friends with your ex?

gbbhey
gbbhey Posts: 188
in Chit-Chat
Thank you everyone, editing because I've decided everyone's got their opinion on this and it's not going to get me anywhere, just need to think about it myself.
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Replies

  • bushidowoman
    bushidowoman Posts: 1,599 Member
    Sounds like a disaster waiting to happen, my friend. Move on.
  • daffodilsoup
    daffodilsoup Posts: 1,972 Member
    Unless you're looking for her to have a meltdown at what sounds like a fancy party, I'd politely duck out of this one.
  • Mr_Bad_Example
    Mr_Bad_Example Posts: 2,403 Member
    Ex's are ex's for a reason and they typically don't make for good friends... at least in my experience.
  • cheerforsteelers
    cheerforsteelers Posts: 686 Member
    Left on good terms with an ex, but not friends. I wouldn't go to the ball with her.
  • kelseyhere
    kelseyhere Posts: 1,123 Member
    Yeah, get out now so she can have time to find another date. It won't be fun for her, or you.
  • zyxst
    zyxst Posts: 9,149 Member
    I'm not friends with any of my exes. I am civil with my daughter's father.
  • DaniKenmir
    DaniKenmir Posts: 387 Member
    Bad plan, bad.
  • travellernikki
    travellernikki Posts: 31 Member
    I'm friends with one of my exs. The friendship is nowhere near as close as it used to be, but we can still hangout if we're in a group of other friends and have fun. We try to never hang out alone though, that would probably get weird. The friendship is really just slightly more than having an acquaintance though.
  • samblanken
    samblanken Posts: 369 Member
    I go to the marine corp birthday ball every november. It's sorta like prom for grown ups - an excuse to get dressed up. If it's anything like the marines, a suit will not cut it. If you are not a service member, civilians wear tuxedos. You may find it kinda boring if you don't know anyone there. If she can't behave herself, you're better off to save the scene she may cause. Since you've never been to one I assume that she is either in the military or works for the military as a civilian. You will be surrounded by her coworkers. The last thing she needs to do is make a scene and embarass herself in front of her coworkers. I'd stay home.
  • Darkskinned88
    Darkskinned88 Posts: 1,177 Member
    It really depends on the woman, some exes i know thru and thru they are sweethearts so i do keep them in my life, while others i knew just to leave it alone altogether, you know her better than we do, do you really think you two can be just friends, or if something does happen at the ball is she the type that wont make things weird after? if the answer to either are no then that should be the answer to the ball invite
  • Jennloella
    Jennloella Posts: 2,286 Member
    I am friends with my ex husband. We were married 9 months. I remarried and have been happily so for 12 years now. I still speak with my first husband, exchange christmas cards, etc - we are much better friends. For you though, never under estimate a drunk lady that may or may not feel jilted. Don't go. At least not with her.
  • bizy1
    bizy1 Posts: 2 Member
    You had the guts to decisively end it. She's warning you that the evening is going to be nothing short of a nightmare or anticipation of a nightmare.
    You can be friends in about 5 years but for now just steer clear.
  • Silverkittycat
    Silverkittycat Posts: 1,997 Member
    Question for you guys,

    I broke up with my girlfriend of about 4.5 months last night. Long story short, things had moved past the fun and exciting stage for us, and I just was no longer invested into the relationship. She's a great girl, but I found myself unhappy when I was with her, making up excuses to not hang out as much, and I just wasn't having fun.

    Problem is, we had tickets/plans to go to the AF Ball, a pretty exclusive event at each Air Force base, and she has asked if I still want to go. I told her I would; I've never been to a 'Ball' before and want to see what the hooplah is about, but I told her it would be as friends and I don't want to send mixed signals.

    She told me she will still go, but she can't be held accountable for any sort of scene she would cause once she starts drinking. I think she's kidding, but I'm not 100% on that. I told her we should think about it for a couple of days, then decide.

    Anyways, my question...have you ever been friends with an ex? Would you go to the ball if you were me?

    I wouldn't go if I were you, she's already warned you what will happen. Personally I am friends with my ex boyfriends, if I cared or loved them enough to be in a relationship with them of course I still care, just not "in love". :)
  • KT022
    KT022 Posts: 46 Member
    Honestly, first hand experience when I have been the ashamedly drunk ex, she will be messy. If she was feeling it, and you weren't - don't go. There will be tears and misery and you will be left kicking yourself for going, and [maybe] hurting for the pain you've made her feel, which will become all to evident when the alcohol starts talking.
  • CJ_Holmes
    CJ_Holmes Posts: 759 Member
    Don't do it- sounds like a couple-y event, and you guys will act like a couple cause that is what you're used to. I'm friends with a lot of my exes, but it's too soon to going to an event like this as a date. Even if she said that stuff about drinking as a joke, it's a huge red flag that she may not be as ok with the breakup as you are. If you care about her, don't let this situation happen. Let her find another date.
  • PittShkr
    PittShkr Posts: 1,000 Member
    Keep in mind 90% of exs are smelly pirate hookers! Avoid them like scurvy!
  • jboccio90
    jboccio90 Posts: 644 Member
    Unless you're looking for her to have a meltdown at what sounds like a fancy party, I'd politely duck out of this one.


    agreed, women can't be trusted when it comes to emotions.
  • Cheryl1018
    Cheryl1018 Posts: 59
    I am on very good terms with my ex but we were married for 10 years and together for 15 altogether. Your situation is very different and it seems like there might be more drama than fun.
  • ajswriter
    ajswriter Posts: 117 Member
    I would definitely take someone else or try to scalp your tickets. Doesn't sound like you know her well enough to trust her behavior, plus you don't want to backslide into sleeping with her and starting that cycle.
  • slkehl
    slkehl Posts: 3,801 Member
    My ex said we'd still be friends when he dumped me but hasn't contacted me since we broke up five months ago. And I don't call breaking up and peace-ing out completely being friends. If it's got to be that way, fine, but at least define it. This whole "I still love you" and then not talking at all isn't great for closure.
  • lynn1982
    lynn1982 Posts: 1,439 Member
    I think if you have to ask, then don't do it. I have one ex with whom I am close friends. It's not something I usually do, but it just works in this case. At the beginning, we only hung out in groups, but we live in the same apartment building, and when my dad died three months ago, he was the closest (geographically) friend that I had. It was super late and I didn't want to be alone, so he came and stayed with me. Since then we've had dinner on a number of occasions, but nothing more. So...it could work, but if she's giving you a warning that things could get messy if she gets drunk, then I would steer clear.
  • HiKaren
    HiKaren Posts: 1,306 Member
    My logical mind would say, don't go. Because you already broke up with her. No need to twist the knife even further, by taking her to this thing, and breaking her heart a little more. And theres that possible risk your taking with her getting really intoxicated, and causing you a fairly embarrassing scene.
  • nikky110
    nikky110 Posts: 16 Member
    Long story short, things had moved past the fun and exciting stage for us.

    If it was no longer fun back then what makes it fun the "ball" night?? Plus, you only broke up with her last night which means it is fresh break up... Women don't just move on that fast.. and the "ball" ticket is her hope for you to change your mind on the break up.
    Lastly, Her telling you she will cause a scene if she is drunk only means she is deppressed and sad over the break up and emotionally not stable YET. I would nicely decline going to the ball with her and decline anything that has her in the picture if you want full closure for both of you.
  • Ready2Rock206
    Ready2Rock206 Posts: 9,487 Member
    Oh mercy - she already warned you she might start major drama and you still want to go?! Yikes!
  • waronmyfat
    waronmyfat Posts: 322 Member
    Question for you guys,

    I broke up with my girlfriend of about 4.5 months last night. Long story short, things had moved past the fun and exciting stage for us, and I just was no longer invested into the relationship. She's a great girl, but I found myself unhappy when I was with her, making up excuses to not hang out as much, and I just wasn't having fun.

    Problem is, we had tickets/plans to go to the AF Ball, a pretty exclusive event at each Air Force base, and she has asked if I still want to go. I told her I would; I've never been to a 'Ball' before and want to see what the hooplah is about, but I told her it would be as friends and I don't want to send mixed signals.

    She told me she will still go, but she can't be held accountable for any sort of scene she would cause once she starts drinking. I think she's kidding, but I'm not 100% on that. I told her we should think about it for a couple of days, then decide.

    Anyways, my question...have you ever been friends with an ex? Would you go to the ball if you were me?

    bad idea... can just see it now she'll make you look like a complete n utter wanker at the ball
  • gizzygirlatheart
    gizzygirlatheart Posts: 6
    It never works! I've tried, a number of times and we both ended up even more hurt/confused. For your own sanity, and hers, don't go!
  • sevsmom
    sevsmom Posts: 1,172 Member
    I'm friendly with the ex husband. Just chatted up his new bride when I saw her at the grocery store.

    We maintained a good relationship because I knew it was paramount for our daughter. However, I never truly maintained a friendship with any ex boyfriends. Usually because they only dumped me after they found someone else to sleep with and that kinda sucked.

    This event sounds like fun, but I wouldn't trust the girl if she's planning on drinking. It could get ugly. You guys MAY be able to develop a friendship, but not overnight.

    Proceed with caution.
  • _Amanda_lynn
    _Amanda_lynn Posts: 25
    Long story short, things had moved past the fun and exciting stage for us.

    If it was no longer fun back then what makes it fun the "ball" night?? Plus, you only broke up with her last night which means it is fresh break up... Women don't just move on that fast.. and the "ball" ticket is her hope for you to change your mind on the break up.
    Lastly, Her telling you she will cause a scene if she is drunk only means she is deppressed and sad over the break up and emotionally not stable YET. I would nicely decline going to the ball with her and decline anything that has her in the picture if you want full closure for both of you.



    ^^^^This^^^
  • SHAL215
    SHAL215 Posts: 12 Member
    Give her the tickets and bow out respectfully. You can't expect her not to still have feelings for you and going would indeed send mixed signals.
  • lacroyx
    lacroyx Posts: 5,754 Member
    It took time but I am friends with my exes. In your case however I think it wouldn't be a good idea. Especially how she talks about her drinking.

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