Should I let a toxic friend know I am thinking about her?

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eimajb18
eimajb18 Posts: 20 Member
in Chit-Chat
A few months ago, I ended a longtime, toxic friendship. She was a great friend in so many ways, but she was a drama magnet and it was physically and emotionally draining to hear about all of her issues on a daily basis.

Today is my ex-friend's birthday, and I bought her a gift which I was thinking of mailing to her house. I want her to know I love her and will always wish the best for her, but I do not want to re-kindle our friendship and I don't want to give mixed signals.

I don't know if I should deliver the gift or not... any thoughts?
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Replies

  • EmilyRanae22
    EmilyRanae22 Posts: 506 Member
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    gift=mixed signals
  • peuglow
    peuglow Posts: 684 Member
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    Return/keep the gift. Send a card stating what you just wrote.

    I've never had a toxic friend, so maybe this isn't the best reaction, but I'd just ignore the day. You have moved on.
  • SoDamnHungry
    SoDamnHungry Posts: 6,998 Member
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    That'd be giving a mixed signal. You don't send gifts to people you don't want to be friends with.
  • zeebruhgirl
    zeebruhgirl Posts: 493 Member
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    That's pretty mixed.
  • SoDamnHungry
    SoDamnHungry Posts: 6,998 Member
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    Return/keep the gift. Send a card stating what you just wrote.

    I've never had a toxic friend, so maybe this isn't the best reaction, but I'd just ignore the day. You have moved on.

    Don't send a card. That's just like sending a card saying "I don't want to be your friend." Kind of mean, don't you think?
  • krisiepoo
    krisiepoo Posts: 710 Member
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    Don't send it if you're not wanting to rekindle the friendship becuase it could be seen as a "peace offering" of sorts if you were the one to break the friendship off

    unless you send it anonymously
  • Romans624
    Romans624 Posts: 822
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    I personally wouldn't send it. And if I were the person in question, I wouldn't want it. If it's done, let it be done. Like a breakup. Its nice that you still care, but giving the gift and running away will just reaffirm that you think she is a toxic person and that won't make her feel good on her bday I don't think.
  • RMLMoore
    RMLMoore Posts: 130 Member
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    I think you may be opening the door for reinvolvement - unless you want to get into a discussion about why you are no longer interested in spending time with her. It is mixed message to reach out, only to pull away.
  • linda1243
    linda1243 Posts: 166
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    If you do not want to rekindle the relationship, do not send a gift. If you have moved on, then I am not sure why this is even a consideration.
  • clynch1968
    clynch1968 Posts: 45 Member
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    Sending a gift would be a mixed signal.
  • LAMypie
    LAMypie Posts: 127 Member
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    Depends on how the relationship ended. If it ended bad, then I would just ignore the day if you have no desire to rekindle the relationship. If it was just a parting of ways, no harsh words, I agree with peuglow.
  • dualcollision
    dualcollision Posts: 87 Member
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    Just send it, you already bought it, what do you have to lose? lol
  • reasnableblonde
    reasnableblonde Posts: 212 Member
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    Return the gift. If you've ended the friendship, it's over. Sending a gift will confuse matters and implies a relationship is still there. If you run into her, be nice and cordial. That's all.
  • corn63
    corn63 Posts: 1,580 Member
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    Do not even acknowledge the day.
  • hersheythecat
    hersheythecat Posts: 128 Member
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    It's hard when you miss someone but you know to have them in your life will cause you stress. I recently reached out to someone I haven't spoken to in years because I saw she had a baby. All I wanted to do was say congrats. She however, suggested I add her on facebook. Needless to say I didn't respond to that email because a)I don't want the drama and b) I don't feel like gossiped about. I think it's okay to say "happy birthday" but to do anymore is just sending mixed signals.
  • keri1908
    keri1908 Posts: 9
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    I wouldn't advise it because if you gave her the gift you would be giving her 'false' hope of becoming friends again.....and that would be very upsetting for her:(
  • 2012asv
    2012asv Posts: 702 Member
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    that will probably give the impression that you want to patch things up. If you have completely cut off from her than just let it go completely. Esp. if this is someone who's very dramatic.

    good luck!
  • EnuffaMyButt
    EnuffaMyButt Posts: 111 Member
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    If you don't want to give her mixed signals and you've ended the relationship, I think that should tell you something.
  • Pedalpush
    Pedalpush Posts: 246 Member
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    I concur that you should keep the gift to yourself and/or return it. I have had friends like that. HAD. Don't look back. Remember: you can not be responsible for everyone else's happiness. It took me entirely too long to figure that out.

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