Newly divorced...

the kids will make dating tough. Nobody really wants someone else's baggage. I was lucky to find a kid free 30 year old when I finally decided to settle down. We both agreed it is tough to find non-divorced and non-parents these days.

You're a jerk.

or he has different wants than you....

well I am going thru the divorce process myself and the advice I have been getting is not to look, that I am not ready for a relationship, which really suck cause it is tough and it is lonely, and I have been going bat@#$% crazy. :P like the other advice that has been stated is get a hobby and sound like you have two little hobbies that make it all worth while, and what I have been told flirt, joke, be yourself but do not go from a bad releationship to a terrible relationship.

the kids will make dating tough. Nobody really wants someone else's baggage. I was lucky to find a kid free 30 year old when I finally decided to settle down. We both agreed it is tough to find non-divorced and non-parents these days.

You're a jerk.

It's not tough whatsoever. You will find you may want to date someone with kids too. That person will understand your time constraints and how your kids come first better than anyone else. But I dated people without kids, and if they have a genuine interest in them, or want there own it is totally ok.

Kids are NOT baggage, they are a gift from god. An ex CAN be baggage if you let them. I am with a guy who has kids. I am around his ex, he is around mine. Everyone is cool. It doesn't have to be crazy, people make it that way. We have all moved on, so we can act like adults for our kids.

Oh don't get me wrong. I didn't let kids get in the way of me sleeping with their moms. I just wasn't about to stick around and raise a Brady Bunch.

I am sure you can find some guy who will though.

I think what this guy is trying to say is.....it takes a man to take on a WOMAN and her CHILDREN. It takes a skeezy tool to fu*k a MOM with a BRADY BUNCH. I should make sure I don't find someone like him.

End lesson.

LOLOLOL Love this one girl! See you got what I got from that, except that I agree with you, but most guys truly aren't like that. You just have to make sure that they aren't before you let them get too close to your children. And if he seriously wants to have you sleep with him withing the first week, get away from him!

Don't rush into anything. When you've been married, it takes some time to get single again. You do not want to bring any previous "baggage" into something new. \

Even if you have lost something that may not have been good, it is still a loss and you have to deal with that psychologically. Your priority is keeping you and your children cared for and on a good path. Do not sacrifice your goals or your children's well-being for anyone or anything.

Also, please do not bash the children's father (or father figure) in front of them or even if they are in the same house at the time.

I am a child of two divorced parents who hated each other, and it caused me a lot of stress growing up being always stuck between two families that couldn't get along with each other. The backhanded comments my mom or dad would make about the other in front of me were the worst too. It always made me feel like maybe they felt like that about me, even if they said otherwise.

Be mindful of this.

I agree with the people that say take some time before dating again, I have been a subject to many rebound marriages and then divorces affecting my life in oh so wretched ways (both as a child and as the 'new' wife). You need to figure out who you are when you're alone - it's different. Heck my hubby travels 4 of 7 days a week and the life I lead when he's gone is a totalllllyy different one from when he's home. It's a girly house with loud music and just different from when he's home I digress...You need time to settle into your new life.

As for all the baggage comments....I would say that children from prevoius relationships can be both things...a blessing and baggage, at once! Of course I would never tell THEM that. However, I see how my stepsister and I affected a second marriage, how I affected another 2nd marriage and subsequent 3rd marriages. I also see how having a child not of your marriage (my daughter/step/adopted...it's complicated...) anyways I see how that would make for a non-ideal marriage from emotional, logistical as well as financial standpoints. When people say 'baggage' sometimes what they really mean is complicated...for instance if it works out between you guys where will you spend holidays? Will you be stuck never visiting family because the kids aren't allowed to travel on holidays? What about job offers? Can you move? What about if you have more children together, will they be treated differently? Will there be money left for the new children's college (a problem I believe my father may face in a few years with my youngest brothers.)

I'm just saying, If a man is looking to have certain things (a honeymoon period) and traditional family I can see them being turned off by there already being kids in the picture. It's not that he doesn't like kids, or that he doesn't like you! It's a tough situation and to say otherwise is rediculous.

I'm not saying there aren't men out there who are okay with this, but just don't assume that every guy not okay with it is a womanizing *kitten* (ie dude from earlier), they just may have a good idea of how they want their life to play out and the guts to go for it. (as always look out for the womanizing bastsards, many will *pretend* to be all for about the kids to get you into bed)

The number one rule for newly single mothers. You are still a woman and be one on the first date. The guy Isnt looking for a mother so turn the mom switch off. It's not that your kids aren't important and any decent guy understands the kids are your first priority. But he is dating you, not them. Now if it becomes serious, he is then pretty much dating the whole family. But before then, its you and him

Okay, as you may gather from the title, I'm divorced, waiting on papers to be finalized....I haven't been single in 10 years, aka since I've been an adult. How's the game work these days for a single 26 year old, nursing student with 2 kids?? lol...all advice, tips, pointers and HOT GUYS welcome haha!! And ladies, I know you all have some kinda advice

Yes! Fresh meat :laugh:

You know, it should always be "you and the girls" first.
Don't worry about going begging for a man in your life. Wait till you find one worth letting it.

Beautiful girls you have there too by the way.

Find love on MFP.

Oh don't get me wrong. I didn't let kids get in the way of me sleeping with their moms. I just wasn't about to stick around and raise a Brady Bunch.

I am sure you can find some guy who will though.

Not doing the males of the species proud here man.

And, kids aren't baggage.

I can't see how you all can come down on this guy. He's being honest. He's not saying ALL guys are like this and he's not saying HE'S like this now. It's just how he was THEN. I can tell you, my hubby was definately a wild child prior to us hooking up. He had no shortage of girlfriends or "female companionship", he had no desire for kids, etc. But once we hooked up, he has completely changed. That was 12 years ago. Next week we'll be married 10 years and have 2 kids. There's nothing wrong with a bit of brutal honesty when one is talking about oneself.