How to be a Man or Woman in America

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  • sz8soon
    sz8soon Posts: 816 Member
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    sounds like a load of BS to me
  • MiloBloom83
    MiloBloom83 Posts: 2,724 Member
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    I am glad that I don't let others define what I need to do to be a man. I have my own definitions. That definition didn't changed when I was in Asia. Not while I stayed in Europe. Didn't changed in America.

    I know what I want. I give it all I got. If I am with a woman, I am her protector, even if she is capable of taking care of herself, I am still there for her. I work hard and keep my family first. I don't consider any job less than other as long as I work hard. Men who try to be something else they're not are weak. Men who pretend to be tough are weak. My father is a short, obese guy who have never in his life done any physical labor. But he's a hard worker and a better and stronger man than I, or my brothers combined will ever be.

    What defines a man or a woman? YOU do

    Hi taunto
  • Trechechus
    Trechechus Posts: 2,819 Member
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    Link to the TED talk?
  • IronPlayground
    IronPlayground Posts: 1,594 Member
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    What do men have to do or be to conform to male norms (in America)?

    emotional control
    work is first
    pursue status
    violence
    "Never be perceived as weak."

    Wasn't there a movie made about someone like this?

    untitled.jpg
  • AdriAfterAll
    AdriAfterAll Posts: 16 Member
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    Link to the TED talk?

    Here you go:
    http://youtu.be/psN1DORYYV0

    It's about a lot, really impactful. :)
  • nbhobbes
    nbhobbes Posts: 284
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    I think people need to keep in mind these are the preconceptions of norms in the US. I kinda agree with quite a few of these actaully for Men they are pretty spot on.

    Emotional Control - Check Can't be breaking down and crying. That is sooo not manly.
    Work Is First - Traditioanlly men are the bread winners/providers.
    Pursue Status - This is also fairly common. Think about all the flashy cars people drive. No real purpose other then to be a status simbol. Same thing with a lot of other luxuries.
    Violence - I agree with this one too. Who is expected to step up and fight. Men.
    "Never to be perceived as weak" - Again accurate. Weakness isn't traditiaonlly a quality persued by men.
  • yoovie
    yoovie Posts: 17,121 Member
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    You forgot married.
  • yoovie
    yoovie Posts: 17,121 Member
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    What do men have to do or be to conform to male norms (in America)?

    emotional control
    work is first
    pursue status
    violence
    "Never be perceived as weak."

    heh. I got this.

    Calm. Collected.
    Good job that gets done.
    Good status, above others.
    Train to fight 6x a week.
    Step up or step back..

    werd.

    .....so hot
  • 126siany
    126siany Posts: 1,386 Member
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    Did they mention the ages of those surveyed? The answers received seem to be what very young people with no life experience would answer.
  • nbhobbes
    nbhobbes Posts: 284
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    Again with the conceptiosn of women I think it's along fairly similar lines.. Well teh social expectations are anyway..

    Nice - Pleasant, friendly not a total *****.
    Thin - Definately in there. The conception that men prefer thin women is true.
    Modest - I think this refers to in appearance and attitude. Being a lady as opposed to some saucy wench.
    Use all resources for appearances - How many shoes do you ladies own? How many outfits? How much make up? How many of you won't leave the house unless your all together? Yeah I would say that one exists.
    "have it all, do it all, be it all- and never let 'em see you sweat" - I think this is the perception of the modern woman. She's not some homemaker but a go getter who can have a career, family, successful relationship and look good doing it..

    Keep in mind this isn't how things actually are but how people surveyed think they are.
  • penrbrown
    penrbrown Posts: 2,685 Member
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    OP, for clarification, are you asking if this is the gender stereotyping that goes on in America and is this what is expected of these respective genders?
  • AdriAfterAll
    AdriAfterAll Posts: 16 Member
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    Yes'm, basically. That was the question posed originally in the research.

    I'm asking if you'd agree with the answers given by those polled. There was not a lot of detail given in the TEDtalk about WHO was polled. I definitely have felt the expectation to be all of those things, and wondered what MFPers would say...
  • Anomalia
    Anomalia Posts: 506 Member
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    Just re-watched the Brene Brown TED talks on youtube, and was thinking about this bit. Researchers at Boston College asked the question below and got these answers.

    What do women have to do or be to conform to female norms (in America)?

    nice
    thin
    modest
    use all avalable resources for appearance
    "have it all, do it all, be it all- and never let 'em see you sweat"

    What do men have to do or be to conform to male norms (in America)?

    emotional control
    work is first
    pursue status
    violence
    "Never be perceived as weak."

    As a woman, I know I feel the pressure of the Perfection beast like whoa, but do you all agree? That's who we have to be and how we're expected to organize our priorities?

    I am a grown *kitten* man with a beard, I don't need some researcher to tell me how I should act or should be. I believe in the law of return...what you give is what comes back to you.

    Me gusta.
  • Anomalia
    Anomalia Posts: 506 Member
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    No, I don't agree with the researchers findings.
  • _the_feniks_
    _the_feniks_ Posts: 3,443 Member
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    Control emotions
    Family is always first
    *kitten* and your status
    Violence only when words fail... and then be the last one standing
    Never be perceived as stooopit
  • JIGGLYbellyPUFF
    JIGGLYbellyPUFF Posts: 81 Member
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    Not going to lie, I try hard to make it look like my life is easy. Seems like it fits with those expectations I guess.
  • penrbrown
    penrbrown Posts: 2,685 Member
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    Yes'm, basically. That was the question posed originally in the research.

    I'm asking if you'd agree with the answers given by those polled. There was not a lot of detail given in the TEDtalk about WHO was polled. I definitely have felt the expectation to be all of those things, and wondered what MFPers would say...

    Cool. I just wanted to clarify. That's what I got from your post but from some of the answers here it seemed like people were getting something else from it.

    I'm not American. Growing up there WERE expectations placed on me though and they are as follows:

    As a woman I was expected to:

    Get married young
    Date any man who asked me out (If I said no I was being a '*****')
    Marry any man who asks
    Be independent but NOT assertive (go figure)

    As WELL as the things you listed.
  • LadyIvysMom
    LadyIvysMom Posts: 391 Member
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    Just re-watched the Brene Brown TED talks on youtube, and was thinking about this bit. Researchers at Boston College asked the question below and got these answers.

    What do women have to do or be to conform to female norms (in America)?

    nice
    thin
    modest
    use all avalable resources for appearance
    "have it all, do it all, be it all- and never let 'em see you sweat"

    What do men have to do or be to conform to male norms (in America)?

    emotional control
    work is first
    pursue status
    violence
    "Never be perceived as weak."

    As a woman, I know I feel the pressure of the Perfection beast like whoa, but do you all agree? That's who we have to be and how we're expected to organize our priorities?

    Edit for clarity: The researchers weren't telling us what we're supposed to be, they only spit out what all the people polled said. It's what WE (Americans) feel/believe/said the expectations are...

    Link to the talk: http://youtu.be/psN1DORYYV0
    It's about a lot. This was just a piece...

    Personally, as a woman I want to be smart, thin, smart, fit, smart, strong, smart, and I like being natural. No make up. No $$$$$ clothes.

    None of those male qualities are attractive to me at all. I can’t stand men who are over emotional.
  • LadyIvysMom
    LadyIvysMom Posts: 391 Member
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    Being a lady as opposed to some saucy wench.

    Speaking as possibly the sauciest wench you know, this made me lol <3 :P

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