Dumped

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  • silvergurl518
    silvergurl518 Posts: 4,123 Member
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    honesty is beautiful, isn't it? i'm SO sorry for your pain and for your loss. but it's probably for the best. there's someone better out there for you and you will be at your best when you meet that person! we are here and we believe in you. i was dumped after only four months, but it felt like forever. so i can't even imagine four years. but you are strong!
  • knittermom07
    knittermom07 Posts: 94 Member
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    Go workout and take all your frustrations out on the pavement, or machine, or weight bench or floor, whatever it is that you like to workout with! It's a great stress reliever!
  • sdonovan96
    sdonovan96 Posts: 46 Member
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    Agreed!! Just means he wasn't the right one for you!! The right one WILL come and will benefit from the other guys loss. Don't settle! :)
  • strikerjb007
    strikerjb007 Posts: 443 Member
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    First of all, I am sorry to hear this. I am going through the same thing. Well, almost. After almost 4 years, my fiancee called off our wedding about a month before the date. So believe me, I understand how you feel. But here is the thing, there is NO CONNECTION between Heartbreak and Food. NONE!!! I don't know who was the person that started that connection but whoever it was should have been given a beating.

    Now, if you look at my profile pic, I am in decent shape. Do you think I am going to go out there and drink myself to a coma and loss my shape while my partner is having a good old time????? Is it worth it? Hell no it's not. Take exercise as your medicine for heartbreak. It should make you work out harder. Take it on the weights, cardio or whatever you do.

    I also suggest you check the following site:

    lovesagame.com

    It has helped me tremendously. I also suggest you take a trip somewhere. I just came back from a 17 day trip. I traveled and spent time alone. Yes, I was alone but I met tons of people along the way. It will help you clear up your mind. Things will be a little easier when you come back.

    In any case, don't throw your results over a guy. Look, it hurts but they are the ones who decided that the relationship was not worth their time. I am sure that in time, you will meet a nice guy that will stick around. Don't sweat it. Life is too short.

    In the end, it's not whether or not he is the right guy for you... the relationship as a whole took that direction. It's no one's fault. Go to the site and you will get some help. Don't settle for the thinking: "his fault" "he's not the right one.." All of that is crap. It takes to people to screw up a relationship. Things happen. Now, pick up the pieces and move forward. You will find a guy.
  • clarkeje1
    clarkeje1 Posts: 1,637 Member
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    Just talking will do wonders. Just processing your feelings and getting things out will let you heal and move on. Also just give it time. It will begin to hurt less as time passes. Just visualize how good it will feel to know that you are staying on your fitness path and think about when you run into him a few years later how salty he will be when he sees how hot you are and what a sexier boyfriend you got after him! lol
  • triinityz
    triinityz Posts: 146 Member
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    Walk up to him, punch him in the face as hard as you can and then go out with your girls for a drunken girls night out and get some! Hmmmm... maybe that's what I did... it did work for me though!

    You won't feel like this forever, it will get better, just stay distracted by positive things and people.
  • bhoffe01
    bhoffe01 Posts: 15 Member
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    Last weekend was one of the best I ever had. I completed my first 5K, which was first on my bucket list.

    Today, I got dumped after being together for 4 years.

    Ouch.

    The old me would immediately go home, get in my sweats along with my old pals Ben and Jerry and eat myself into a coma.

    I will NOT do that this time. I have come too far, worked too hard, accomplished too much to revert back to my old ways and a pint with a spoon.

    So....any advice on how to get past this without food? I worked out and that didn't really help. At this point, I am open to any suggestions.

    This sucks y'all. :frown:
  • KittieLea
    KittieLea Posts: 1,156 Member
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    My heart breaks for you. Find something new to focus on. Train for a 10K, start lifting weights, train for a triathalon, take a fun class, get in your BEST SHAPE ever for the upcoming holidays. Set a new goal and put all of your effort into it. By the time you reach it, oh what's his name won't even matter anymore :)
  • Kimmer03
    Kimmer03 Posts: 48 Member
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    I've been in this boat (as have many women) and I found it comforting and somewhat empowering to be the "heroine" in my own life. After a breakup from a long relationship (4 years!!) its nice to rediscover yourself for the one and only person who will always be with you. I do not say "you are alone" I say "you are with you". So take this time to keep the exercise going, keep your chin up, and treat yourself to things that your ex maybe couldn't do. After one of my breakups, I realized I didn't have to financially support or coexist with this other person and set aside the extra money to buy myself emerald earrings, go to the spa and plan a big vacation. If you do it right, perhaps you can plan your vacation around a location you've never been before and plan it for a time there is a 5k in that area. Do a funky sort of exercise-related activity like the Color Me Rad run or Dirty Dash. Buy yourself flowers once a week and put them on your bedside table. You deserve to be good to you. :)
  • seanorawe
    seanorawe Posts: 137 Member
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    Go out and bang all around you
  • bhoffe01
    bhoffe01 Posts: 15 Member
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    lean on your friends and realize that if he would do that to you he is not worth you. you deserve so much more. :) stay strong. lean on us for support. we are here for you.
  • rawebe
    rawebe Posts: 14 Member
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    Reatil therapy.
  • Lrdoflamancha
    Lrdoflamancha Posts: 1,280 Member
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    Remember that time wounds all heals.
    Will Rogers
  • sarah3333
    sarah3333 Posts: 222 Member
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    I was with a man for 12 years and then about 2 years ago found out he was cheating on me left right and sideways... I was devastated! But 2 years later...it was the BEST thing that could have happened to me! I met he most amazing guy! He's sweet and funny and I appreciate him more then words can say. Sometimes what seems like the worst thing, is really for the best and when you get through the tough part you'll be happier in the end. Stay focused on your goals, it will all work out! Good luck to you!
  • rainghirl
    rainghirl Posts: 203 Member
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    Sorry to hear that, it's a bad place to be in. My usual response to bad things happening is alcohol rather than food, but's it's as damaging to your diet.

    Everyone has made really good suggestions - but I just wanted to say that if you do give in and get a tub of Ben and Jerry's save some for me... I mean don't beat yourself up about it, that'll make it worse. The next day, go for a long run or go to the gym, do something to mitigate the eating you've done. I think it's important to be prepared for that eventuality, but have a recovery plan!

    I hope you get through the next couple of weeks okay, they'll be the hardest. I also think that what someone said about having a wardrobe clear out - I had to do that this weekend for totally different reasons, and it's really cathartic. You feel mentally lighter after, if not physically.
  • terrappyn
    terrappyn Posts: 324 Member
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    Broke off my 7 year relationship (3 years engaged) last year. Best thing I did was keep a journal. Not a food one but an emotional one. Everything you want to say to that person, write it down, read previous days and then you will realize why it wouldnt have worked out anyway. All those things that for years your just chalked up to that person being well....that person you will see that they really were not things you liked. Go out dancing with the girls, (it's exercise), be good to you and buy that new pair or shoes or a new pair of jeans. Flirt and have fun. Date people, when you are ready, that you would normally never date. You might surprise yourself! Make sure you reflect and talk about what you are going through. If it wasnt for my work "husband"; I dont know what I would have done. Just talking about it helped. Feel free to add me if you want to chat!
  • Lisah8969
    Lisah8969 Posts: 1,247 Member
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    Sorry that this happened to you! Men suck!! Ok...women suck sometimes, too, but in this case MEN SUCK! I am going to assume you are very proud of finishing your first 5k, so I would find another one and sign up. Make it a goal to beat your time. Maybe also sign up for a 10k in 4 months or a Half Marathon (if you are so inclined to keep going) in 6 months. I know, for me, having a training schedule that I MUST keep is good for me. I like my long days at the park to just clear my head and then it's harder to indulge in something bad when I know it would negate the good I just did. This way you have time to think and grieve about what happened in a healthy way and when you are done, you are a faster person! Good luck!
  • Shrinking_Moody
    Shrinking_Moody Posts: 270 Member
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    Voodoo. :wink:

    Hang in there - they obviously don't deserve the fabulous you that you are becoming and someone better will come along. I would keep trying the working out thing - or even try something new. You've completed a 5K - way to go - now let's train for a half marathon or just try a new workout and keep yourself busy and unavailable or sign up for a class (music, painting, photograpy, anything you've always wanted to do?) Just keep busy and it will get easier with time.
  • alpine1994
    alpine1994 Posts: 1,915 Member
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    I'm sorry :( It's really difficult, but it gets easier with time. I got dumped really for no good reason (or no good reason he was willing to share with me) so I was really angry. I channeled my anger into running. Every day. I lost a lot of weight and I became a dude magnet! haha. But until that initial pain passed, my mom told me that every time I picked up the phone to call him, call her instead. I took her up on this, and she received many 3am phone calls of me crying hysterically, but it really helped. Maybe your bff or a family member can do this for you?

    And book your weekends for like 6 weeks straight. Call up old friends. Family, anybody. Make them hang out with you! After 6 weeks I was exhausted and ready to be alone, and I was fine. I found happiness again after a few months.

    You will get through this and come out the other side being stronger and a better person in general. :flowerforyou:
  • HLeAnn
    HLeAnn Posts: 261 Member
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    Listen to the song let yourself go.......go on a run go on a vacation, go on another 5k, go find a different new life, go try a new thing, go hiking
    go fishing
    go running
    go scuba diving
    go cave dwelling
    go with friend on a cruise
    go to a different county
    LET YOUR SELF GO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    LOVE this!!

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