so sad....

I agree-start with making small changes you can live with. It doesn't have to be all or nothing! If you get frustrated after a couple of weeks maybe you aren't eating enough? Find a group that does reasonable calories (for me it's "in place of a road map" Here). Also exercise (walking outside especially) is good for improving your mood and weight lifting really does wonders for confidence. Try one or both!

And finally, you are so young- you really are at a pretty tough age in my opinion. It will pass and there is *so* much life to be enjoyed ahead of you! Do it for the girl you want to be next year. A present to yourself.

Baby steps honey. When everything looks awful and undoable, when your total weight loss seems like a mountain to climb, when life is kicking you in the proverbials - baby steps.

You're here and that's the first one.
Come here every day - step 2
Log everything you eat no matter what - step 3
Start trying to make SOME healthier choices - step 4
Maybe eat some more veggies - etc etc etc
Gor for a walk with the squiddlybobs...
Etc etc

Hard as it is to hear right now you didn't wake you this morning having put on the weight overnight and you're not going to lose it overnight - or in a fortnight. It'll take a little time but hey, that's ok, we're not going anywhere, you're not going anywhere, lets settle down and see what happens.

Take care of yourself, be gentle with yourself and understand deep deep down inside you that you can do this and you deserve to be happy.

Good luck X

I think the problem a lot of people think is that they have to be perfect starting from day one. and after a week or two, perfection becomes overwhelming and they become unable to keep it up. So they throw their hands in the air and say "Screw it all!".

But here is the thing about maintainable weight loss. It is NOT a black and white situation. There is a whole hell of a lot of grey area when it comes to "what can I eat today". That is the beauty of MFP. You have a budget of 1600 calories. Pretend that's cash. You have $1600 in your bank account to spend on what you need today. Are you going to by 16 pairs of $100 shoes (veggies) 8 pairs of $200 shoes (bread) or one pair of $1600 diamond studded, the most beautiful shoes you have ever seen in your life (a whole bag of potato chips)? (I like shoes )

Your first thought may be the whole bag of potato chips. Fine, have that be your decision. But then you realize those shoes only go with one outfit, and you can't wear the same pair of shoes for the rest of your life, and you're hungry! So the next day, you make different food decisions. And then you learn different things you can make, small substitutions you can make in your recipes. And before you know it, you can have a serving of chips, and still not ruin your whole day.

Then the weight starts falling off. You feel better about yourself, your clothes are looser. You have more energy. And then you think, you know what, I'm going for a walk this afternoon! And you do, and walking leads to workout DVDs and weights, and biking, and maybe even running.

Now you are really feeling better about yourself. You start hiking on the weekend, going for family bike rides. You try and do situps during commercials when watching TV. You don't watch as much TV as you used to. Certain foods make sick to your stomach now. You are stronger. You have more self confidence. You stand up straighter.

And TADA! Your whole lifestyle has changed for the better. It all doesn't happen at once. And it isn't perfect. But you need to be able to do this FOR EVER! You are marrying the idea of being fit and healthy. It needs to become part of who you are.

Be strong and good luck. Every single time you take a bite, you have the ability to make a new decision about your health.

Love this!!!! x

So, Im 23 and almost 300lbs... I dont want to hit that... I try everything.. I dont know what is wrong with me or my brain? I can go strong for a week or 2 and then I quit... whats wrong with me?? Im usually very social and outgoing.. and I feel myself becoming very angry at people and sad and crying often.. and now to top it off.. my husband would rather watch porn than be with me... I dont know what to do Im sorry if I sound like a cry baby.. I know most of you will tell me to quit whining and do something... I just feel defeated.

Hi Hannah,

I'm so sorry about how you're feeling. I sympathise. No one decent would tell you to quit whining. Have you considered that you might be having such a difficult time emotionally and with your weight because of what your husband is doing (not the other way around)? That was the case for me. You may be blaming yourself mentally, but in your heart you might know that your weight and sadness come from fear and anger. A lot of physical issues come from deeper emotional issues, such as unexpressed and unrecognized anger. What your husband is doing is wrong, and when you admit how much it hurts, it will actually make you feel better. My journey of emotional healing caused me to start losing weight without even trying, because my core issue was not with nutrition or fitness, it was with my mind, heart and spirit. Whenever we feel angry, there is a legit reason for it. Don't ignore or minimize that anger. Let it help you discover the places where you need healing and love that you aren't currently getting. I'm here for you if you want.

So, Im 23 and almost 300lbs... I dont want to hit that... I try everything.. I dont know what is wrong with me or my brain? I can go strong for a week or 2 and then I quit... whats wrong with me?? Im usually very social and outgoing.. and I feel myself becoming very angry at people and sad and crying often.. and now to top it off.. my husband would rather watch porn than be with me... I dont know what to do Im sorry if I sound like a cry baby.. I know most of you will tell me to quit whining and do something... I just feel defeated.

You're not defeated love, but YOU have to believe in your own worth before anyone else can.

Take care of YOURSELF and forget about those around you. Start with changing the way you think and BELIEVE that you're worth taking care of (physically and emotionally). The rest will put itself together.

Oh darling. I wish I could give you a big hug....... I think you need one!! As others have said, focus on yourself. Your husband's issues are his. You need to get yourself emotionally well so you can be a great role model for your children.

As others have said, log ALL of what goes in your mouth for a week. That will give you a clear idea of where calories are coming from. Then choose one thing you can change, just one to start with. Then get outside and move. Walk, jog, play with your kids, whatever. Just move enough to make yourself puff and sweat. Start with 10 minutes and try and increase it every week.

Baby steps Hun. Do this for yourself.

I think the problem a lot of people think is that they have to be perfect starting from day one. and after a week or two, perfection becomes overwhelming and they become unable to keep it up. So they throw their hands in the air and say "Screw it all!".

But here is the thing about maintainable weight loss. It is NOT a black and white situation. There is a whole hell of a lot of grey area when it comes to "what can I eat today". That is the beauty of MFP. You have a budget of 1600 calories. Pretend that's cash. You have $1600 in your bank account to spend on what you need today. Are you going to by 16 pairs of $100 shoes (veggies) 8 pairs of $200 shoes (bread) or one pair of $1600 diamond studded, the most beautiful shoes you have ever seen in your life (a whole bag of potato chips)? (I like shoes )

Your first thought may be the whole bag of potato chips. Fine, have that be your decision. But then you realize those shoes only go with one outfit, and you can't wear the same pair of shoes for the rest of your life, and you're hungry! So the next day, you make different food decisions. And then you learn different things you can make, small substitutions you can make in your recipes. And before you know it, you can have a serving of chips, and still not ruin your whole day.

Then the weight starts falling off. You feel better about yourself, your clothes are looser. You have more energy. And then you think, you know what, I'm going for a walk this afternoon! And you do, and walking leads to workout DVDs and weights, and biking, and maybe even running.

Now you are really feeling better about yourself. You start hiking on the weekend, going for family bike rides. You try and do situps during commercials when watching TV. You don't watch as much TV as you used to. Certain foods make sick to your stomach now. You are stronger. You have more self confidence. You stand up straighter.

And TADA! Your whole lifestyle has changed for the better. It all doesn't happen at once. And it isn't perfect. But you need to be able to do this FOR EVER! You are marrying the idea of being fit and healthy. It needs to become part of who you are.

Be strong and good luck. Every single time you take a bite, you have the ability to make a new decision about your health.

^^^Ditto to this^^^

I had this same problem (well, with the being able to go a couple of weeks, then giving up). I know I will probably get grief for saying this, but I found that if I gave myself a LITTLE bit of "junk", then it was easier to stick on plan. For me, 100 calorie snack packs became the 1 thing that helped me stay on track, because I could have chocolate cookies, or baked chips, but still not go outside of my calories. I could eat 1, feel like I had something "bad", but see my caloric intake at the end of the day, and know I stayed within my limits.

There is a period of trial and error, you need to find what will work best for you. I sent a friend request, and am happy to be a cheerleader for you, if you like

Don't give up. :flowerforyou: When I started, I didn't care what I ate or how many calories I ate. Once I started logging it all in, sometimes, I'd stop for the day, instead of having a snack before bed time. I'd look at a snack, and think it's not worth it if I need to log it in, so I would't eat it. The weight is slowly coming off. I feel so much better! :drinker: I'm now able to concentrate on WHAT I'm eating, and paying attention to calories. I have more motivation & energy to do things. I don't necessarily exercise often, but I spent last weekend detailing my car, and scrubbing the entire house top to bottom. It felt great! I'm now about halfway to my goal. I'm excited. I hope you'll stick with it. YOU CAN DO IT! :happy:

slowly slowly is how you go about it. I know this is a very hard process to get your brain around and I have to remind myself how far I have come when I don't get the results I want to see from the scales. I use to think ( or kid myself) that if I watched the biggest loser then somehow I too would lose weight as I watched others doing it, I would only ever do a week or 2 and if I hadn't lost at least 14lb by then I would think sod this and go back putting more on becoming bigger. Then I just sat down and thought to myself if I don't stop then one day I won't be able to do anything.
This has been mentioned before but you have done a few steps already. You have decided to lose weight, you have logged on here (which has been my saviour). I have done every diet known to man. Even sniffed diet pens to lose pounds. The only pounds I lost was pound notes.
Remind yourself everyday of the little things in life you need to be grateful for when you start feeling sad and low. Your alive and are able to do whatever you set your mind to. Even if you where to lose 1lb - 2lbs a month it all adds up.
You will get plenty of support on here and if you want to have a shout, cause your hubby is doing your head in, then shout it on here if it makes life easier. Just remember it is only you that can do this and do it for yourself because YOU ARE WORTH IT. XXX

Not trying to hijack - my husband does the porn thing - he has done it for a long time. Hate it - and I know I've overweight - this is a whole other thing.....

BUT - I was having a "blow it moment" - wanted to eat a bunch of doritos - chocolate - etc, BUT - I just read everyone's positive encouragement - and I made it through. Then I put on my tennis shoes - walked around at a brisk pace for one minute - (I should be working, will walk more later) and I feel so much better! Thanks!

This is hard hard stuff - the encouragement is awesome!!

Hi!
You got a lot of good responses!

1st- You are not a cry baby. The fact that you made this post just shows you WANT to lose the weight, you just need some support doing it. Don't we all! That's why we are here.
2nd- I read you profile and those are some great inspirations!!! Let that be your motivation! It's never too late to start trying!

You are young and beautiful and YOU CAN DO THIS! We are here to help! Get on here everyday... log your food and your exercise... get some support!


Baby steps, baby steps, baby steps!
Just take it day by day. That's what works for me. It's really hard for me to stay motivated. I gained a bunch of weight during my pregnancy and it's taken me almost 3 yrs to get it off but that's ok cause I STILL DID IT! I Only have a few more lbs to go to reach my goal and it's TOUGH and I've slacked off here and there but I'm determined to do it!

Sent you a FR!

Nothing specific to add... just wanted to say great job to everyone for the amazing responses. Many of us have felt like the OP and the love shown in this thread is part of the reason why MFP is a wonderful place.

Heather, take this stuff to heart, you are in control and you can make the changes you need to. Don't give up!

So, Im 23 and almost 300lbs... I dont want to hit that... I try everything.. I dont know what is wrong with me or my brain? I can go strong for a week or 2 and then I quit... whats wrong with me?? Im usually very social and outgoing.. and I feel myself becoming very angry at people and sad and crying often.. and now to top it off.. my husband would rather watch porn than be with me... I dont know what to do Im sorry if I sound like a cry baby.. I know most of you will tell me to quit whining and do something... I just feel defeated.

Don't give up! I almost gave up after 15 years of trying. I finally achieved my goal and I'm glad I didn't give up. Anyone can do it if they just set their mind to it. All it takes is a calorie deficit to lose weight and exercise to shape your lean body mass and yes you can exercise when you are obese, you can even lift weights, do a simply dumbbell routine but push yourself hard enough so that you need rest in between sets. IT IS HARD, but it can be done. Nothing about this journey is easy and sometimes it is not fun. Just plug along the best you can. We are all merely human.

I achieved my goal age 50 and I've been maintaining now for over a year and I'm almost 52. It is hard when you get older because society tells you just give up, this is what happens when we get older. But really the 10 lbs per decade is just from eating slightly too much and letting it build up.

For what it's worth here is what I learned in the last 3 years (and 15 years prior of mistakes);

Diets that label some foods as good and some as bad set you up for having weird issues with food and cause the yo-yo dieting effect. I have tried all of these in the last 20 years and always gained back the weight: Low fat high carb, Slim-Fast, Weight Watchers, Atkins, Organic, Weston Price Diet, The Schwarzbein Principle, Eat Fat Lose Fat, The Ultimate PH Solution, The Makers Diet, A friends diet from a personal trainer/dietician

I finally just got sick of it all and made up my own diet with healthy foods I enjoy and smaller portions. We all know how to eat healthy. Just eat what you like, mostly healthy, strive constantly for healthier one step at a time, and eat within your calorie budget to lose weight or maintain.

Your body loses weight in chunks, not linear. I have found that you can do everything right and your weight loss seems to plateau but if you are patient and keep exercising and eating at a deficit (however slight) you will lose it, it will suddenly "whoosh". There are so many variables for the scale; water retention, digestion, hormones, allergies, sodium, carbs, water intake, DOMS, inflammation, the list goes on. People mistakenly think they lose or gain weight when they eat more or less because of these fluctuations.

Losing weight requires tremendous patience. You will not lose it when you want it or where you want it. The body does its thing. Some apparent plateaus can last a month or so. You cannot make it happen faster. You must focus on two things; calories and exercise. Nothing else matters. Scales and metrics don't matter. The day in and day out grind of exercise and calories are all that matters. It is not very exciting until things fall into place. You get your victories and you ride one victory to the next.

The scale is a trend tool. The scale is good but put it away and only check once a week and only use it as a trend tool. It will fluctuate, it does not matter. Take front side and back progress pictures at least once a month. You will see differences that the metrics won't tell you and it's that little bit of NSV that will keep you going until the next victory.

You will see a lot of debate on here about 1200 calories. What you need to eat for a deficit is relative to your RMR. If you are short you really don't have much room for up compared to the 1200. If you are taller you will have a higher RMR and can go up or down and still be in a deficit (way above 1200) so you can lose no matter what. All that matters is a calorie deficit. 1200 is really a silly number to get stuck on because it does not matter.

To say eat more is wrong.

To say eat less is wrong.

To find the exact calories needed for YOU to be in a healthy sustainable calorie deficit is the right answer. Wait, if you need to adjust by 100 do it, wait, adjust, wait, adjust, wait. The tortoise wins this race.

All that matters is calories. A healthy balanced diet within a calorie budget for a deficit that is right for YOU is all that matters for weight loss. Don't make it complicated.

Some people can eat at a big calorie deficit and some people can't. Everyone is different. Even a small calorie deficit puts your body in a state of flux with hormones as such, add a new workout routine, and those will make more spikes. This is a huge waiting game and requires much patience. Add in emotional eating issues and then you have more complications. You don't have to worry about starvation mode when you have excess fat. Only lean people have to worry about starvation mode. This does not mean you are capable of a deep calorie deficit, it just means that people who are able to don't have to worry about the starvation mode myth (unless they are already lean).

Also people play mental accounting games with calories just like with finances. Make steps to make sure you are making accurate measurements. Packaged foods can have MORE than they say but not less (they get in trouble if less so they would rather error with MORE).

If you typically intake sodium at a certain rate your body adjusts, but if you make a sudden change then you will see a spike.

Exercise is for making your lean body mass pretty (especially lifting weights) for when the fat is gone. Losing fat with no muscle is ugly and cardio alone will not make you pretty. You cannot out exercise too many calories.

Lifting weights is KEY. I recently had my DXA scan done and at 51.5 years of age I have the bone density of a super athletic 30 year old. That is a direct result of lifting for over 30 years. Now if that is not scientific proof that lifting weights keeps you younger I don't know what is! Also I believe it is why most people think I look much younger than I really am.

Girls, start lifting now, lift heavy and change it up often, find a lot of weight routines with free weights, make it fun, embrace it, make it part of your life. Only 3 days a week is all it would take. Crank up your tunes and learn to love it, because your body will love it and it will make your quality of life better in many ways, especially when you get older like me.

Because of this I don't have to worry about osteoporosis. If you wait until you are older and your bones start to deteriorate it's a bit too late, you can't get back what you lost, you can only start a resistance routine that will prevent further damage.

If you are a girl you don't have the hormones to get big naturally. I lift heavy and I'm still really tiny. My lean body mass is only 104 lbs and that is fairly heavy for a 5'1" female, and quite a bit of this is due to my having very dense bones from 30 years of lifting, not all muscle, and I'm still quite tiny.

My muscles really are not that big, but they show a lot of definition because I'm quite lean. If I gained some fat then I would have a softer more toned look (which is OKAY too!). Then if I gained more fat I would look bulking and hefty like I did most of my life until last year. YOU CAN HAVE WHATEVER YOU WANT. Lean and ripped, soft and toned, or hefty, it all depends on how much fat you leave on your body. Calories are the only thing that changes fat. Exercise is for changing or maintaining your lean body mass only. Lifting weights will give you the best bang for your buck for shaping your body. I finally changed my shape by putting lifting first and cardio 2nd. You cannot out exercise too many calories.

You mentioned that you can go strong for 2 weeks.....

Just some thoughts....
Are you trying to change too many things at one time so it's overwhelming?
Are you cutting calories too drastically and are hungry all the time?