friends with your ex?

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2

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  • lynn1982
    lynn1982 Posts: 1,439 Member
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    I think if you have to ask, then don't do it. I have one ex with whom I am close friends. It's not something I usually do, but it just works in this case. At the beginning, we only hung out in groups, but we live in the same apartment building, and when my dad died three months ago, he was the closest (geographically) friend that I had. It was super late and I didn't want to be alone, so he came and stayed with me. Since then we've had dinner on a number of occasions, but nothing more. So...it could work, but if she's giving you a warning that things could get messy if she gets drunk, then I would steer clear.
  • HiKaren
    HiKaren Posts: 1,306 Member
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    My logical mind would say, don't go. Because you already broke up with her. No need to twist the knife even further, by taking her to this thing, and breaking her heart a little more. And theres that possible risk your taking with her getting really intoxicated, and causing you a fairly embarrassing scene.
  • nikky110
    nikky110 Posts: 16 Member
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    Long story short, things had moved past the fun and exciting stage for us.

    If it was no longer fun back then what makes it fun the "ball" night?? Plus, you only broke up with her last night which means it is fresh break up... Women don't just move on that fast.. and the "ball" ticket is her hope for you to change your mind on the break up.
    Lastly, Her telling you she will cause a scene if she is drunk only means she is deppressed and sad over the break up and emotionally not stable YET. I would nicely decline going to the ball with her and decline anything that has her in the picture if you want full closure for both of you.
  • Ready2Rock206
    Ready2Rock206 Posts: 9,488 Member
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    Oh mercy - she already warned you she might start major drama and you still want to go?! Yikes!
  • waronmyfat
    waronmyfat Posts: 322 Member
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    Question for you guys,

    I broke up with my girlfriend of about 4.5 months last night. Long story short, things had moved past the fun and exciting stage for us, and I just was no longer invested into the relationship. She's a great girl, but I found myself unhappy when I was with her, making up excuses to not hang out as much, and I just wasn't having fun.

    Problem is, we had tickets/plans to go to the AF Ball, a pretty exclusive event at each Air Force base, and she has asked if I still want to go. I told her I would; I've never been to a 'Ball' before and want to see what the hooplah is about, but I told her it would be as friends and I don't want to send mixed signals.

    She told me she will still go, but she can't be held accountable for any sort of scene she would cause once she starts drinking. I think she's kidding, but I'm not 100% on that. I told her we should think about it for a couple of days, then decide.

    Anyways, my question...have you ever been friends with an ex? Would you go to the ball if you were me?

    bad idea... can just see it now she'll make you look like a complete n utter wanker at the ball
  • gizzygirlatheart
    gizzygirlatheart Posts: 6
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    It never works! I've tried, a number of times and we both ended up even more hurt/confused. For your own sanity, and hers, don't go!
  • sevsmom
    sevsmom Posts: 1,172 Member
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    I'm friendly with the ex husband. Just chatted up his new bride when I saw her at the grocery store.

    We maintained a good relationship because I knew it was paramount for our daughter. However, I never truly maintained a friendship with any ex boyfriends. Usually because they only dumped me after they found someone else to sleep with and that kinda sucked.

    This event sounds like fun, but I wouldn't trust the girl if she's planning on drinking. It could get ugly. You guys MAY be able to develop a friendship, but not overnight.

    Proceed with caution.
  • _Amanda_lynn
    _Amanda_lynn Posts: 25
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    Long story short, things had moved past the fun and exciting stage for us.

    If it was no longer fun back then what makes it fun the "ball" night?? Plus, you only broke up with her last night which means it is fresh break up... Women don't just move on that fast.. and the "ball" ticket is her hope for you to change your mind on the break up.
    Lastly, Her telling you she will cause a scene if she is drunk only means she is deppressed and sad over the break up and emotionally not stable YET. I would nicely decline going to the ball with her and decline anything that has her in the picture if you want full closure for both of you.



    ^^^^This^^^
  • SHAL215
    SHAL215 Posts: 12 Member
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    Give her the tickets and bow out respectfully. You can't expect her not to still have feelings for you and going would indeed send mixed signals.
  • lacroyx
    lacroyx Posts: 5,754 Member
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    It took time but I am friends with my exes. In your case however I think it wouldn't be a good idea. Especially how she talks about her drinking.
  • gbbhey
    gbbhey Posts: 188
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    OK, thank you everybody. I was just curious what everyone's school of thought was on this, since everyone seems to have an opinion on it.
  • kms1104
    kms1104 Posts: 110 Member
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    Personally, I feel TIME is the thing here. If it's too soon, I agree with others who said you'll start acting like a couple... there may be alcohol and sex, and a big messy explanation after that...OR one gets drunk and comes onto the other and there's a whole awkward thing...BASICALLY it's dragging out the break up. If you decide to be friends little by little, great, but doing a big couple event after a break up, eh, I've been there, done that... it wasn't pretty for either of us. It's asking for drama.
  • sarahg148
    sarahg148 Posts: 701 Member
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    Def don't go. I know you've never been to an AF Ball before, but I don't think this will create the memory or experience you're looking for, lol. :)
  • mamagooskie
    mamagooskie Posts: 2,964 Member
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    I have never ever ever been stayed friends with an ex. If I were you I wouldn't go.....this scene she might cause when drinking is not something you should have to deal with.
  • MsNewBooty83
    MsNewBooty83 Posts: 1,003 Member
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    for the small amt of time u were together and the freshness of the break up id pass on the ball. her comment would be enough to scare me off of it. lol
  • ritoosh
    ritoosh Posts: 190
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    it depends, im still friends with a few of my exes, one of them is actually my best friend. but if you think shes going to cause a scene or anything dont bother.
  • aj11016
    aj11016 Posts: 65
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    Think of the ball kind of like prom, that is if it is anything like the army ones (and I am sure that they are probably pretty close). Personally, I have several friends that used to be exes. Some of us hangout and our children have play dates. It depends on if you are sure that you do not want to be with her and if she has the same feeling, if not, she could think that your going to the ball means something more. Good luck :drinker:
  • Haylz_ish
    Haylz_ish Posts: 80
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    Bad idea is bad.
    Run

    :tongue:
  • Serenstar75
    Serenstar75 Posts: 258 Member
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    You could just be direct and discuss it with her. Find out how she's feeling, if she's badly hurt, if she's feeling overly jilted and if she was KIDDING or not. Talking is the best. If you were only together 4.5 months (which is diddly short) there may not be a huge issue with being friends. The only way you're going to know is by talking.
  • BioShocked89
    BioShocked89 Posts: 330 Member
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    The only one of my ex's I am even slightly friends with is the one that I never formed a real relationship with. I dated him 2 months, and we were each others back ups. (I was on the rebound and had a crush on him , not ready for anything real/settling. He had another girl he was in love with, and he was settling. We both knew it when we started dating.)

    Point being, if you had an emotional attachment with her, you really really really do not need to be taking her to a ball. Take another friend. Maybe she can help you meet someone at the ball?

    But, considering that your ex plans on drinking, I could see her using it to get revenge on you. Then later claiming it wasn't her fault, she was drunk. It's a big mistake waiting to happen. Dodge the bullet, my friend.

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