Is this normal now?!?!
Anyone else out there still in the dating world? How about online dating?
Probably 80% of the guys I meet/chat with either.
1. Don't have a job
2. Don't have, or can't drive a car
3. Still live at home with their parents
or a combination thereof...
Most of the guys I'm dating are early 30s... I'm not going after 22 year olds fresh out of college here. Plus I live in the midwest... cost of living is really not terrible... The average 1bdrm apt costs about $400/mo.
I'm not saying that you need to be C.E.O of a major corporation here... and I'm really not trying to be hard on those people who really did recently get laid off and are a little hard on their luck... but come on, am I being unreasonable to expect them to be able to function on their own as a normal adult at this point in their lives?
Has anyone else noticed this to be the rule rather than the exception lately? or is it just guys in my area?
Probably 80% of the guys I meet/chat with either.
1. Don't have a job
2. Don't have, or can't drive a car
3. Still live at home with their parents
or a combination thereof...
Most of the guys I'm dating are early 30s... I'm not going after 22 year olds fresh out of college here. Plus I live in the midwest... cost of living is really not terrible... The average 1bdrm apt costs about $400/mo.
I'm not saying that you need to be C.E.O of a major corporation here... and I'm really not trying to be hard on those people who really did recently get laid off and are a little hard on their luck... but come on, am I being unreasonable to expect them to be able to function on their own as a normal adult at this point in their lives?
Has anyone else noticed this to be the rule rather than the exception lately? or is it just guys in my area?
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Replies
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Lol.....yep I remember those days. I met my boyfriend of almost 5 years online (he's a keeper
)...unfortunately I had to weed through a lot of the sort of guys that you mentioned before I could find him! Hang in there! 0 -
Maybe it's me, but in this economy I wouldn't judge somebody living with parents and saving/paying off debts.
I've seen it a lot more frequently where men or women don't move out until engaged or married. At first I found it odd. Now, I think it's kind of quaint.0 -
Those are the guys who spend way too much time looking for a needy woman, just say no.
And they exist in every age group. I'm in my fifties. You have to wonder....it must be working for them, right?0 -
being "an adult" is overrated.
I got out of grad school 65K in the black partially because I lived with my parents until I was 25.
My dad was gone at months at a time for work and my mom is manic depressive, so it worked out for all of us on many levels (I help my mom out a lot through problems with her mental health).
Don't think someone living with their parents is a loser just because of that.0 -
who cares if they drive a car????0
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My ex lived at home til we moved in together when he was 24. Now that I've started dating again, except for one, the guys I've met have been on their own with their own transportation. The one who lived at home and had a trash bag covering his driver's side window was yelling at his mom while he was on the phone with me one day. I stopped returning his calls. I could forgive the window!0
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who cares if they drive a car????
Where are you gonna do it? obviously not at their parent's house......On the bus is......well......awkward. Just saying.0 -
who cares if they drive a car????
Where I live, you either have to drive, or relay on other people to drive you... public transportation is virtually non-existent0 -
1. Don't have a job
Maybe has been laid off and is looking. Having a job is important I agree, but knowing what they used to do and/or what they are lookign for may be just as important.
2. Don't have, or can't drive a car
Maybe they were born raised in the city and didn't need a car and used public transportaion (Taxi, Bus, Metro, Train, etc)
3. Still live at home with their parents
Many may still live at home to save and pay off debt or help with a family situation.
You need to delve in deeper to these reasons for not dating a guy. None of the above make a guy a loser. Now if he is 25, never had a job, never went to college and spends most of his time in his parents basement playing video games - that may be a different story. But again - get the whole story before making judgements against the poor guy!!0 -
who cares if they drive a car????
Where are you gonna do it? obviously not at their parent's house......On the bus is......well......awkward. Just saying.
In the back of a taxi of course.
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No.
The answer is no.
If you are a "man", you need to have a job.
blaming the economy is a cop out plain and simple. Jobs are out there. They might be sucky jobs but, they are jobs nontheless.
Oh, and the only excuse for a man not knowing how to drive is ifhe was born and raised in New York city or on Gilligans Island.0 -
Maybe it's me, but in this economy I wouldn't judge somebody living with parents and saving/paying off debts.
I've seen it a lot more frequently where men or women don't move out until engaged or married. At first I found it odd. Now, I think it's kind of quaint.
Yeah, actually statistically these days more and more young adults are living with parents to pay of student loans, etc. Honestly, I think if a guy has debt like that, or is saving for a down payment on a home, it's just financially smart. Why waste money on rent when you can save it, get out of debt, and buy your own home? I also know quite a bit of people in their late 20s/approaching 30 still searching for a job, waiting tables, bartending, working retail, etc. In Austin, in particular, if you don't have a degree, it's practically impossible to find a good job, and so many people here do have a bachelor's degree, it's becoming almost like a high school diploma. I don't begrudge anyone who needs help getting their career on it's feet...save money now, enjoy it later!0 -
1. Don't have a job
Maybe has been laid off and is looking. Having a job is important I agree, but knowing what they used to do and/or what they are lookign for may be just as important.
2. Don't have, or can't drive a car
Maybe they were born raised in the city and didn't need a car and used public transportaion (Taxi, Bus, Metro, Train, etc)
3. Still live at home with their parents
Many may still live at home to save and pay off debt or help with a family situation.
You need to delve in deeper to these reasons for not dating a guy. None of the above make a guy a loser. Now if he is 25, never had a job, never went to college and spends most of his time in his parents basement playing video games - that may be a different story. But again - get the whole story before making judgements against the poor guy!!
Agreed!
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No.
The answer is no.
If you are a "man", you need to have a job.
blaming the economy is a cop out plain and simple. Jobs are out there. They might be sucky jobs but, they are jobs nontheless.
Oh, and the only excuse for a man not knowing how to drive is ifhe was born and raised in New York city or on Gilligans Island.
I will say that just flat out not having a job period would be a deal breaker. If a guy has some crappy job while he looks for a good one, I'm cool with that. In fact, when my bf and I started dating he had kind of a sh!tty job (installing cable), which he hated, but he only worked there at the time because it was all that was available, and he'd gone through a series of hard knocks. He was looking for another job the entire time he worked there, and now has great career. All about work ethic to me. Doesn't have to be rich, but has to be willing to work hard. I hold that same standard for myself.0 -
Maybe it is a problem on where are you looking or the type of guys you attract.
I met my wife online. At the time:
1. I had a good job (still do)
2. Had a car (2 cars to be exact)
3. Had my own place (2 homes, 1 I live in and 1 that was being rented out)
I was also in my mid-30’s as well. I have no idea if I am the “norm” because I was very aggressive in my early 20’s when it came to being financially stable/independent. Basically I worked hard early so I can play more later.0 -
huhuhuhuhuhhh.........you said hard on
\m/ 0 -
who cares if they drive a car????
Where are you gonna do it? obviously not at their parent's house......On the bus is......well......awkward. Just saying.
This is why couples like to go to church together! There are plenty of rooms for use there and free coffee and food!0 -
No.
The answer is no.
If you are a "man", you need to have a job.
blaming the economy is a cop out plain and simple. Jobs are out there. They might be sucky jobs but, they are jobs nontheless.
Oh, and the only excuse for a man not knowing how to drive is ifhe was born and raised in New York city or on Gilligans Island.
Okay so yes a job is important, but I'm wondering if women (especially OP) would prefer a man who is actively lookign for something in his field or a 30yo working at McDonalds Both come with judgement! So no, the economy is not a cop out, it is real for some. and I emphasize "some" as many do use it as a cop out and a way not to work. But don't label all.
And..... why does "man" need a job??!! Is that all men or just single men??0 -
I think the REALLY interesting part is that it seems so many more men than women are in that group. Why is it that young women seem more interested in being independent than men of their same age? -- Fascinating.
Oh, and my girlfriends who are in their 30's and dating have definitely seen this trend, to answer your question. For my generation (I'm 49), there was still a responsibility gap back in the day -- men seemed more prone to under-employment, driving beater cars and living in crap apartments with 47 roommates than women were -- but we all had some sort of job and none of us were living with our parents for more than a couple of months as a stop-gap in a dire emergency. Still, the women I knew then were financially more stable at a younger age than their male counterparts. Seems that much hasn't changed.0 -
When I met my fiance he was having his house foreclosed on due to his ex wife not paying her ****. So he lived with his parents for about 6 months while he looked for a place to live. Then he got laid off.
I supported him and helped him find a job, we saved up, and then we got an apartment together.
**** happens, it's the effort that counts.
If they are living off their parents, not paying bills or helping anything and not looking for a job, that's a problem.
But if they are actively trying then why fault them for it?0 -
Some of you guys are so harsh!1. Don't have a job
Maybe has been laid off and is looking. Having a job is important I agree, but knowing what they used to do and/or what they are lookign for may be just as important.
2. Don't have, or can't drive a car
Maybe they were born raised in the city and didn't need a car and used public transportaion (Taxi, Bus, Metro, Train, etc)
3. Still live at home with their parents
Many may still live at home to save and pay off debt or help with a family situation.
You need to delve in deeper to these reasons for not dating a guy. None of the above make a guy a loser. Now if he is 25, never had a job, never went to college and spends most of his time in his parents basement playing video games - that may be a different story. But again - get the whole story before making judgements against the poor guy!!
I agree!0 -
My knee jerk reaction would be that ALL men need to do some kind of work.No.
The answer is no.
If you are a "man", you need to have a job.
blaming the economy is a cop out plain and simple. Jobs are out there. They might be sucky jobs but, they are jobs nontheless.
Oh, and the only excuse for a man not knowing how to drive is ifhe was born and raised in New York city or on Gilligans Island.
Okay so yes a job is important, but I'm wondering if women (especially OP) would prefer a man who is actively lookign for something in his field or a 30yo working at McDonalds Both come with judgement! So no, the economy is not a cop out, it is real for some. and I emphasize "some" as many do use it as a cop out and a way not to work. But don't label all.
And..... why does "man" need a job??!! Is that all men or just single men??
Now, there could be exceptions to the rule.
A: Wife is making a boat load of money and Dad is a stay at home Father.
B: Wife is working while Husband is finishing school (he better be ready to work his *kitten* off upon graduation)
C: Some kind of horrible injury that makes work impossible.
Thats all I can think of.0 -
who cares if they drive a car????
Where are you gonna do it? obviously not at their parent's house......On the bus is......well......awkward. Just saying.
Awesome!0 -
I think the REALLY interesting part is that it seems so many more men than women are in that group. Why is it that young women seem more interested in being independent than men of their same age? -- Fascinating.
- I've noticed that too... I know lots of other gals that moved out young and support themselves and are still single... a lot more single women, than single men that I know... Wonder if the guys are just less motivated? or if the motivated guys just get snatched up sooner
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No.
The answer is no.
If you are a "man", you need to have a job.
blaming the economy is a cop out plain and simple. Jobs are out there. They might be sucky jobs but, they are jobs nontheless.
Oh, and the only excuse for a man not knowing how to drive is ifhe was born and raised in New York city or on Gilligans Island.
That's what I'm saying... If you need to work at McDonald's until something better comes along... hey at least it's a job! You can always keep looking for a better job if you are not happy with that job.
As far as not driving goes... a lot of them know how to drive... but lots of DUI's... I live right across the river from Missouri 0 -
I dated a whole BUNCH of winners. One was still in love with his ex g/f, one was a 40 year old township defense lawyer who lived with his parents, one who quit college one semester before he graduated and was happy to be able to do that and make minimum wage while he lived with his mother , one proposed to me on the first date, one looked and acted like my grandfather, one used the fact that he was a paraplegic to get sympathy, another paraplegic who told me he was rich (from a lawsuit) and that any woman that hooked up with him would be very fortunate, one who judged his dates on how advanced their vocabulary was, one who was looking for someone that was into bestiality like his late wife, one who wouldn't divorce his wife because he didn't want to lose half of everything he had....I could go on...and on.
Now, granted, they all had jobs but there are still a LOT of factors that can make or break a possible relationship.0 -
No.
The answer is no.
If you are a "man", you need to have a job.
blaming the economy is a cop out plain and simple. Jobs are out there. They might be sucky jobs but, they are jobs nontheless.
Oh, and the only excuse for a man not knowing how to drive is ifhe was born and raised in New York city or on Gilligans Island.
That's what I'm saying... If you need to work at McDonald's until something better comes along... hey at least it's a job! You can always keep looking for a better job if you are not happy with that job.
As far as not driving goes... a lot of them know how to drive... but lots of DUI's... I live right across the river from Missouri
Well from teh sounds of things you need to 1) move 2) change your profile or 3) accept what you can find with your requirements/area.0 -
If you are a "man", you need to have a job.
blaming the economy is a cop out plain and simple. Jobs are out there. They might be sucky jobs but, they are jobs nontheless.
If a guy has some crappy job while he looks for a good one, I'm cool with that.
Yep - out of college I lived with my parents for a grand total of 5 weeks - that was how long it took me to find a job. During that 5 weeks I went to a temp agency and picked up a job (started 1 day after I interviewed there) driving a forklift for the night shift at a recycling plant - literally moving peoples trash around a smelly factory for $9 an hour in Davenport, IA. I did not want to work there - but I needed to pay bills as I am not one to rely on others. 5 Weeks later I moved to Des Moines and started my real job (where I still work today) and make a very good living for a single 29 year old. There is no reason to not have a job - as mentioned by previous posters - there are jobs, perhaps crappy ones, but they exist. Its more about work ethic and paying your bills, and less about making a huge amount of money. $7.50 an hour is better than $0 an hour and creating a strain for whomever you are mooching off of.
I am also in the Midwest so I can respect the need for someone to own some sort of transportation. Outside of Chicago, you are essentially stranded without a vehicle.0 -
If there is a guy working at Mc Ds and he is either still looking or he is in school, I respect that 1000, times more then the guy sitting around the house.No.
The answer is no.
If you are a "man", you need to have a job.
blaming the economy is a cop out plain and simple. Jobs are out there. They might be sucky jobs but, they are jobs nontheless.
Oh, and the only excuse for a man not knowing how to drive is ifhe was born and raised in New York city or on Gilligans Island.
That's what I'm saying... If you need to work at McDonald's until something better comes along... hey at least it's a job! You can always keep looking for a better job if you are not happy with that job.
As far as not driving goes... a lot of them know how to drive... but lots of DUI's... I live right across the river from Missouri
And seriously, if someone is not driving because of lots of DUI's, then that also might be a bad choice in a boyfriend.0 -
If you are a "man", you need to have a job.
blaming the economy is a cop out plain and simple. Jobs are out there. They might be sucky jobs but, they are jobs nontheless.
If a guy has some crappy job while he looks for a good one, I'm cool with that.
Yep - out of college I lived with my parents for a grand total of 5 weeks - that was how long it took me to find a job. During that 5 weeks I went to a temp agency and picked up a job (started 1 day after I interviewed there) driving a forklift for the night shift at a recycling plant - literally moving peoples trash around a smelly factory for $9 an hour in Davenport, IA. I did not want to work there - but I needed to pay bills as I am not one to rely on others. 5 Weeks later I moved to Des Moines and started my real job (where I still work today) and make a very good living for a single 29 year old. There is no reason to not have a job - as mentioned by previous posters - there are jobs, perhaps crappy ones, but they exist. Its more about work ethic and paying your bills, and less about making a huge amount of money. $7.50 an hour is better than $0 an hour and creating a strain for whomever you are mooching off of.
I am also in the Midwest so I can respect the need for someone to own some sort of transportation. Outside of Chicago, you are essentially stranded without a vehicle.
I went to High School in Davenport! We are neighbors!0
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