Memory boxes from past relationships

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  • ZombieChaser
    ZombieChaser Posts: 1,555 Member
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    When I was with my now-ex, he had one for his ex gf... it bothered the piss out of me.
  • kylejh
    kylejh Posts: 221 Member
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    It would bother me if my SO had something like that. When my last ex and I broke up in February, I got rid of everything in my house that involved her, including all the photos on my computer (although I do admit that I backed them up on a CD). The final thing I need to get around to doing is getting a new backing plate on the watch she gave me, to get rid of the engraving. I like the watch a lot, but that engraving needs to go.

    Two nights ago, I was looking through my dresser drawers for my heart rate monitor that I haven't used in 10 years, and came across 3 photos of her and I. I immediately ripped them up and threw them away.

    How can you move on if you have a memory box of the person?? The past is the past!
  • sktllmdrhmzz
    sktllmdrhmzz Posts: 189 Member
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    I don't understand why some of you people are so eager to throw anything and everything away. It's like you're all ashamed and just want it swept under the rug so you don't have to look back on who you were. Life is so achingly short anyway. A few years and then you wink out of existence. The only things that will hang around are all the pictures and letters and poems and songs. Throwing it away seems so ungrateful.
  • Chapter3point6
    Chapter3point6 Posts: 1,233
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    I am sure some of you that don't have them are just indifferent about them. However, it sure seems like many of you have hatred in your heart. Ripping up or burning a picture isn't going to get rid of that for you.
  • ZombieChaser
    ZombieChaser Posts: 1,555 Member
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    I don't understand why some of you people are so eager to throw anything and everything away. It's like you're all ashamed and just want it swept under the rug so you don't have to look back on who you were. Life is so achingly short anyway. A few years and then you wink out of existence. The only things that will hang around are all the pictures and letters and poems and songs. Throwing it away seems so ungrateful.

    I wasn't thankful for those wasted years - maybe other people had good relationships who can bear to see the memories, but for me, I'd rather learn, forget, and move on.
  • yoovie
    yoovie Posts: 17,121 Member
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    I have no past. :)
  • moominpoo
    moominpoo Posts: 31 Member
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    Urrrrgh no thanks - far too weird!!
  • monalissanne
    monalissanne Posts: 159 Member
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    I used to have a boxful of letters, cards, poems etc from an ex. Then one day I flipped out and burned them all.

    I burned a box too. I didn't flip out, but I thought it might work like a voodoo doll...it didn't. :frown:
  • josavage
    josavage Posts: 472 Member
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    I have a box with photos and various other things from my first marriage. The only reason I kept it is because of my son. He should be able to see pics of his parents together if he would like. I'm not sure it's much of a memory box though - it's just a cardboard box that I dumped everything into and put on a storage shelf in the basement.
  • megalin9
    megalin9 Posts: 771 Member
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    I have a box with momentos from my ex. It's a little box with pictures and whatnot. I don't ever go into it reminscing or anything, and I've kept it purely for the fact that it was a long-term relationship that I learned so much from, and I want to share it with my daughters. It is a huge piece in my life story, and I don't want to erase it. I've learned from it, grown from it, become better and stronger, and it's really, really important to me that I pass it on to my girls. So when they are "of age," I will pull it out, tell them about the relationship, good and bad, and my take-aways from it. Hopefully, they will be more prepared for their first serious relationship.
  • Ewaldt
    Ewaldt Posts: 106 Member
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    I think it depends on what it would mean to you. For instance, I don't necessarily have a box, but I have a couple things here and there, and I keep them because they were a part of MY life and they remind me of who I was then. Sort of like a journal, but in physical materials because I can remember how I felt then, and it is fun to remember what you were like before now. I think it is important that you don't forget where you came from, and what things have made you into the person that you are now.

    Also, it depends on what it is. If it is a bunch of pictures of them, probably not okay, but if it is concert tickets, a few pictures of the two of you in different places, brochures from a trip you went on, etc. I think that is okay.
  • LastMinuteMama
    LastMinuteMama Posts: 590 Member
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    I used to have a box that I kept cards and letters, concert stubs, photos etc from my childhood up through college & beyond. There were quite a few letters from my ex from while he was in bootcamp and correspondances from friends and family while I lived abroad.

    I thought I'd keep it forever and just keep adding to it, but one day, I found myself looking through the box, going down memory lane and well over an hour had passed in a blink of an eye.

    Time is precious and I want to spend time in the present with my husband and boys, not on letters and good times I had in the past. I burned the stuff!

    This is not to say that I don't still cherish those memories of friends and relationships that made me who I am, it's just every time I came across that "box" it became a total time suck and I just don't need that.
  • SuffolkSally
    SuffolkSally Posts: 964 Member
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    I've never heard of this before.

    I do have photos, lots of them, in a box that I keep meaning to organise into albums - they include exes, because they were part of my life for a while. Things like holidays, mad cars, Christmases with with one ex who had 2 young boys, pets... all part of my life experience. But I don't brood over them. I certainly wouldn't set up a specific memory box for an ex (unless maybe I fell in love and then he died while we were together), and I think I'd find it odd if my partner had such a thing.
  • lydia_the_tattooed_lady
    lydia_the_tattooed_lady Posts: 324 Member
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    I don't have a box, per se, but I have a few things I've accumulated over the years....My first ex drew me a picture as a present. Another guy made me a necklace...Just little things I couldn't throw away because they remind me of lessons learned :)
  • magj0y
    magj0y Posts: 1,911 Member
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    It would bother me if my SO had something like that. When my last ex and I broke up in February, I got rid of everything in my house that involved her, including all the photos on my computer (although I do admit that I backed them up on a CD). The final thing I need to get around to doing is getting a new backing plate on the watch she gave me, to get rid of the engraving. I like the watch a lot, but that engraving needs to go.

    Two nights ago, I was looking through my dresser drawers for my heart rate monitor that I haven't used in 10 years, and came across 3 photos of her and I. I immediately ripped them up and threw them away.

    How can you move on if you have a memory box of the person?? The past is the past!

    I have a picture of a guy, Rob, I dated over 20 years ago... and 4 major relationships and 2 marriages. Yeah...I'm over him and I have been. However, there is a long chain of events due to our relationship that I will forever be thankful. I have a daughter (not with him) directly due to his unselfish actions. I have pics of my daughter's dad. Of my 1st 'love' of a boyfriend in 10th grade (I was so over him in a month but it was a sweet moment in my life) I have a picture of this one guy I sadly lost... our relationship also had some pivotal moments in my life. They were funny as hell, we were young and moving in different directions so it didn't last.
    ripping something up will only give you brief relief from feelings you don't want. If I saw any one of these guys (except the ex husband) i wouldn't want to punch them in the face or hop in the sack with them. They're not in my life but they're still apart of who I am. Most of which I am grateful. If Rob hadn't put me on that bus to the other side of the country where I needed to be but was afraid to go, my life would be so very different. I wouldn't know any of the people in my life in the previous 20 years and I would be a completely different person.
  • PomegranatePriestess
    PomegranatePriestess Posts: 2,455 Member
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    I have a memory box.. but it's for everyone. birthday card/congratulatory card from sis/bro, pictures of my exes and friends through life. I even have the outfit I was brought home in, and my niece's. No letters, wxcept one from my ex-mother in la, . None of them were in to that kind of thing. It's the history of Maggie.. and how I came to be the person I am today. All of these friends, all of these boyfriends, all of these experiences make me who I am today.

    **I am def. over these guys, I've been married for ten years, but it's my history. some of these guys date back to High School, I have a picture of my first love... in 1st grade. All the wonderful memories that I cherish, even when the relationship went sour.

    I'm with you! It's not just about relationships, but they were a part of my growth, so while I don't feel the need to destroy everything, I do have a few physical things tucked away in a shoebox sized box. My husband sees nothing wrong with this. I'm very much "over" the relationships -- I'm not wishing I was back there. I don't live in the past. I'm fully enjoying the present. :)
  • alleycat88
    alleycat88 Posts: 756 Member
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    I'm not talking about a specific box for one person. A lot of people seem to think that is what I mean.

    When I say memory box, I am thinking more of a box with memorabilia that has accumulated over the years from all your relationships(pictures, letters, ticket stubs, etc)

    I mean, I made my SO a scrap book of his trip with me to Norway. Its now in that box along with notes I have written to him throughout our relationship so I don't feel like he is holding onto those things from his exes because he wants to go back.

    I guess I don't feel threatened by ghosts of exes past.
  • foxyforce
    foxyforce Posts: 3,078 Member
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    destroy it, i had an experience the other day where i got to see something that really really triggered everything from my past. you don't need it. leave the past where it is. unless they are nothing but happy memories, then i dunno.

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