Lost the weight...more lonely than ever
Replies
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kyle seriously! snap out of it! your a good looking young man! you need to exude confidence! Walk up to a chic and be like, " girl, me, you, coffee, now!"0
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Try Speed dating.... I did it and met a few nice ladies in a short amount of time..... Havent met the one yet, but figure its good pracyice for when I do.....0
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Thanks everyone. I'm trying and like some of you said maybe that's the thing, that I just need to let it happen. Easier said than done I believe. I'm not saying that I'm depressed, I am enjoying life and love doing things, but more often than not I find myself wanting to experience things with someone else, other than friends. And that's something that I haven't had the pleasure of in awhile.
Have you tried those online matchmaking sites? Or a local magazine personals section? There are always like minded people on those who would like some company...0 -
Hey,
Similar to other posts, I can sympatsise with your frustration. It is great that you have lost the weight (well done you!!!!!) and even better than you are feeling confident.
The thing I have learnt about attractiving (quality) people of the opposite sex, is that it is all about your energy. We often seem to forget, even if we paste a smile on our faces and confidently talk to someone, that if our energy is 'off' they will sense it from a mile off. An easy example would be - how many times has someone smiled at you and said they are 'fine' when an alarm bell rings in you that there is something not quite right about them that day?? The same goes for dating. If you have an 'act' of confidence and happiness then it won't wash - take the focus off dating for now, concentrate on being nice to you - date yourself!! Be kind to yourself, tell yourself how good you are at certain things etc, do things you enjoy, fill your time with friends and family - once you really love and accept yourself in the present then your energy will be so magnetic it will draw your mate to you.
I have tried and tested this method - it really does work. After years of trying to look for the right guy (and dating the wrong guys) I finally 'got it' just started to focus on making myself happy, genuinely loving and appreciating who i am. Almost overnight I met my soul mate and were engaged within 4months!
There is someone out there for everyone, so for now... relax and concentrate on loving you!
Pen x0 -
Ok this is coming from a place of kindness but....
You might be sending out deperate vibes & that is a huge turn off.
If you are looking so hard that you are coming across as desperate then that will hinder your search, so my advice would be to focus on being happy with yourself, take up a new hobby, start going out to dinner or the movies etc alone & feeling good about it.
Maybe join a speed dating event & see what the feedback is, even if you don't meet someone it is a great way to get very blunt & honest feedback on how you present yourself.
Women like self assurance. They don't like men who are unable to be alone or comfortable in their own company & sending out "I'm so lonley & need a band aid for it" just isn't sexy
I'm not saying this is you but everyone was being all "wtf, you are great" which is all nice & supportive but wont' find you a gf nor help you self improve to acheive that goal.
:flowerforyou:0 -
Oh to be 23 and single again! I think I am jealous! Seriously it can be the best time of your life. Don't waste it moping around. Get out there and have some fun. You don't have many commitments, or kids to look after, you have loads of time to yourself to do what you want to do. Embrace it. The grass always seems greener on the other side but trust me when I say that that is not always the case! Of course it's lovely to have someone special but it's not the be all and end all. Sometimes being with someone 24:7 feels like a trap you want to escape from. These days I don't even get to go to the bathroom without one of my kids trying to muscle in there, so I say enjoy it while you can! LOL0
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kyle seriously! snap out of it! your a good looking young man! you need to exude confidence! Walk up to a chic and be like, " girl, me, you, coffee, now!"
OP please don't, if someone said that to me he would either get a punch in the face or laughed at depedning on how low my buill****e tolerence was that day. :huh:0 -
Dude, you're 23! Take time to let life come to you. Stop trying to force the issue, and don't be in such a rush. If you're starting to feel desperate, you're going to give off that vibe, and women will avoid you like the plague. Take your time and let life (and love) come to you.0
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Hey, firstly well done on your weight loss and for sticking with it! This shows a lot about your character. Hang on in there and the right girl will come along for you! I don't know if there is a magic answer for meeting someone - if there is can someone pass it onto me? Good luck and I hope it all works out for you!0
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Want to know a really good tip... Girls like guys who can dance.. My fella can jive.... Whenever hes out on the dancefloor women are drooling
Take up dance lessons.. You'll probably be the only guy there surrounded by women... Another plus!0 -
Try meetup.com. You can join groups with people that have similar interests.
^^this
If I didn't see this recommendation... I would have suggested it. It is not a dating site but it gets you out doing the things you like. If you meet someone special along the way, you know that you have a similar interest0 -
Talking from experience it WILL happen when you least expect it.
I had been single for over a year, no dating, just doing my thing. To be honest, I wasn't actively looking for a partner, I was too busy working on my weight loss.
Anyway one day I had a message on facebook from an old work collegue, hadn't spoken to him in years. He asked me to go for a drink....and well, the rest is history!
He is what I would call 'out of my league' lol, but he wanted me.
What I'm saying is, don't go looking for it, the right person will come to you.0 -
Don't really know where to post this, but I feel like I need to tell someone.
I've been at my target weight for quite awhile now, and being as big as I was I figured I would have gotten some more attention with my new figure and confidence. However, I've been single for such a long time, and I just don't know what to do anymore. I've tried talking to women at work, bars, online dating, whatever, and yet I haven't been on a date in 9 months.
I'm just getting really lonely. I feel great physically and I am confident, but I still can't find someone to even get coffee with. It's wearing on me mentally and I don't know where to go or what to do.
Chin up mate, I suffer from terrible depression and didnt leave the house for a year.....strangely the first night I went out (christmas eve) I met my amazing wife!!! Fate maybe? I dont know but it shows that things just happen sometimes...All it took was a smile from her and five years on she deserves a medal for putting up with me for so long
Have faith man, good things come to those who wait!0 -
love and respect ur self more, be happy and enjoy it every moment ( even though ur single) .. believe it !!! Love will find away
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Buy a bike. You can ride her anytime you want. She will not complain (unless you break something), she always want's more. Looks great clean, or dirty, and in general will always be there when you need her.
Then you can meet some crazy cool biking chicks to boot.
Mountain, road, doesn't matter. Just keep spinning.
^^This made me laugh a little, but I so agree.. Although I don't ride bikes so I suppose I'm not very cool.
Just keep your head high. Remain confident and fun loving. Someone will come along when you aren't looking. 0 -
Please ignore horrible advice like "leverage your newfound assets"?! That makes my stomach turn -- and sounds a lot like PUA speak. Yuck. You sound too sweet and genuine to be treating your search for love as an algorithm... women are humans too!
You're cute and young and have bags of time, so really it's about figuring out what you want, staying open and giving things a try. You might have relationships that go wrong before you meet The One, or you might be lucky first time, but you don't know yet and have to kind of try to stay open and positive. Maybe ask people out for coffee more than you usually would, and try not to build asking someone to meet up into a huge thing because that will give you the nerves.
Ultimately, you are looking to get a sense of what someone is like before you even start to commit to anything, so starting small (eg with coffee) can be good -- especially if you combine it with something like OKCupid where you can chat a little first and meet up in a more informal way to see if you both feel any kind of "match-up". The worst that will happen is you spend an hour having a boring coffee, the best is meeting someone special, but there's a lot in between (including the cliche of making new friends - honestly, expanding your social circle can really help: quite a lot of couples I know were introduced by other friends!).
If it helps you to know, my boyfriend (who is wonderful) was 35 before he got his first girlfriend (me!). I cannot fathom why he was single for so long, except what he describes to me is a bit of a history of worrying and obsessing about it all a bit too much, with a lot of "theorising" about what relationships would be like. If you don't want to wait til 35 you need to chill out a bit, and remember that LOADS of people don't get into relationships until their twenties (or later) -- you're not a freak or a weirdo, and you're not that unusual. Just meet people and get to know them and be as genuine with them as you are in your posts. 0 -
I think you are trying too hard. Maybe throwing off a vibe that is a bit needy. Fill your life up with people and activity and stop thinking about it. the day it stops bothering you I bet you meet her. BTW, weight never stopped me from meeting women. I used to get alot of "why is she with him" looks. It's really all about confidence and playfulness and other intangibles. Hope that helps.
Well said!!!!0 -
There are problably a lot of real and constructed barrier in your head about breaking through the shyness and meeting people and dating. Most people have them. Important changes in a person which might include weight, social position, a sudden relationship break, etc... tend to highlight these and make things difficult.
I'm surprised that so far, although a lot of good advice has been given, I have not really seen the most important element of meeting people - your existing network. Whether you are a student or work or just arrived in town - you know a few people. You need to let people know your needs so that they can help - it is one of the most useful ways of creating opportunity.
Hey, I've got a lot of spare time and want to meet more people - do you know anyway I could do that? (Not I'm lonely for someone)
Hey, I like (biking/hiking/restuarants/museums/whatever) do you know a group that does this?
Get busy with people, let people now you have time and are open, do things and the rest will follow. Sort of.
One also needs to create the opportunity with people you actually have an interest in -- hey, I had a great time. hey, there is this restaurant/beach/concert i want to try, would you like to go?
Use your network, let people now of your freedom and willingness to share time, talk.
(and meet-up is a great site for events...)0 -
Join a gym, take a spin class, get out and Socialise with friends or Uni groups, make an effort to always look good, make the effort to say hi to people you meet at events that you have to be at. Get out and meet people, One thing I'll say is, if you think you are being given the "eye" by someone, take it as read that you are, put a side your doubts and believe. Go for it, what's the worse that can happen? they laugh at you.. well join in and laugh at yourself and walk away.0
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It's really difficult to give you any good advice, as none of us knows how you're approaching the women. Your looks obviously are not the problem, but there could be a number of reasons why you've been unsuccessful in getting a date so far: you might come across as too shy or too pushy. The girls might be playing one of their stupid games. Or it could be something as simple as you not wearing any deodorant (guys stink, you see). There are a myriad of other possible reasons.
If you are shy, maybe you can try out one of those flirting courses, just to give you some confidence back and to get some good tips. If you have special hobbies, try going to conventions, clubs, meetings and see if maybe you can find a girl there.
At any rate, I wish you the very best of luck. Let us know when your luck turns and you're hunted down by the girls 0 -
I am no expert but I will tell what worked for me, advice given from others.
To meet women, of course you have to be where they are, shopping, churches, bars, etc. and things they enjoy doing. It would be nice to meet one that enjoys the same things you do.
No pickup lines once you there. Just be yourself, happy, enjoying the moment, always a smile. Someone looks at you, say hello and move on. If they want to talk to you, you have just shown you are approachable and youre not "hunting"
Eventually these breif encounters will create friendships, and once she is convinced you are not dangerous, and you are happy with life, confident, etc.. it might grow into more.
This is really so simple yet so hard. and when you are despiratly looking for someone, it shows in your face and mannerisms, so you want to avoid that.
By the way, some of my spelling sux0 -
Find something else to do - join a sports league, or gaming club or something similar. The women you meet there you will actually have something in common with and a basis for friendship. *Then* you can go out to the bar and chat.
Good Luck!0 -
"Follow your heart and you wll find your heart's desire." Worked for me. Just keep doing what makes you happy and she will suddenly be right there in front of you.0
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keep positive! dont let it get you down, its all about divine timing! it will happen when you least expect it
this ^^^0 -
Keep up the positive thoughts and someone will find you! Good luck and keep laughing 0
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Bro, you just got to do your thing. In my experience, the more you concentrate on trying to find a girl the harder it is to find one. My advice. Set some more personal goals and achieve them. People (women included) are attracted to determined individuals who know what they want out of life. Work at doing things for yourself and people will gravitate towards you.
Congrats on the weight loss by the way! Start thinking about what is next on the horizon.0 -
Not to sound rude but are you maybe weird or just too forward when talking to woman? Woman can sense when guys are too eager or just too talkative. Make the conversation about her...make her laugh...make her smile...don't ignore her friends (bar situation), make her feel comfortable around you. You need to talk to woman as if she is a friend you have known for a while and not have any awkward silence.0
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Just get out there and keep yourself bussy doing the things that you love or finding new adventures. I'm sure that it won't take too long before you hit it off with some girl that is into the same things that you are...unless that you are into something like bikini waxing sumo wrestlers.
Hey! Leave us bikini waxing sumo wrestlers out of this! People and their prejudices... pffft! :grumble:
OT: Pretty much what everyone else said. As a woman who loves to dance (ballroom, swing, jive, anything!), we never have enough guys, let alone good looking ones to dance with. Get thee to a dance class sharpish (swing is particularly good craic (fun), and it's a fab workout too).
I was a fusty old 30 year old before I got married, and it was to a dude I knew as a mate for a year. It was pretty much a surprise to me that we met, fell in love and got married a few months later. Not only was I not looking for anyone (having waaay to much fun being single), I always thought I wasn't the marrying type. Shows you what I know :laugh:0 -
It will come when you aren't looking for it or least expect it. Don't force it. Wait for the magic. Don't laugh--it's true!
^^^This!!!!!!!!!!0 -
When I met my husband, I was at my heaviest ever. He loved and accepted me. My point is, don't want to be with someone because they "accept" who you are physically - find someone who can capture your interest mentally, make a friendship with them and grow it from there. Do things socially, not just at a club. Your best hope at a club is to get a one-night-love-affair, seldom do actual relationships spurn from a club.
You are an amazing person, remind yourself of that and confidently seek friendships that could lead to more.0
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