Mike’s Daily Rant 10/18/2012 Topic: Yes Ma’am

Today’s Daily Rant comes compliments of my coworker during lunch yesterday. Around Noon I dashed to the fridge to get my lunch. Open the fridge and immediately realize that I forgot my lunch. I go into a depression. Ok well maybe not a depression but a dilemma. Do I dwell on forgetting my lunch or drive to a nearby eatery and grab lunch? After 5 seconds I grab my keys and dash to my car and start driving. I am driving and then I feel a magnetic force in my car pulling me towards the Krispy Kreme and I look and realize that the Hot Now sign is lit up. I hate that magnet in my car that pulls me into Krispy Kreme’s parking lot and even self- parks my car. It’s quite amazing to see it in person but very scary if you are in the car. I fought the magnetic force this time but almost swerved into oncoming traffic. Victory! I see Wendy’s and pull into the drive through. I order a crispy chicken sandwich plain (330 Calories) and a 4 piece chicken nugget (200 calories). I rush back to work and dash back into the building with food in hand. The person at the door to greet me is Kathy.

Kathy is the building snitch. She gets into your business and retells a story about it in her own version. When I was in the process of losing weight, Kathy asked “Mike did you have the surgery?”
I dropped my head and closed my eyes and asked. “You didn’t hear?”
She Replies, “No. What?” I tell her that the Doctor found and flesh eating bacteria that’s eating its way from the inside out.”
I pretend to be torn up about it tell her not to tell anyone because I am not ready to share just yet. She apologizes and hugs me. I laugh as I walk away.
2 days later I assume that she surely has told everyone by now. I am right I am greeted with edible arrangements, real flowers, candy, cards warm hugs and the whole 9. I go and tell the people that I hang with what I have done and we all get a good laugh and enjoy the gifts that have been bestowed upon me.
I digress and must finish telling what bothered me during lunch yesterday so that I can get back to work today. Either way you have background knowledge about Kathy.

I walk into the building and Kathy sees me and follows me to the break-room. She grabs her lunch and watches me like a hawk while I’m reaching in my bag. I feel uncomfortable so I decide to go back to my desk. She finds a reason to come bother me at my desk.
She then says, “Mike I’m concerned about you eating fast food and gaining the weight back.” I sit there stunned for a second. I know that I’m an *kitten* and shouldn’t say what I’m thinking at that moment. I’m thinking, Am I going to gain 200 pounds back for eating fast food every blue moon? I’m also thinking, what Kathy means by concerned really means nosey.
I get those thoughts out my head and I simply reply, “Yes Ma’am.”

She smiles and says that she just had to say that because it was in her spirit.
I’m so perplexed by it but I eat my lunch and try to forget about it. Me being the way that I am, its hard for me to let things go. I decide that to make me feel better I need to find something to laugh about. I run to the restroom closest to her desk and start making a loud gagging noise. I am trying not to laugh out loud. I then start making a loud noise as if I am throwing up. I flush the toilet 3 times and then wash my hands for about 4 minutes. I come out and wipe my mouth with my sleeve and look at her. She looks away in a very uncomfortable way. I say all better and then walk away slowly and smile when she can’t see my face.

I know this was long but most rants are. I am just so curious to hear what she is telling everyone. She needs to learn how to mind her own business and if she minds others business at least be quiet about it. Maybe I can get days off work to go to counseling if she tells the right people.

Special Shout Out to everyone that read my daily rants hate them or love them, have a great day. :flowerforyou: :drinker:


MikeMontana1914