What happened to 'it's what's on the inside...'

to answer your question no not all people or men are that shallow. Most go for looks but it ends up biting them in the *kitten* later. 60% of my friends went for looks and want what 40% of my friends have.....love, compassion,a serious relationship.

Those who are abusive of you (for whatever reason) are not deserving of you. Of course we all have areas of our lives that we need to work on. I went through many years of waiting (was a pretty shy male and somewhat insecure in myself to be honest)... It is tough. I can empathize with you.. I can also say that it can happen for just about anybody because it happened for me... I found the right woman for me and we have now been married for nearly 20 years... (I was married when I was 33 years old and did not meet my wife and start dating until I was 32).... Before that, I really did not date much at all... Putting yourself in a position to be noticed and find somebody compatible is an important part of the process. What kind of man are you looking for? Someone settled? Someone Christian? Someone fun-loving? Find the places where THAT type of person hangs out and just be yourself.. Work on those areas that need work whether it is weight or career or whatever... It was when I started dealing with other areas of my life and becoming settled in myself that the right person crossed my path and it has really worked out well ... Just be yourself though... That is important... Best wishes on your journey. You are a person of value and deserve the best.

People are very shallow. I felt the same way you did for a while, but then I found him, and on a game through the internet. I happened to find someone who loves me when I was 215 and only 5 ft tall, and you will love me if I am 125 ( which is my goal). A lot of men have this visual expectation of super models and its bulls***. I would actually rather be with someone while I am bigger cause then I know they will love me no matter what, if you start to lose a lot of weight then you might attract jerks who just want a one night stand. I am not the best advice giver but here it goes, broaden your horizons, look to meet people in new and different environments ( i know the internet sounds crazy but you really get to know a person before you start judging them on their full physical appearance) I was good friends with my current boyfriend online for a couple years until we decided to meet. Im sorry that people Are so ridiculous with there outlandish standards, I hope the best you!

I hear ya..............at the same time, you're ending seems shallow in itself..............like your not going to give someone the time of day, because they didn't when you were overweight. Let's just move along..............

I've been single for over 4 yrs, no dates, no sex, no nothing. It's a far cry from my yester years........but in all honesty.........I'm happier now then I think I've ever been. One way or another, with relationships comes drama, especially if it's not a "serious" relationship., and even more especially if it is a "serious" relationship. And the problem with that is, how many relationships ever start as "serious". It's almost like you have to make it past that stage first............then it's "serious". So what if it never get's "serious"? Then your most likely pissed off and bitter. I assume this because you sound like your not just looking for a hook up.........correct me if I'm wrong. even the ppl just looking for a hook up don't wanna be "left alone" after a week or two, then they feel used, or not good enough, even if they weren't looking for something serious...... psychology can really take over in some studies.............lol. Anyway............So you don't wanna hear all that your friends tell you............maybe you oughta ask yourself............"what do I really want?" From what you stated......you want a boyfriend..............why? Because your friends have one? For sex ? Companionship? Someone to talk to? All of the above?

Figure out what your looking for.............the type of guy...........will any do? If you really just want a guy, I'm pretty sure you could go to a bar or some place of sorts................and get something started................figure out what you want first.

Perhaps you are having issues because you expect guys to reject you based on size, and are putting that vibe out there? I have been attractive to LOTS of guys at 230lbs, because I assume I will be and am confident in myself. You get what you expect, expect that because you are an attractive person (cute as a button in your pic!) other people will think so too

I agree totally if you have confidence in yourself people will notice. Confidence in itself will attract.

"If you can't handle the challenge of being single, you will never be able to handle the challenge of being married." Stop trying so hard and be who you want to be on your own and chances are, somebody will notice and sweep you off your feet. If they don't it should be their loss, not yours.

@PU239

Well thanks.................with you adding it a second time you can get dizzier..............and no..............your comment will not convince me to change the way I write...............just in case you were wondering..............lol..

Did you ever think that the reason you have not found "the one" could be because he is not quite ready himself? Just because your paths have not intersected yet doesn't mean that is because of something you have control of. Maybe he is strugglinng to find himself or end a relationship. Maybe he is still too overcome by grief after the loss of his wife to be open to a new love. But once you do meet that one whom you will spend the rest of your life with - the waiting will be such a distant memory and you will see why it took so long.

I've been married for almost 30 years. But I remember being dissapointed that it seemed to take forever to comb thru a bunch of "not-quite rights" before he entered my life. I met some nice guys along the way but nothing quite clicked. I wondered if I should change to make a relationship work. Then I remembered a song from years ago - "It's sad to belong to someone else when the right one comes along" And it would give me the strength to wait. I'm happy to say the wait was worth it. When I met my husband to be I was not very attractive, short hair, out of shape, no style, etc. But I learned he loved me for who I am not what I looked like. After some major surgery while my face was so swollen I really wanted an shake from Baskin Robbins. He was going to run out and get me one but my pain pills had just kicked in and I was in the mood to go out. When I insisted on going into the store he didn't miss a beat. He had to translate my order cause the clerk could understand my garbled language. When my Dad found out he said a lesser man would have left me in the car. I knew he was worth the painful lonely wait and I've always be thankful that we found each other.

Fast forward 30 years, 2 kids, and a lifetime of joy.... Recently it looked like I might have an aggressive breast cancer. Luckily the biopsies and surgeries came back clean. Because of my high risk I am looking into a preventative mastectomy. My husband was the first one to mention it as an idea worth looking into if it meant I would live a longer healthier life. After many struggles in life I am fully convinced that it is better to be happy and alone than be in a bad relationship. You cannot control when you will meet that special someone. But when and if it does happen I'm sure the love of your life will be happy you treasured yourself and treated yourself well prior to you finding one another.

An added bonus is we had 2 rock star gorgeous girls that garnered a lot of attention as they went thru school. Because of a father's influence on his growing daughters - my daughter's never considered beauty even in the top 10 valuable assets they possesed. Because my daughters were not obsessed with their own beauty they were not impressed by the guys (or gals) who flocked to them because of it. The friends they cultivated appreciated the beauty that my daughters had on the inside. It caused for some very interesting situations while they were growing up. Although one of my daughters has had numerous opportunities to get into the perfoming arts since she was an infant we always held her back because we were more interested in raising a well balanced adult than a child star. Now that she is actively pursuing a career path in the industry I am so thankful she puts a higher priority on who she is inside than what she looks like on the outside.

I know it is a hard road to find the person who loves you more than life itself. But sometimes it appears just when you stop searching for it and keep your eye on your dreams. Good luck to you. Drop me a line when you finally find the love you so richly deserve. I'll be cheering for you. :flowerforyou:

"If you can't handle the challenge of being single, you will never be able to handle the challenge of being married." Stop trying so hard and be who you want to be on your own and chances are, somebody will notice and sweep you off your feet. If they don't it should be their loss, not yours.

So true!

bump

BTW, I'm the same way. I feel like if I'm attracted to a girl, then she's too pretty for me anyway, so I don't even bother.

Honestly, I think a big issue is your perception that YOU need to be skinny to fully love yourself. It's great to want to lose the weight, and it's naturally an important thing to do. But the reality is once you reach your goal weight, you won't magically stay there. Weight loss is a never ending quest, and virtually every "weight loss success" story I've known has gained back some weight at one time or another. You have to love your body at every size. You need to learn to love your body now. To quote RuPaul "How the hell is anyone else supposed to love you if you can't even love yourself?"

And honestly, all those cliche's are true (disappointing I know). Most of the men I've dated I've met right after I said I wasn't interested in dating, my boyfriend of four years included. It's also worth mentioning you need to be in the right place. I met my boyfriend when I was still sort of involved with and hung up on some other guy, and we didn't really get together for another six months. The reality is, I wasn't emotionally ready for a relationship though. I know it's frustrating, but really. just focus on you, enjoy your time single, and before you know it, some guy will come along.

"His spacing isn't that uncommon, but in text speak, it looks like he keeps getting out of breath."

LOl, at least I can get a laugh out of it...................lol...................it's my theatrical pause........................lol