Lost the weight...more lonely than ever

Options
1235

Replies

  • jeephipwr
    jeephipwr Posts: 20
    Options
    I am no expert but I will tell what worked for me, advice given from others.

    To meet women, of course you have to be where they are, shopping, churches, bars, etc. and things they enjoy doing. It would be nice to meet one that enjoys the same things you do.

    No pickup lines once you there. Just be yourself, happy, enjoying the moment, always a smile. Someone looks at you, say hello and move on. If they want to talk to you, you have just shown you are approachable and youre not "hunting"

    Eventually these breif encounters will create friendships, and once she is convinced you are not dangerous, and you are happy with life, confident, etc.. it might grow into more.

    This is really so simple yet so hard. and when you are despiratly looking for someone, it shows in your face and mannerisms, so you want to avoid that.

    By the way, some of my spelling sux
  • meggonkgonk
    meggonkgonk Posts: 2,066 Member
    Options
    Find something else to do - join a sports league, or gaming club or something similar. The women you meet there you will actually have something in common with and a basis for friendship. *Then* you can go out to the bar and chat.

    Good Luck!
  • running_shoe
    running_shoe Posts: 180 Member
    Options
    "Follow your heart and you wll find your heart's desire." Worked for me. Just keep doing what makes you happy and she will suddenly be right there in front of you.
  • jennaworksout
    jennaworksout Posts: 1,739 Member
    Options
    keep positive! dont let it get you down, its all about divine timing! it will happen when you least expect it ;)

    this ^^^
  • kchaney2003
    kchaney2003 Posts: 27 Member
    Options
    Keep up the positive thoughts and someone will find you! Good luck and keep laughing :smile:
  • Cr01502
    Cr01502 Posts: 3,614 Member
    Options
    Bro, you just got to do your thing. In my experience, the more you concentrate on trying to find a girl the harder it is to find one. My advice. Set some more personal goals and achieve them. People (women included) are attracted to determined individuals who know what they want out of life. Work at doing things for yourself and people will gravitate towards you.

    Congrats on the weight loss by the way! Start thinking about what is next on the horizon.
  • Bronx_Montgomery
    Bronx_Montgomery Posts: 2,287 Member
    Options
    Not to sound rude but are you maybe weird or just too forward when talking to woman? Woman can sense when guys are too eager or just too talkative. Make the conversation about her...make her laugh...make her smile...don't ignore her friends (bar situation), make her feel comfortable around you. You need to talk to woman as if she is a friend you have known for a while and not have any awkward silence.
  • missy_1975
    missy_1975 Posts: 244 Member
    Options
    Just get out there and keep yourself bussy doing the things that you love or finding new adventures. I'm sure that it won't take too long before you hit it off with some girl that is into the same things that you are...unless that you are into something like bikini waxing sumo wrestlers.

    Hey! Leave us bikini waxing sumo wrestlers out of this! People and their prejudices... pffft! :grumble:

    OT: Pretty much what everyone else said. As a woman who loves to dance (ballroom, swing, jive, anything!), we never have enough guys, let alone good looking ones to dance with. Get thee to a dance class sharpish (swing is particularly good craic (fun), and it's a fab workout too).

    I was a fusty old 30 year old before I got married, and it was to a dude I knew as a mate for a year. It was pretty much a surprise to me that we met, fell in love and got married a few months later. Not only was I not looking for anyone (having waaay to much fun being single), I always thought I wasn't the marrying type. Shows you what I know :laugh:
  • Joannie30
    Joannie30 Posts: 415 Member
    Options
    It will come when you aren't looking for it or least expect it. Don't force it. Wait for the magic. Don't laugh--it's true!

    ^^^This!!!!!!!!!!
  • jenjen0214
    jenjen0214 Posts: 29
    Options
    When I met my husband, I was at my heaviest ever. He loved and accepted me. My point is, don't want to be with someone because they "accept" who you are physically - find someone who can capture your interest mentally, make a friendship with them and grow it from there. Do things socially, not just at a club. Your best hope at a club is to get a one-night-love-affair, seldom do actual relationships spurn from a club.

    You are an amazing person, remind yourself of that and confidently seek friendships that could lead to more.
  • CookieGem
    CookieGem Posts: 197 Member
    Options
    A few years ago i had a smoking hot body however I was incredibly lonely and dare I say suicidal (nothing to do with weight i want to add). I moved, changed jobs and made some more friends and also gained 3 stone. I was happier being that weight when I was a rake. I was 'well and truly' single for 3 years, do dates, no kisses no anything. I know just what you mean about wanting someone to share things with so I joined match.com.

    You say that you are on dating sites already and have spoken to a few people but no dates yet, is this because your scared? The first few dates I was so nervous but after a while dates just became fun, even if i didn't fancy them I would be spending time with someone different and I might have a story to tell my friends the next day (Like the one guy who showed up drunk and actually got more and more p*ssed during the date OR the guy that raped my face in a carpark **Shudders at memory*** )

    I have been on some DISASTROUS dates, some funny dates, some where I wanted to jump out of the bathroom window and leg it and I have also fallen in love. I have been with him for nearly 3 years now and I feel so lucky to have found him.

    I get the feeling yours is a confidence thing. I once heard the saying do something everyday that scares you. Why dont you ask one of the girls you've been chatting to out for a coffee. You are a really really cute guy and im sure they would say yes.

    Good luck.
    Keep us posted
  • x_JT_x
    x_JT_x Posts: 364
    Options
    Bro, you just got to do your thing. In my experience, the more you concentrate on trying to find a girl the harder it is to find one. My advice. Set some more personal goals and achieve them. People (women included) are attracted to determined individuals who know what they want out of life. Work at doing things for yourself and people will gravitate towards you.

    Congrats on the weight loss by the way! Start thinking about what is next on the horizon.

    ^^^This! Live your life. Find something you are interested in and enjoy doing. Put yourself in situations where you're likely to meet women your age with your interests so you have something in common. Continue to strike up conversations and be friendly. Be confident and happy. Stop putting so much pressure on yourself. You're a handsome young man who's done himself a tremendous favor getting into shape. You look fantastic. Go out and have fun!
  • daylily2005
    daylily2005 Posts: 203 Member
    Options
    I can completely empathize. I haven't been on a date in 3 years! But I'm finding that being single has advantages. I don't have to worry about working with someone else's schedule, changing my plans suddenly, etc. Now yes, I am lonely a lot of times, but sometimes there's just nothing you can do but wait. :)

    You are cute, and you seem to have a good personality! That girl will come around eventually...grab her when she does!
  • raverhayley
    raverhayley Posts: 112 Member
    Options
    It will come when you aren't looking for it or least expect it. Don't force it. Wait for the magic. Don't laugh--it's true!
    i totally agree, every past boyfriend i ever met was in the strangest place and when i was dong anything but looking :) keep positve
  • funkyspunky872
    funkyspunky872 Posts: 866 Member
    Options
    HELLO.

    I'm legal now. :devil:

    Keep your chin up. You'll find somebody. Just goes to show that weight and size really don't matter. You have to stick it out and find someone who loves you for your personality instead. :flowerforyou:
  • melissafaith24
    melissafaith24 Posts: 251 Member
    Options
    you were/are adorable at both sizes, so i dont understand the vacancy either. give it time and enjoy yourself and the right one will come along soon enough :)
  • samblanken
    samblanken Posts: 369 Member
    Options
    Try meetup.com. You can join groups with people that have similar interests.

    ^^^
    this. I joined groups when I moved to Virigina. I was only looking to meet friends and I met my husband too!
  • Woolooloo
    Woolooloo Posts: 82
    Options
    Online dating... Give it a try if you haven't already. At least you are connecting with other people who are actively looking, and you get to assess some level of compatibility before you even talk to them. It's how I met my wife and I've got lots of other friends who have had success with it too.
  • Molly_Maguire
    Molly_Maguire Posts: 1,103 Member
    Options
    Coming from a girl: You are so dang cute, It won't be long before someone snaps you up, I am positive. In the meantime, don't be one of those people that defines themselves by or can't be happy without a relationship. You're only 23, right? You're still super young. Enjoy it! Do you, focus on what makes you happy. Travel! Pick up an extreme sport! When I was your age I voluntarily took myself out of the dating pool for TWO YEARS, and focused on myself, my family and my relationship with God. Magically, at the end of those two years I reconnected with my now-husband, and we've been married for two more years. It'll happen when you least expect it, so stop fighting so hard! Relax! Let it happen on it's own!
  • Jkmumma
    Jkmumma Posts: 254
    Options
    Do the things you enjoy doing, then start talking to the people doing them around/with you. Some of them are bound to be women, unless what you really enjoy is peeing standing up...

    Other than that.. I had that issue, weight not withstanding, and eventually quit looking, then it just kind of happened... And having met over one of my hobbies meant we have a lot in common!

Categories