Reaching out!! I need some advice men and women!
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This is the best choice for the future father of your precious children, when even your dog is not safe? Was this normal in your -childhood home? It's your decision.0
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get out as soon as you can, live is too short to be with a guy like that!0
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you owe it to yourself to get out of this toxic relationship. Be single. Get to know yourself alone. Don't allow yourself to think your self-worth lies in being in a realtionship.
^This. You deserve it and you are worth it.
Yes! And as others said, don't put a time on falling in love, having kids, etc. My husband and I just had our first son 4 months ago-I'm 28. There were times I wanted to start our family before now, but I didn't rush it. It says on your profile that you're 24...you still have PLENTY of time to find someone who will treat you with respect and to start a family. Heck...a lot of people now are wating until their 30's and 40's to get married and have kids because they want a career first. Don't compare yourself to others, just focus on your own life.
(now I'm going to try and be funny to cheer you up)...dump him, have a one night stand and get pregnant. Your child will provide you with unconditional love-until he/she is a teenager and starts talking back (puberty is a *****).:happy:0 -
Thank you. He doesn't talk to his son like that and doesn't really talk down to me in front of him. But I do feel that if it was our child he would.
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Well I think you just answered my question...would you want to bring a child into that environment...0 -
Hi my name is Amanda, I really don't know how to start this but here it goes When I was 15 I started in my first serious relationship which was great the first 3 yrs but then he started taking pills which made him start losing his jobs and changing who he was. After a while I told him things had to change or he had to get help or I was leaving. So he joined the marines! Wow pill popper turned marine right. So he deployed to Japan for two yrs. When he came home we were so happy. We were planning our wedding and talking about having kids! (Which is a huge thing for me I have wanted a baby forever) Well then he started a part time job and meet someone! :explode: So I kicked his @s# out.:brokenheart: I was done!!! Well I moved on I started talking to a high school friend who was in the marines also and after 6 months of dating I moved to Hawaii and we have been together 3 yrs and he is out of the service and we are back home. He has an 8 yr son that I love very much. I just bought a house 5 months ago. He has had trouble the past year finding a job. He finally got a good job a couple weeks ago. But his anger is out of control ever since he came out of the service. He calls me horrible names threatens my dog screams so loud I want to cry he gets anger over the little tinniest things FYI the new job is afternoons and I work days I haven't been awake when he has gone home until last night. He tells me I am a *kitten* and to go back to my ex and talks trash about my past he makes me feel worthless. I don't bring up my exs to him ever. He blew up on me over watching a movie with my girlfriend that he wanted to see last night. Then started calling names threaten to snap my dogs’ neck. Tells me he is leaving and taking his dog and I will never see his son again. So the point of my post I feel like I am not meant to be loved or respected. My two serious realationships were a mess. He never says sorry after he freaks out ever. Also that I am scared if I leave him now I will just never have kids or get married. I feel like a
failure. my two sisters and brother have been in there relationships for between 6-11 yrs I feel like a loser that can't keep a man. wth is wrong with me? I am the only one of my girlfriends that doesn't have kids. Am I just having a pity party? Do I need to leave my boyfriend? I just don't know what to do anymore!! Help!! :sad: Thank you!
What's wrong with you? Hmmm I am still stumped that you would want to have kids with this dude.
He needs help. Get him help our get out with your dog.0 -
Yes, leave him. And don't date any more Marines! (just kidding about the marines).0
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You're 24, women are having kids well into their 30s and 40s. Move on. You do NOT want to have children with a man like this.
ETA: If you do wind up having kids with this man, remember, at some point, you won't be able to handle this behaviour anymore, and you WILL have to share custody with him, meaning, you won't always have your children with you. You will miss some birthdays, holidays, events, with them when they are "away with Dad"
something to think about.0 -
First of all, you are meant to be loved and respected. Don't compare yourself to others and their relationships. There is no time line.
And most of all, get out now!! This guy is an *kitten*. He is being emotionally abusive and has anger issues. Do not stay with him because you think no one else will want you (Did he tell you that? If so, he is manipulating you and he is wrong.) I was in a similar situation. I stayed in an abusive relationship because I thought I no one else would want me. That's what he had me thinking anyway. Well, he was dead wrong. I understand it is hard to leave after all the time you have put into the realtionship (I was with that guy for nine years), but you owe it to yourself to get out of this toxic relationship. Be single. Get to know yourself alone. Don't allow yourself to think your self-worth lies in being in a realtionship.
1. this is the right advice.
2. you're only 24 not 54, you & your body have plenty of time to not only have kids but also build a life.
3. everyone deserves to be loved and just b/c you've had 2 relationships that didnt work out (one as a minor isnt necessarily in the same class though as considered serious) doesnt mean your life is over.
4. i've got a sibling who's husband is in the military going thru issues dont let the honeymoon phase dictate the entirety of your life or relationships. they say the first 5yrs is the hardest b/c its so blissful, so fast. if you struggle in that period then you should probably end it.
5. sorry, that you're goin' through this ms. i wish you strength.0 -
I've been there. You need to leave. They don't change. When you leave, he will tell you he'll change, he'll be a better man, go to counselling etc. But trust me, they don't change. He has issues that he needs to work out on his own. You can't help him, or you will end up in a box. (I'm sorry to be blunt, but this is where it heads..)
No matter who you are or what you have done, you deserve better than how he treats you. You deserve a man who respects you, is concerned for your emotional and physical well-being, and a man that is capable of being a good father and role model to the child that you want. You'll find him, but this guy isn't it.
I know you want kids now, but do you really want to have kids with him? You can do so much better. Even if you met the man of your dreams at 40, you can still adopt. It's better than a life with this guy. Set up an appointment with a lawyer to know your rights, and then leave. But remember. He'll tell you that he'll change - but in all probability he won't and will hurt you.
Take care and best of luck. Stay safe.0 -
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Well I think you just answered my question...would you want to bring a child into that environment...
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Your right I did. He needs to leave it's scary thinking about getting him out tho. Agh!0 -
I agree with most of the comments.
Iven if he DOES have PTSD, that is still not an excuse.
Tens of thousands of Soldiers live with PTSD every day.
You are making excuses for not leaving.
The house? Yeah, it should really be valuable when it has YOUR blood stains in the carpet.
You said he was a Marine? It is time he started acting like a Marine and not some street thug.
There is no shame in going to the VA to get some help to control anger. many of us have had to do it.
Get him to the VA and if he is too much of a wuss to admit he has a problem, pack his bags for him and tell him good luck.
Agreed... Pack his bags... And tell him his behavior is not acceptable. Look for new roomate to help with house expenses.. Maybe one who has a black belt would be wise. Please get pepper spray, and keep it close but hidden until then. And Don't let me hear about you on the news. Take the right steps for a happier future. And don't think your helpless to take those steps. Don't procrastinate (sp) Just do it. Like Nike.0 -
Agreed... Pack his bags... And tell him his behavior is not acceptable. Look for new roomate to help with house expenses.. Maybe one who has a black belt would be wise. Please get pepper spray, and keep it close but hidden until then. And Don't let me hear about you on the news. Take the right steps for a happier future. And don't think your helpless to take those steps. Don't procrastinate (sp) Just do it. Like Nike.
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The house expenses are a big thing I am worried about and I have no one to be a roommate. Everything is in my name to so it all falls on my shoulders. :frown:0 -
He sounds out of freaking control. You need to be centered, smart and very careful on this.
You got to know your self-worth is more than this. You nor anyone else don't deserve to be treated this way. If and when you get out of this relationship you need to take some time and fine yourself. Learn who you are and focus on loving yourself.0 -
Thank you everyone for your support! :smooched:0
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NEVER!!! Think of yourself as not deserving love or happiness. There is nothing wrong with you what others choose to do or the actions they take are completely on them not you. This guy sounds like he has issues and it's not right to take them out on you. This doesn't sound like a healthy situation to stay in, a house is just a a building your health and happiness comes first. Your still so very young that anything could happen.
Who knows MR RIGHT could be around the corner and you may miss him because you stayed in something out of fear. Maybe you can work a way out to still see his son if you want but I think the best thing is for you to do what's right by you. Move on and find your own path without him.
No one can predict the future but to not move on out of fear is not going to make you happy. Move on and find happiness. I am sure love will come again but don't let your belief in it be ruined due 2 what 2 jerks did. There just small fish in a very very large pond.
I wish you all the best.0 -
It's so odd to me when people think just because they're in a relationship that they deserve the emotional or physical abuse they endure during it. You deserve someone who won't call you a *kitten* or threaten to murder dog when he's angry. If you had children and he was angry, would he threaten the child? I mean, of course you'd hope not, being that he has his own son, but what I'm saying is you shouldn't stay in a relationship where you have to walk on egg shells all the time to avoid abuse. It will be difficult to have one or the other move out, but you know in the end, you don't deserve abuse. It sounds like your boyfriend needs time to figure out his life -- and hopefully he can do that after you've broken it off. He won't change unless he sees a reason to, and by you staying with him during his angry fits, you're only reinforcing his abusive behavior.
You are a strong woman, I'm sure. Show it to him and do what's best for all of you and break it off before someone (or the dog) gets hurt.0 -
Get. The. Hell. Out. Now.
While you still can.0 -
First of all, you are meant to be loved and respected.
And most of all, get out now!! This guy is an *kitten*. He is being emotionally abusive and has anger issues. Do not stay with him because you think no one else will want you (Did he tell you that? If so, he is manipulating you and he is wrong.) I was in a similar situation. I stayed in an abusive relationship for 19 years because I thought I no one else would want me. That's what he had me thinking anyway. Well, he was dead wrong. I understand it is hard to leave after all the time you have put into the relationship, but you owe it to yourself to get out of this toxic relationship. Be single. Get to know yourself alone. Don't allow yourself to think your self-worth lies in being in a relationship.
I have been single now for 7 years and they have been the best years. It took time for me to get use to it (being single) but now l love ever minute of it. I am a better person and a strong one now and no one can manipulate me again.
I think you need to get out and find out who you are first then think about finding someone to have the long term relationship with.0 -
Married or not, pack your bags secretly and get out of there as fast as possible and don't look back. No announcements, no fights. Just drop a quick note on the table when he's not home and leave, calmly stating the reasons why it's over. Then go get a restraining order. Then go sign up for counseling because your low self-esteem and challenged upbringing causes you to choose men who abuse you. That can be fixed, but you need some serious time by yourself to redefine who you are. And even if you don't love yourself enough yet to choose people who treat you well, love your theoretical future children enough to not bring kids into a messed up environment. There are a million people with bad childhoods that negatively impact who they are and their success and happiness in life--don't add to that pile. It's totally on you. If you want to be a responsible parent, figure out who you are first and get strong, and then be more selective when choosing a mate. Accept nothing less than a responsible, loving mate without substance abuse and anger management issues. Also, don't live with anybody until you've known them for a long time. Playing house with the wrong mate is a bad scene, as you know. And what kind of man lets his woman bear all of the risk on paper? Not cool. Build a real one on a solid foundation of love and trust that comes with time. Part-time affection, with or without violence in word or action, is not a relationship--it's a codependency, and you and your children will pay for it dearly. Break from the past and make the right choice. Total health goes way further than looking good to keep a man. And, if you truly care about his child, adopt it legally and still leave. Otherwise, go now.0
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Well I think you just answered my question...would you want to bring a child into that environment...
Your right I did. He needs to leave it's scary thinking about getting him out tho. Agh!
That's where a restraining order and having the police on hand when it is the day you kick him out comes into play.
I totally agree with it being scary though. I was in a horrible marriage years ago and stayed for longer than I should have believing that things would change. Leaving was the best decision that I've ever made. I truly believe that I wouldn't be alive today had I stayed in the relationship. So like someone else said, Run!0 -
First of all, you are meant to be loved and respected. Don't compare yourself to others and their relationships. There is no time line.
That. My sister was in a terrible relationship. For 15 years. She finally got the nerve to divorce him at age 33. At 37, she found and married an awesome guy that adores her and treats her like a queen.
Also, you're 24. Have some damn fun for cripes sake. You don't NEED to be in a relationship. Enjoy life and take your time about finding the RIGHT guy, not the first one that comes along.0 -
I think if you reread what you wrote, you will have the answer already.
I think some ppl just post on here for attention. I've noticed some advice on this post, and you respond "but we live together, and " blah blah blah............excuse my blah's...................but you already mentioned you live together in the post. You wrote what you felt...........ppl are responding. I think you know the answer already. You are having a pity party over the kids and grandkids part. You don't look like your anywhere near menopause so this shouldn't be a problem unless your abstaining.
The best to you, and no you don't deserve to be called those names and threatened bout the dog............and so.......0 -
first off you dont need a man like this i put up with it, my ex was like this today he even dropped my daughter of and kicked me so hard I have already bruised and I am struggling to walk. I love my little girl immensly but everytime his behaviour worsen and he does something like this I regret so badly he is my daughters Dad. Get rid before its to late. Men like this dont change.
Secondly learn to love yourself. You dont need a man in your life, work on you. you will get there and when your not looking Mr right will be there! feel free to add me hun x0 -
I'm not sure how old you are, bu here goes from a twice married 45 year old woman with two children. EVERYONE deserves love AND respect. Period..
So oth relationships were a mess. Okay. Both men did terrible things to you. Okay. I think it's time to break up with this man before he acts on his anger (the threats become real). Go back to the city where you felt loved and respected and DO NOT enter into a relationship. Give yourself some time to analyze why you end up with people who treat you this way. I wouldn't rule out getting a therapist to help you with this, because this can be very confusing. Once you have it figured out, go enjoy life. Do what you do best. Please do not get hung up on finding someone to have children with, because that will take away this incredible time for personal growth. There will be a man out there, with children or no children, who will really admire this woman he sees living her life and showing what a fantastic person she is. He won't show up right away. In fact, it may take a while. Invest in you---heavily. You can't go wrong.
Now, how do I know this? Been there done that! That's how I wound up married a second time and had two GREAT children with this man. We're still married, and I've never felt more "solid" in a relationsihp. I wish you the same.0 -
No paragraphs = Headache :frown:
What everyone else said.0 -
My opinon? Leave. The right guy for you, WILL NOT make ya cry, or put you down, or yell at you for no apparent reason. Trust me I have been there. You said your worried about never getting married or having kids, but would you really want to married to someone that treats you that way--- or worse, put a kid in that picture? I found loser after loser, and I think I can back that up with a few stalkers and 3 restraining orders...........and finally I quit looking and just focused on myself. When I least expected it- I found the man who is now my husband. We were together almost 4 years before we got married, and in a week- we'll be married for a year. He doesn't make me feel like ****.... in fact, when I'm having a bad day or time, he helps me through it and is there for me to vent to and in the end he makes it better. For once in my life I'm in a HEALTHY relationship. Don't give up, it'll find you.0
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I am honestly not just looking for attention I really needed some advice and support. I'm in a really bad situation. I am kicking him out the house is my name but by law he has 30 days since this his residents unfortunately. He is staying in the basement and will hopefully leave sooner.I think if you reread what you wrote, you will have the answer already.
I think some ppl just post on here for attention. I've noticed some advice on this post, and you respond "but we live together, and " blah blah blah............excuse my blah's...................but you already mentioned you live together in the post. You wrote what you felt...........ppl are responding. I think you know the answer already. You are having a pity party over the kids and grandkids part. You don't look like your anywhere near menopause so this shouldn't be a problem unless your abstaining.
The best to you, and no you don't deserve to be called those names and threatened bout the dog............and so.......0 -
It sounds like PTSD. He has been through so much stress that he is probably overloaded. Maybe now is not the time to be living together, but encouraging him to seek help and supporting him in doing so. See if you can seek out other girlfriends and wives who are going through the same thing, so you have support, too.
But, right now, this man is NOT safe. Only when he is safe should you allow yourself to be around him.
One poster (actually the one following me) makes an excellent point. It may be that he has a history of being this way and that it isn't PTSD.
This is only an opinion. I am no expert.0 -
1 yr before we started dating he got a divorce ( not the mother of his son) they divored because he said that all they did was fight and she was abusive. He went to counseling to try and fix his marriage and he said it did nothing for him and he won't go back. I am just really wore out I have been taking hits like this for the past year and it just keeps getting worse.
Big, Big, BIG red flag here. If he's had at least two prior, *serious* relationships that have failed, and he admits that there was abuse in the most recent relationship (even if he won't own his part of it), get out now. He may have been a charmer and a sweetheart before you moved in together, but that's very much the pattern: Get 'em hooked, THEN show your true colors.
Be strong. Get out.0 -
First...You NEED to leave him. There is no turning that situation around.
And secondly, you are only 24 and haven't had that many relationships to lose all hope. 24 is still incredibly young to be worried about not finding a guy. My bf is 30 and he and a lot of his friends have yet to settle down. My brothers are 24 and 28 and still not worried about it. You've had a few really crappy guys, but it'll get better.0
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