Weight related relationship advice...

double post

Just as I am sure your boyfriend would start worrying (even if he doesn't admit it) about you wanting something else if he saw a large decrease in your weight, especially as your confidence goes up.

Whoa, that's something I hadn't even thought of... that helps actually in a (probably unhealthy) huge way.

The answer to all your problems is trust and good communication. Tell him how you feel.

People always have physical attributes they find more attractive than others, but the reality is, they don't really factor into the emotional connection with someone.

I have a thing for dark hair, but am currently dating a blonde. I really like her and find her very attractive, even though she's not the "type" that's usually in my head.

For your own confidence, stop comparing yourself to others. Remind yourself everyday of what is great about you. Having self-confidence is itself a very attractive attribute. You're on MFP, which means you are working toward some awesome goals. Be proud of that.

Hmmm... Personally if he sees something in you at 140lb overweight, have a little faith and ALOT more confidence!!! Its not ALL about looks mami... I know its hard to not be insecure knowing maybe what his past girl looked like, but sometimes you just gotta believe in what you got!! Good Luck!!!

Honestly…? I think you might be overestimating how much he likes thin women.

First off, if he was really only attracted to thin women, he wouldn’t be with someone 140 lbs overweight in the first place.

Second, I’ve found that as a general rule, men really don’t care that much about a woman’s weight. They don’t care nearly as much as we girls do.

Case in point: I went from being 120 to 160 in the span of 3 months due to medication and my spouse did not even notice (really.). To be honest, he’s gained about 40 lbs since we’ve been married and I really didn’t notice either until he stepped on a scale. Then my concern was for his health, not his looks. I’ve gotten back down to 143 over the last month and a half and he really hasn’t noticed. Weight just isn’t something he gives a bleep about.

If he really finds thin thin thin girls so attractive, ask him why. Ask him what it is about them that attracts him. Is it really the thin ness or is it how they carry themselves, what they wear, how their faces/hair look? If he answers you honestly, my guess is it’s not the uber thin body that really does it for him. It’s probably more in the way they carry themselves with confidence. And you don’t have to be rail thin to do that.

I do understand that its difficult not to let things like this bother you; but all you can really do is be the "best you" that you can be and know that he is with you because he loves you. We do all notice other people that are "attractive", but there comes a point where it feels disrespectful to the partner. Trust me, I've been through a loooooot of these issues with my husband. I can relate to the way that you must feel. Friend me if you need to talk, I'll listen and commiserate.
Take care! :flowerforyou:

I am sorry you are feeling insecure right now. I know that my husband was more attracted to me when I was 30lbs lighter, because he told me so.

If he really does prefer those type of women, why is he with you?
Do you need to worry about losing him to a thinner woman?
These are questions you need to be asking him. Part of being in a relationship is being able to talk about issues. You are feeling insecure about your parnters attraction to you- and you need to tell him that. Tell him that.

If you find yourself unable to ask your partner about this, or you find your partner unable to reassure you that he loves you, and is attracted to you, and provide a multitude of reasons, then you have bigger issues here, and I would suspect that the insecurity you are feeling stems from something else, and is manifesting itself in the weight issue.

Having said that0 of you love him, stick by him but love yourself, too. And if things don't work out, remember- the best part of being in a loving relationship, is that people love you for YOU. For who you are right now- not for who they hope you might be, or can become- but if someone loves you- they accept you for what and who you are right now and support the cnage you are trying to make- but don't love you any less for needing to make that change. Hope that made sense.

If he's normally only attracted to women that are on the side on unhealthy and he chose you -- at 140lbs overweight. He must've seen something in you that he didn't see in those girls.


Maybe you're wrong about what he finds attractive.

He & I knew each other casually for awhile before dating, & we had discussed our types. His own words were "tall, thin girls that look like boys". I'm willing to believe that he sees something in me he loves, I mean he must have, but it doesn't mean I'm visually pleasing to him, you know?

:noway: Look like boys? I'd have bolt right then and there.

That’s a tough one.

My bf and I have been together for 2.5 years. We’ve been talking marriage for the last year and a half. We plan to be officially engaged soon. He recently revealed to me that he’s worried about me gaining weight after we get married.

It crushed me. Seriously. I’ve had weight issues my whole life. At my high weight I was wearing a size 18-20. I was down 50 pounds and maintained for a few years before I met him, wearing a size 14. He was always complimentary of my looks and my body. His being so attracted to me helped me get over a lot of my insecurities about my body. Even if I wasn’t happy with how I looked, he was and I loved that.

Since we’ve been together I’ve gained a bit and lost it again. I’m actually down to a size 12 now. Until he said something, I had no idea the thought would have even concerned him. I know I don’t want to gain weight, but since it’s a struggle for me and always has been, I can’t make any promises. And the added pressure of him losing attraction makes it seem almost overwhelming to me.

So yeah, not sure I have any advice. Just to say I kinda know what you’re feeling.

Honey, if he is worried you will gain weight after you get married, RUN. RUN FAR AWAY FROM HIM. HE IS NOT MARRIAGE MATERIAL.

Marriage is for life. It's not just for "in your 20's-40's when you still look great". It continues when you are grey haired, wrinkled, losing your shape, getting sick and dying.

Any man (or woman) who is concerned that your appearance might change (in any way, be it weight, hairstyle, natural aging) is not someone you want to settle down with. What will he/she do if you get sick and put on the pounds or lose your hair from chemo? What will he/she do if you get in an accident and lose a limb? Life happens. If the person you are spending your life with isn't ready to accept that then quite frankly, it's time to let them go.

It’s not as if he would leave me if I did, it was just his way of expressing his wish that I wouldn’t. He felt terrible about saying it out loud and acknowledged what a horrible thing it is. But he had been thinking it all the same. Perhaps he was being “too” honest.

This is one small issue we can talk through (we have and will continue to). One of the things I love about my relationship is that we CAN talk through stuff just like this. Rest assured, he is most certainly marriage material, for all kinds of reasons.