huh:

    no matter WHAT, dont let anyone take away your self esteem & confidence. do this for yourself. smile & put your game face back on and keep on going.
    eventually when u get nearer to the size u want to be you'll be happier & happier.
  • bowlocuteness
    bowlocuteness Posts: 3
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    I am so sorry to hear that! What was the aftermath of that whole event? Did he apologize???? How are you doing now? Hopefully he learned his lesson and will never, ever again make hurtful comments and cause you to be upset!
  • Contrarian
    Contrarian Posts: 8,138 Member
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    He didn't mean to hurt you. Cut him some slack.
  • ceajules
    ceajules Posts: 123
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    you are beautiful and now a size 18 you will get smaller but that doesnt make you who you are
  • ashesfromfire
    ashesfromfire Posts: 867 Member
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    Is this a life style change/ slimming site or a let us all insult men site? I for one man am sick of seeing men are idiots posts. Men are not idiots, some men are insensitive some are not bright, but calling all men idiots is abuse, I for one am going to start watching posts and will bug the life out of reporting each time anyone puts men are idiots or suchlike until the posting rules are changed to state it is wrong. If I posted all women are stupid I would soon be getting a warning from the admins. But I do understand the point made by the OP, it was a daft thing to say.

    I actually agree with you. My man is really not an idiot and he actually DOES have a concept of women's sizes. (im slightly obsessed with the plus size modleing industry and he hears and learns a lot about plus size women's fashion from me. He may not have it perfect, like after that comment he said he thought I was a 17 - and womens clothes are all even numbers)
    I don't like the men are idiots stance (though, I will admit, men do seem to unintentionally offend women quite often, but i dont think thats stupidity, just different brain wiring)
  • randomtai
    randomtai Posts: 9,003 Member
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    Juniors sizes come in odd numbers and do go up to 17.
  • randomtai
    randomtai Posts: 9,003 Member
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    Dear Men,

    I am sorry so many women think you are stupid.
    Keep being honest and giving us giving us accidental reality checks when we need them

    xoxoxo
    Sunshine

    :flowerforyou:
  • anorangie
    anorangie Posts: 975 Member
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    For the OP: I'm sure your boyfriend had no idea about women's sizing and how those sizes correlate to real bodies; he didn't mean or want to hurt you.

    Your progress so far has been great! If you can, enjoy what you've accomplished--and look at your boyfriend's heart toward you overall and forgive the off-the-cuff comment. :)
  • stagknight
    stagknight Posts: 130 Member
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    Is this a life style change/ slimming site or a let us all insult men site? I for one man am sick of seeing men are idiots posts. Men are not idiots, some men are insensitive some are not bright, but calling all men idiots is abuse, I for one am going to start watching posts and will bug the life out of reporting each time anyone puts men are idiots or suchlike until the posting rules are changed to state it is wrong. If I posted all women are stupid I would soon be getting a warning from the admins. But I do understand the point made by the OP, it was a daft thing to say.

    I actually agree with you. My man is really not an idiot and he actually DOES have a concept of women's sizes. (im slightly obsessed with the plus size modleing industry and he hears and learns a lot about plus size women's fashion from me. He may not have it perfect, like after that comment he said he thought I was a 17 - and womens clothes are all even numbers)
    I don't like the men are idiots stance (though, I will admit, men do seem to unintentionally offend women quite often, but i dont think thats stupidity, just different brain wiring)

    You could be right on the wiring, it's an emotions thing, we men are brutally honest with each other, we tell men to dump their girls if the girl says he can't watch the match in the pub with his mates, or tells him to throw out his collection of comics or model cars because they are "junk" or "clutter". Feelings don't enter into it, you suck up the comment and get on with it, women are different, tell them the cat on a soap opera died and they bawl their eyes out. When a man is comfortable with a woman he treats her like his friend, and making crass comments to his friends is hard wired. Sorry ladies, that's just blokes.
  • kayemme
    kayemme Posts: 1,782 Member
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    Before I can decide which style to try my boyfriend exclaims, "Size 20! I didn't know they even made that size!" The punch line: I wear a size 20 (less, I found out tonight I fit in to an 18 now, but still) I was mortified!

    he obviously cares for you, and he clearly doesn't understand women's sizing. you can't blame him, i don't think WE even understand it (it's truly arbitrary).

    don't be upset about it. he didn't mean anything other than he really didn't know that they made a size 20.
  • dmpizza
    dmpizza Posts: 3,321 Member
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    I was going to over analyze this, but it really just amounts to a real DOUCHE move on your boyfriend's part.

    NO reason to keep him around.

    Best of luck to you.
  • jlnk
    jlnk Posts: 188 Member
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    If that is all it takes to shred your self esteem, I suggest working on your inner self.
  • Jipples
    Jipples Posts: 663 Member
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    Men are dumb, no offense. I am sorry it hurt though. Those off hand comments hurt worse!

    True story.
  • CakeFit21
    CakeFit21 Posts: 2,521 Member
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    Dear Men,

    I am sorry so many women think you are stupid.
    Keep being honest and giving us giving us accidental reality checks when we need them

    xoxoxo
    Sunshine

    Exactly.

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