Getting Upset When People Notice?

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  • DeMarraDontStop
    DeMarraDontStop Posts: 342 Member
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    At first I didn't like the comments but now I embrace them!! Helps to keep me in check to remember how far I've come. I am proud of my loss and not shame to tell people what has worked for me! It is so a personal battle but at the same time we are on road to health and wellness and the more support I have the better I feel.
  • deannakittygirl
    deannakittygirl Posts: 228 Member
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    I don't get upset at all when people notice, I am proud! I have worked hard for this and am still working hard. I don't even have a problem when they ask "How much have you lost?" I smile and say the current number. I also share what I do and tell them about MFP. I was embarressed where I was before...but I am NOT embarrassed at how far I have come.
  • vytamindi
    vytamindi Posts: 845 Member
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    People will tell you that they have noticed

    See, that's part of the problem though. Yes noticing that you're losing weight is great, but that means that no matter how hard you tried to cover up or deny the fact that you were overweight before, they noticed that too. And suddenly it's OK to talk about it. The friend or family member or whoever didn't think it was acceptable to talk about your weight until you started losing weight but now it's all of a sudden a topic of conversation and for me, that makes it really uncomfortable. Maybe there's just something wrong with me, lol.

    That's how I feel. I'm a very introverted and modest person. I'm embarrassed that I got over 250lbs in the first place. Don't get me wrong, I feel great, am eating better, moving more, and I'm happy to try on clothes now. Like you, I feel it's a very personal thing. Went to my aunts house yesterday and was worried about it because I hadn't seen her in 40 pounds. Thankfully, no one said anything as my cousin's newborn daughter was very good at soaking up all the attention. Yay!

    I feel the compliment is real if it comes from my fiance. My fiance notices changes since he's the only person who I share my true feelings with, and I know he would never say anything that wasn't true. He's also the one that puts up with me weighing dinner ingredients, running back and forth to the kitchen to update MFP, and I tell my health woes and worries to. I couldn't have started without his help.

    I also kind of feel like this isn't something I shouldn't be rewarded over. I wouldn't go up to my health nut friends and say "Wow! You're doing a great job at being healthy!" Ok, maybe I would, but I feel I shouldn't be rewarded for following health expectations. This is how I should have been all along, right?

    I'll be able to deal with this better and better as I get closer to my goal. I'm just glad fall is here and I can wear bulky sweaters until I feel less awkward with the compliments.
  • emilygh1974
    emilygh1974 Posts: 65 Member
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    I used to like it when people noticed, when I lost weight in the past, but I've lost and gained so many times I honestly don't want people to say anything to me whatsoever. This time it's personal and I really don't want to talk about it unless I offer the info to someone that I trust.
  • JTick
    JTick Posts: 2,131 Member
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    I used to like it when people noticed, when I lost weight in the past, but I've lost and gained so many times I honestly don't want people to say anything to me whatsoever. This time it's personal and I really don't want to talk about it unless I offer the info to someone that I trust.

    Yes! Exactly how I feel. I like how you say "this time it's personal", because this time it IS. In the past I wasn't mentally ready, so it was like eh, I'll eat a little better and see what happens, but didn't really care when the lbs started creeping back on. This time though, it IS personal.
  • kmcgaw
    kmcgaw Posts: 93 Member
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    My standard reply to comments and compliments is ' Thanks, I am a work in progress.' Many of us on MFP have gone up and done with our weight over the years, battled demons and despite it all, have somehow found this place to connect with others who have been through it all. Embrace the compliments and keep moving forward. :)
  • MyPaperBleedsInk
    MyPaperBleedsInk Posts: 240 Member
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    I guess I'm sort of the opposite.... I get a little sad if people don't notice that I'm losing weight. It makes me question if I even look any different compared to when I started losing.....
  • ElizaRoche
    ElizaRoche Posts: 2,005 Member
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    I seriously never thought people would dislike when a friend or relative said ´are u losing weight?´.. We all are here for that, cause we wanna get healthier, happier, look better...
    I dont understand why some get upset when people finally see a change in us. Im so damn proud of where i am right, I could never EVER get upset with a comment like that, quite as opossite, I get upset when people i havent seen in a long time see me and dont say a damn word about how different I look :grumble:

    but oh well.. to each their own!
  • RockyColorado
    RockyColorado Posts: 41
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    You sound like a Jets fan! Oh you are......:sad:
  • super_monty
    super_monty Posts: 419 Member
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    I would upset if people didn't notice.
  • vytamindi
    vytamindi Posts: 845 Member
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    I seriously never thought people would dislike when a friend or relative said ´are u losing weight?´.. We all are here for that, cause we wanna get healthier, happier, look better...
    I dont understand why some get upset when people finally see a change in us. Im so damn proud of where i am right, I could never EVER get upset with a comment like that, quite as opossite, I get upset when people i havent seen in a long time see me and dont say a damn word about how different I look :grumble:

    but oh well.. to each their own!

    Unfortunately, I wasn't born with much self esteem or confidence. I'm just now starting to develop it, but that started before I lost weight. I can't speak for others, but I'm much more comfortable out of the limelight and out of everyone's gossip or conversations.

    Going from that mindset my whole life to a barrage of compliments (I work with a lot of southern ladies, so I know they mean well) can be quite a shock.

    I'm glad you enjoy the compliments. Trust me, I wish I could :D I'm learning to, but very slowly!
  • Aurorakitty
    Aurorakitty Posts: 57
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    I"m glad that they notice but their tone of voice is what concerns me. Their tone of voice is concerned (in a bad way) As if they are refraining from making a rude comment. I'm happy that I lost weight so it makes me even more self conscious of how I look now.
  • ponderosakaren
    ponderosakaren Posts: 60 Member
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    That's a very post, and now I think about it its reflective of some my weight battles....mine goes back a very long way, can't ever remember being 'slim', but every time I lose some weight some of my family are so effusive in their praise that it almost comes over as a veiled criticism of when I was fatter! As in, 'hey how good do you look compared to a few months ago when you were the size of a house! Somehow it always ends up in me going back to that house size! In my most recent battle (now) my lovely 84 yer old mother keeps saying 'Don't buy that dress as you'll be a size 10 before Christmas!'...seems like she's laid down a challenge that I'm bound to fail!!
    I do have a strategy I'm using though...which is to wear unflatteringly sloppy clothes so nobody can see what lurks beneath! I've only lost around 9 lbs but underneath the clothes I can see a difference...so will try to keep it to myself a while longer!!
    Meanwhile maybe we should see all such comments as flattering and complementary, which is surely what they are meant to be, and use them as positive drivers to move forward and to do it for ourselves, and our personal goals! Good luck with yours!!
  • phoenixgirl81
    phoenixgirl81 Posts: 309 Member
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    Yes, I understand getting upset when people notice. When I first started out on this, I HATED when people noticed that I'd lost weight. It would actually send me into a psychological tail-spin. I'm dealing with a lot of underlying stuff from my past, and people around me don't necessarily know about all that.

    For me to start with, it wasn't safe for people to know that I'd lost weight. I wasn't ready to talk about my body, my decisions, etc. I wasn't sure I would be able to sustain this weight-loss and if they noticed then I would have a hell of a lot of expectations placed on me to keep going when I wasn't sure I was able to. It had the capacity to completely de-rail any progress I felt I could make. Also, any comments they made about my weightloss made me feel so sad and ashamed...I was already yelling at myself in my head for being so fat...I did't need everyone else to feel they had licence to now openly discuss my body and my weight.

    That then triggered responses held deep in my brain about trauma from the past...and it made me feel really unsafe.

    How I dealt with it? I wore baggy clothes to cover my body from prying eyes so that my reducing shape couldn't be seen. I also wore layers and bulky jumpers/sweaters for the same reason. I stayed like that for as long as it took until I realised that I could do it, and that I'd made the decision for the long haul, and then I started to wear normal clothes around my partner and others who I felt safe around...then, once I felt comfortable with their responses, I started to wear normal clothes in public. And now, I love it when people notice because they recognise my hard work.

    It's hard to deal with. I get it.

    Maybe you could also think of some responses to people's comments/compliments/well-meaning thoughts to help you tell them that you're not ok with it?

    Take care.
  • Jesea
    Jesea Posts: 374 Member
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    Not at all. I have struggled for every pound I've lost, and I am happy to share with anyone who asks. Feeling better about myself means a lot to me, and people noticing is the icing on the cake. Enjoy your success!
  • 1258936
    1258936 Posts: 115 Member
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    I don't mind when they notice, but I do mind when they go into way too specific detail about how much and from where I must have lost it. I have a friend who constantly oversteps my comfort level in her comments. Makes me feel like an object to be judged. My looks are not my only personality trait! I have worth beyond my physical traits!
  • dandelionwisps
    dandelionwisps Posts: 2
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    i know what you mean about food being an addiction and feeling like having other people talk to you about your weight loss is like talking to you about a very personal struggle with addiction.
    i think it's important you do what you're comfortable with and don't let anyone else pressure you to talk about something you don't want to talk about. while it's very very challenging, you will become stronger each time you stand your ground to other people. think about a recovering alcoholic who gets asked by someone who doesn't know them well, want to have a drink?, followed by the question, why not? let's just get a couple beers.
    on the other hand, some very successful recovering addicts hold themselves accountable by making their personal battle very public, and being very honest with themselves and the world about their addiction and recovery. for example counselors who used to be addicts or people who are open about being in "-whatever- anonymous" are addicts who make their personal battles public for example.
    shame can be very damaging in the struggle in addiction. it can actually hinder your recovery. if you can somehow learn how to let go of being ashamed of being addict to food, simply accept it as is. if you learn to not feel ashamed for "relapsing"/gaining back weight, it is just part of the process, you may be able to achieve more in your recovery than before!
  • VanessaCLara
    VanessaCLara Posts: 1
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    I understand where you are coming from. I don't feel upset about the direct comment "are you losing weight?"...it's more like attention is being drawn to the larger issue of gaining and losing. I can relate because I have lost large amounts before and gained it back. For those who have never gone through that Yo-Yo battle... a compliment seems "nice." To those who are extreme dieters it seems as though that comment brings a certain level of awareness to the entire battle over the years. It's not that I get mad at a person for giving me a compliment (duh haha :) its that you have to face that feeling of wondering if people are thinking "well she's just going to gain it all back again." Its not other people noticing that bother me, it is the demons I struggle with inside over my own weight issues. Either way it's never to late to start again, gain a NEW control and have a better understanding of ourselves :)
  • RadioactivePirate
    RadioactivePirate Posts: 212
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    For me to start with, it wasn't safe for people to know that I'd lost weight. I wasn't ready to talk about my body, my decisions, etc. I wasn't sure I would be able to sustain this weight-loss and if they noticed then I would have a hell of a lot of expectations placed on me to keep going when I wasn't sure I was able to. It had the capacity to completely de-rail any progress I felt I could make. Also, any comments they made about my weightloss made me feel so sad and ashamed...I was already yelling at myself in my head for being so fat...I did't need everyone else to feel they had licence to now openly discuss my body and my weight.

    This for sure. At the beginning I really didn't want people to notice... what if I failed, and then I let everyone down? Now that I'm over a year into it and I'm more confident it doesn't bother me quite as much when people notice. For that reason anyway.

    I still don't like that simply by losing weight it's like my body has become public property, a subject of discussion to anyone around me no matter how little I know them. I imagine it's rather similar to what I've heard pregnant women complain about, that because people can see it they feel free to nose into your personal life and ask about things that are really none of their business. A friend who knows I've been working hard complimenting me on my weight loss is one thing, a casual acquaintance cornering me and demanding details of my diet and exercise plans is something else entirely.

    And I also don't like that "you've lost weight" is considered to always be a compliment. I still believe that beauty comes in all shapes and sizes. Just because losing weight is the decision I made for myself doesn't mean I'm going to participate in fat hate.
  • MaryB2
    MaryB2 Posts: 331 Member
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    Double posted

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