Dumped

Colli78
Colli78 Posts: 135
in Motivation and Support
Last weekend was one of the best I ever had. I completed my first 5K, which was first on my bucket list.

Today, I got dumped after being together for 4 years.

Ouch.

The old me would immediately go home, get in my sweats along with my old pals Ben and Jerry and eat myself into a coma.

I will NOT do that this time. I have come too far, worked too hard, accomplished too much to revert back to my old ways and a pint with a spoon.

So....any advice on how to get past this without food? I worked out and that didn't really help. At this point, I am open to any suggestions.

This sucks y'all. :frown:
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Replies

  • FitandFab33
    FitandFab33 Posts: 718 Member
    I feel you!!! I had a baby and ended my engagement in the same week. It is SUPER tempting to dive into an endless vat of mozzarella sticks and hot brownie sundaes, but then I remembered, all this work that I'm doing- that's for ME. I deserve it.

    Girl, you DESERVE it. Four years is a long time, and grieving that relationship is only natural. How you grieve it up to you. You can sulk and make yourself more upset/sad/angry... or you can pick your head up and get out there, do things that make you HAPPY, and move on with your life. You deserve to be happy, healthy, fit... and getting you to a happier healthier you will only make it all that more amazing when the RIGHT guy comes along.

    Do it for YOU.
  • bradphil87
    bradphil87 Posts: 617 Member
    I used to do it with a bottle of Jamison....last time I went to the gym and just lifted....lifted hard.....then tanned, got my hair cut, shaved....and picked myself up.....hopefully you feel better :(
  • SoDamnHungry
    SoDamnHungry Posts: 6,998 Member
    Crochet a blanket. By the time you finish it, you'll be feeling better.
  • lesliev523
    lesliev523 Posts: 366 Member
    I used to do it with a bottle of Jamison....last time I went to the gym and just lifted....lifted hard.....then tanned, got my hair cut, shaved....and picked myself up.....hopefully you feel better :(

    This without the haircut!
  • cmriverside
    cmriverside Posts: 34,419 Member
    Divorce Ben & Jerry - they're trying to kill you.

    Don't go back to the guy who dumped you either. Blech. I feel your pain, I've been there, and I'm not proud of the way I coped. Learn from this and move forward. You'll be really proud of yourself for doing the right thing.:flowerforyou:
  • plafleur76
    plafleur76 Posts: 107 Member
    You have come so far, you are half way to your goal. Don't stop, don't give up. Go out and spoil yourself. be sad, be angry, be mad at him. It is his loss, not yours. Pamper yourself with a manicure or pedi or massage or GNO or something.
  • GinaRicky
    GinaRicky Posts: 38 Member
    Well to be honest be best way to make it through it is to feel it but not get stuck there. Four years is a long time and the relationship should be grieved and reflected upon. The good and the bad. But just keep it moving. Don't erect any wall or barriers. Stay open and know that this too shall pass.
  • amclaughlin88
    amclaughlin88 Posts: 10
    I'm so sorry to hear this! I went through something very similar last year but I was the one who finally broke it off after 3.5 years. It was the hardest thing to do and I felt absolutely horrible about it but at the same time this person was ruining my life. I was really depressed and wanted to do nothing for awhile. What I did was run... When I would get upset I would put my headphones in and just run no matter how bad it hurt i ran, until I wasn't thinking about him anymore.

    Hope that might work for you
  • NewMeAT33
    NewMeAT33 Posts: 33
    Go outside and get some air.
    Take a deep breathe and SHAKE IT OFF.
  • mgeaux
    mgeaux Posts: 41 Member
    I so know how you feel. I was dumped after 3 years and it was like going through a death for me. The only thing that helped me was talking to friends or loved ones. They became my counselors. Time will help greatly. My thoughts are with ya.
  • Mom2rh
    Mom2rh Posts: 612 Member
    You need a great playlist that makes you feel empowered. Running helped me, with the playlist really loud to drown out my thoughts.

    Also don't try to rush through the process. There are stages and you need to go through all of them...grief and anger. If you've got some sympathetic girlfriends, go cry on their couch and let it out.

    Then write a list of things that you can do now that you are single that you might not have done when you were part of a couple. And do some of them. Look forward and look up.
  • amberlykay1014
    amberlykay1014 Posts: 608 Member
    Oh, Sweetie! That has happened to me before.. twice. :( Find comfort in knowing that it wasn't going to work out anyway, and it's much better to let it go now than after you've gotten married and started a family.

    I love the quilt idea, by the way! I wish I'd have done something like that!
  • rjsehm5
    rjsehm5 Posts: 39 Member
    Friends, family, exercise! Also, journal.....if your instinct is to grab food, first grab a journal and a tall glass of water. Write down your feelings at that moment and try and unload all the negative energy you are holding in so that you can make room for more positive thoughts. It's a difficult road your have just embarked on but one step at a time and if for some reason you take a few steps back look in the mirror and FORGIVE!
  • Solisci
    Solisci Posts: 63 Member
    Take it out on the gym!!! And do NOT go back to him, it is always difflicult at first but keep yourself busy with friends or family... You will survive!
  • njauatin
    njauatin Posts: 38 Member
    Go for a run and listen to some bomb music, go buy something nice, or have a girls night out. My friends always help me through tough times.
  • Amberonamission
    Amberonamission Posts: 836 Member
    Best way to get over old pole is new pole. You are beautiful.. Don't let it be more than a lil speed bump.
  • Brit574
    Brit574 Posts: 11
    I used to do it with a bottle of Jamison....last time I went to the gym and just lifted....lifted hard.....then tanned, got my hair cut, shaved....and picked myself up.....hopefully you feel better :(

    THIS with a pedicure!!! :)
  • decdav
    decdav Posts: 41 Member
    Sorry to hear that! Dealing without B&J...Go for a run! Make it a long, slow one, or a fast, kick your butt one! (I would go for long, slow, it gives me time to deal with life and why you're better off without the fool!) I find running solves a lot of problems if I give it enough time.
  • Colli78
    Colli78 Posts: 135
    Wow...Once again you guys have completely amazed me with your outpouring support and words of encouragement and advice. Words simply cannot express how much I appreciate each and every one of you.

    Thank you. It's a feeling of comfort knowing that complete strangers care enough to comment. Makes me feel less alone.

    May you all have a wonderful day.
  • MaraDiaz
    MaraDiaz Posts: 4,604 Member
    Don't take this to extremes, but a little bit of self-hypnosis could work in your favor here. Every time you think of the breakup associate the emotional pain with not being hungry. With, in fact, being sickened by the mere idea of food.

    And think to yourself that what the pain really makes you want to do is move. Workout, run, walk, lift weights, smack a punching bag, whatever.

    Emotional pain=loss of appetite and urge to work out=easier time losing weight than turning to good old Ben and Jerry.

    Again, don't go too far with this, though, you have to have some appetite or you'll keel over dead from starvation!
  • chrishgt4
    chrishgt4 Posts: 1,222 Member
    Get out on the pull - after 10 other guys he won't seem half as important!
  • alvalaurie
    alvalaurie Posts: 369 Member
    I am sorry to hear this for you! I was not dumped, but instead my guy of 3 years decided to commit suicide. I had to deal with the guilt, humiliation, loss & grief all at the same time. What I didn't do (but should have), is seek counseling & work out. What I did instead was shrink into a deep depression that took almost 2 years to realize I had to shake off & move on! Join a support group if you need to and whatever you do, don't blame yourself! Someone else suggested just get out there and run....good advice! Just you, the pavement & your iPod with UPBEAT music. Hang in there; you got this!!
  • tinabell153
    tinabell153 Posts: 292 Member
    I broke up with my boyfriend of 5.5 years 2 weeks ago. It was rough and I did not make good food decisions and gained 5lbs. I can just tell you it gets easier with time. Find comfort in friends and family and you can pull through this difficult time. There's so much life to live and we only get a short time to live it. Don't stay upset for too long or it will consume you! Get out and do things for yourself!
  • Audarra
    Audarra Posts: 2
    Go out with your friends and go dancing. Keep busy. Maybe go and stay at a friends somewhere for a couple of days or have someone come and stay with you. HUGsX
  • 120weeks
    120weeks Posts: 242 Member
    If you are sure you never want to go back, I'd write out a list of reasons why so you can have that ready if temptation strikes. Outside of that, I'd feel even more motivated to be hotter than ever. I don't think that is bad motivation. Like, strive for seriously hot beyond even your own expectations, LOL. Everything else will fall into place and you will find the happiest days ahead of you.
  • jamielovesjbs
    jamielovesjbs Posts: 154 Member
    i'm so sorry! all the positive things you are doing with your life, just might be weeding out negatives (including the ex). take it one day at a time. you are a strong woman, the best man for you is yet to come!
  • orapronobis
    orapronobis Posts: 460 Member
    All of the above and start some NEW activity. Volunteer somewhere, when you're giving, you have less time to focus on yourself. It is really healing to help someone else. Plus, it puts you in contact with other giving people. Win. Win. And as trite as it sounds, most things work out for the best. There's someone out there that is meant for you.
  • acstansell
    acstansell Posts: 567 Member
    Talk it out... keep a journal, write a blog, find a support group, go to a good dinner with supportive friends.
    Work it out - run, walk, swim, SWEAT - every time you want to eat, find something else to do.
    Take up a hobby - fill your hands with crafts, books, games, or art instead of food.
    Feed your soul - yoga, sleep, therapy (if desired), and church if it's your thing.

    Just some thoughts -I've had a rough year with my husband's health and these are some things I do. If you slip and binge, forgive yourself and move on to the next day.
  • Jxnsmma
    Jxnsmma Posts: 919 Member
    Congrats on your first 5k and your new start in life :)
  • Nessi37
    Nessi37 Posts: 47 Member
    Give yourself permission to be extra good to you! Go out and get a new book, rent a good movie, take a bubble bath, manicure, pedicure, do a bunch of things that make you feel good. The pain of a break up will take time to get over and is a major adjustment. My mother always told me when I was hurt to take it one day at a time, and if thats to much take it one hour at a time and if even that is too much take it one minute at a time.

    Be good to yourself because you deserve it! :heart:

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