So...My mom died.

runzwitsizrs
runzwitsizrs Posts: 3 Member
in Introduce Yourself
Yes. My mom. She died at the tender age of 67 in February of this year. She died from complications of obesity. She died because she lost her mobility. She died because she could no longer get up to go to the bathroom safely. She died because they put a urinary catheter in her and she got a raging urinary tract infection. She died because, over the years, she just kept putting on the weight, eating as she wanted, and slowly was unable to move enough to burn off the calories she ate. My mom died...and she didn't have to.

I turn 50 next week. I am only 17 years younger than she was when she died. I am obese. I weigh 217 lbs. I need to lose approximately 60 lbs. I have been overweight since my kids were born back in the mid 80s. I smoke. I don't drink. I work in healthcare, so I see every single day what being overweight does to your body.

I have never really made a serious attempt at losing weight. You know, how it seems that every year, you reach that threshold at a particular weight, and then, BAM! One day, you are 4-6 lbs heavier...and you just accept that. This repeats over a course of several (well, 25) years. Do the math. That's what happened to me. "Oh, I'll work it off. Later." Well, later is now.

But this week, while reading about Michelle Obama's changes to the school lunch program, I realized that I have done this to myself. Many folks have made comments that the balanced meals the kids receive are not enough to satisfy them. Many others made comments that kids are so used to everything being 'super-sized' that they would, of course, feel like they were starving. It was then, that I realized my main issue. My 'normal' meals have become so far off the norm that my body doesn't recognize what a normal portion size is!

My darling daughter is getting married in May. I have a totally reachable goal to lose approximately 7 lbs a month over 8 months. I think that's reasonable. Not easy; reasonable.

I'm gona need a lot of support, and I'm glad that I found this neat site to make it easier for me to be accountable. So, in honor of my mom, I take these first steps to becoming healthier. Because...I still can.
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Replies

  • KANGOOJUMPS
    KANGOOJUMPS Posts: 6,474 Member
    i AM SO SORRY!!!!!, BUT I ADMIRE YOU IN PICKING YOURSELF UP!!! to your mom and to you too!!!!! YOU CAN DO IT!
  • jebo1982
    jebo1982 Posts: 85 Member
    I'm sorry about your mom. I'm sending you a friend request (mfp pals really do help with motivation).

    Jeannette
  • TFreemanJohnson
    TFreemanJohnson Posts: 3
    I admire your clarity and your self-accountability. I'm just a little older than you with a great deal less to lose, but this is the first time I've ever gotten serious about it. When 10 pm rolls around and I get the munchies, it's just a *****!

    It all started a month ago when I went to take out some dry cleaning and hired a personal trainer completely on a whim. I'm down 7 pounds so far and it's mainly about the accountability relationship with the trainer. Personally, I just don't have what it takes to do this completely alone and I'm OK admitting that and planning accordingly.

    Bash on regardless!

    Tom
  • sicoe17
    sicoe17 Posts: 120 Member
    Congratulations on recognizing and admitting the need for a change. I'm sure your mom would be incredibly proud of you.
  • runzwitsizrs
    runzwitsizrs Posts: 3 Member
    Am just learning how to use this MFP. Steep learning curve for me. Thanks for the invites....now, to find them. lol.
  • Kristenworden
    Kristenworden Posts: 1
    I am so sorry about your mom....but I am so glad you are going to take the steps to improve your eating habits. you can do this!!!!! :smile:
  • jojo4cats
    jojo4cats Posts: 61 Member
    I am sorry that you had to lose your mom like that. However, it will only provide you with more drive to achieve your goal. If you experienced the yoyo dieting effect in the past, that usually means you are doing it wrong. Most common mistake people make is go super low calorie diet, you lose your muscle not your body fat. Eat clean and exercise, you can TOTALLY do it!!
  • arewethereyet
    arewethereyet Posts: 18,702 Member
    :happy: HI!

    Sorry about your mom.:frown: Mine died from food issues also, just the other end of the spectrum:cry:

    My mother was 39 when the doctor said "you have 6 months to live, get your affairs in order" I was 14, lil bro was 12. No family around, no dad.

    She had cirrhosis of the liver. Now most would think "Oh she was an alcoholic" Well, maybe in a way, but she did not drink a lot of alcohol. She also didn't eat the correct amount of nutrition.

    Thrity-nine and on her way out. Why? She thought black coffee and doughnut was breakfast, and that was it for the day. When she came in contact with someone with Hep C at the diner she worked, her body did not fight it off.

    No one thinks about the issues than can occur due to malnutrition. When I see on here that someone has a 500-600 or so calorie intake, then they exercise for a hour or two, I cringe. Of course not everyone will have the same fate as my mother, but the chance is much greater. Your body needs healthy food!

    Welcome to MFP. I have sent you a friends request. I suggest you print the above note and put it on your fridge. Todays feelings of "Go GO GOOOO" will subside a bit, and that will remind you of how you feel right this moment!!

    Good luck.........or should I say Hard work to ya!

    Jeannine
  • FitGma63
    FitGma63 Posts: 17 Member
    I'm so sorry for your loss, yet very happy that you've come to the point where your life will change. You write beautifully, and I'd think that if you journal/blog your journey, it may be a huge gift to your children someday.
    Feel free to friend me, and good luck on making such an important and life altering decision.
  • alozzam
    alozzam Posts: 1
    Wow! What a moving story - and congratulations on overcoming the most difficult phase of any diet - namely, the decision that it is "time" to start. Without you being absolutely convinced that it is something that you want to do, it is destined to fail. So whether your motivation is your Mom, your daughter, or even just yourself, congratulations! There's a saying that goes "A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step". You've just made the first step. Don't look back!
  • runzwitsizrs
    runzwitsizrs Posts: 3 Member
    I think one of the biggest obstacles for me, personally, to overcome, is the lack of movement. I have a bum knee. I work 12 hr nights in a hospital. I do alot. And then, I sit alot and chart. And when I get home in the morning, I flop. I sleep all day, get up, make dinner, and do it all again for 3 days straight. Then, when I do finally get a couple days off, the last thing I want to do is go to the gym....or go for a walk...or get on my elliptical... Those are the things that I already KNOW that I must do. This is my biggest mental hurdle. So, within the past month, I went to an orthopedic to get a cortisone shot in the knee. Told him that if I can get this pain under control, I would get up and move more. So here I am...with my second chance.

    I don't get another second chance. This one is it. I'm goin there. I 'm gona pull out every food demon in my deep, dark closet and address each and every one, no matter how difficult it may be. It's time for this girl to get her life back.
  • JenRei87
    JenRei87 Posts: 91 Member
    I know what is like, my mom died at 54 this year in April. Random stroke, left us all bewildered and freaked. :'( I'm so sorry for your loss
  • Tracey1147
    Tracey1147 Posts: 951 Member
    So sorry for your loss.
    Good luck on you journey, you can do it!! Do it right and remember, you are eating for the NEW YOU not dieting
  • BerryH
    BerryH Posts: 4,698 Member
    I so sorry for your loss. More power to you for taking this life-shattering event and using it to improve your health and your future.

    Use MFP as designed, set yourself to lose no more than 1lb a week - it'll come of faster at first I promise - and get active. Eat back a good proportion (around 75% to allow a margin of error) of your exercise calories.

    And, as you've already identified, check your portion sizes. Check pack serving sizes and weigh and measure everything. You'll eventually be able to eyeball it, but it's extraordinarily educational. I wondered why I'd become so fat when I was eating healthily, until I worked out I was easily consuming 3000 calories a day!

    Feel free to send me a friend request if you'd like. I've been here forever and I'm not going anywhere! :flowerforyou:
  • Whiteweb80
    Whiteweb80 Posts: 7 Member
    What a sad post. I'm so sorry about your Mom. But I'm sure she'd be really proud of you. Good luck with the challenge you have set yourself.
  • Gail3260
    Gail3260 Posts: 354 Member
    I know what it's like to lose your mum (I'm in the UK) at that age as mine died at 68. Smoking was the major cause but a poor diet and being overweight also meant she was unable to fight off a pulmonary infection. She and I were very similar and I saw the health problems her weight caused and was determined not to go the same way even though I have never smoked.

    I am 52 and I joined mfp a year ago and only have a few pounds to go. It hasn't been as difficult as I thought but I did get a downhearted occasionally and the support of my mfp friends was a great help.

    Being a woman of a certain age brings it's own challenges and I'd recommend looking for groups on here for those of us at this stage of life.

    It is possible to achieve your goal....there are planty of people around who are doing just that.. Go for it!
  • pedraz
    pedraz Posts: 173
    I'm so sorry for your loss, yet very happy that you've come to the point where your life will change. You write beautifully, and I'd think that if you journal/blog your journey, it may be a huge gift to your children someday.
    Feel free to friend me, and good luck on making such an important and life altering decision.

    Well said! That was lovely writing. The lump in my throat is still there. You are on a wonderful adventure from here on out. Share it with your children and inspire them. Write it down and Do it! A big hug.
  • magairlin
    magairlin Posts: 93 Member
    I am so sorry to hear that you lost your dear mom and I'm glad that you have something happy to look forward to next May, your daughter's wedding. Please please do not lose this excess weight for a wedding- if you lose it for a wedding it will go straight back on when the wedding is over. Please lose it for you. Don't get into the mindset of dieting for a wedding. Get into the mindset of a total change of lifestyle encompassing sensible, moderate, healthy eating and reasonable exercise- for you- for ever- not for a wedding-not for a few months. The very very best of luck to you.
  • TrinaHillier
    TrinaHillier Posts: 54 Member
    I am so sorry for your loss but I also admire your dedication and determination. You can accomplish your goals for you daughters wedding. You go this take care.
  • hippychickuk
    hippychickuk Posts: 93 Member
    Very sorry that you lost your mom, and that as you said, it was preventable. Not everyone has the ability to say, This is it! I'm totally doing it now! I think you'll find that most people on mfp have reached this point.

    Don't worry too much about movement right now, esp with the knee. Portion control is more important in the early stages, esp as it sounds like you're up and about a bit for your job anyway. Just remember it's eat right AND exercise! :)

    Feel free to add me if you want!
  • Izzwoz
    Izzwoz Posts: 348 Member
    Oh my God, I am so sorry about your mum. I got my motivation from my dad being very ill and from knowing that I am at risk too, if I do not change my weight and become more healthy. I have a very sedentary lifestyle, I work from home, so I don't even have to walk to the bus or train or to the office. I am also very lazy and have always hated most things to do with exercise - and still can't get myself to do any running or go to the gym.
    What does work for me is walking the dog (great fun to play with him), going horse riding (absolutely love my boy) and playing squash with my SO. So for me, it is finding fun active things to do but not to stress that I do not run into the gym every night. And I am slowly starting to get more active, the more you do, the more you want to do it, it is all about finding out what is enjoyable, because if you hate it, you have to force yourself to do it and that will take more will power than I have spare after keeping check on what I eat.
    So maybe start by thinking what type of exercise you'll enjoy in the long term, there is so much out there, whether it is swimming (good for poorly joints like mine) or even the Wii Fit exercises, whatever rocks your boat - as long as it is fun for you, it is easy to motivate yourself to do another bit.

    If I can be of any help or support, please feel free to add me! If I can do it, you can do it!!! :flowerforyou:
  • dansls1
    dansls1 Posts: 309 Member
    I would say good luck, but I think this is a task that requires dedication and hard work, not luck. I will tell you my wife is down around 30 pounds just by making healthier food choices in the last 7 months or so without much increase in activity, so eating healthier and less works - although exercising would sure helps. I'm down just about 60 lbs. in the same 7 months and feel much better, have more energy and want to work out now. Here's to making a plan and sticking to it;)
  • payupalice
    payupalice Posts: 126 Member
    Congratulations on taking that first important step! It won't be easy, but we'll be here to support you. (sending you a friend request)
  • Maggie821
    Maggie821 Posts: 55 Member
    Sending you hugs and kudos at the same time!!! I lost my Mom at a young age to cancer, shortly after losing my Dad to another form of cancer. I miss them every day, but like you, it made me aware of where I was in my own journey and that change was needed. It was when I started my journey to become fit, figuring that if the day came when I had to battle cancer, I would be stronger and hopefully beat it. So proud of you for turning this difficult life changing event into a positive one!!!! Best of luck on your journey!!! We are here for you!
  • noriri
    noriri Posts: 74 Member
    Very sorry for the loss of your mother, that's a tough one no doubt. So tragic! You have so much to live for, so much to look forward to. This site is great, and support you will get from folks all over. Best wishes on your endeavors, and I will surely watch and cheer you on.
  • EstelaJS
    EstelaJS Posts: 6
    YOU CAN DO IT !!!!
    There's no age limit nor requirement for a person to decide to become healthy.
    Set an example to your family and to every person you know. Be an inspiration :)
  • addaline22
    addaline22 Posts: 114
    I am so sorry for your loss. But I am very proud of you for stepping up and doing something about it. Good luck my dear.
  • sonjarogers72
    sonjarogers72 Posts: 110 Member
    I am totally with you on this! I can cheer you along your journey because you can do it and YOU ARE WORTH IT! Add me if you wish....IT'S TIME TO DO THIS and look absolutely smashing at your baby girls wedding!
  • cookn_mama
    cookn_mama Posts: 228 Member
    My father died on Sept 29 one year ago. I finally decided I needed to do something for me. I feel your pain and loss. You can do this with help from MFP!! Sending request. Good luck!!
  • AmyBoogie
    AmyBoogie Posts: 91 Member
    I'm so sorry about your mom.

    I'm glad you're taking the bull by the horns and taking care of you. We're all here together and holler any time you need support. You can do this!

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