so sad....

Start out small! How much are you eating when you are on the wagon, so to speak? Making to drastic of a change can hurt our efforts. I started out by just logging my food, all of it. I did that for awhile before I got up the courage to start changing. And then I went down to 2,000 calories a day, and started making a little healthier choices. When that was easy for me I dropped my cals a little bit more and started focusing on macros, and exercising a little. Four months in and almost 20 pounds down, and I'm just now getting serious about exercise. I'm starting a weight lifting program today actually, and just started C25K last week.

My point is, I know for me if I try to do too much at once, I get overwhelmed and end up quitting. If you're mind is made up that you want to change, you can, just take it slow. And I promise the little victories will make you feel better. The first day I was able to only drink 1 small soda, I was so proud of myself! (I was drinking at least 2 64 oz dr peppers a day:noway: ) All the little stuff really boosted my confidence. I was also having problems with my husband, but I realised it was me. I felt so bad about myself that I was neglecting him. It wasn't his fault. Since I lost some weight our sex life has improved greatly. :blushing: But because I feel more willing because I'm happier with my self. You can do this my dear.

So, Im 23 and almost 300lbs... I dont want to hit that... I try everything.. I dont know what is wrong with me or my brain? I can go strong for a week or 2 and then I quit... whats wrong with me?? Im usually very social and outgoing.. and I feel myself becoming very angry at people and sad and crying often.. and now to top it off.. my husband would rather watch porn than be with me... I dont know what to do Im sorry if I sound like a cry baby.. I know most of you will tell me to quit whining and do something... I just feel defeated.

See an endocrinologist and a therapist.

Take your life back.

So, Im 23 and almost 300lbs... I dont want to hit that... I try everything.. I dont know what is wrong with me or my brain? I can go strong for a week or 2 and then I quit... whats wrong with me?? Im usually very social and outgoing.. and I feel myself becoming very angry at people and sad and crying often.. and now to top it off.. my husband would rather watch porn than be with me... I dont know what to do Im sorry if I sound like a cry baby.. I know most of you will tell me to quit whining and do something... I just feel defeated.

First off, stop thinking you are "almost" 300 pounds. Weigh yourself and thats what you weigh. No more, no less. You weigh X amount. Dont add weight to yourself than you arent.

You husband watches porn most likely because your self esteem is lacking, which makes you lack in the bedroom. Harsh sounding? Maybe, but think about it... probably true? find yourself covering up instead of going buck wild on his *kitten*? yep.. I did that too... Men like confidence. THAT will come back.. but its up to you to change that part of it. You can talk to him.. but ultimately, they think with their you know whats when it comes to that.. so, you can handle it, (depending on how you feel about porn in general.) if it was a no go before... it should be a no go NOW... that does not change, period. If that was something you allowed in your relationship before.. chances again are that you are overly sensitive to it now.. yep, ive been there too. I feeel ya honey. (((hugs)))

As far as the rest of the stuff.. again, its harsh but ultimately, its kind of like smoking.. when you finally decide its time.. and no one can tell you "hey, its time... lets go!" then you will. No one can tell YOU when you are ready. No one can motivate YOU enough to do it. You hear everyone saying when was your "light bulb moment" or your "changing moment" well, everyones is different. For me.. its kind of funny, but mine wasnt even a moment for me!!!

My best friend started this new bueiness adventure with these shake mixes, and i used to never eat... like ever. a 300-400 calorie supper.. but i drank A LOT of beer, like 18 a night. (lots of calories in that stuff!) so i was over weight. (along with all my medical problems.. at 35, that plays a toll on you.. so yeah, alcoholism came along) but anyhoo.. i wanted to support her new business adventure, as I *always* have.. so i became her first customer. Bought a three month supply to give her a decent first check.. and figured.. well, i bought it.. aint gonna let it sit here. Wasnt bad tasting, so i poured it down my throat for a week. Lost 6 pounds. WOAH. Hey, couldnt hurt to keep it up, right? Well, i drank them for about a month before i got bored, but in the mean time i found MFP.. and all the great people here, and buy then I was on my way to losing! So i figured.. im a month in.. why the hell not keep going!!! 90 days later (well like 105 days no, but i got sick and injured my knee.. ) but 90 days later ive lost a mear 26.6 pounds.. BUT... an amazing 35.5 inches and........... drumroll please!!!!!!!!! Ive gone from a TIGHT size 20 to an (also tight) but a size friggin 14 !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT?!?!?!

I mean, i still kind of look like a greased up seal in them, but HEY!! 90 days ago, i couldnt get them over my KNEES! And all ive done is watch my calories.. use the elliptical (you can walk if you like) for 10-15 minutes 3 times a day (do you watch a 30 minutes program once or twice a day, then you can find time to even march in place... ) and if you wash dishes, cook, brush your teeth, fold laundry, or basically do any house hold chore.. you can do leg and belly exercises.. i go up and down on my toes 15 times - 30 times (startes slow of course) while doing dishes.. twice a day thendid standing crunches while in the shower.. and do squats (hard on knees.. started doing these after 2 months of elliptical & walking with knee braces & some weight came off.. helped A LOT) while doing dishes or cooking.. just 5-10 squats at first.. and not REAL low, but enough. if it started burning, i stopped. then did that amount again later in the day.. the next day, i went up by ONE. Because you arent really "working them hard" you can do them every day when you start. You are "just" reaching your limit, but not darre going over.. because when you start out at first.. who the hell wants to really hurt? that would make you stop...

I was the queen of excuses.. now im the queeen of NO excuses! LOL!

Onee more thing.. (i know, long winded, sorry! LOL!) When walking, or if you decide to jog or WHATEVER. you legs WILL feel weak. even a seasoned runner will tell you this. but after 5-10 minutes, they will stop! (this will happpen if you run 1 day or 1000 days!) Just remember your legs have to warm up, just like your car!)

Please feel free to send me a friend request! Good luck and I know you can do this!!! You have taken the first step, and Im here for you, I believe in you and I know you believe in yourself.. you just gotta do a little soul searchin, diggin and peepin around! You will start to find you again... believe it or not... its hidden under less pounds than you think it is!!

:flowerforyou:



~Heather

I know how you feel - or at least i imagine i do - i hit 270 at 26 and thought i'd never feel good about myself ever again. Looking at pictures of myself became my breaking point and at the same time my motivation - i was usually ashamed at the pictures, but then there was that one that just tore my heart out ... and i decided then and there that this was it! There would never be another one like it. I have quit - several times - i've been down and up again, but trust me, it is so worth it in the end. As for the husband, he might not feel the same way about you as you do - are you pushing him away because of how you feel about yourself? i know i did, and the result was much the same. Once i got my confidence back up and acctually wanted to be with him again, the issue went away. Porn might just be his way of compensating - don't make it the culprit without acctually talking to him about it first.
Feel free to add me if you'd like! More friend make for more motivation!

First..your husband would watch porn even if you were slender. The fact that he blows you off to do it ..THIS is HIS problem, not yours. Don't make yourself responsible for his 'infidelities'. You gained 100 lbs bearing HIS children.

Amen.

I think the problem a lot of people think is that they have to be perfect starting from day one. and after a week or two, perfection becomes overwhelming and they become unable to keep it up. So they throw their hands in the air and say "Screw it all!".

But here is the thing about maintainable weight loss. It is NOT a black and white situation. There is a whole hell of a lot of grey area when it comes to "what can I eat today". That is the beauty of MFP. You have a budget of 1600 calories. Pretend that's cash. You have $1600 in your bank account to spend on what you need today. Are you going to by 16 pairs of $100 shoes (veggies) 8 pairs of $200 shoes (bread) or one pair of $1600 diamond studded, the most beautiful shoes you have ever seen in your life (a whole bag of potato chips)? (I like shoes )

Your first thought may be the whole bag of potato chips. Fine, have that be your decision. But then you realize those shoes only go with one outfit, and you can't wear the same pair of shoes for the rest of your life, and you're hungry! So the next day, you make different food decisions. And then you learn different things you can make, small substitutions you can make in your recipes. And before you know it, you can have a serving of chips, and still not ruin your whole day.

Then the weight starts falling off. You feel better about yourself, your clothes are looser. You have more energy. And then you think, you know what, I'm going for a walk this afternoon! And you do, and walking leads to workout DVDs and weights, and biking, and maybe even running.

Now you are really feeling better about yourself. You start hiking on the weekend, going for family bike rides. You try and do situps during commercials when watching TV. You don't watch as much TV as you used to. Certain foods make sick to your stomach now. You are stronger. You have more self confidence. You stand up straighter.

And TADA! Your whole lifestyle has changed for the better. It all doesn't happen at once. And it isn't perfect. But you need to be able to do this FOR EVER! You are marrying the idea of being fit and healthy. It needs to become part of who you are.

Be strong and good luck. Every single time you take a bite, you have the ability to make a new decision about your health.

I love your response. True as it comes, gentle and self-loving. Thanks for sharing!

I think the problem a lot of people think is that they have to be perfect starting from day one. and after a week or two, perfection becomes overwhelming and they become unable to keep it up. So they throw their hands in the air and say "Screw it all!".

But here is the thing about maintainable weight loss. It is NOT a black and white situation. There is a whole hell of a lot of grey area when it comes to "what can I eat today". That is the beauty of MFP. You have a budget of 1600 calories. Pretend that's cash. You have $1600 in your bank account to spend on what you need today. Are you going to by 16 pairs of $100 shoes (veggies) 8 pairs of $200 shoes (bread) or one pair of $1600 diamond studded, the most beautiful shoes you have ever seen in your life (a whole bag of potato chips)? (I like shoes )

Your first thought may be the whole bag of potato chips. Fine, have that be your decision. But then you realize those shoes only go with one outfit, and you can't wear the same pair of shoes for the rest of your life, and you're hungry! So the next day, you make different food decisions. And then you learn different things you can make, small substitutions you can make in your recipes. And before you know it, you can have a serving of chips, and still not ruin your whole day.

Then the weight starts falling off. You feel better about yourself, your clothes are looser. You have more energy. And then you think, you know what, I'm going for a walk this afternoon! And you do, and walking leads to workout DVDs and weights, and biking, and maybe even running.

Now you are really feeling better about yourself. You start hiking on the weekend, going for family bike rides. You try and do situps during commercials when watching TV. You don't watch as much TV as you used to. Certain foods make sick to your stomach now. You are stronger. You have more self confidence. You stand up straighter.

And TADA! Your whole lifestyle has changed for the better. It all doesn't happen at once. And it isn't perfect. But you need to be able to do this FOR EVER! You are marrying the idea of being fit and healthy. It needs to become part of who you are.

Be strong and good luck. Every single time you take a bite, you have the ability to make a new decision about your health.

I love your response. True as it comes, gentle and self-loving. Thanks for sharing!

Thank you :flowerforyou: It takes time to get there and put it all in perspective. This is just such a great tool, I wish more people had the confidence in themselves to take the first step!

Hey Hannah!
I was so glad to see that you were back!
We can do this.
One friend mentioned baby steps. I read that to change a habit, don't start with EVERYTHING at once. Change one thing a week.
Add a few veggies.
Drink more water.
Take a 5 minute walk.
The more positive things you do FOR YOURSELF BECAUSE YOU ARE WORTH IT, THE MORE YOU WILL WANT TO DO.
Do you have a buddy you could make a pact to exercise with?
Accountability works for most people. You wouldn't get up every day and exercise just for yourself, maybe, but you won't let a friend down.
Hugs, my friend, we have all been there with this struggle. You are not alone!
It's hard to understand when you feel rotten why you won't do the thing that would make you feel better. I 've been there.

I saw one friend post that you were here and that is the first step. She's right.
Log in every day and log everything. Becoming more mindful of what I eat really helps me. I can't stand to be too far over that goal for the day and love to be under it.
But the first time I did something like MFP, I knew that I had 1000 more calories before I would break even. If I was too hungry to only be under THAT goal (breaking even) then I set my sights on that. Often I was only under by 250 calories or so. Sometimes I just broke even. But I did start to exercise a little. In six months, I only lost 20 pounds, but it was a start and gradually, I have been able to exercise more and eat less. I am still losing slow, but want to be healthy for me and my children.\

Move a little and log every move! It's addicting! MFP has even helped me to like cleaning better because I get to log calories burned! LOL!
So my house is cleaner!

Just a big old CYBERHUG, my friend!

There's so much great advice and warm thoughts on here ...

You sound like a wonderful person who's having a rough time and I'm wishing you all good things!

if you want it bad enough you will find the strength to do it. one day at a time. one good choice at a time. i think exercise is just what you need. it has been my saving grace.
#1 it is empowering. i feel amazing when I'm done working out. I'm doing more than I ever thought I could do.
#2 it gives you a little bit of wiggle room with the calorie intake. you still want to eat at a deficit so you lose though.
#3 it has been proven that people who exercise are more likely to keep the weight off
#4 exercise speeds up your metabolism. mine is like molasses without it.
#5 exercise releases endorphins. endorphins make you happy. you'll feel better inside and out.
#6 exercise is a great way to relieve stress. sweat it out.
#7 when I work my butt off working out I am a lot less likely to go home and ruin it with bad food choices.
#8 diet is how you lose pounds. exercise makes you fit. if you want a tight, sexy, fit body you gotta work for it.
#9 exercise, strength training in particular, helps prevent excess skin. anyone with a lot of pounds to lose should be strength training