How do you handle fat jokes?

TraciStivers

How do you handle fat jokes?

Here's the situation; I am the only woman working with seven men. As far as I know they all like me. We joke and razz each other but it's usually all in good fun.

I am the only person in the office and it is frowned upon for me to lock the doors and go anywhere. So most days I pack my lunch. Today I did not. I called the guys who work from a garage next door. I asked if someone would come over to the office while I ran to pick something up. He responded "Yes, fat butt. I will come over while you go get food." I'm sure it was meant as a joke, but it was a very poor choice. To make matters worse, I heard all of the guys in the background with an audible "Ooooohhhh!" So they heard what he said.

He came. I left. I came back. I was very short with him. I still wasn't sure how to handle it.

He asked "What did you get?"
I responded "Food."

A few minutes later he asked "Are you having a bad day?"
I responded "No."

A few minutes later he asked "Okay, whats your problem?"
I responded "You're an *kitten*."
He knew why I was mad because he immediately said "Is this about the fat comment?"
I responded "Yes."

Then he said "Alright, sorry."
To which I responded "No. You wanted to act big in front of all the guys? You can apologize in front of all of the guys."

He left without saying another word.



How do you handle stuff like that? It hurt my feelings and really pissed me off. Should I have just accepted that lame apology? Because now I'll probably never get one.

Philllbis

You might not get an apology but he probably won't do it again. If he does, tell him his junk is small. There's no good comeback to that!

lalee2

I think you should be very direct with him and tell him how you felt and tell him it was not appropriate and that you do indeed expect an apology (if you really want one). However, he may not mean it if you ask him to do it. I had something similar happen to me at work a few years ago. I was humilated. I reported it to my boss who then made sure the offending party apologized to me. I didn't want his apology because I knew he was only apologizing because he had to. Thankfully, I didn't have to work with him every day, but when I ran into him again I just ignored him. I don't have time for people like that. There are mean and ignorant people everywhere. However, in the work place there an expected professionalism. I believe it is management's responsiblity to make sure everyone is treated appropriately. So first you speak up for yourself with the person and secondly --let management be made aware as well. If he bullies you and gets away with it, he will bully others. Stop him.

philmotman

if you get any more fat comments just say i can diet you will always be ugly lol and dont let the ba**ards get you down.:laugh:

edge_dragoncaller

You might not get an apology but he probably won't do it again. If he does, tell him his junk is small. There's no good comeback to that!

That would work or just say something like "Ah, are you angry because your wife called out my name again?" Then the next time he sets up the same scenario and asks you what you got, you can say "your wife."

Any time you can not only use his wife, but imply that you...as a woman...are satisfying his wife more than he...as a man... is, that'll kill him.

melaniecheeks

I think it's good he recognised he'd crossed a line, and apologised. There's no need for you to insult back.

TraciStivers

I think you should be very direct with him and tell him how you felt and tell him it was not appropriate and that you do indeed expect an apology (if you really want one). However, he may not mean it if you ask him to do it. I had something similar happen to me at work a few years ago. I was humilated. I reported it to my boss who then made sure the offending party apologized to me. I didn't want his apology because I knew he was only apologizing because he had to. Thankfully, I didn't have to work with him every day, but when I ran into him again I just ignored him. I don't have time for people like that. There are mean and ignorant people everywhere. However, in the work place there an expected professionalism. I believe it is management's responsiblity to make sure everyone is treated appropriately. So first you speak up for yourself with the person and secondly --let management be made aware as well. If he bullies you and gets away with it, he will bully others. Stop him.

Unfortunately, he is management.

lalee2

I was afraid you were going to tell me he was management. Sorry to hear that.

jg627

When guys tease, it's because they like you.

lalee2

I don't agree that "when guys tease they like you". Bullying is not a form of flattery.

Sarah_Wins

You know that in a few months, those jerks are going to be falling all over themselves at your progress. That's all you need keep in mind.

MSam1205

This is a working environment, not a hangout and there are rules, especially for mgmt. you have options if you choose to explore them, but I'd suggest a sit down with a neutral person and explain why what he said and how he acted were offensive and inappropriate for the workplace. Responding with similar rude comments only sinks you to his level!

Sarah_Wins

When guys tease, it's because they like you.

That's what my 2nd grade teacher told me. I'm pretty sure we're talking about adults here.

deniseblossoms

They must not have any sort of work place harassment training. We can cure our weight issue, no cure for some people and their stupidity.

rdianemu

I worked with a bunch of guys for years on thirds at a dairy. Don't let them know you are angry. It will probably just make it happen again. With the guys I worked with it was an everyday thing for us to mess with each other. The key was not to let anyone know something got to you and get even later. Not very mature or healthy but that's how it was. He said a stupid thing but he probably did not mean too much by his comment.

MSam1205

When guys tease, it's because they like you.

That's what my 2nd grade teacher told me. I'm pretty sure we're talking about adults here.

^^Totally agree ^^. This is a workplace!

Mina133842

well, the direct approach is usually best in my opinion - I think you handled it the best you could. I have 4 brothers, and used to be in a Metal shop - men insult each other all the time, and it's not usually personal, but it's not usually acceptable to have "shop talk" out where other people not involved can hear or have it directed at them.

sometimes adding "little" in front of their name- little John, Lil Bill, etc....makes them insecure....people will wonder why you call them Little. you can answer this in a number of ways: think of them as a little kid (meaning immature), I heard him called that somewhere, and it just kind of stuck, etc.... as it's a supervisor, I don't know if hurling more insults would help.

THEN there's always the Mean Prank: you can order something from a company that sends something "discreetly" in the mail, addressed to him, and have it sent to the shop- you'd have to be careful of using a gift card, something that doesn't trace to you - use a pre-paid Visa gift card for this- then ESPECIALLY if it's a shop - they may think it's parts or something, and it gets opened up in front of everyone.....

As I said, I have 4 brothers and have been in the shop environment- most of these things have been done "as a joke" from the guys razzing each other. They are completely immature and messed up, but make me laugh at the jokes/pranks they pull - they STILL know where to draw the line....well, usually anyway.

there's always this: Why are you checking out my butt?

Frozen300

So hard for a guy to talk with guys all day, laughing and bull**ting the day away, then have to talk with some one who is sensitive to "bullying". I tell everyone at work that they have their job on the line everytime you "tease" a girl. She may laugh with you 99 times, but that one time where she goes home and cries into a pillow is the day that you are in big trouble. The guy was sensitive enough to know he messed up, he apologized and I'm certain he'll watch what he says around you.

RunningOnPurple

Normally, i would just agree and say something like, "You're right I do have a fat butt. Good thing, because it matches my thighs!"

That's probably not helpful, though.

nutandbutter

Sorry no advice but what a douche.

Tropical_Turtle

The other day in the gym after I had finished lifting, I had a guy say to me, "No matter what you lift you will always be a cow." To which I replied with, " I may be a cow but you are such a big d*ck that you must actually have a small d*ck in those shorts!"

Jongfaith

I was hoping this was a thread about fat jokes... drat its not! Heard a great one the other day. I wont share because that would just be insensetive at this point.

Sorry you work with a douch who somehow didn't realize how douchey it is to call somebody a fat butt and that douch just happens to be managment. Aren't they always?

Just try to deal with him without punching him because at this point he knows he offended ya and will probably be extra nice from now on. Even managment hate harassment charges.

Good luck with the not puching him!

Elzecat

First of all, I'm glad you said something to him. His comment was completely inappropriate for the workplace. Unfortunately...calling your superior (you did mention he's management? so...your boss/supervisor?) an a-hole is usually not gonna bode well for your next review...I don't know what kind of business you work in, but both his comment and yours were completely unprofessional. In my workplace both comments would be grounds for dismissal, I think (I dunno...my male coworkers don't call the female coworkers names, even as a joke, we work in an office).

I would hope he would apologize to you for his remark...but I wouldn't go around telling him he's an a-hole, either. Is there any kind of upper management you could talk to?

PS Whoever said that teasing is a man's way of showing he likes you...maybe if you're six years old. Not in a work environment.

poedunk65

You are making way to big a deal about it.

slrose

i think you responded perfectly

you were not rude and you stood up for yourself

JustRenea

I get fat jokes from kids...i work with them (babysitting/volunteering) ...it hurts but with kids i just take it because they're kids.... tho today My sister, who works at a fast food place, asked her manager (top manager) to do her a favor...and her manager said to another employee "sure I'll do her a favor so she can go stuff her face with food" ...not appropriate at the work place at all v.v

CressidaJL

I think it's good he recognised he'd crossed a line, and apologised. There's no need for you to insult back.

^^ THIS ^^

You made it clear you were offended. The lameness of his apology was probably because he was embarrassed to be honest... chances are he didn't expect you to take it to heart. Forget about it, move on with your life. x

(NOTE: unless it becomes a regular thing, and then you're talking about bullying & workplace harassment, but from what you described, it sounded like this is a one-off.)

GiGiBeans

So he humiliated you because he spoke without thinking and apologized but that's not enough, now you purposely want him to feel humiliated in return? Not very nice either sweetie. Let it go.

rlwinton

I think you handled it GREAT! And don't fall short of standing up for yourself! Too many of us put up with that kind of lame behavior and you handled it well. Keep it up, and remember to never feel bad or second guess yourself for voicing your truth!

emcdonie

My take is a bit different. I doubt he put a lot of thought into the words before he said them. However, he was wrong, and if it were me and it hit me in the wrong mood I might have even cried. (Admittedly I cry easily though)

Your reaction was understandable too. But, again from the angle of "if it were me", I would not ask for an apology. I would catch him alone, and say hey....I am sorry for getting angry with you over what you likely meant a silly joke. However, you really and truly embarrassed me and hurt my feelings deeply. But regardless, I know you likely didn't mean it, so I just wanted to apologize for my very sensitive reaction. It is an issue that means a lot to me, and I can't help but take something like that quite personal, especially when others overheard it.

i.e. Even though HE was in the wrong initially, I would focus on analyzing my OWN behavior and focus on my reply. In the end all I can really do... is control me and my response toward others.

How I react to others is a big deal to me. My personal code of conduct is to treat others how I wish to be treated along with forgiving them for their misdeeds towards me.

I know most might scoff at this, but again, it is what "I" would do.

I also think with a gentle approach like that, you have the best chance of really reaching his heart for him to see that what he did was very hurtful. Likely as not, he would apologize and it would be a sincere one. Even if he doesn't, your conscience would be clear either way.

jg627

When guys tease, it's because they like you.

That's what my 2nd grade teacher told me. I'm pretty sure we're talking about adults here.

^^Totally agree ^^. This is a workplace!

I wasn't accusing him of being mature.