Love Triangle: Do YOU think it is possible??

Options
2

Replies

  • ohtobe140
    ohtobe140 Posts: 93
    Options
    My exH was Jen, I was the wife and well, his first love came back after 20 years and now we are divorced. Jen needs to grow up and decide what she wants. Or at the very least give her fiance a chance to leave given the new information. Just because you are well suited to someone doesn't mean they make your toes curl. And given the chance between a good companionship and curling toes, most people are going to pick the toes. Divorces are expensive and when kids are involved, it's hell; well, it's hell for the one with the broken heart.
  • TavistockToad
    TavistockToad Posts: 35,719 Member
    Options

    Jen will not be having any affairs, she will be getting married in November as planned and she is keeping Paul in her life as well.

    What would you do?? :)

    BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAD idea!!!!

    i have been in lust since i got married, but of course never acted on it. i dont have those feeling for anyone apart from my beloved.

    does the fiance know about paul? if so then fair enough, but if 'jen' lies to the fiance about Paul then i dont see how that can ever have a good outcome. i marriage based on lying doesnt sound like a good start!
  • Fred4point0
    Fred4point0 Posts: 160 Member
    Options
    I've been married for 25 years and my wife taught me something along time ago. Although what you're experiencing was never an issue with us, we would use what I'm about to say next as a guide line for gray issues: "How would you feel if the shoe was on the other foot?"

    That is the question you must ask yourself.

    I hope this helps you think through your dilemma.

    Good luck.
  • wolverine66
    wolverine66 Posts: 3,779 Member
    Options
    If it were me, I would cut Paul out. I understand that they both probably have unresolved feelings, but I would think that keeping paul around could be damaging to the relationship that i want to have. And, if paul cares for me as much as he says he does, then he would respect that decision.

    I would, personally, think that i was being unfair to my future spouse if i knowingly and willingly kept a person i acknowledge i still had romantic feelings for around.
  • mrstravisjones
    mrstravisjones Posts: 104 Member
    Options
    You want to know what WE would do. We are all entitled to our own opinions on the matter, and mine is that if I had two men in my life and couldn't decide between them, then I would have to believe that I wasn't actually in love with either of them. If you are truly in love with someone, the decision is always easy. The journey can be hard, but the decision to travel that journey is easy. If you can't decide between two men, then it wouldn't be fair for either man to be selected, as you would always wonder if the other person would have been the better choice.

    Choosing to be with my husband was the easiest and best decision I have ever made. I never had to second guess it.
  • AlsDonkBoxSquat
    AlsDonkBoxSquat Posts: 6,128 Member
    Options
    If she's going to marry her fiance then she needs to cut Paul loose, otherwise she'll spend a lifetime debating if she made the right decision and that temptation will always be at her fingertips. Things in her marriage will get tough, and when they feel like they can't get any tougher they will, and when she starts to rely on Paul to listen the temptation of a new, better, different (easier looking) life may evenutally too much to withstand. If she decides to not get married now and marries Paul later on she needs to cut the current fiance loose because of the same things. I'm friends with a lot of people I dated over the years, I'm not friends with any who would tempt me in any way. There are no what if's in my life, it's not fair to my husband.
  • oneworkoutatatime
    oneworkoutatatime Posts: 312
    Options
    this will not end well, first sign of trouble in her marriage she might run to the guy who has her heart..
  • hellohappylisa
    hellohappylisa Posts: 141 Member
    Options
    I was in a relationship and met a guy from many states away at a friend's wedding and...holy hotness insta-attraction! Let's just say if we'd been living nearby...well I'm not sure what would have happened. I would hope I wouldn't have cheated, but who knows.
  • Phaedra2014
    Phaedra2014 Posts: 1,254 Member
    Options
    My friend, lets call her Jen for the sake of saving face, has recently told me of this dilema. Not looking for judgement on this topic, just wondering what everyone else thinks. After we talked I did some internet research and read quite a few articles and now, I wanna know what the MFP family thinks.

    Jen has had three great loves in her life. The first, when she was 17 and he was the first. Broke her heart in two, he loved her too poor thing. Things just didn't pan out as relationships do at that age. The second was a guy named Paul. Funny, smart, cocky, beautiful man that every woman would want to be with. He chose her. He had some baggage to deal with and felt he needed to get away from where they lived to work them out. They kept in contact but eventually lost most of it.
    He was the one that got away.
    Eventually years later she met the third, John. A hallarious, sexy, protective, providing wonderful man. They dated for 3 years and decided they would get married. They were perfect for one another. Jen still thought about Paul every once in a while and they would Facebook message once in a while. Nothing scandleless, just friendly hellos and check ups.
    Eventually Paul wanted to chat on the phone. Jen said sure. They laughed and chatted, things were settled, feelings were expressed and all in all this was the problem...
    Paul still cared for Jen. He was so happy she was going to be married and that she found someone who loves her so much. He wanted to be in her life... AND she is the one that got away (basically confessed his love saying she was his dream girl).
    Here in lies Jen's inner dilema; she is in love with two men.
    She loves her fiancee with her body and soul but, her heart belongs to two people.

    Have YOU ever been through this? Have you had the feelings for two people? How did YOU handle it?

    Jen will not be having any affairs, she will be getting married in November as planned and she is keeping Paul in her life as well.

    What would you do?? :)

    I don't like complicated. It doesn't bring out my best self.
  • gjulie
    gjulie Posts: 391
    Options
    Noooooo!if she is sure she wants to marry her Fiance drop all facebook contact stop this now!Theres a great attraction in the what ifs but remember he did get away her fiance is here and now,unless she dosnt love her fiance in that case call off the wedding and stand back from both! what is unobtainable is always attractive if she went back to this other guy she would probably think she should have stayed with her fiance,my gut would say postpone the wedding if she really is not sure otherwise go ahead and cut the other guy out of her life completely!
  • Dawnymaries
    Dawnymaries Posts: 109
    Options
    I once loved two people at the same time. There will always be one that you love more, in that situation. Thankfully the one that I loved a great deal more is the one that I ended up with.

    If she is getting married, she needs to stop contact with the other completely. She's making a choice here and the other guy needs to be out of the picture.
  • cnsmith2
    cnsmith2 Posts: 539 Member
    Options
    I believe that you can love more than one person at a single time. I believe that you can have different levels of love. I also believe in mutual understanding and honesty.

    I've been married for 12 years, and after I got married I discovered an interest in things that my husband didn't share. We talked about it and he urged me to explore it. I won't go into a lot of details, but I did share a type of love with someone else, but my heart always remained with my husband and there were boundaries that we both agreed to.
  • AlsDonkBoxSquat
    AlsDonkBoxSquat Posts: 6,128 Member
    Options
    I don't think most people realized I asked what YOU would do and have YOU been in this situation. Not what should she do. She already made her choice on the matter. I would agree with most of you. I see both sides but thank god I don't have to deal with it.

    I do have to say, I love all my ex's still. Even the ones I hate. They taught me something. I love them for that. And I shared a part of my heart with them. My husband is my world, but he has done the same with others before me. I wouldn't expect him to say he didn't love them. We've never had this conversation yet though... maybe we will :)

    I don't think that you realize that what everyone said they think she should do is what they would do . . . .

    I don't understand "I love all my ex's still," I remember some of them fondly, yes they've all taught me something . . . . but the first time I picked up a pile of dog poo and the bag had a hole it in I learned something . . . always check the bag first. I don't love dog poo or bags with holes in them. Just because you had an experience with someone or something doesn't mean that it still has a piece of you unless you want it to.
  • rml_16
    rml_16 Posts: 16,414 Member
    Options
    I don't think most people realized I asked what YOU would do and have YOU been in this situation. Not what should she do. She already made her choice on the matter. I would agree with most of you. I see both sides but thank god I don't have to deal with it.

    I do have to say, I love all my ex's still. Even the ones I hate. They taught me something. I love them for that. And I shared a part of my heart with them. My husband is my world, but he has done the same with others before me. I wouldn't expect him to say he didn't love them. We've never had this conversation yet though... maybe we will :)

    I don't think that you realize that what everyone said they think she should do is what they would do . . . .

    Exactly.

    She's making a mistake. You can't fully commit to one man when you are in love with another and he's still in your life.

    I have ONE ex that I would say I am still in love with. We are not together due to circumstances beyond ouor control, not because we really chose not to be together. But we both moved on because we had to. And while we stayed in touch for several years after I moved in with the boyfriend, we are no longer in touch. He was the one who cut things off, but I realize now it was for the best. I still have strong feelings for him, but in the end, I had to make a choice. Your friend is going to be sorry for this choice and she's probably going to have to reevaluate down the road.
  • aforange
    aforange Posts: 116 Member
    Options
    Is this the prologue to a really tacky romance novel?
  • lauren3101
    lauren3101 Posts: 1,853 Member
    Options
    I was once in this exact situation, except 'the other man' was a friend, not an ex.

    It took me a while to realize the grass is not always greener. I'm now getting married and 100% sure I made the right choice.

    She should cut off the ex. If he had any respect for her and her relationship, he wouldn't be putting her in this position in the first place.
  • MattTheWaterRat
    MattTheWaterRat Posts: 167 Member
    Options
    I hope your using fake names. If I was "Jen", and found out my friend was posting all my business on a forum, I'd be pissed.
  • lauren3101
    lauren3101 Posts: 1,853 Member
    Options
    I hope your using fake names. If I was "Jen", and found out my friend was posting all my business on a forum, I'd be pissed.

    'My friend' often equates to 'me'. :wink:
  • palmerig88
    palmerig88 Posts: 623 Member
    Options
    Yeah. When my "Paul" contacted me out of the blue while I was engaged I wrote a quick email reply. "I'm getting married". He wrote back something about how he hoped I knew what I was doing and I truly loved this man. I never responded and have never spoken to him again. I did truly love this man. The man I've been married to for 8 years. There isn't someone who got away. There is someone with whom it didn't work out. I'm not face-book friends with him either. How would Jen feel if her fiance wouldn't let go of his former love and the situation were reversed? I bet she would hate it.
  • v65magna
    v65magna Posts: 27 Member
    Options
    I have been in this situation...My husband cheated and we split up. He never really left the picture as whenever he and she argued he'd call me or when he knew something bad had happened in my family he'd call to see how I was. He & she married. I later met a man who my ex had gone to school with. They weren't really friends...more just acquaintances. He & I married. He is a wonderful father (his children/not mine) husband and friend. My ex ripped a huge chunk of heart out when he did what he did and I was a long time getting over that. He was friends with my brother before we had ever gotten together. He remains friends with my brother and most of the male members of my family. My nephew lives next door to him so I do see him often. When I do see him and sometimes he makes a point of appearing when he knows he will not be over heard he makes a point of complimenting me on something or other. He apologizes for what he did to me constantly and tells me how he messed up. He ends EVERY conversation with "I still love you". My feelings for him now...I'don't care. I don't want anything bad to happen to him but I will never let him get ahold of my heart again.

    BY THE WAY...Did I mention he is divorced AGAIN.

Categories