unsupportive spouse of food allergy diet

runnermama81
runnermama81 Posts: 388 Member
in Food and Nutrition
I recently found out that a wheat allergy is probably causing migraines I have had most my life. I have adapted fairly well to eating what wont trigger me to get a headache. My husband, however doesnt get it. I have explained it all to him and even though he is a smart man, he still cooks me things with wheat in them ALL THE TIME. He will make a meal for he kids (which is great) but he will forget i cant eat mac n cheese or rice a roni. (I usually get home from work later than he does so he usually decides what to cook.) I have stocked plenty of gluten free food in the house but I am always having to make myself a special meal when I finally get home at 6or 7pm. I guess this is more of a relationship issue than a food issue. Why doesnt he get it? I feel like he just doesnt care and wants me to feel miserable. Ugh. What do I do to get him to understand?
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Replies

  • rml_16
    rml_16 Posts: 16,414 Member
    He's cooking for the kids, not you, it sounds like. I make my own dinner.

    But I wonder what's wrong with Rice A Roni? Rice isn't wheat. Does that brand have gluten in it?

    Also, wheat and gluten aren't exactly the same thing ... Wheat contains gluten, but a wheat allergy is not the same as a gluten allergy.
  • sarahrbraun
    sarahrbraun Posts: 2,261 Member
    I recently found out that a wheat allergy is probably causing migraines I have had most my life. I have adapted fairly well to eating what wont trigger me to get a headache. My husband, however doesnt get it. I have explained it all to him and even though he is a smart man, he still cooks me things with wheat in them ALL THE TIME. He will make a meal for he kids (which is great) but he will forget i cant eat mac n cheese or rice a roni. (I usually get home from work later than he does so he usually decides what to cook.) I have stocked plenty of gluten free food in the house but I am always having to make myself a special meal when I finally get home at 6or 7pm. I guess this is more of a relationship issue than a food issue. Why doesnt he get it? I feel like he just doesnt care and wants me to feel miserable. Ugh. What do I do to get him to understand?

    Men can be idiots. Sometimes you have to treat them like 3 year olds and tell them exactly what you want them to do.

    When I was 38 weeks pregnant with my youngest son, my labor was expected to be rather quick...but my husband wanted to go on a trip where he could be 3+ hours away when I needed him. I finally figured out how to put MY needs in a way HE could understand. he is epileptic...I asked him how he would feel if I was 3 hours away and he started having seizure issues, and he had to wait for me to come home to take care of him. You could almost see the lightbulb go on over his head, and the comprehension cross his face. Within 24 hours he actually DID have a seizure, and me and my hugemongus belly had to take him to the ER.

    you may have to tell him that if he makes X for the family, you would appreciate it if he could make Y for you so you don't get a migraine. You don't want to get a migraine because they are painful...and you do not want him to have to take extra responsibility for the kids, miss work time, etc.
  • Ruthe8
    Ruthe8 Posts: 423 Member
    Men can be idiots. Sometimes you have to treat them like 3 year olds and tell them exactly what you want them to do.
    Would you like if a man posted "women can be idiots..."? No. This is not ok.
  • FredDoyle
    FredDoyle Posts: 2,273 Member
    Men can be idiots. Sometimes you have to treat them like 3 year olds and tell them exactly what you want them to do.
    Would you like if a man posted "women can be idiots..."? No. This is not ok.
    Well, I guess women can be idiots too...
  • BondBomb
    BondBomb Posts: 1,781 Member
    He's cooking for the kids, not you, it sounds like. I make my own dinner.

    But I wonder what's wrong with Rice A Roni? Rice isn't wheat. Does that brand have gluten in it?

    Also, wheat and gluten aren't exactly the same thing ... Wheat contains gluten, but a wheat allergy is not the same as a gluten allergy.
    Agreed. I know its a pain to plan your own dinner but if he has the kids down then maybe have a few options frozen for yourself. I doubt he is doing it specifically to be unsupportive. Its just hard to make a 180 degree lifestyle change.

    Also you do realize you are complaining about your husband having dinner ready when you come home? I would kill for this.
  • algebravoodoo
    algebravoodoo Posts: 776 Member
    Men can be idiots. Sometimes you have to treat them like 3 year olds and tell them exactly what you want them to do.
    Would you like if a man posted "women can be idiots..."? No. This is not ok.
    Well, I guess women can be idiots too...

    Isn't that part of equal rights? We get to be complete idiots too sometimes. :smile:
  • Dunkirk
    Dunkirk Posts: 465 Member
    Have a list and ingredient supply of gluten free meals he finds quick and easy to make for the whole family. Don't take it personally, my husband is brilliant, but like your husband, has a man brain. A funny true man brain story related to me years ago. Wife was sick and couldn't make the distance to the toilet and had to throw up in the bath. As he was cleaning up the mess he was telling her, "No wonder you're sick, you're not chewing your food properly. Look at that beetroot".
  • Contrarian
    Contrarian Posts: 8,138 Member
    Men can be idiots. Sometimes you have to treat them like 3 year olds and tell them exactly what you want them to do.
    Would you like if a man posted "women can be idiots..."? No. This is not ok.

    I agree. This is a horrible thing to post. Gender discrimination is not okay.
  • ElloSweetie
    ElloSweetie Posts: 56 Member
    Thats unfortunate but maybe you could take a day and premake some "freezer dinners" and stock up, so when you get home, you can pop your ready made (certified uncontaminated bc you made it yourself) meal in the oven/microwave and have whatever you feel like?
    Im gluten free too. So I feel you :P
  • truddy6647
    truddy6647 Posts: 519 Member
    I recently found out that a wheat allergy is probably causing migraines I have had most my life. I have adapted fairly well to eating what wont trigger me to get a headache. My husband, however doesnt get it. I have explained it all to him and even though he is a smart man, he still cooks me things with wheat in them ALL THE TIME. He will make a meal for he kids (which is great) but he will forget i cant eat mac n cheese or rice a roni. (I usually get home from work later than he does so he usually decides what to cook.) I have stocked plenty of gluten free food in the house but I am always having to make myself a special meal when I finally get home at 6or 7pm. I guess this is more of a relationship issue than a food issue. Why doesnt he get it? I feel like he just doesnt care and wants me to feel miserable. Ugh. What do I do to get him to understand?

    I got rid of all the non gluten free pasta in our home. I replaced with gluten free. i found a brand that everyone who has ate it has never even known the difference. (this could be one way)
  • Gentyl
    Gentyl Posts: 184 Member
    Oh, I totally understand this one. Stop trying to get him to change because it won't happen. Go easy. Definitely make and freeze your own food.. I know you are tired from working and being a mom.. not to mention being a wife.. but you are doing this for you first and everyone else Last. This is healthy. Love and accept him for his support and lack there of. Sometimes people can just be contentious because the wind blew the wrong way. Don't blame him for this. It's easiest to hurt those you love the most. Take it as a compliment... and fall in love with yourself. Learn to. You are worth it. It is more attractive than if you looked like a Barbie doll.. trust me. There is nothing more attractive than someone who loves themselves, has a happy and positive self-image, and a forgiving and compassionate disposition. Of course, he may feel threatened by this, but that's another issue. Enjoy the spice of life!
  • dorothytd
    dorothytd Posts: 1,138 Member
    Another idea - can you plan the weekly menu and ask him to cook what is on the plan? I just started with a gluten-free diet and have been trying to do that to keep the peace... :smile:
  • tonightokayalright
    tonightokayalright Posts: 289 Member
    Maybe it's best if you explain to him what kinds of foods you CAN'T eat. Like point out on food labels what you won't eat.
  • ecw3780
    ecw3780 Posts: 608 Member
    If you have developed Celiac disease (different from a wheat allergy), which is what I suspect you have since you mentioned migraines (one of my symptoms), you need to explain to your husband it is not an allergy, it is an auto immune disease. This is a very serious matter and can cause a whole host of other health problems. You need to sit your husband down and really explain how serious this is. That being said, the only way to be gluten free is to be 100% gluten free. That means absolutely zero cross contamination. My husband does not eat gluten in our house unless it is take out/delivery or other prepared foods. Also, if you have it it, since it is genetic, there is a chance your kids might have it so the argument that he is feeding your kids is a load of BS. They need to be checked as well. I think your entire family probably has a lot of learning to do.
  • Sherbog
    Sherbog Posts: 1,072 Member
    Can you agree to make your own meals?
  • needamulligan
    needamulligan Posts: 558 Member
    He's cooking for the kids, not you, it sounds like. I make my own dinner.

    But I wonder what's wrong with Rice A Roni? Rice isn't wheat. Does that brand have gluten in it?

    Also, wheat and gluten aren't exactly the same thing ... Wheat contains gluten, but a wheat allergy is not the same as a gluten allergy.


    the "a roni" = bits of macaroni/noodles/spaghetti
  • ecw3780
    ecw3780 Posts: 608 Member
    Also, stop telling him this is a "diet". This really is a permeant life style change. It is important he understands this isn't about loosing weight, it is about staying alive.
  • Owlie45
    Owlie45 Posts: 806 Member
    Then stop buying wheat products.
  • vander7679
    vander7679 Posts: 109 Member
    But I wonder what's wrong with Rice A Roni? Rice isn't wheat. Does that brand have gluten in it?



    The seasoning in the rice a roni has gluten in it.
  • That_Girl
    That_Girl Posts: 1,324 Member
    I have a gluten allergy too. I've been gluten free for almost a year.

    Your husband isn't an idiot. He just doesn't understand what can happen if you eat it.

    My husband saw me crying, in pain, stomach issues, headaches, cramps, etc...for almost 2 years. Now that i'm healthy, he KNOWS what can happen if I'm to eat wheat. He made some mistakes in the beginning when cooking dinner...but that's ok. I made mistakes too. Now we both know what I can and can't eat and he's very conscience. Maybe your husband needs to understand WHY you can't eat it...what it does to you. It really impacted my husband to see me SMILING and not in PAIN any longer. I had gluten a couple weeks ago and thought i was going to die. the difference is amazing and he sees it.

    Good luck and maybe for a while, just cook your own meals. I do most the cooking here, so i don't know about that.
  • zenchild
    zenchild Posts: 680 Member
    If you want him to cook things you can eat, stock things you can eat. My husband and I plan a menu ever weekend and that's what we cook during the week. Make a list of 5 things you can eat, buy the ingredients for those 5 things and that's what you have for dinner. If you don't want to force the kids to go wheat/gluten free all the time, make a few things for yourself and freeze them in individual portions so when you get home, you can just pop it in the microwave.
    I actually do that a lot during the winter. I spend a good portion of Sunday cooking and I can make 2 weeks of meals in one afternoon. I can do black bean soup, turkey chili, lentils and chicken noodle soup on the stove and a roast in the oven all at the same time. I portion them out into containers for dinners and lunches and we're set for a couple weeks. This works especially well with soups because they just get better after a few days.
  • LelliAmi
    LelliAmi Posts: 327 Member
    Tell him that it's an ALLERGY, not a matter of being picky, or some crazy fad. It's serious and it hurts you to eat it. He should understand that.
  • bikinibeliever
    bikinibeliever Posts: 832 Member
    People didn't believe how bad my son's allergy to wheat was until he ended up in the hospital (a whole week). It's a hard thing to make people to understand.

    Maybe you should ask him if he wants a happy wife (then smile, big) or ask him if he wants a miserable wife ( then look mean as hell while slamming something heavy). All men should know a happy wife brings many benefits. :laugh:

    In all seriousness, good luck to you! I have a wheat intolerance, glad it's not an allergy because I love my wheat!
  • MB_Positif
    MB_Positif Posts: 8,897 Member
    Trust me when I say this. He just doesn't think about it. My son is allergic to milk and eggs and my husband will look at me like I have 3 heads when I come home and he's made lasagna or something and I say that our son can't have it. On top of that people just don't think of what's in stuff. A zillion times people ask if my son can have ice cream and I have to say, "Ice cream is made with milk." I mean, really? It's frustrating, but over time he'll get used to it...although my son is 6 1/2 and my husband still doesn't consider him when he is planning a meal. I always have to step in and come up with something for our son to eat!
  • florymonde
    florymonde Posts: 261 Member
    Another idea - can you plan the weekly menu and ask him to cook what is on the plan? I just started with a gluten-free diet and have been trying to do that to keep the peace... :smile:
    I think this is a great idea. I wouldn't be surprised if he just puts off planning, and then makes something easy. (Done it myself many times!) But if he has a plan to follow, and you make sure the ingredients are in the house, you've made it easy for him to accommodate your needs. And, keep a few meals in the freezer ready to go for when something happens and he can't stick to the plan!
  • alaskaang
    alaskaang Posts: 493 Member
    Easiest solution is to remove the things you can't eat from the house. There are plenty of gluten/wheat free alternatives especially for things like mac n cheese and flavored rice.
  • CarmenSRT
    CarmenSRT Posts: 843 Member
    It's difficult for many people to keep up with what food items contain wheat and/or gluten. Probably easier to either segregate those items, mark them clearly somehow or remove them altogether. I'd be surprised if there's any negative reasoning behind your husband's behavior. :smile:
  • sarahrbraun
    sarahrbraun Posts: 2,261 Member
    Men can be idiots. Sometimes you have to treat them like 3 year olds and tell them exactly what you want them to do.
    Would you like if a man posted "women can be idiots..."? No. This is not ok.

    I love my husband, I really do...but after 18 years with him, I think I can definitively say that sometimes he CAN be an idiot. He is brilliant when it comes to some things, but sometimes he doesn't *get* relationship stuff. Several years ago he went on a winter camping trip ON my birthday. he didn't understand why I was mad that he had time to go to walmart and get our son gloves ( which required walking RIGHT by the card department) but "didn't have time" to take 2 minutes to at least grab a card to acknowledge that my birthday was taking place.

    I never said "all men are idiots" ...I said " men CAN be idiots" . If someone wanted to say "women can be idiots" I wouldn't worry. because I know I am not an idiot.
  • fittocycle
    fittocycle Posts: 827 Member
    People have given you some great ideas and suggestions. I have one other idea for you.

    Create a binder of gluten free recipes that are relatively quick and easy to prepare. Ask him to use the "cookbook" as a reference for making dinner.

    When my two boys left home, I put together a collection of simple, easy recipes. My youngest son rooms with three other guys in college and they use the "cookbook" all the time. Believe it or not, they cook from scratch!

    Chances are, your husband isn't in the habit of thinking in terms of having a wheat or gluten allergy. I've been eating gluten free for over six months and my hubby will still suggest we go out for pizza ever now and then!:noway: He isn't being inconsiderate-he just doesn't remember.
  • lyttlewon
    lyttlewon Posts: 1,118 Member
    Stop buying food with gluten in it.

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