People who tell you to stop losing weight...
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You should only stop once YOU want to.
Because remember: 1. You are doing this first and foremost for yourself.
2. So therefore only stop when you wish to. :flowerforyou:
We should not always act upon such comments because:
1. Most of the time they just say it because they feel they need to be kind.
A ridicilous example: an obese girl used to go to my class. She told the class and our tutor that BMI says she is obese. My tutor said: noooo noo, you arent. Its just your muscle that weighs much.
When clearly this was not the case because she was very overweight and she always eating so much chocholate and fatty foods every day. So my tutor tried to be "kind" but it was ridicilous if you ask me. Almosy sarcastic
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i personally have a bit of fun with it, people have finally stopped asking because of my many smart@ss comebacks, but a fairly nice one to say is "my (doctor/nutritionist/personal trainer/whoever you want to use here) says the complete opposite of what you say, but since we are on the subject what is YOUR professional opinion of where my weight and body fat percent should be for my height? :bigsmile:
I wish that would work for me, my MIL is a nurse and she uses that one every chance she gets.0 -
I have lost a lot of weight and I have discovered that people seem to be comfortable with me being the fat girl. I think sometimes people just have a hard time accepting your success because of their own insecurities and that is their problem. I have realized I am not the fat ugly girl to make my friends feel better about themselves and I am no longer anyone's door mat. I still talk to those old frineds but I now know that I will not let them keep me down so they can lift themselves up.
Well said!!! When people start to make those sorts of comments it is definitely fuelled out of thier own insecurities and PLEASE don't listen to them. You aren't losing weight for them, you are doing it for you and your health.
If you change the words they use to what they are actually saying it will sound more like: "hey, your not as fat as you were and your less likely to die now, which is great so why don't you stop as any more and you will make me look really bad and to be honest I'm starting to see you as a bit of a threat..." It's actually quite funny, just politely smile (giggle inside) and say thank you but you have your own goals in mind which you are sticking to. End of discussion!0 -
I just had this exact conversation with an MFP friend. And what I told her was this...they are just used to seeing us fat, and any change at all is going to make us look better/healthier. The problem is by them saying you, me or anyone doesn't need to lose anymore weight, they are (willingly or not) feeding us complacency, and giving us the green light to settle for mediocrity. I don't want to be complacent, and I certainly don't want to be just mediocore. I am not like that in any other aspect of my life, and now that I have made to the decision to improve my health, and start living healthier life style, I am not going just settle for what others think is ok. Being ok is not good enough, not for me anyway. So when someone says something like that to me i simply smile and tell them that there is ALWAYS room for improvement, and that when I reach my personal goals I will stop losing weight and start maintaining it. And i might throw in " if you think i look good now wait til you see me down another 25 -30lbs...i'm gonna be one sexy beast" for good measure0
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I get that all the time too from my wife, my family, friends, and coworkers. I am a short guy (5'5'') and at my heaviest I was 180 lbs. I am now at 138 give or take a pound. Don't listen to anyone, but you and your doctor. Yes they don't mean to be mean. Don't say anything rude back at them. I believe in karma. You reap what you sow. A good mind ,body, and soul is what everyone should strive for. At least with your body you are ahead of others. KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK!0
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None of us can let others decide what we should or shouldn't do. We have to make our own decisions. I had people tell me for years I was not to fat and I was. I am small-boned and the so-called people that love me were saying I was just fine. So I let that cloud my own, good judgement.
I think your goals are not only realistic they are healthy for your height. I hope you are concentrating on muscle building as well which I just started recently. It slowed my weightloss down but wow, the changes I feel and actually see are awesome! I had some photos taken while I was kayaking this weekend and I could see the muscles in my arms and legs.
Anyway, to heck with people. They aren't in your shoes. If you were looking anorexic I'd say listen to them but you don't and like I said, your goals seem just right for you:) denise:drinker: :drinker:I have had more than a few people ask when I am going to stop my weight loss, implying that I should not try to keep going. Started off at ~275 lbs, lost 50 lbs on OPTIFAST and have since lost 15 more. My personal goal is to get down to about 190 lbs. However, some of my co-workers and friends say that is too much and I should stop now. I am only 5'11", so am just now "overweight" on the BMI scale.
Anyone else have this issue? What do you say or how do you respond? Should I just "smile and nod"?0 -
in all honestly when I hear: "You don't need to lose any more weight" my mind translates it to mean: "You look good. Congrats on your losses."
I really like that approach. Why get angry? If everyone's minding their business, there's no communication ))) It's a good thing they notice, anyway, whatever the reaction. So thanks is in order.0 -
OMG! That is so funny, I will look at it that way from now on too. Thanks.
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I started at 201 5ft 2in. Currently I weigh 155. My mother has been mentioning recently that I should stop where i'm at. I'm not comfortable at this weight and still feel FAT as fork. The bmi still has me listed as overweight.
I've simply told her i'll stop when i'm happy and her opinion is unwanted and disagreed with.
I'm doing this for me and i don't give to cold snail tails what anyone else thinks about how I look.
So cliff notes. DO YOU. If you want to keep going for another 15lbs then so be it.0 -
My mom does this. She tells me I shouldn't be losing weight, even though I am still well overweight (188 pounds at 5'10").
She keeps telling me to eat and tries to feed me cookies and french fries.
I just smile (sometimes slightly sarcastically) and keep dieting. When she cooks something unhealthy for dinner, I just adjust the rest of my day by eating more veggies at lunch, exercising and eating slightly less.
I just keep telling myself that I am only living with my parents temporarily and I will be out in no time (I'm looking for work after I graduated a couple of months ago, without my student loan coming in I can't afford a place of my own).0 -
I'm sure some people's criticisms stem from a place of emotional insecurity, but I honestly believe that many people equate a large weight loss with a sudden unhealthy eating pattern. Really. There are so many misconceptions about weight loss (and ads that encourage people to follow unhealthy diet plans) that some people easily assume that if you're losing a lot of weight, you must either be severely restricting your calories, or following some terrible fad diet. So I really believe they're saying this out of ignorance.0
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You are almost there!! Keep going til you make YOUR goal. Forget everyone else, this is for you!!0
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I do not have any friends that I would consider "in shape" so I would simply ignore their comments.0
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"Thanks, I'll take that into consideration."
And then you keep on doing you.0 -
I think people just get so shocked by how different we look when we lose weight. They have no idea what a healthy weight is for us so the drastic difference just throws them off because they are so used to the puffier versions of us! I have had lots of comments this summer where people have said, "You look great, but you're done right?" I just say, "well, somewhat, but there's still room for improvement." Ultimately I am happy where I am right now, but I know I could continue to improve. Don't worry about what other people say though!!0
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I think the people that say that mean it as a compliment. They don't know what your BMI should be or what your goal weight is. I would say thanks for such a great compliment and mention how you are not used to hearing don't lose the weight. End it with that and a friendly smile.0
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I literally tell people to shut up now, I am also sick of people commenting about weight and saying I have lost too much / should stop dieting etc (my BMI is 23, for a female, I am just in the healthy range) so I will stop when I am happy, not when other people tell me too.
Maybe i should start doing this. My bmi is 20 and people break my proverbial balls so hard and im a pretty non confrontational person but the constant harping irks me. People should worry less about what I'm eating and more about whatthey are0 -
:glasses: get it all the time... I am 5'6, 125 lbs... I tell them that muscle looks different then fat that is why it looks like I am thinner then I really am... just blow them off0
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My mom does this. She tells me I shouldn't be losing weight, even though I am still well overweight (188 pounds at 5'10").
She keeps telling me to eat and tries to feed me cookies and french fries.
I just smile (sometimes slightly sarcastically) and keep dieting. When she cooks something unhealthy for dinner, I just adjust the rest of my day by eating more veggies at lunch, exercising and eating slightly less.
I just keep telling myself that I am only living with my parents temporarily and I will be out in no time (I'm looking for work after I graduated a couple of months ago, without my student loan coming in I can't afford a place of my own).
lol yeah my mom did that for a while (i am doing insanity/ the asylum/ and already did p90x2), I walk the parking garage at work and run up and down each of the three stair wells (4 stories high) 7 times.. I drink protein shakes, a meal replacement shake (shakeology) in the morning, eat lots of veggies and very lean protein... she kept pushing greasy food, stuff drenched in butter, and sweets like you would not believe.. I just flat out asked her if she wanted me to poop all over the house because that is what that type of food will do to my system... she pretty much stopped after that.. I had to move back home after going through a divorce, least I am rid of ex and I got my dogs to keep me company in that CRAZY house... as soon as the house sells and I don't have to pay mortgage I am outta the folks house, hate being there with a passion...0 -
They probably just need time to get used to the new way you look.0
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I have had more than a few people ask when I am going to stop my weight loss, implying that I should not try to keep going. Started off at ~275 lbs, lost 50 lbs on OPTIFAST and have since lost 15 more. My personal goal is to get down to about 190 lbs. However, some of my co-workers and friends say that is too much and I should stop now. I am only 5'11", so am just now "overweight" on the BMI scale.
Anyone else have this issue? What do you say or how do you respond? Should I just "smile and nod"?
Once you start on this journey you are swimming against the stream in a society that embraces obesity and too much food. The sooner you stop caring what they think and brush it all aside and just do what you know is best for you the better off you will be. Even when you hit maintenance, this is key. You will find who your true friends are you will have many.0 -
They probably just need time to get used to the new way you look.
And yes this is true too. Some get used to it and some never like it.0 -
It is so annoying. I have a list of things I say, depending on who the person is. I've said, "Well of course you think I'm losing too much weight...you saw me at 300+ pounds" and "You've never seen me naked" :laugh:
But sometimes, if I'm not feeling too catty, I will explain for my height and frame size and current weight that I am still technically overweight and assure them that I do know what I am doing.
For those who don't really know me, but, for some reason feel the need to say something, I will respond back, "Thank you for your concern, but this is my business."0 -
I have the same problem!!! It's for OUR own health. We just have to remember that, I guess.What the hell is wrong with people!
I get this, too, in another form. I am 5-6, and I started out at 165 lbs. Well over weight- I have a small frame. But I am also a curvy woman and I can dress cleverly, so whenever a person hears my weight, then looks at me, they are surprised, some even shocked- because somehow I am still a size 12, and I 'carry my weight well'. They then tell me I don't need to loose weight b/c I 'look fine' and 'you can't even tell you weigh that much'.
I think I don't find support, Mostly b/c my weight loss hampers their life in some way, by me not being able to attend family meals b/c it consists of fried meat and buttered things, or my polite refusal of some heavily frosted dessert. People are conatantly trying to subvert my efforts.
First of all, my weight loss is my personal choice to be healthier. It is no ones business but my own. And I plan to loose as much as I want. When I weighed 135, I was a size 8. That is my goal. And I know full well that my family will tell me it is too thin, blah blah blah.
When you encounter someone like this, look them straight in the eye, and stare at them for ten straight seconds without saying a word.Then completely change the subject, as if their comment never happened.0 -
Thanks for all the good info. I don't think anyone means to be negative. I generally just point out that I am still overweight in the eyes of my doctor. I don't want to offend anyone, but also want them to know that I plan to continue to get healthier.
I did something similar when someone asked me when I was going to stop losing. I told them that I discussed it with my doctor and have a goal based on that.0 -
I've thought alot about this because I let myself get sucked in by it and use it as an excuse to lose motivation (not happening this time!)
- Most people no longer know what a healthy weight looks like. Much (not all) of Western culture is increasingly obese. In the U.S., approaching 2/3 of the adult population is overweight. So people really don't know what healthy "looks like"
- The human brain notices change. If they just met you at your current weight they would probably not think you too thin. But they have a different "vision" of you in their heads and it's the change that's jumping out at them.
- Weight loss is hard and takes discipline. Some people do take success in others as an indictment of themselves. It's like drinkers who want friends to keep drinking with them and react angrily or with attempts at sabotage when a friend stops.
I really like the poster who said "treat it as a compliment" because they're recognizing your achievement. I think that's really positive. I've started saying "I'm working with a doctor" and letting it go - but now I think I'll just say "thanks, I appreciate it" and move on.
It is, as so many have posted, about you and your life.0 -
I don't think there is ever a reason to respond rudely no matter how rude others are. I like to say something along the lines of ' I am going to stop when I've become the best that I can be. Thank you for noticing my efforts.' Then insert the biggest smile you've got.
Try not to let yourself get into a defensive mindset.
Congratulations on your success! I too have lost 50 pounds. Don't you feel great!
Embrace your inner warrior :happy: Stay strong my friends!!0 -
Usually I try to ignore them. There are always going to be people who will not accept a smaller you. It's just a reflection of their own insecurities.0
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I think it has to do with either their own insecurities and the fact that we are living in a society full of overweight and obese people. I truly believe that people really do not recognize what a healthy weight looks like anymore. Do what is right for you that is the most important part.0
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Although I think the BMI range can be BS (my husband would be anorexic if his "stocky" build were to go down to his BMI maximum) but when you hit the MINIMUM number on the BMI range, I think that is time to stop.0
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