How do you handle fat jokes?

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  • stines72
    stines72 Posts: 853 Member
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    i cant understand how people can say things like that to anyone in any circumstance.. joking with friends is a completely separate thing.. but strangers at the gym, adults for that matter? wtf? its like they have tourettes with mouth diarrhea...
  • HoneyBadgerVin
    HoneyBadgerVin Posts: 166
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    I think you handled yourself well. You said what you had to and he'll be more conscious of how he treats you from now on. Starting a war of insults will only escalate things and when you choose that route, you better be ready to throw down hard and take as good as you get. In the end, it just get uglier. I think the best thing to do now is take that hurt and anger and use it in the gym, on a run. Turn it into fierce burning motivation and don't look back.
  • meshashesha2012
    meshashesha2012 Posts: 8,326 Member
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    hmmm he might not have meant to be rude. many of my friends are male and i grew up with mainly male cousins and they tease each other like that ALL THE TIME. if they see you as one of the guys then prepared to be included in that a*holery.

    i think you responded well. next time make a joke about about his receeding hairline or expanding waistline
  • pastryari
    pastryari Posts: 8,646 Member
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    I'm the only female in the office at a company with ALL men (electricians and AV specialists). I have learned (well, I already knew, but it reinforced it) that men are dirty pigs and make a lot of rude jokes. You can either get on board or let yourself get offended by something they don't usually mean to be offensive.

    Edit to add: It depends on you as a person and what you can handle. If there is a line that you feel they cross, then let them know. But I would recommend trying to be patient. They are men after all. :wink:
  • Kristin2984
    Kristin2984 Posts: 54
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    If its a one on one situation, just be completly, totally silent. It makes the other person feel really akward. Even if they say something, stay silent. its fun to watch someone squirm when they really screw up like this.
    On another note, this behaviour is awful coming from your boss but I feel like some guys like to to talk s***. More so than females. We do that behind peoples backs, (kidding) butguys just say crap to their friends, the rudest things. This guy, in my opinion, feels really comfortable around you so he felt comfortable crossing 'that' line. you let him know it was inappropriate and not only was his joke not funny, but it was truly insulting. You put him in his place. I think you handled it wonderfully. Dont let it weigh on your mind. We all say dumb things. He probably knows he was a jerk and wont go there again.
  • vtmoon
    vtmoon Posts: 3,436 Member
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    The other day in the gym after I had finished lifting, I had a guy say to me, "No matter what you lift you will always be a cow." To which I replied with, " I may be a cow but you are such a big d*ck that you must actually have a small d*ck in those shorts!"

    WTF? where do you workout where someone can just walk up and say something like that...
  • Tina2Cats
    Tina2Cats Posts: 493 Member
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    My take is a bit different. I doubt he put a lot of thought into the words before he said them. However, he was wrong, and if it were me and it hit me in the wrong mood I might have even cried. (Admittedly I cry easily though)

    Your reaction was understandable too. But, again from the angle of "if it were me", I would not ask for an apology. I would catch him alone, and say hey....I am sorry for getting angry with you over what you likely meant a silly joke. However, you really and truly embarrassed me and hurt my feelings deeply. But regardless, I know you likely didn't mean it, so I just wanted to apologize for my very sensitive reaction. It is an issue that means a lot to me, and I can't help but take something like that quite personal, especially when others overheard it.

    i.e. Even though HE was in the wrong initially, I would focus on analyzing my OWN behavior and focus on my reply. In the end all I can really do... is control me and my response toward others.

    How I react to others is a big deal to me. My personal code of conduct is to treat others how I wish to be treated along with forgiving them for their misdeeds towards me.

    I know most might scoff at this, but again, it is what "I" would do.

    I also think with a gentle approach like that, you have the best chance of really reaching his heart for him to see that what he did was very hurtful. Likely as not, he would apologize and it would be a sincere one. Even if he doesn't, your conscience would be clear either way.

    Your take is the best I have read thus far. You are putting this on you instead of him. He seems more likely to listen to you with this approach and give a sincere apology.

    As to the original poster, I would accept his apology and leave it at that. No need to retaliate or let this get out of hand. Let it go and move on. IF he persists, I would follow the above advice and if that does not work, go to upper management or over his head.

    I've had people insult me about my weight and make the following comments: "Hi, you gained weight", "You sure have gotten fat since the last time I saw you" and "you are really big around the middle" etc. These comments were unkind and uncalled for. They were not meant to be funny or friendly. Some people are just plain nasty! But the guy who made the comment about the fat butt probably wasn't thinking about what he was saying and was trying to impress his guy friends. Hopefully, he learned from his mistake and won't do it again.

    Anyway, I know that fat jokes/fat comments can really hurt.
  • vtmoon
    vtmoon Posts: 3,436 Member
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    I once got bent out of shape when I was in the 4th grade about some girl teasing me ( I can't even remember what it was about for the life of me now) but when I got home I was complaining about the situation and how it made me upset. My father just looked at me and smiled and pretty much said no matter what I do in life I won't be able to control what people say or do, but I will always be able to control how I feel and react to what they do and say. I think that day I believe I developed super thick skin because to this day it takes a lot for people to say or do to get to me.
  • LilEmm
    LilEmm Posts: 240
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    You handled it perfectly - succinct and without malice. I'm sure he got the memo. And I'm sure the guys got the memo too, by their "oooh" reaction - clearly they recognized he crossed a line.

    I'd let it go, because you dealt with it with integrity and self respect.
  • slkehl
    slkehl Posts: 3,801 Member
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    I wonder if this has something to do with it being a male-dominated environment. Men seem to insult each other all the time in good fun, but some of their remarks to each other can be shocking from a woman's standard. The whole fat thing might not have been meant in the way you took it. I remember my last boyfriend called me a fatty once when I was eating pizza, and I got pissed. He told me he didn't think I was fat in the slightest, it was just a jab like he'd give his friends if they were eating something unhealthy. But still, it's not okay to say that to a woman, and he should know it.

    All that to say that I think you handled it perfectly. He now knows it's not okay to say those things.
  • Losingamy
    Losingamy Posts: 28 Member
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    I wouldn't have taken it as seriously as you did, especially since you work in an environment where you bust each other's chops. Personally, the fat jokes don't bother me. They are jokes and they aren't supposed to be taken seriously.

    Fat jabs, things that were said with malicious intent : I use it as fuel. I know I'm overweight, and I'm changing it. Their doubt, and expectation of my failure drives me to prove them wrong. It's proven, for me, that I run faster when I think someone is watching/judging me.

    Just how I feel and what I would do.
  • shylil04
    shylil04 Posts: 176 Member
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    I think how you responded was the right thing to do. I tend to get along with the guys more so then girls. So it sounds to me like they are comfortable with you and treating you like one of them. Therefore I don't think it was a direct comment towards you, but just a guy aggravating. Just a thought
  • ossob10
    ossob10 Posts: 1
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    You handled it well. You stood up for yourself. You informed him that his behavior was unacceptable. He wont repeat it..
  • jg627
    jg627 Posts: 1,221 Member
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    I wonder if this has something to do with it being a male-dominated environment. Men seem to insult each other all the time in good fun, but some of their remarks to each other can be shocking from a woman's standard. The whole fat thing might not have been meant in the way you took it. I remember my last boyfriend called me a fatty once when I was eating pizza, and I got pissed. He told me he didn't think I was fat in the slightest, it was just a jab like he'd give his friends if they were eating something unhealthy. But still, it's not okay to say that to a woman, and he should know it.

    All that to say that I think you handled it perfectly. He now knows it's not okay to say those things.

    You're on to something there. That's where nicknames came from. Example: there was a viking named Ralph the walker. They called him 'the walker', because he was so big that no horse could carry him, so he walked everywhere. Another one, Harald the fair hair. In viking culture, only the wife was allowed to cut and groom a man's hair. He wanted to get married, but the chick he was trying to marry refused to marry him until he was king, so he made a vow to never cut his hair until he became king. Ten years later, his hair was a nasty, tangled, gnarled mess and he finally became king. Calling him 'fair hair' was like an ironic joke. Some other common nicknames were 'the stout' if they were fat or thick, or goatbeard if they didn't grow a full beard, etc... the whole guys making fun of each other goes wayyyyy back in history. Some of them get so used to being around guys all the time that they forget that women generally don't like to take part in hypermasculine activity, like making jokes about each other while chopping down trees or sailing freezing cold water in stormy weather or shirtless beach vollyball while listening to Kenny Loggins - Playing with the boys.

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