Weight related relationship advice...

If he's normally only attracted to women that are on the side on unhealthy and he chose you -- at 140lbs overweight. He must've seen something in you that he didn't see in those girls.


Maybe you're wrong about what he finds attractive.

Honestly, for me, even when I lost weight I still had that neurotic feeling. I don't think people like to admit they're self conscious or that they have weaknesses so they deny them when asked but we all have them. Just as I am sure your boyfriend would start worrying (even if he doesn't admit it) about you wanting something else if he saw a large decrease in your weight, especially as your confidence goes up.

My partner is normally only attracted to women who are thin enough to be on the side of unhealthy. I'm approximately 140 lbs overweight... How do I handle my insecurities?

It doesn't matter that "he's with me" because people often stay with people they're NOT attracted to for a variety of reasons. I'm not asking for reassurance that he is attracted to me. I'm more wondering if this has happened to any of you & how can I deal with it, without being neurotic & self-conscious?

My boyfriend and I have been together for 6 years. When we met, I was 185 (Had just lost over 130 lbs) and he told me (NOT in a mean way) that I was the thickest girl he had ever dated. Now, 6 years and 1 child later, I am back over 300 lbs, and for the longest time questioned everything. But what I did was have to just open my eyes and realize:

1. He wouldn't be there if he didn't want to be.

2. Just LOVE yourself. You have to do that in order to feel and understand the love they have for you.

3. Be open with him about things. My boyfriend would get so mad because I have TONS of clothes, but don't wear any of them. I would be almost embarrassed when I would get dressed and wear the same thing all the time. Finally, I told him "Look, I just can't fit into anything in there!!!" He now doesn't ask...LOL

4. Just keep working on yourself and doing good things for yourself. I will tell you right now, until you are OK with yourself, those insecurities will not go away. But honestly - they are there whether you are heavy or skinny. All women struggle with that at one point or another. It is how you handle, grow and build yourself up that will determine if they stay or go.

Sorry - this is kind of a ramble...but if he doesn't give you a reason to feel insecure, then just work your way through them and talk them out of your head. I have to do that all the time, but my boyfriend has never once said anything negative about my weight. He just wants me healthy so I can be around for a long time.

This is happening to me as I speak. My husband is from Central America and has only dated tiny little things his whole life. Being with me was an adjustment for him (he didn't have to tell me, I just knew), but he lets me know every posible moment how beautiful he finds me and how he loves every part of my body. Despite his unsolicited encouragement, I still feel like a disgusting cow, but I am using that for motivation. It makes me want to work harder to look nice for him and, further, have the same opinion about myself as he does. I'm actually going to counseling to deal with this and other isues because if I let myself think about it, it makes me depressed, especially since I'll always be huge compared to him because I'm a good 6 inches taller than he is.

I know this feeling all too well. Granted, my boyfriend tends to like the chubby girls, I feel I'm not just "chubby" I'm fat. But he also draws a lot of eyes from those skinny lightly dressed girls and it gets nerve wracking. To him though, he states he's not attracted, he only has eyes for me etc. But still, when you see a girl that's skinny and showing every inch of body she can that's publicly acceptable... your self esteem drops... or you're like me and want to just punch her.

Since you don't want the reassurance he loves you and is with you for you this is the only other thing I can say that I used to hear from several of my closer guy friends.

A guy may LOOK at skinny girls, and he may be "attracted" to them, but in the long run they're not after some sexy girl that is more than likely a slut. He sees that as "fun". He's looking for a woman that will be able to bear his children (primal instincts) and be a good lover. For that they're looking for more than just the outside. Yes, there has to be a level of attraction, but chances are he finds you attractive phsyically and loves you internally. Depending on how he is though, some guys are just players. They want whatever they can have sex with and they don't care who they hurt in the process. It's another notch in their belt ot say "I sleep with hot girls" compared to "I have a fantastic woman who loves me and I can stay with".

It's hard to explain, but being phsycially attracted and emotionally attracted are different. If he thought you were dog ugly, you'd probably know it. So chin up and stay strong.

That and like someone said before, you're working on getting fit and being a healthier better you. If he stays in your life during, that's great. If he leaves you for someone else who cares, with the new you that you're striding for, you'll be able to find someone who actually appreciates you for you

My partner is normally only attracted to women who are thin enough to be on the side of unhealthy. I'm approximately 140 lbs overweight... How do I handle my insecurities?

It doesn't matter that "he's with me" because people often stay with people they're NOT attracted to for a variety of reasons. I'm not asking for reassurance that he is attracted to me. I'm more wondering if this has happened to any of you & how can I deal with it, without being neurotic & self-conscious?

I'm about 10lbs heavier than where I want to be but far from overweight.

My SO has. Always dated unhealthy skinny women so I can relate. Best advice I can give you is to tell him how you feel. Mine was really bad about that stuff and commenting on my weight and it made jealousy rear it's ugly head.

Another piece of advice is to focus on you and getting yourself where you want to be hopefully your confidence will boost as well

I sympathize with your dilemma. In the end, he will probably end up being with they type of woman he wants.

I would consider the fact that you know his preferences to be fortunate in that you can end the relationship now before you're completely invested and left broken hearted.

And while your single, I encourage you to go become the most kickass, badass, amazing woman you can possibly be. Cause I think you have it in you...

Best wishes on your journey... =D

One other thing... confidence easily takes 20 - 30 pounds off your body weight. Find it and use it liberally.

wow... Mr. Sunshine here...

On another note, men aren't ALL shallow. We look, we like, but at the end of the day, you are with the woman you like to be around. No matter how hot a chick is, if she is annoying as hell, you can't stand her after a week and she becomes "ugly". Maybe he likes you for the person you are.

Hot is for flings, personality is marriage material.

My partner is normally only attracted to women who are thin enough to be on the side of unhealthy. I'm approximately 140 lbs overweight... How do I handle my insecurities?

It doesn't matter that "he's with me" because people often stay with people they're NOT attracted to for a variety of reasons. I'm not asking for reassurance that he is attracted to me. I'm more wondering if this has happened to any of you & how can I deal with it, without being neurotic & self-conscious?

Don't worry, I have for as long as I can remember been attracted only to larger girls. My wife and I are both losing weight together and as I see her weight drop It makes me excited to think about what she will look like when she reaches her goal. I guess what I mean is that i'm attracted to her; more than just how she looks.

That’s a tough one.

My bf and I have been together for 2.5 years. We’ve been talking marriage for the last year and a half. We plan to be officially engaged soon. He recently revealed to me that he’s worried about me gaining weight after we get married.

It crushed me. Seriously. I’ve had weight issues my whole life. At my high weight I was wearing a size 18-20. I was down 50 pounds and maintained for a few years before I met him, wearing a size 14. He was always complimentary of my looks and my body. His being so attracted to me helped me get over a lot of my insecurities about my body. Even if I wasn’t happy with how I looked, he was and I loved that.

Since we’ve been together I’ve gained a bit and lost it again. I’m actually down to a size 12 now. Until he said something, I had no idea the thought would have even concerned him. I know I don’t want to gain weight, but since it’s a struggle for me and always has been, I can’t make any promises. And the added pressure of him losing attraction makes it seem almost overwhelming to me.

So yeah, not sure I have any advice. Just to say I kinda know what you’re feeling.

Some things to consider...

-- Is your goal to have a body which matches an ideal of beauty?
-- If so, is that ideal your own or someone else's?
-- If it's someone else's, have you adopted this ideal to please him/her/them, or because you haven't formulated your own ideal?
-- How sturdy and achievable will your goals really be if they aren't *your* goals?

Your body is a container for the stuff that is you. Value each part individually; and learn to help the person inside. As poets have said since the dawn of time, beauty is fleeting; and formulating your goals on beauty is like building the proverbial house on the sand.

That’s a tough one.

My bf and I have been together for 2.5 years. We’ve been talking marriage for the last year and a half. We plan to be officially engaged soon. He recently revealed to me that he’s worried about me gaining weight after we get married.

It crushed me. Seriously. I’ve had weight issues my whole life. At my high weight I was wearing a size 18-20. I was down 50 pounds and maintained for a few years before I met him, wearing a size 14. He was always complimentary of my looks and my body. His being so attracted to me helped me get over a lot of my insecurities about my body. Even if I wasn’t happy with how I looked, he was and I loved that.

Since we’ve been together I’ve gained a bit and lost it again. I’m actually down to a size 12 now. Until he said something, I had no idea the thought would have even concerned him. I know I don’t want to gain weight, but since it’s a struggle for me and always has been, I can’t make any promises. And the added pressure of him losing attraction makes it seem almost overwhelming to me.

So yeah, not sure I have any advice. Just to say I kinda know what you’re feeling.

Honey, if he is worried you will gain weight after you get married, RUN. RUN FAR AWAY FROM HIM. HE IS NOT MARRIAGE MATERIAL.

Marriage is for life. It's not just for "in your 20's-40's when you still look great". It continues when you are grey haired, wrinkled, losing your shape, getting sick and dying.

Any man (or woman) who is concerned that your appearance might change (in any way, be it weight, hairstyle, natural aging) is not someone you want to settle down with. What will he/she do if you get sick and put on the pounds or lose your hair from chemo? What will he/she do if you get in an accident and lose a limb? Life happens. If the person you are spending your life with isn't ready to accept that then quite frankly, it's time to let them go.