Is it terrible that when my husband...

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  • infamousmk
    infamousmk Posts: 6,033 Member
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    Sometimes when my husband gets technical with stuff I'll say, "you know I have a hard time following the details. Vent away, I'm here to hear you out." ... he doesn't need me to respond, he just needs to know I'm there to support him. Just be honest next time and let him know your brain is fried and you're there to rub his shoulder while he lets it out. I mean really, I"m sure he can dig it. We all just want our partners to be there.
  • KrazyAsianNic
    KrazyAsianNic Posts: 1,227 Member
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    I don't think so. I do this too and my husband is aware that I'm not listening. But it's still therapeutic for him to tell me about his day regardless if I'm listening or not :) He doesn't care. I still pretend to listen!

    I think that's why I didn't stop him. I wanted to. But, I had this feeling like maybe it didn't matter if I was or wasn't listening. He just needed to rant and rave.

    We weren't trying to solve a specific problem that needed my full attention.

    Maybe ask him if he just needs to vent or actually have someone listen.
  • Elif84
    Elif84 Posts: 287 Member
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    My mind drifts too when my husband shares his day and he's caught me. I'm seriously working on it. My mind is mush after I get home from work and commuting a couple of hours a day so I try so hard to pay attention.
  • Espressocycle
    Espressocycle Posts: 2,245 Member
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    Work is boring. Of course, your thesis probably is too.
  • gracefulotus
    gracefulotus Posts: 42
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    Yeah, I just didn't want to crush his feelings.

    It's tricky. Sometimes I've kinda gone, "I can't handle this conversation right now" and I feel like he's a bit crushed at being closed down like that.

    Thanks for your comments everyone. I better get back to my thesis. :smile:
  • Annette_rose
    Annette_rose Posts: 427 Member
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    You mention that you two discuss your thesis. He may be feeling the same way and worried about his mind wandering as you discuss your thesis. :smile:
  • My1985Freckles
    My1985Freckles Posts: 1,039 Member
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    Gosh, I should point out that every other time I have no trouble having a conversation about his work. I find it very interesting. It was just yesterday, I simply couldn't follow the conversation at all. But, I didn't know what to do. It was a bit surreal to be honest.

    You posted because you were not paying attention one time??

    Eek. Not trying to get everyone riled up. Just wanted to know what the etiquette is on these things.

    To not post about it on MFP ;-) I have this happen occassionally, I smile and nod and if he asks a direct question admit that I'm having trouble paying attention for whatever reason and ask him to repeat it (for me its usually on the phone if I am watching something on TV. If its skype, I'm ok, I'm a visual person, but the phone? well, I can get distracted easily).
  • Danny_Boy13
    Danny_Boy13 Posts: 2,094 Member
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    I have to lift my shirt every 3 minutes for my husband to pay attention:)

    OWNED!!! LOL!!! This is a sure way to get any guy to listen to every word.... :tongue:
  • gracefulotus
    gracefulotus Posts: 42
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    You mention that you two discuss your thesis. He may be feeling the same way and worried about his mind wandering as you discuss your thesis. :smile:

    He's got an amazing brain. My thesis is much better for all the discussions we've had over it.

    I just realised something though. He ignores me all the time when I'm talking about random stuff. I don't know why I felt so bad about it.
  • JulieRoselovesFreeze
    JulieRoselovesFreeze Posts: 49
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    My husband and I do this to each other, too; him with fantasy football (who CARES?!) and his job and me with my exercise/ fitness babble and job. It happens. We can't all be attentive all the time.

    Even so, I KNOW he is not listening sometimes but I still get upset if he doesn't remember me telling him something while I was running my mouth... even if it really wasn't that important :ohwell:
  • Elzecat
    Elzecat Posts: 2,916 Member
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    I am always rude to my Husband, if what he wants to say to me is interesting to me I listen, and if its not I wander off or yawn and look at my watch.

    "always rude to my husband" ??? :huh:

    I know this thread is just for fun...but why is basic courtesy during communication so difficult? why is that rude people can get husbands and I can't even get a date (and yes, when I've been in relationships in the past I have made an effort to listen to someone...it's common courtesy. If the guy's that boring that you're wandering off or yawning or looking at your watch, I guess I'm wondering why are you with the person?)

    I guess I better get rid of my normally decent listening skills in order to catch me a man LOL.

    Shaking head...
  • Juliejustsaying
    Juliejustsaying Posts: 2,332 Member
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    It happens...I do it to my children all the time, and I always cop to it and say, "I'm sorry I wasn't listening, tell me again" and then I work hard to hear what they are trying to say. Sometimes, if it has been a really rough day, like today, I'll just tell them, "I'm sorry it was a rough day today and I need to chill, can we talk about it after I've had some downtime?" They understand, and I hope I'm teaching them skills that will serve them when they are in the same position.

    So, I'd advise coming clean...you're asking so you must truly care about your husband's day...you don't want to miss out on really showing you care...and he could be hurt if he figures it out....just saying.
  • MrsPong
    MrsPong Posts: 580 Member
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    After a long day of work I don't wanna do anything but lay down...
    YET... My husband will listen 100% to my "bad" "tough" days so I do the same for him...
    Also he's military and whatever is going on with his job will affect our whole life, So I really need to pay attention! lol

    My hubby will kinda tune out when I'm talking politics... he pretends to listen, but I know he could careless. Oh well... :)
  • Elzecat
    Elzecat Posts: 2,916 Member
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    Gosh, I should point out that every other time I have no trouble having a conversation about his work. I find it very interesting. It was just yesterday, I simply couldn't follow the conversation at all. But, I didn't know what to do. It was a bit surreal to be honest.

    I would've just told him "Honey, you're doing my head in. Can we talk about this another day/in 10 mins/in never?"

    Or if it were my boyfriend and I "Do you need me to pay attention to you or do you just want me to pretend like I'm listening when I'm not?"

    There are plenty of times I've gone up to my boyfriend and just said to him "I don't want any commentary, don't try to fix this. Just act like you're listening and I'll let you know when I'm done." And then I proceed to rant and rave about what's angered me that day and then I'll tap him on the shoulder, give him a kiss, thank him for listening and then move on:)

    Like. :)
  • KittieLea
    KittieLea Posts: 1,156 Member
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    I do the same thing. If it's something I really don't care about, my mind drifts away...
  • BrieLP
    BrieLP Posts: 300 Member
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    You're being very rude to your husband. He's taking the time to confide in his partner about his day. The person that he should be able to confide in.

    Yeah, but who cares about the minutiae? If I started babbling to my husband about a frustration with an animation not coming to life the way I envisioned, or some bit of code that was giving me trouble on a website, his eyes would gloss over and he'd definitely ignore me. And vice versa. I don't give a damn about the trivialities of his job either. Unless you work in the same field, it's pretty boring and/or completely irrelevant.


    This ^^^^ when my husband worked in a field I knew nothing about I just smiled and nodded.... he did the same with me... now we work for the same company doing slightly different things and our conversations are a little different I'm actually listening and commenting and vice versa.

    However per your last comment I assume you were just drunk and that's why you were doing that :bigsmile: :drinker:
  • LiftBigtoGetFit
    LiftBigtoGetFit Posts: 3,399 Member
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    My wife tried to be interested in my work, but I don't want to talk about work when I am at home so I just filled her in with all the boring details and high end programing stuff and she looses interest. I love that she wants to know but I really don't want to think or talk about work when I am not at work. I need to learn to not pay attention when she tells me about her day because I always try to "fix" whatever problem she is having that day and apparently she just wants to vent and not have me "fix" it... Long story short, show him your boobs like the one girl said and he will forget what he was talking about anyway :tongue:
  • Maryaly40
    Maryaly40 Posts: 551 Member
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    Hell, my mind wanders in conversation with most people. I just don't care... That doesn't mean I don't like them, of course.

    In the middle of typing that sentence I went to go read something else...

    I think I love you
  • AmberLee2012
    AmberLee2012 Posts: 540
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    This happens to me every once in awhile. My husband is a machinist and when he starts talking about certain parts he's making or what piece on his machine broke, I don't really understand it and sometimes I end up zoning out a little bit. I love him very much and I always ask him about his day and he always asks about mine. I'm sure he zones a little bit when I'm talking legal mumbo jumbo :)
  • JulieRoselovesFreeze
    JulieRoselovesFreeze Posts: 49
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    I have to lift my shirt every 3 minutes for my husband to pay attention:)

    And I will keep this in mind next time I really need my husband to pay attention....thanks for the tip!

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