depressed

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untouchable86
untouchable86 Posts: 244
in Health and Weight Loss
im on the verge of being depressed because of my weight. this is insane!!! heres my story... 7 years ago i left this man i had been with sense i was 15. he was mentally, and physically abusive.. anyways long story short before i left him i lost 60 pounds using adipex.. i felt great! not long after i left him i found this amazing man.. my prince charming.. my soon to be husband.. any ways weve been together 3 years and over those 3 years ive gained every bit of that weight back. i weight 240 now. at 5'4 thats not pretty!!! ive been doing alot of thinking lately (for me thats never a good thing) but i keep thinking hes gonna leave me because of my weight. (he loves me with all of his heart and tells me every day im beautiful) but that thought of him leaving me is always in teh back of my head. im embarrassed to been seen in public with him, i hate being around his friends because i know he deserves so much better! i tell him all the time im going on a diet and i want to weight 120 and all he says is ok.. hes head me say this 150000 times so i dont blame him for thinking im not going to follow through with this. but damn im tired of this life. i want to go out in public with him and not be embarrassed, i want to hang out with his friends and have him say yup thats my girl! cause he so proud of me. but i have no motivation at all! i can sit here and plan what i want to to what im going to eat what my goals are and everything else all day long but i never follow through with them. i need help! i need to get in the right mind set and i dont know how! and no i dont want this just for his sake. i want this for my kids also. i want to be a good example for them. i want to be healthy! at the rate im going now i dont see me makeing it to watch my kids have kids. i just need a good kick in the *kitten*! ugh!! :(
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Replies

  • Will210
    Will210 Posts: 201 Member
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    You have to drop the insecurity as soon as you can. That alone can drive a wedge in a relationship.

    First off - trust what your fiance is saying. Have faith in him even though you might not have much faith right now in yourself.

    Secondly - find faith in yourself. Start believing you will get to your goal and start now. Don't worry about what other people think - just focus about the goal. Want it most for yourself. You have lost weight before, you can certainly do it again.
  • zebisis
    zebisis Posts: 157
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    I am so sorry! But don't get down on yourself- that wont help.
    Feel free to add me if you would like- I weigh everything and log everything down to the gram, exercise daily, and lift weights, (all at home) and I also have kids.
    Every time I am going to eat something, I log it FIRST, look at the results, and then decide if I am actually going to eat it. I have also found it SO helpful to cut out sugar/carbs from my diet. They act like a drug in my brain, and trick me into feeling hungry all the time, even if I have just eaten.
    I try to make sure I get a good amount of protein, and I don't exceed my calories for the day. I don't eat exercise cals back either- unless I am starving, and then I will eat 100-150 of them back. I have seen great progress thus far.

    I am on MFP every day, I keep it open constantly on my PC, so again, add me if you would like the support. :)
  • untouchable86
    untouchable86 Posts: 244
    Options
    You have to drop the insecurity as soon as you can. That alone can drive a wedge in a relationship.

    First off - trust what your fiance is saying. Have faith in him even though you might not have much faith right now in yourself.

    Secondly - find faith in yourself. Start believing you will get to your goal and start now. Don't worry about what other people think - just focus about the goal. Want it most for yourself. You have lost weight before, you can certainly do it again.
    thank you so much
  • hdjjones
    hdjjones Posts: 130 Member
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    I would stop thinking so much about it and just make the decision to do it. Please don't wait for a medical issue to slap you in the face like happened to me. Death is permanent. Weight gain is temporary. But you need to commit. If you don't the inevitable will happen and you will no longer be in control. YOU are in control now.
  • untouchable86
    untouchable86 Posts: 244
    Options
    I am so sorry! But don't get down on yourself- that wont help.
    Feel free to add me if you would like- I weigh everything and log everything down to the gram, exercise daily, and lift weights, (all at home) and I also have kids.
    Every time I am going to eat something, I log it FIRST, look at the results, and then decide if I am actually going to eat it. I have also found it SO helpful to cut out sugar/carbs from my diet. They act like a drug in my brain, and trick me into feeling hungry all the time, even if I have just eaten.
    I try to make sure I get a good amount of protein, and I don't exceed my calories for the day. I don't eat exercise cals back either- unless I am starving, and then I will eat 100-150 of them back. I have seen great progress thus far.

    I am on MFP every day, I keep it open constantly on my PC, so again, add me if you would like the support. :)
    ty. friend request sent
  • untouchable86
    untouchable86 Posts: 244
    Options
    I would stop thinking so much about it and just make the decision to do it. Please don't wait for a medical issue to slap you in the face like happened to me. Death is permanent. Weight gain is temporary. But you need to commit. If you don't the inevitable will happen and you will no longer be in control. YOU are in control now.
    ty
  • Ronngie
    Ronngie Posts: 295 Member
    Options
    You have to drop the insecurity as soon as you can. That alone can drive a wedge in a relationship.

    First off - trust what your fiance is saying. Have faith in him even though you might not have much faith right now in yourself.

    Secondly - find faith in yourself. Start believing you will get to your goal and start now. Don't worry about what other people think - just focus about the goal. Want it most for yourself. You have lost weight before, you can certainly do it again.
    All of this I 100% agree in. The only thing I would add is when we make the choice to take control, that is a feeling you can not buy. Aim for small goals and before you know it, you will feel better about yourself! :)
  • crystal_lynn88
    crystal_lynn88 Posts: 16 Member
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    The hardest part is always starting. I'm new on here but I have been struggling with my weight ever since I had kids. If you need any support feel free to add me. I don't have any friends on here yet. :-(
  • Rhia55
    Rhia55 Posts: 247
    Options
    You have to listen to what he's telling you, not what your fears are telling you. Society has burned into our brains that if we are overweight we are ugly, but it is what is on the INSIDE that makes you ugly or beautiful, and he fell in love with YOU, with who you are, not what you look like. He is a keeper, you need to trust him. Lose the weight for the right reasons.. not to hold on to someone, but because YOU want to. Never do it for someone else.
  • katescurios
    katescurios Posts: 224 Member
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    I'm sorry you're feeling so bad. I started out at 271lb in August of this year and am currently at 245lb so I know somewhat how you feel regarding your weight.

    All I can really say is that maybe you need to listen more to what he is saying than what he isn't. If he tells you every day that he thinks you're beautiful then that is what you need to start hearing and believing!!!

    It's really common for us to get caught up in our own negative and unrealistic thoughts, you need to take a more objective look and then decide on a course of action for yourself and stick to it.

    Do you believe that he loves you?
    If he didn't find you attractive would he still be with you?
    What is your diet/exercise regime like now?
    Could you make small changes to improve your diet, that you will stick to?
    Within your lifestyle could you squeeze in a bit more exercise?

    120lb is a massive and quite daunting goal, why not think of a few smaller ones, that way you can celebrate your achievements more regularly :D I'm a geek and love spreadsheets so I have % weight loss goals, clothes size goals and inches lost goals so basically I meet a new goal every week :D

    Let go of some of the pressure you are putting on yourself, you are beautiful according to your picture and your husband, please try to believe it!
  • untouchable86
    untouchable86 Posts: 244
    Options
    You have to listen to what he's telling you, not what your fears are telling you. Society has burned into our brains that if we are overweight we are ugly, but it is what is on the INSIDE that makes you ugly or beautiful, and he fell in love with YOU, with who you are, not what you look like. He is a keeper, you need to trust him. Lose the weight for the right reasons.. not to hold on to someone, but because YOU want to. Never do it for someone else.
    he is a keeper and i love him with all my heart but he deserves so much better. ive got to work on not being so self conscious. maybe then i can move on..
  • TinaDay1114
    TinaDay1114 Posts: 1,328 Member
    Options
    im on the verge of being depressed because of my weight. this is insane!!! heres my story... 7 years ago i left this man i had been with sense i was 15. he was mentally, and physically abusive..
    ...but i keep thinking hes gonna leave me because of my weight. (he loves me with all of his heart and tells me every day im beautiful) but that thought of him leaving me is always in teh back of my head. im embarrassed to been seen in public with him, i hate being around his friends because i know he deserves so much better!

    I say this because I've been there (my parents were mentally/verbally abusive) -- sounds like whatever that abusive guy said to you is now part of what you're telling YOURSELF now. You're beating yourself up inside your head for "not being good enough" because somehow, after all that time of hearing it, part of you thinks it's true...That's so NORMAL after what you've been through.

    Look what else you said...
    i just need a good kick in the *kitten*! ugh!! :(

    I don't think you need a kick in the *kitten* at ALL -- I think you need to give yourself a break, a (spiritual) hug, tell yourself you are good enough no matter what your size. It sounds corny, but it's true.

    I say this because I did the same thing myself for YEARS after I moved out of my parents' house. I took over the mental abuse just by telling myself (deep down), "they're right, you're not good enough. See? Never good enough..." It's like a tape you keep playing over and over, because you didn't have any other message to fall back on.

    So PLEASE, give yourself that love, that break. I'm still working on it, but 15 years later, I'm finally hearing a different message. Now I believe my husband when he tells me I'm good-looking, or special, or loving. BUT It took a lot of work (and a good therapist to talk to) to get there.

    Don't believe that voice in your head. It's not really YOURS. You'll find your own someday (soon, I hope), and it'll be fantastic. :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou:

    Hugs to you from here...
  • missprincessgina
    missprincessgina Posts: 446 Member
    Options
    I am so sorry! But don't get down on yourself- that wont help.
    Feel free to add me if you would like- I weigh everything and log everything down to the gram, exercise daily, and lift weights, (all at home) and I also have kids.
    Every time I am going to eat something, I log it FIRST, look at the results, and then decide if I am actually going to eat it. I have also found it SO helpful to cut out sugar/carbs from my diet. They act like a drug in my brain, and trick me into feeling hungry all the time, even if I have just eaten.
    I try to make sure I get a good amount of protein, and I don't exceed my calories for the day. I don't eat exercise cals back either- unless I am starving, and then I will eat 100-150 of them back. I have seen great progress thus far.

    I am on MFP every day, I keep it open constantly on my PC, so again, add me if you would like the support. :)

    Wow, great advice. This is motivating :smile:
  • untouchable86
    untouchable86 Posts: 244
    Options
    I'm sorry you're feeling so bad. I started out at 271lb in August of this year and am currently at 245lb so I know somewhat how you feel regarding your weight.

    All I can really say is that maybe you need to listen more to what he is saying than what he isn't. If he tells you every day that he thinks you're beautiful then that is what you need to start hearing and believing!!!

    It's really common for us to get caught up in our own negative and unrealistic thoughts, you need to take a more objective look and then decide on a course of action for yourself and stick to it.

    Do you believe that he loves you?
    If he didn't find you attractive would he still be with you?
    What is your diet/exercise regime like now?
    Could you make small changes to improve your diet, that you will stick to?
    Within your lifestyle could you squeeze in a bit more exercise?

    120lb is a massive and quite daunting goal, why not think of a few smaller ones, that way you can celebrate your achievements more regularly :D I'm a geek and love spreadsheets so I have % weight loss goals, clothes size goals and inches lost goals so basically I meet a new goal every week :D

    Let go of some of the pressure you are putting on yourself, you are beautiful according to your picture and your husband, please try to believe it!
    yes i believe he loves me.
    and im not sure on the 2nd question. hes on of these guys thats likes good looks but finds whats on the inside is so much more important..
    and i dont have a excercise plan right now. im so overwelmed with losing 120 pounds i dont know where to start.. i cant afford a gym membership and because of financial issues we are going through at the moment we had to move in with his parents so im kinda confined in a small bedroom. ( i know thats just an excuse)
  • kiangel
    kiangel Posts: 246 Member
    Options
    Hi , when your self esteem is so low it is hard to get the motivation going , I have been there too .

    This is a great place to get advice and support .

    My advice is DO IT FOR YOURSELF , He loves you for you, but its time to love yourself now :)

    Feel free to add me as a friend and take a look at my pics , I am not at goal yet but determined to get there .

    Lyn x
  • NDePaolo
    NDePaolo Posts: 4 Member
    Options
    I've been there...5'4'' and 200+ lbs. I was in a terrible relationship and didn't care what I did. I was so depressed. I looked at my daughter one day and told myself that enough was enough. I wanted to see her grow up and I wanted to show her how to be healthy and not struggle like I did. So, I took small steps. I started walking and eating more fruits and veggies. The weight slowly started coming off, but it felt great to make progress. Once I got to a point where I could jog and not die :) I started doing that. Now, I run 5 days a week and do some weight training.
    Don't be hard on yourself. He wouldn't be with you if he didn't think you were beautiful. Make small changes at first and progress from there.
  • untouchable86
    untouchable86 Posts: 244
    Options
    im on the verge of being depressed because of my weight. this is insane!!! heres my story... 7 years ago i left this man i had been with sense i was 15. he was mentally, and physically abusive..
    ...but i keep thinking hes gonna leave me because of my weight. (he loves me with all of his heart and tells me every day im beautiful) but that thought of him leaving me is always in teh back of my head. im embarrassed to been seen in public with him, i hate being around his friends because i know he deserves so much better!

    I say this because I've been there (my parents were mentally/verbally abusive) -- sounds like whatever that abusive guy said to you is now part of what you're telling YOURSELF now. You're beating yourself up inside your head for "not being good enough" because somehow, after all that time of hearing it, part of you thinks it's true...That's so NORMAL after what you've been through.

    Look what else you said...
    i just need a good kick in the *kitten*! ugh!! :(

    I don't think you need a kick in the *kitten* at ALL -- I think you need to give yourself a break, a (spiritual) hug, tell yourself you are good enough no matter what your size. It sounds corny, but it's true.

    I say this because I did the same thing myself for YEARS after I moved out of my parents' house. I took over the mental abuse just by telling myself (deep down), "they're right, you're not good enough. See? Never good enough..." It's like a tape you keep playing over and over, because you didn't have any other message to fall back on.

    So PLEASE, give yourself that love, that break. I'm still working on it, but 15 years later, I'm finally hearing a different message. Now I believe my husband when he tells me I'm good-looking, or special, or loving. BUT It took a lot of work (and a good therapist to talk to) to get there.

    Don't believe that voice in your head. It's not really YOURS. You'll find your own someday (soon, I hope), and it'll be fantastic. :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou:

    Hugs to you from here...
    ivebeen told this so many times. and your right.. after years of being told your stupid, your fat, your ugly, your worthless, good for nothing, better off dead. ( i was told this on a daily basis whne i was with him) its almost like i was brainwashed because i believe all the things he said.
  • katescurios
    katescurios Posts: 224 Member
    Options
    yes i believe he loves me.
    and im not sure on the 2nd question. hes on of these guys thats likes good looks but finds whats on the inside is so much more important..
    and i dont have a excercise plan right now. im so overwelmed with losing 120 pounds i dont know where to start.. i cant afford a gym membership and because of financial issues we are going through at the moment we had to move in with his parents so im kinda confined in a small bedroom. ( i know thats just an excuse)
    [/quote]

    Forget the 120lbs for the time being. Why not start by saying you want to lose 5% of your bodyweight, much more achieveable. Set yourself a deadline so maybe 15lbs by xmas or something along those lines.

    You don't need a gym membership, just pop out for a brisk 30 min walk everyday, it's great exercise and has the added benefit of getting you out of the parents house for a bit of you time :D

    It sounds like you're having a hard time at the minute all round but you have to believe that it will get better and make positive steps yourself to feel better.

    You won't feel like this forever, have hope and stay on the forums, people are always around for a good chat.
  • untouchable86
    untouchable86 Posts: 244
    Options
    yes i believe he loves me.
    and im not sure on the 2nd question. hes on of these guys thats likes good looks but finds whats on the inside is so much more important..
    and i dont have a excercise plan right now. im so overwelmed with losing 120 pounds i dont know where to start.. i cant afford a gym membership and because of financial issues we are going through at the moment we had to move in with his parents so im kinda confined in a small bedroom. ( i know thats just an excuse)

    Forget the 120lbs for the time being. Why not start by saying you want to lose 5% of your bodyweight, much more achieveable. Set yourself a deadline so maybe 15lbs by xmas or something along those lines.

    You don't need a gym membership, just pop out for a brisk 30 min walk everyday, it's great exercise and has the added benefit of getting you out of the parents house for a bit of you time :D

    It sounds like you're having a hard time at the minute all round but you have to believe that it will get better and make positive steps yourself to feel better.

    You won't feel like this forever, have hope and stay on the forums, people are always around for a good chat.
    [/quote]
    thank you
  • Ezada
    Ezada Posts: 207 Member
    Options
    I know how you feel, sometimes you just need the right friends and motivators to get you started and I would be more than happy to help! 5'9" 256 (currently) Started at 280. Feel free to add me if you like :)

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