Mom, I'm fat

My daughter is also 7 years old and over weight. As a mother I couldn't figure out what I was doing wrong. Because of my own weight struggles I always made sure that my children ate healthier smaller portions, hoping that would help keep them from becoming over weight. I continued to beat myself up over my childrens weight problems because no matter what I did seemed to help, but I didn't want to make it obvious and cause emotional and mental problems like my parents did to me. Recently I found out my children are not only eating breakfast at home but going to school eating breakfast again, then also getting extra at lunch time, then eating a snack before even getting home from school. My children have to eat breakfast at home because my son needs to take medicine with food before he goes to school. So I had to call the school and have their meal cards pulled. I now pack their lunches and they can only eat breakfast at home. Slowly I can see changes in my childrens weigh but again I am not pointing any of this out to them because I don't want them ever to feel like they are "fat" or ugly.
The other day my daughter came up to me and said, "Mom, why did you put me on a diet? Do you think I am fat?" I was speechless. I guess since she has seen me go from a size 22 to a 10 she must have assumed I was putting her on a diet as well. Before I answered her I thought about it and just told her, " Mommy didn't put you on a diet. Has Mommy ever told you that you were fat?" She replied, "No, you just tell me that I am beautiful, but do you want me to be skinny?" I told her, " Do you think Mommy is skinny?" She said, "No I don't think your skinny." Last I told her. "I don't want to be skinny either. I just want us both to be healthy. Eating to much food a day isn't healthy. You and your brother weren't listening to me when I told you not to eat breakfast at school. So to make sure you're not eating two breakfasts and getting extra at lunch I had to pull your lunch card at school. You aren't fat, your beautiful and by not eating constinatly at school your going to be healthy now too."
She seemed to be okay with that answer and hasn't said anything about being fat since. I'll never know if I said the right thing or if it may have some long term effect on her. All I can do is keep telling her how beautiful she is and stay on my weight loss journey so that she has me to look up to as a role model.

My daughter was 7 in 1992, and she came home telling me she was "fat." No, she was not "fat," in fact, she was a little underweight.
I talked to her, hoping to find out where she was getting these ideas, and found out several little girl's were not eating their lunches at school because they thought that also.
I went to the principal, along with several of the other parents, and to help resolve the matter, the cafeteria chef's made special "chef's salads" for them. Lots of sliced boiled eggs, diced ham, etc. The girls loved it, as it was like going to "Souper Salad" for them. My daughter loves that place to this day.

In retrospect, I am wondering if we made the right decision.

I have had weight issues since leaving the military when I was 30, in 1990. I went from 130 up 10 pounds every year. So, I was about 150 then. 13 pounds lighter than the day I had her.:grumble: Yes, I am sure it made an impact on my daughter..especially since I would barely leave the house because I was so embarrassed of my weight. I had been in the ARMY, and was fit and healthy, but after I got out I just let myself go. I didn't run everyday, as right before I go out, I injured my knee jumping off the back of a 5 ton truck-(now, am completely 100% disabled from that injury.)I have yo-yo'ed up and down for 22 years. This has ended, now with the help I get here.

But my daughter..she is a little overweight, but a true STUNNER . But, I know she obsesses about her weight, because in her personal bathroom, she always has her weight written down on her mirror, listed w/dates, just LIKE I DO!! It is a subject we cannot even talk about.:noway:

Sad.:ohwell:

My 7 year old daughter said something similar just recently because a girl she knows told her she was fat. I was really angry with the girl but tried to explain to my daughter that some people have issues and should just be ignored. When I asked her if she thought she was fat she didn't answer. She eats like a mouse and I have to take in her trousers or they will fall down, she is not skinny but she is slim and I can't believe she has been convinced by one comment that she is. I worry constantly that I will pass on my body image issues to my girls and when they ask me about my food or exercise I always say it is to keep healthy. I really wish girls would stop trying to pull each other down and stick together, it;s no wonder we have girls starving themselves to death.

Absolutely perfect response.

My mother was always quick to tell me when I was gaining weight.

Well, that was creepy as hell.

haha glad someone else was thinking what i was thinking...

good for the mom for dealing with the issue and not just trying to avoid a difficult conversation, but weird way to deal with it. i work with kids with a lot of different body types... some grow out of the pudge, and others don't. genetics are a b*tch.

Thanks for sharing this. My little girl just asked me a few days ago if I thought she was fat. I was horrified, and think I handled it ok, but this is something I am printing to keep for the future. If need be, I will dance naked with her in front of the mirror - so hard to be honestly accepting of our bodies, even before having kids.

My son (now 20) once told me to watch what I said about my weight in front of my daughter (then just a baby). He reminded me that I had a daughter who would learn about self-acceptance from how I accepted myself, and the negative things I was saying about myself back then were inappropriate and wrong - not just for me, but for her, too. It woke me up (he was 13 at the time).

Wil

Wow, clever 13 year old. Hope my kids grow up to be so thoughtful and insightful

Thanks for sharing this. My little girl just asked me a few days ago if I thought she was fat. I was horrified, and think I handled it ok, but this is something I am printing to keep for the future. If need be, I will dance naked with her in front of the mirror - so hard to be honestly accepting of our bodies, even before having kids.

My son (now 20) once told me to watch what I said about my weight in front of my daughter (then just a baby). He reminded me that I had a daughter who would learn about self-acceptance from how I accepted myself, and the negative things I was saying about myself back then were inappropriate and wrong - not just for me, but for her, too. It woke me up (he was 13 at the time).

Wil

Wow, your son is wise beyond his years. Wish somebody would have told my mom that ......

When I have kids I don't want my body issues to be pushed onto them either. I want them to accept themselves as beautiful.

Aww...

I cried at the end.