How to handle it all :(

Are you a SAHM, or do you work outside of the home? If a SAHM, maybe look into a mommy's morning out program to send the kiddo's to a couple of times a week. That would get you some free time. If you work outside the home, any chance you could use your lunch breaks to workout, then eat your lunch at your desk? Also, maybe if you sat down with your husband and worked out a scheduled, so he would know exactly what nights you need him to be on point so you can do your workouts.

The difficulty does not lie in your husband fending for himself. The difficulty is in you feeling comfortable stating what you need and requesting his support.. Are you so afraid of his 'no' that you don't want to bring up the topic with him? Or are you afraid that he will say yes, and you will then have to follow through? The longer you wait , the more you delay your making any changes.

My situation is similar, however I work 3 12hr days a week so fortunately I am able to complete my workouts on my days off. My suggestion would be to do crockpot meals 3-4 times per week on the nights u plan to workout. Come home and hand the kids off to your hubby to do a 30 minute workout, then do dinner.

Does he have something he likes to do for fun each night/day? For example my hubby likes to play XBox, so if he wants to play Xbox then he needs to help me so I can do what I like (workout) this way you each get your own thing you like to do and the kiddos are still taken care of, good luck!

Find a gym that has a daycare, I know mine does, drop the kids off and enjoy yourself for just 30 minutes, I would like to think they can do with out you for 30 minutes. As far as the hubby, it sounds like he is not very supportive and I would imagine it's not just in you trying to obtain your weight loss goals. There should be some give and take, you shouldn't have to take care of the kids and him, he's a grown man. My husband hates cooking, so I do that part, but he more than makes up for it in other ways like taking care of other things around the house. You are just going to have to get him to meet you half way some where. As far as the food, you can do mexican a new way, I love ethnic cuisine and with a little creativity you can easily make stuff that will support your goals and keep him happy.

Are you a SAHM, or do you work outside of the home? If a SAHM, maybe look into a mommy's morning out program to send the kiddo's to a couple of times a week. That would get you some free time. If you work outside the home, any chance you could use your lunch breaks to workout, then eat your lunch at your desk? Also, maybe if you sat down with your husband and worked out a scheduled, so he would know exactly what nights you need him to be on point so you can do your workouts.

I work outside the home my commute is 45 minutes each way and i have to drop off my kids and pick them up. I don't get home till around 5:30pm. I go for walks on my breaks but the whole food thing is also an issue because im so limited on time and my husband hates anything healthy i just eat whatever i make him. usually mexican food which we all know is extremly fattening. I've tried the schedule thing and he will agree but after a few days he starts to complain about me neglecting him and our boys for my own selfish reasons

I say admit your being selfish. I mean, come on, you do want to live longer to see your kids prosper after all!

If he wants to say your doing it for selfish reasons, then he doesn't understand IMO. Explain to him the REASONS why you want to be healthy. Tell him you want to live longer so you can be there longer for your kids. Explain that heating unhealthy foods will get a shorter life, and if he wants to keep eating unhealthy foods, he can make them himself. He's an adult, if he doesn't know how to make his own food, then he can either learn or let you cook healthy foods and deal with it. At the same time, make him cook dinner while you work out. That way dinner gets done and you can get your exercising in. ~ Just suggestions of course

It does seem hard at times, but take it one day at a time, one challenge at a time.

I actually make mexican a lot and it doesn't have to be so fattening...So much is about portion control. I swap out sourcream for some greek yogurt, and sometimes I will mix in some taco seasoning (use that as a dressing along with salsa), add some avocado for the healthy fats and it's so good. I weigh everything that goes on my plate. I will let others do the burritos's or tacos then make myself a salad. If you have to have some crunch, crumble up a couple of chips on top. Cook for you. If he doesn't like it then tell him to figure something out for himself. But healthy food doesn't have to be tasteless bland or boring.

You also said he complains about you being selfish? Maybe ask him why your need to be healthy for you, the kids and him is selfish. If he has to articulate it and explain his reasoning he'll see how absurd he is. Ask him why he isn't selfish not not wanting to help get the kids ready or expecting to get waited on hand and foot. I've found that people in my life have treated me as a housekeeper because I was ok with it until I wasn't...Try to help him find a different perspective on your roles in the household.

For this to work you have to find your voice with him and your family. You can do this.

Unfortunately you have to TELL them (in a nice way of course) what you're going to do. I will say for instance "Honey, I'm going to start dinner. Can you empty the dishwasher?" Or, "I'm going to put the baby down the bed, then work out, will you be ok w/ the other kids?" If you don't say what you want, they aren't going to know. The first year of having our 1st child together child (my 2nd) was hell. I was ready to KILL him, because he just sat back and let me do it all. I realized, after blowing up of course, that all I had to do was ask or tell him what was needed. If you're doing it all, they're going to assume you CAN and WANT to do it all. Not saying they're dense but...well they can be. Good luck, hon!

I say do a couple of things.

A gym with a daycare if you can afford it.

Cook things you like the healthy way, or portion control.

But more than anything, maritial counseling. If the communication is bad that it's hard to ask for 30 minutes or you do the schedule thing but it only works for a few days, then you need to see a counselor to better be able to communicate in your marriage.

Also, the gym with a daycare works great if you can get him to work out with you. An ex of mine and I used to spend an hour on the treadmill talking, it was great excercise and quality time to boot.

I hear ya. I have a two year old and a dog so when I first started I had to make my hubby pick up the slack so I could get my workout in. Now he works night 7 on an 7 off so on his weeks he works nights my workout sometimes dont get done till 8 or later and I'm usually in bed by 9 and back up at 4:30. Sometimes I can manage to get a workout in the morning but not always. You just have to see what works for you. Try telling your hubby if he gives you and hour or so to your self to work out then you will return the favor so he can do something he wants. Good luck!!

I think it's time to sit down and have a "coming to jesus" talk.

Try and find a way to communicate that your needs are changing in a way he won't be defensive.
Here are some wordings that might help
"I need help from you" guys like to be spoiled, but they also like to feel wanted and needed.
As apposed to
"You need to step up, I've spoiled you/you're lazy"

"I love you, I love our kids. We need to eat better for the sake of our health. We don't need to eat like saints, but some things need to change" "not every food, and not every day, but we do need to improve our habits"
As apposed to
"You want to eat like a slob and I'm fed up with it"

"How can we solve this"
"what things do you think We can do so We, as a household can work better." Take a team approach to this.
"what is important to YOU. and where can we compromise" make him feel that his opinion is also important.

As apposed to
laying down the law and giving him "chores" and when he has to "babysit" don't ever use the word babysit or allow him to use the word babysit.

A small list, no more than 5.
These are things that I need.
"I need more than 1/2 an hour by myself, especially to shower alone."
If possible; "I think sharing shuttling the kids around can help aleviate a lot of the stress I feel."
"perhaps hiring a babysitter once a week, we can spend some alone time together"

Start with just a few topics. I suggest dinner, compromise with alone time, and how to find solutions.

Here is a trick to getting him to do more of his fair share.
Thank him for what he is compromising on and have the best sex you can.
Next time you two talk, he'll probably compromise more.

If all else fails, cry.
The next day, have a casserole in the oven, with the timer.
Table set. "Honey, the casserole is in the over with the timer goes off. Table is set, I have to run out, I'll be back later. Mkes sure X child does _____, indicating you'll be awhile. be it homework, take a break, whatever.
Bribe the kids to behave. (I normally don't believe in bribery) and just go. seriously.

Also, start stream lining some meals here and there. on a weekend, make some meals you like that can be prepared ahead of time, and some meals he likes that you can prep ahead of time. cut out any meal that takes over 45 minutes to prep.

too much change at one time can be difficult.

Mexican food can be healthy.
I make enchiladas that come in at less than 400 cals and I skip on the rice and corn.
ground chicken or small diced chicken breast sauteed in taco sauce make much healthier tacos than 80/20 ground beef.
a black bean taco salad is healthy.
A bean burrito is healthy.

You'll need to have this talk at least 3 times. try and arrange to have great sex after if he is cooperative. Guys respond to sex.

Just tell him you have to do this for yourself and go. He's a big boy, he can survive. If a person is THAT dependent on you and they're not your kid, there's something wrong. It just takes 30-60 minutes a day.

The difficulty does not lie in your husband fending for himself. The difficulty is in you feeling comfortable stating what you need and requesting his support.. Are you so afraid of his 'no' that you don't want to bring up the topic with him? Or are you afraid that he will say yes, and you will then have to follow through? The longer you wait , the more you delay your making any changes.

It is my fault for allowing him to become so dependant but now its a fight just to let me shower alone because he's so use to me taking the kids a shower at the same time.....I get about 30 minutes of alone time a day and thats when i have lunch at work......I do believe he needs to be trained I just do not have the energy to work with the situation....

You can't shower by yourself? My love, that is insane. How long can you possibly keep up this pace before you crack? Our minds and bodies are only so resilient. And I'm talking to myself here too -- I can never seem to 'find time' to work out - always caring for others. But whose going to take care of US? Think airplane safety: put on your own mask before helping anyone else. If we're not in good shape - we're not able to care for our families.

I've seen cheap treadmills and gym equipment at garage sales and craigslist or video workouts -- maybe not having to leave the house could work?

My thoughts and prayers are with you. XOXO

Unfortunately you have to TELL them (in a nice way of course) what you're going to do. I will say for instance "Honey, I'm going to start dinner. Can you empty the dishwasher?" Or, "I'm going to put the baby down the bed, then work out, will you be ok w/ the other kids?" If you don't say what you want, they aren't going to know. The first year of having our 1st child together child (my 2nd) was hell. I was ready to KILL him, because he just sat back and let me do it all. I realized, after blowing up of course, that all I had to do was ask or tell him what was needed. If you're doing it all, they're going to assume you CAN and WANT to do it all. Not saying they're dense but...well they can be. Good luck, hon!

This^^^

Husbands have to be trained. Just like you weren't born knowing how to do everything, neither are our spouses. If he aboslutely cannot be taught to fend for himself, then simplify as much as possible. Streamline meals, etc.

:noway:

Men are not dogs to be trained. I think I'm offended on behalf of every man I know. When will women/society stop thinking this way?

Just tell him you have to do this for yourself and go. He's a big boy, he can survive. If a person is THAT dependent on you and they're not your kid, there's something wrong. It just takes 30-60 minutes a day.

The difficulty does not lie in your husband fending for himself. The difficulty is in you feeling comfortable stating what you need and requesting his support.. Are you so afraid of his 'no' that you don't want to bring up the topic with him? Or are you afraid that he will say yes, and you will then have to follow through? The longer you wait , the more you delay your making any changes.

It is my fault for allowing him to become so dependant but now its a fight just to let me shower alone because he's so use to me taking the kids a shower at the same time.....I get about 30 minutes of alone time a day and thats when i have lunch at work......I do believe he needs to be trained I just do not have the energy to work with the situation....

I havent' read the entire thread- and I'm not going to tell you how to live your life... but if ytou've got 30 mins to yourself at lunch- I don't care where you work, put some trainers on and do a 2 mile power walk. You can eat your lunch whilst you walk or at your desk (depending on your job). 10 miles walking a week (plus play out with your kids at the weeken) will get you in the right frame of mind and will burn some calories!