Lost the weight...more lonely than ever



  • atxdee
    atxdee Posts: 613 Member
    kyle seriously! snap out of it! your a good looking young man! you need to exude confidence! Walk up to a chic and be like, " girl, me, you, coffee, now!"
  • Try Speed dating.... I did it and met a few nice ladies in a short amount of time..... Havent met the one yet, but figure its good pracyice for when I do.....
  • SusanLovesToEat
    SusanLovesToEat Posts: 218 Member
    Thanks everyone. I'm trying and like some of you said maybe that's the thing, that I just need to let it happen. Easier said than done I believe. I'm not saying that I'm depressed, I am enjoying life and love doing things, but more often than not I find myself wanting to experience things with someone else, other than friends. And that's something that I haven't had the pleasure of in awhile.

    Have you tried those online matchmaking sites? Or a local magazine personals section? There are always like minded people on those who would like some company...
  • penrh44
    penrh44 Posts: 4 Member

    Similar to other posts, I can sympatsise with your frustration. It is great that you have lost the weight (well done you!!!!!) and even better than you are feeling confident.

    The thing I have learnt about attractiving (quality) people of the opposite sex, is that it is all about your energy. We often seem to forget, even if we paste a smile on our faces and confidently talk to someone, that if our energy is 'off' they will sense it from a mile off. An easy example would be - how many times has someone smiled at you and said they are 'fine' when an alarm bell rings in you that there is something not quite right about them that day?? The same goes for dating. If you have an 'act' of confidence and happiness then it won't wash - take the focus off dating for now, concentrate on being nice to you - date yourself!! Be kind to yourself, tell yourself how good you are at certain things etc, do things you enjoy, fill your time with friends and family - once you really love and accept yourself in the present then your energy will be so magnetic it will draw your mate to you.

    I have tried and tested this method - it really does work. After years of trying to look for the right guy (and dating the wrong guys) I finally 'got it' just started to focus on making myself happy, genuinely loving and appreciating who i am. Almost overnight I met my soul mate and were engaged within 4months!

    There is someone out there for everyone, so for now... relax and concentrate on loving you!

    Pen x
  • beccyleigh
    beccyleigh Posts: 847 Member
    Ok this is coming from a place of kindness but....

    You might be sending out deperate vibes & that is a huge turn off.

    If you are looking so hard that you are coming across as desperate then that will hinder your search, so my advice would be to focus on being happy with yourself, take up a new hobby, start going out to dinner or the movies etc alone & feeling good about it.

    Maybe join a speed dating event & see what the feedback is, even if you don't meet someone it is a great way to get very blunt & honest feedback on how you present yourself.

    Women like self assurance. They don't like men who are unable to be alone or comfortable in their own company & sending out "I'm so lonley & need a band aid for it" just isn't sexy

    I'm not saying this is you but everyone was being all "wtf, you are great" which is all nice & supportive but wont' find you a gf nor help you self improve to acheive that goal.
  • sarahcuddle
    sarahcuddle Posts: 349 Member
    Oh to be 23 and single again! I think I am jealous! Seriously it can be the best time of your life. Don't waste it moping around. Get out there and have some fun. You don't have many commitments, or kids to look after, you have loads of time to yourself to do what you want to do. Embrace it. The grass always seems greener on the other side but trust me when I say that that is not always the case! Of course it's lovely to have someone special but it's not the be all and end all. Sometimes being with someone 24:7 feels like a trap you want to escape from. These days I don't even get to go to the bathroom without one of my kids trying to muscle in there, so I say enjoy it while you can! LOL
  • beccyleigh
    beccyleigh Posts: 847 Member
    kyle seriously! snap out of it! your a good looking young man! you need to exude confidence! Walk up to a chic and be like, " girl, me, you, coffee, now!"

    OP please don't, if someone said that to me he would either get a punch in the face or laughed at depedning on how low my buill****e tolerence was that day. :huh:
  • Dude, you're 23! Take time to let life come to you. Stop trying to force the issue, and don't be in such a rush. If you're starting to feel desperate, you're going to give off that vibe, and women will avoid you like the plague. Take your time and let life (and love) come to you.
  • Shazamablam
    Shazamablam Posts: 20 Member
    Hey, firstly well done on your weight loss and for sticking with it! This shows a lot about your character. Hang on in there and the right girl will come along for you! I don't know if there is a magic answer for meeting someone - if there is can someone pass it onto me? Good luck and I hope it all works out for you!
  • Tank_Girl
    Tank_Girl Posts: 372 Member
    Want to know a really good tip... Girls like guys who can dance.. My fella can jive.... Whenever hes out on the dancefloor women are drooling

    Take up dance lessons.. You'll probably be the only guy there surrounded by women... Another plus!
  • havingitall
    havingitall Posts: 3,728 Member
    Try meetup.com. You can join groups with people that have similar interests.


    If I didn't see this recommendation... I would have suggested it. It is not a dating site but it gets you out doing the things you like. If you meet someone special along the way, you know that you have a similar interest
  • p0kers0ph
    p0kers0ph Posts: 251 Member
    Talking from experience it WILL happen when you least expect it.
    I had been single for over a year, no dating, just doing my thing. To be honest, I wasn't actively looking for a partner, I was too busy working on my weight loss.
    Anyway one day I had a message on facebook from an old work collegue, hadn't spoken to him in years. He asked me to go for a drink....and well, the rest is history!
    He is what I would call 'out of my league' lol, but he wanted me.

    What I'm saying is, don't go looking for it, the right person will come to you.
  • Don't really know where to post this, but I feel like I need to tell someone.
    I've been at my target weight for quite awhile now, and being as big as I was I figured I would have gotten some more attention with my new figure and confidence. However, I've been single for such a long time, and I just don't know what to do anymore. I've tried talking to women at work, bars, online dating, whatever, and yet I haven't been on a date in 9 months.

    I'm just getting really lonely. I feel great physically and I am confident, but I still can't find someone to even get coffee with. It's wearing on me mentally and I don't know where to go or what to do.

    Chin up mate, I suffer from terrible depression and didnt leave the house for a year.....strangely the first night I went out (christmas eve) I met my amazing wife!!! Fate maybe? I dont know but it shows that things just happen sometimes...All it took was a smile from her and five years on she deserves a medal for putting up with me for so long ;)

    Have faith man, good things come to those who wait!
  • magnolia_ah
    magnolia_ah Posts: 161 Member
    love and respect ur self more, be happy and enjoy it every moment ( even though ur single) .. believe it !!! Love will find away :)
  • marie_cressman
    marie_cressman Posts: 980 Member
    Buy a bike. You can ride her anytime you want. She will not complain (unless you break something), she always want's more. Looks great clean, or dirty, and in general will always be there when you need her.

    Then you can meet some crazy cool biking chicks to boot.

    Mountain, road, doesn't matter. Just keep spinning.

    ^^This made me laugh a little, but I so agree.. Although I don't ride bikes so I suppose I'm not very cool. ;)

    Just keep your head high. Remain confident and fun loving. Someone will come along when you aren't looking. :)
  • zen82
    zen82 Posts: 81 Member
    Please ignore horrible advice like "leverage your newfound assets"?! That makes my stomach turn -- and sounds a lot like PUA speak. Yuck. You sound too sweet and genuine to be treating your search for love as an algorithm... women are humans too! :)

    You're cute and young and have bags of time, so really it's about figuring out what you want, staying open and giving things a try. You might have relationships that go wrong before you meet The One, or you might be lucky first time, but you don't know yet and have to kind of try to stay open and positive. Maybe ask people out for coffee more than you usually would, and try not to build asking someone to meet up into a huge thing because that will give you the nerves.

    Ultimately, you are looking to get a sense of what someone is like before you even start to commit to anything, so starting small (eg with coffee) can be good -- especially if you combine it with something like OKCupid where you can chat a little first and meet up in a more informal way to see if you both feel any kind of "match-up". The worst that will happen is you spend an hour having a boring coffee, the best is meeting someone special, but there's a lot in between (including the cliche of making new friends - honestly, expanding your social circle can really help: quite a lot of couples I know were introduced by other friends!).

    If it helps you to know, my boyfriend (who is wonderful) was 35 before he got his first girlfriend (me!). I cannot fathom why he was single for so long, except what he describes to me is a bit of a history of worrying and obsessing about it all a bit too much, with a lot of "theorising" about what relationships would be like. If you don't want to wait til 35 you need to chill out a bit, and remember that LOADS of people don't get into relationships until their twenties (or later) -- you're not a freak or a weirdo, and you're not that unusual. Just meet people and get to know them and be as genuine with them as you are in your posts. :)
  • Topsking2010
    Topsking2010 Posts: 2,245 Member
    I think you are trying too hard. Maybe throwing off a vibe that is a bit needy. Fill your life up with people and activity and stop thinking about it. the day it stops bothering you I bet you meet her. BTW, weight never stopped me from meeting women. I used to get alot of "why is she with him" looks. It's really all about confidence and playfulness and other intangibles. Hope that helps.

    Well said!!!!
  • EvgeniZyntx
    EvgeniZyntx Posts: 24,208 Member
    There are problably a lot of real and constructed barrier in your head about breaking through the shyness and meeting people and dating. Most people have them. Important changes in a person which might include weight, social position, a sudden relationship break, etc... tend to highlight these and make things difficult.

    I'm surprised that so far, although a lot of good advice has been given, I have not really seen the most important element of meeting people - your existing network. Whether you are a student or work or just arrived in town - you know a few people. You need to let people know your needs so that they can help - it is one of the most useful ways of creating opportunity.

    Hey, I've got a lot of spare time and want to meet more people - do you know anyway I could do that? (Not I'm lonely for someone)

    Hey, I like (biking/hiking/restuarants/museums/whatever) do you know a group that does this?

    Get busy with people, let people now you have time and are open, do things and the rest will follow. Sort of.

    One also needs to create the opportunity with people you actually have an interest in -- hey, I had a great time. hey, there is this restaurant/beach/concert i want to try, would you like to go?

    Use your network, let people now of your freedom and willingness to share time, talk.

    (and meet-up is a great site for events...)
  • tadpole242
    tadpole242 Posts: 507 Member
    Join a gym, take a spin class, get out and Socialise with friends or Uni groups, make an effort to always look good, make the effort to say hi to people you meet at events that you have to be at. Get out and meet people, One thing I'll say is, if you think you are being given the "eye" by someone, take it as read that you are, put a side your doubts and believe. Go for it, what's the worse that can happen? they laugh at you.. well join in and laugh at yourself and walk away.
  • Antlady69
    Antlady69 Posts: 204 Member
    It's really difficult to give you any good advice, as none of us knows how you're approaching the women. Your looks obviously are not the problem, but there could be a number of reasons why you've been unsuccessful in getting a date so far: you might come across as too shy or too pushy. The girls might be playing one of their stupid games. Or it could be something as simple as you not wearing any deodorant (guys stink, you see). There are a myriad of other possible reasons.

    If you are shy, maybe you can try out one of those flirting courses, just to give you some confidence back and to get some good tips. If you have special hobbies, try going to conventions, clubs, meetings and see if maybe you can find a girl there.

    At any rate, I wish you the very best of luck. Let us know when your luck turns and you're hunted down by the girls ;)