Getting Upset When People Notice?

JTick
JTick Posts: 2,131 Member
in Health and Weight Loss
For anyone who decides to change their life and drop the weight, it's inevitable that eventually someone is going to notice. Does anyone else get upset when this happens?

Let me explain. I have been obese my entire life. The lightest I can remember is when I briefly dropped to 195 before climbing to my highest at 265. I was up and down for years. It really is true that if you're not ready to change mentally, it's just not going to happen.

63 days ago, I decided I was done. I mentally felt ready to say goodbye for good. This was a huge deal for me, as I'm not overweight just because I like food (a lot). I'm overweight because I also struggle with binge eating disorder and depression, which seem to go so very nicely together. Mentally, I finally feel ready to battle this demon.

So I started eating better. Not clean (yet!), but have made major changes. I try to be active. I have dropped 15-18 lbs in that 63 day period...not a drastic amount, but enough that people are starting to notice. I am down a pant size.

My best friend asked me the other night if I am dropping weight, and I said yes. But inside, I kind of freaked out. This is such a personal battle for me, such a demon of addiction, that I want to battle by myself. I NEED to do this for me, but I almost wish other people couldn't see what I'm battling with. Addiction to food or ANY substance is such a personal battle, it's kind of embarrassing for me to know that other people can see my struggle. They've seen me lose and gain multiple times over the years, and I always wonder if they're thinking "here she goes again!".

I'm not sure if any of that made sense...does anyone else feel this way?
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Replies

  • MzStarrQueenB
    MzStarrQueenB Posts: 194 Member
    For anyone who decides to change their life and drop the weight, it's inevitable that eventually someone is going to notice. Does anyone else get upset when this happens?

    Let me explain. I have been obese my entire life. The lightest I can remember is when I briefly dropped to 195 before climbing to my highest at 265. I was up and down for years. It really is true that if you're not ready to change mentally, it's just not going to happen.

    63 days ago, I decided I was done. I mentally felt ready to say goodbye for good. This was a huge deal for me, as I'm not overweight just because I like food (a lot). I'm overweight because I also struggle with binge eating disorder and depression, which seem to go so very nicely together. Mentally, I finally feel ready to battle this demon.

    So I started eating better. Not clean (yet!), but have made major changes. I try to be active. I have dropped 15-18 lbs in that 63 day period...not a drastic amount, but enough that people are starting to notice. I am down a pant size.

    My best friend asked me the other night if I am dropping weight, and I said yes. But inside, I kind of freaked out. This is such a personal battle for me, such a demon of addiction, that I want to battle by myself. I NEED to do this for me, but I almost wish other people couldn't see what I'm battling with. Addiction to food or ANY substance is such a personal battle, it's kind of embarrassing for me to know that other people can see my struggle. They've seen me lose and gain multiple times over the years, and I always wonder if they're thinking "here she goes again!".

    I'm not sure if any of that made sense...does anyone else feel this way?

    I dont care if ppl notice. I get upset when someone ask me how much I weigh or how much I lost.



    If you set your mind to it, you can accomplish anything.....



    http://www.myfitnesspal.com/groups/home/8987-serious-diet-support-group
  • olivetree_
    olivetree_ Posts: 75 Member
    Short answer: yes. Whenever people tell me I look like I've lost weight, I really wish they could just keep it to themselves. I know they're not trying to be mean but I don't like hearing it.
  • sgaranzuay
    sgaranzuay Posts: 34 Member
    Well, I certainly don't know your personal history and can't make a comment on that.. However, I suggest you consider the comments as sincere compliments. People are noticing? That's great! It means there's something to notice! It's working! I applaud your decision to make a change - and there are many people on this site that can provide support and encouragement. Keep it up!

    - Severin
  • mfpseven
    mfpseven Posts: 421 Member
    I had an issue with my husband noticing, I felt like now that he'd seen me lose I couldn't make excuses any more. I don't think it gets easier to deal with but it wasn't too long before he just let it be and that was fine, maybe for now just try to brush it off and say it must be the shirt. It will get easier and you will take pride in the work you've put into it. good luck and great job.
  • skankamaggot
    skankamaggot Posts: 146 Member
    You're not alone! I get extremely uncomfortable when people ask questions about my weight or diet. I only really talk about it with my boyfriend because we live together, but I just hate talking about it. It's really hard for me to explain, but part of me is ashamed I need to lose SO MUCH weight that I don't think my small accomplishments need to be celebrated. It feels really personal and intrusive to me when people ask, even if they are giving me a compliment.
  • phynyxfyre
    phynyxfyre Posts: 145 Member
    I look at it as encouragement that I have come far enough for people to notice. I don't mind unless they follow up with something rude.
  • urloved33
    urloved33 Posts: 3,323 Member
    I know what you mean there are all these sayings like "it only matters what we think of ourselves" and maybe that is true but it is difficult to have people around who are not supportive and we can feel it viscerally.....surround yourself with people who will encourage you..like here at MFP.
  • Graceious1
    Graceious1 Posts: 716 Member
    Why not see it as a victory instead of a struggle. I am guessing that you are making a lifestyle change so do your best to enjoy your journey. People will tell you that they have noticed so take it as a complement and let it spur you on. I had around three people tell me they noticed my weightloss last week and it made me feel that I am on the right track and looking good with it too.

    When I notice positive changes in my body it makes me feel empowered because I did that. So for me when people notice I get happy, really happy.:smile:
  • ritasice21
    ritasice21 Posts: 200 Member
    I don't mind when people notice, but I hate the question :how much have you lost now", so I now answer, a lot! yes, I am ashamed of it IRL that I have lost 67 lbs and still have 44 to go. I hid my weight well and everyone thought I was 190-200, which I wasn't till last month!
  • Juliejustsaying
    Juliejustsaying Posts: 2,332 Member
    I can understand, I get embarrassed when someone says, "Wow how much weight have you lost!! your tiny!" it is kinda a reminder of just how overweight I let myself get. And I don't want anyone who knows me now to know that I had actually allowed that before. But you know, on the other hand it is nice to know that my hard work can be seen by others....it really is just a double edge sword. I try not to let it effect me at all. ...I'm doing this for me..and me only. Yeah I reap the benefits, I love the attention and I love that I'm not short for dates. But it is still for me.
  • skankamaggot
    skankamaggot Posts: 146 Member
    People will tell you that they have noticed

    See, that's part of the problem though. Yes noticing that you're losing weight is great, but that means that no matter how hard you tried to cover up or deny the fact that you were overweight before, they noticed that too. And suddenly it's OK to talk about it. The friend or family member or whoever didn't think it was acceptable to talk about your weight until you started losing weight but now it's all of a sudden a topic of conversation and for me, that makes it really uncomfortable. Maybe there's just something wrong with me, lol.
  • FlaxMilk
    FlaxMilk Posts: 3,452 Member
    Yes, I hate when people comment on it unless I myself have invited them into that part of my life. I don't get angry, just uncomfortable. However, people can make some really thoughtless comments that can hurt or anger me. People who I have invited into that part of my life can comment away! I wouldn't walk up to someone and comment on their skin improving, unless they had told me they were trying something new and were hoping it worked.
  • Katbody10
    Katbody10 Posts: 369 Member
    I completely understand you not wanting to feel so vulnerable. When people ask - you subconsciously fear now you have to "perform" the continued weight loss .. when in reality, I believe when people notice .. they want to encourage you and support you.

    This is a personal journey for you .. yet you are not doing this all alone, you are here getting the support you need when you need it :flowerforyou: Here - you're a bit more anonymous. Out there .. you feel like an open book even though you don't want to be.

    When people ask you - you can play it off politely and simply say something like .. "Oh? do I look like I've lost weight.. (then laugh a little) .. maybe I should wear this more often if it makes me look better!!" :wink: You don't owe anyone an explanation or direct answer.. only those you feel are deserving in knowing this part of your journey.

    Don't or try not to get upset or annoyed when people ask. It's actually a positive sign that your changes are noticeable! :smile:

    Good Luck to you!! You can do this and you're doing great so far!! :flowerforyou:
  • kenazfehu
    kenazfehu Posts: 1,188 Member
    So far, I like it when people notice. I am aware, however, that losing weight is not always a result of diet and exercise. Sometimes people are going through hell ( a divorce, cancer or other serious illness ). I think a compliment about how good somebody like that looks can be like a slap in the face. "Oh you look so nice and thin (while dying of cancer)!"
  • dsjohndrow
    dsjohndrow Posts: 1,820 Member
    Everyone knows that I have lost weight - and quite a bit. Most of the folks I know say, "you are looking good." I just say thanks. I know I am not where I want to be, but I am on the way.

    I have had a battle with depression, as well as an unhealthy relationship with food. As part of my fitness regime, I started running. All I can say is that I feel better than I ever did.
  • ElizaRoche
    ElizaRoche Posts: 2,005 Member
    why would I get upset?!?? :huh: HELL NOOOOO... i give them a HUGE smile and say ´yes, im losing weight´:bigsmile:
  • stephwantstoski
    stephwantstoski Posts: 1
    I can totally relate. It is especially embarrassing of me if I am with somebody that never knew me as obese. I wish people could just leave it at.... "You look great!"
  • MemphisKitten
    MemphisKitten Posts: 878 Member
    It's great that you are confronting your demons and ready to make changes! I have also gone up and down through the years, and like you, I have suffered the humiliation of people commenting on my weight loss/gain. Depression has also played a big part in my life; recently I had to stop taking anti-depressants because I was having seizures. So, I managed to gain some weight back. Being on here has helped keep me accountable for my eating behaviors and I am in the best shape of my life, but I still need to drop some weight. I hate it when people notice and comment on my weight. Just last night my friend who weighs more than me said, "I can tell you've gained some weight." I mean, come on!! My boyfriend told me I look "plump" and then makes a comment that Britney Spears is chunky!! So, needless to say, I also hate comments. And like the one girl said, even if people say something positive about your weight, it still means they have noticed.
  • ChasingKatie
    ChasingKatie Posts: 331 Member
    Yes, I can totally relate
  • JTick
    JTick Posts: 2,131 Member
    Thanks for the replies, it's nice to know I'm not the only one who feels this way.

    My friend noticing doesn't bother me so much. We're really open with each other, and she has always quietly supported my efforts at weight loss the same way I have quietly supporter her efforts to quit smoking. We have seen each other try and fail many times, but still support each other.

    I guess what freaked me out is not so much SHE noticed, but if she noticed others aren't far behind. I don't really know anyone else IRL who is as overweight as I am. In the past, I get comments from those who have about ten lbs to lose telling me I look good and how they wished they could "lose all their weight", and I want to bang my head against they because they just. don't. get. it. They don't understand what it's like to have to fight every moment of every day to get the 100+ lbs off and to keep it off.

    I just feel that if someone had a gambling addiction, or smoking addiction, or something along those lines they were trying to beat, it's often done so quietly other people don't notice. For those of us that struggle with a food addiction, it's like we're wearing a sign that says "FOOD IS MY ADDICTION! YOU WATCHED ME GET FAT, NOW WATCH MY PRIVATE STRUGGLE AS I TRY TO BEAT IT".

    I am glad I have MFP, because you folks understand. :flowerforyou:
  • DeMarraDontStop
    DeMarraDontStop Posts: 342 Member
    At first I didn't like the comments but now I embrace them!! Helps to keep me in check to remember how far I've come. I am proud of my loss and not shame to tell people what has worked for me! It is so a personal battle but at the same time we are on road to health and wellness and the more support I have the better I feel.
  • deannakittygirl
    deannakittygirl Posts: 228 Member
    I don't get upset at all when people notice, I am proud! I have worked hard for this and am still working hard. I don't even have a problem when they ask "How much have you lost?" I smile and say the current number. I also share what I do and tell them about MFP. I was embarressed where I was before...but I am NOT embarrassed at how far I have come.
  • vytamindi
    vytamindi Posts: 845 Member
    People will tell you that they have noticed

    See, that's part of the problem though. Yes noticing that you're losing weight is great, but that means that no matter how hard you tried to cover up or deny the fact that you were overweight before, they noticed that too. And suddenly it's OK to talk about it. The friend or family member or whoever didn't think it was acceptable to talk about your weight until you started losing weight but now it's all of a sudden a topic of conversation and for me, that makes it really uncomfortable. Maybe there's just something wrong with me, lol.

    That's how I feel. I'm a very introverted and modest person. I'm embarrassed that I got over 250lbs in the first place. Don't get me wrong, I feel great, am eating better, moving more, and I'm happy to try on clothes now. Like you, I feel it's a very personal thing. Went to my aunts house yesterday and was worried about it because I hadn't seen her in 40 pounds. Thankfully, no one said anything as my cousin's newborn daughter was very good at soaking up all the attention. Yay!

    I feel the compliment is real if it comes from my fiance. My fiance notices changes since he's the only person who I share my true feelings with, and I know he would never say anything that wasn't true. He's also the one that puts up with me weighing dinner ingredients, running back and forth to the kitchen to update MFP, and I tell my health woes and worries to. I couldn't have started without his help.

    I also kind of feel like this isn't something I shouldn't be rewarded over. I wouldn't go up to my health nut friends and say "Wow! You're doing a great job at being healthy!" Ok, maybe I would, but I feel I shouldn't be rewarded for following health expectations. This is how I should have been all along, right?

    I'll be able to deal with this better and better as I get closer to my goal. I'm just glad fall is here and I can wear bulky sweaters until I feel less awkward with the compliments.
  • emilygh1974
    emilygh1974 Posts: 65 Member
    I used to like it when people noticed, when I lost weight in the past, but I've lost and gained so many times I honestly don't want people to say anything to me whatsoever. This time it's personal and I really don't want to talk about it unless I offer the info to someone that I trust.
  • JTick
    JTick Posts: 2,131 Member
    I used to like it when people noticed, when I lost weight in the past, but I've lost and gained so many times I honestly don't want people to say anything to me whatsoever. This time it's personal and I really don't want to talk about it unless I offer the info to someone that I trust.

    Yes! Exactly how I feel. I like how you say "this time it's personal", because this time it IS. In the past I wasn't mentally ready, so it was like eh, I'll eat a little better and see what happens, but didn't really care when the lbs started creeping back on. This time though, it IS personal.
  • kmcgaw
    kmcgaw Posts: 93 Member
    My standard reply to comments and compliments is ' Thanks, I am a work in progress.' Many of us on MFP have gone up and done with our weight over the years, battled demons and despite it all, have somehow found this place to connect with others who have been through it all. Embrace the compliments and keep moving forward. :)
  • MyPaperBleedsInk
    MyPaperBleedsInk Posts: 240 Member
    I guess I'm sort of the opposite.... I get a little sad if people don't notice that I'm losing weight. It makes me question if I even look any different compared to when I started losing.....
  • ElizaRoche
    ElizaRoche Posts: 2,005 Member
    I seriously never thought people would dislike when a friend or relative said ´are u losing weight?´.. We all are here for that, cause we wanna get healthier, happier, look better...
    I dont understand why some get upset when people finally see a change in us. Im so damn proud of where i am right, I could never EVER get upset with a comment like that, quite as opossite, I get upset when people i havent seen in a long time see me and dont say a damn word about how different I look :grumble:

    but oh well.. to each their own!
  • RockyColorado
    RockyColorado Posts: 41
    You sound like a Jets fan! Oh you are......:sad:
  • super_monty
    super_monty Posts: 419 Member
    I would upset if people didn't notice.

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